Gorgeousness And Gorgeousity Made Flesh

tUMD 3, Terrible Power Play 1

You know, say what you will about Godzilla, but he gets results. He ravaged Tokyo. I ravaged my apartment. And now? A win. Superb! This game was like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now.* It's going to be a trail of tears back to Grand Forks for those fans that made the trip. Thankfully the state is flat or there'd be throngs of people lining up to jump off cliffs.

So many good things about this game. Let's discuss!

1. Ok, this is a bad thing in a way, but stupid B2 thought the game started at 7:37. The Charter channel wasn't working right away and I was in a state of panic. I always have the radio going (and THAT didn't start until just before game time, thanks to the sub-chimpanzees that work back at the station) but I like to SEE things. I emailed B2 and they said "The game starts at 7:37, please stand by." I responded kindly (ha!) and they wrote back with a link saying I would not be charged for the game. I responded, again all sweetness and light, explaining that the problem was not the feed once it got started, but rather the game had already been underway for half an hour. They did not have any further comment at presstime. If it hadn't been in Charter I would have cut someone. I really needed to SEE the glories of this game.

2. We certainly took a lot of penalties, but our PK was so amazing tonight!!! I mean yeah, they did give up a goal, but that was on the 9th pp. There certainly were some scares where we just got lucky, but overall it was just HIGH QUALITY PLAY. We cleared the zone a LOT and normally on the PK we spend most of our time blocking shots and breaking up shooting lanes which makes me very nervous (let's face it, when am I NOT nervous during a hockey game?), but tonight it seemed like we forced a turnover just as soon as NDK tried to gain the zone.

3. Speaking of gaining the zone, as Rik put it, "the Bulldogs put up a nice picket fence on the blue line." Classic NDK hockey usually involves a strong transition game and for long stretches of the game they could not gain the zone. I feel like we are usually on the receiving end of that kind of defence, so it was great to see us play that way. GREAT adjustments from Friday to Saturday. We need to learn to defend and break out against multiple styles of play.

4. "Gergen's" goal was nice, although as much as I love Michael (and he looked very sexy in his television interview after the first period), I really don't think he touched it out front, but it is so hard to tell. Palm had a pretty great game overall (Palm-wise) and even though he took a few penalties, I'm just happy he made it on the stat sheet in another way. And boy did that water bottle pop!

3. Jordan Fulton's goal was about the most perfect goal I've seen since Mike Connolly undressed the WMU goalie. Fulton and Fontaine had a 2 on 1 with some hoser from UND (I could look up his name but it's not really important, they all suck) and Fontaine made a pass to Fulton that resulted in a wide open net and Jordy did not make any doubt about it. Also, Jordy is a MUCH better hockey name than Jordan, so I will try to refer to him as Jordy from now on.

4. While Fulton's goal was perfect, the entire play that set up MacGregor Sharp's goal was beyond perfect. Josh Meyers at the point to Mike Connolly in the semi-high slot to MacGregor Sharp who slammed it home. Two extremely quick passes to get that set up; any little error or misfire and that goal doesn't happen. I mean, that's the type of play that works perfectly in practice but never seems to go right in reality. But that's three skilled guys putting it together and executing flawlessly.

5. Alex Stalock, of course, rocked everyone's faces off. He wasn't really tested much to start the game, but once he was, he showed he was up to the task. He had a shutout going until 7:28 was left in the game, but I don't really care that he gave up one goal. As demoralizing as it would have been to the weeping masses in UND's camp to get shutout by the "vastly inferior" "clutching and grabbing" "UAA-like" Bulldogs, 1 GA is still pretty sharp. God did he make some amazing saves, sometimes seemingly at the last minute!

6. I can't single out anyone who had a bad game. Everyone seemed to be having great individual games and every line and defensive pairing worked well together. That was one well-oiled machine out there tonight, and I was so happy and proud to be a Bulldogs fan. I'm always glad I'm a Bulldogs fan but it's just so much more fun when we win! I was happy to see them assert themselves after a tie. Because the DECC is OUR HOUSE and we are rude hosts.

I will reiterate, for those UND fans who might have missed it: It has been my experience that the more someone knows about the game of hockey, the less they complain about the officiating of individual games.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 7! (Marvelous!)
Points until we equal last season's total: 16! (Glorious!)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 15! (FANTASTIC goal!!!)
Jack Connolly: 9! (Totally awesome tonight! Almost had a goal or 2 also!)
Michael Gergen: 6! (A total sweetie and humble about it!)
Rob Bordson: 0 (But back in action! And played really well!)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 11!
Jack Connolly: 9!
David Grun: 0
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0

On Notice:
Drew Akins
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Matt Greer
Mike Montgomery
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Andrew Carroll
Jack Connolly
Cody Danberg
Nick Kemp
Trent Palm

*This and the title are A Clockwork Orange quotations. Although they are describing something entirely different. If you've seen the movie, then you know. If you haven't, well, you're culturally illiterate and most likely a St. Cloud fan.

RWDzilla

tUMD 2, Ref Whiners 2

First of all, as a sister, I am offended that tying is considered "sister-kissing." There's nothing wrong with family affection. I mean, we're not talking about a tonsil scraping here, but just a nice peck on the cheek. Not that I have kissed my brother since I was probably 4 years old or possibly younger, but I am by no means the yardstick by which people should measure themselves. I am barely taller than a yardstick, for crying out loud.

Last night was a bit of a challenge for me. I was doing okay until something really annoying and un-hockey related set me off. I was staaaaaaaaaaaaaaarving and I had ordered a pizza that was taking forever. It finally arrived right before Travis Oleksuk's penalty, and The Aaaahj went down to get it. Then the phone rang and EVENTUALLY after a few minutes of stoner-talk, I was able to ascertain it was the pizza delivery man-child, telling me he had grabbed the wrong order and would be back in "five minutes." So I had to run back downstairs and grab the Aaaahj DURING A PENALTY KILL and then he wasn't there because he'd gone to the other entrance to the apartment to see if the man-child was there. I RAN back to the apartment and OF COURSE UND had scored and I kicked the door in frustration.

Things escalated.


Then Jacky got kicked out of the game for a check from behind. I threw my cell phone across the room. Not just because of my Jacky, but also because I lost faith that we would come back. I'm sorry, guys. I never should have done that. First tUMD had a great 2 on 1 scoring chance, but in order to break up the 2 on 1, Chris VandeVelde (who has a capital letter in the middle of their name? LOSERS!) took out Andrew Carroll and they both went crashing into the net.

I never cease to be amazed by the North Dakota fanbase. This game was televised, so we all had a great look at the play and I know there was at least one replay. It was the only thing that Vandevelde could do and the right play to make, but IT WAS A PENALTY. And UND fans thought it should be on tUMD. Yes, on a 2 on 1 scoring chance we are going to take a penalty for... trying to score on your team? But, Ben Blood punching Trent Palm repeatedly in the head is something to be lauded and praised. I expect a parade for him thrown once they return to Grand Forks. (P.S. Welcome back Trent, but could you please tone down the penalties?)

It has been my experience that the more someone knows about the game of hockey, the less they complain about the officiating of individual games. That's all I'll say on that note.

Fortunately, on the ensuing power play, we scored to tie the game! I almost had a heart attack when they reviewed the goal. The longer they deliberated about Josh's goal, the more I panicked. And Bruce and Rik weren't helping matters. I knew it was a goal (bless you, Channel 13!) but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't be waved off. We've already experienced that this season.

Some people have commented that tUMD fans acted like we won the game while UND fans acted like we lost, implying that somehow tUMD is bad and our fans are so pathetic we're happy with a tie. I disagree. Obviously our fans were a lot more excited because we were the last team to score, and we were facing a loss with under 2 minutes left in the game. I'm happy with a tie if it means we got a point when we were facing none; what sane person wouldn't be? Oh... I suppose sane would be the operative word here.

All in all, good job to tUMD for never quitting and really hustling in that 3rd period, despite playing the second game in a row down 2 players (if you recall, Cody Danberg and Mike Connolly were both asked to leave the Saturday night game against UW). And Kyle Schmidt, I hope you got a lot of painkillers. How about sending me a photo of your busted cage?

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 8
Points until we equal last season's total: 18! (Okay, creeping along.)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 14! (Yay!!! Off notice!!)
Jack Connolly: 7 (Argh. Don't wanna talk about it.)
Michael Gergen: 5
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 10
Jack Connolly: 7
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0 (But! Cracked the lineup! And took the penalty that led to the 2nd goal!)
David Grun: 0

On Notice (Step up, guys!):
Drew Akins
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Jack Connolly
Jordan Fulton
Matt Greer
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Andrew Carroll
Cody Danberg
Nick Kemp
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm

The Gauntlet: Hooked on Phonics Edition

Next up to run the Gauntlet: the grammatically challenged Goon of Goon's World.

RWD: When did you become a Sioux fan?

Goon: 1992 when I was over visiting a friend of mine that was going to school at Mayville State and we went to a Sioux game. I was hooked.

RWD: Geez. You're like 100 years older than me and I've been a Bulldog fan longer than you've been a Sioux fan. [Almost everyone I Gauntlet is way older than me, with the exception of MEg.]

Goon: It was against NMU, MEg's favorite team.

RWD: Were they in tWCHA then?

Goon: Yes they were in the WCHA. Living in International Falls, MN, I was actually a Bulldog fan before I was a Sioux fan. [Hockey Fandom: You’re doing it wrong.] I had a Tom Herzig Jersey. It was the mid-1980's. [What is this, blog noir?]

RWD: And then came The Fall. [How existential of me.]

Goon: I turned to the Dark Side, as some would say, after I returned from the service. [Do people even say that anymore? I mean, non-grandparents?]

RWD: Brady Hjelle is from International Falls.

Goon: I didn't know that, and I am not familiar with his family name.

RWD: How do you feel about our backup goalie being better than all 3 of your goalies if they were in net at the same time?

Goon: If he is better than Stalock then he is a really good goalie. [Is this a clever misdirection? Or just Goon missing the point?]

RWD: What about the Sioux? Are you a fan of them? I mean the real humans of the Sioux tribe.

Goon: I spent a lot of time at Spirit Lake when I worked as a recruiter for Job Corps, so I have met a lot of people from the Sioux nation, and yeah I am a fan. I also have known a good number of people that are of Chippewa descent.

RWD: Do you go to Spirit Lake and sit on a bench and yell "Let's Go Sioux!" as people walk down the street and stuff?

Goon: Nah, they walk down the street like you and I and they don't do chants like Let’s Go Sioux... [Ok, I’m pretty sure that Goon was missing the point before, because he certainly is now.]

RWD: I meant, do you cheer them on? Like, "Way to drive that car!!!"

Goon: Noooo, how silly. [Really? Ya think?]

RWD: And if someone from Wisconsin rear-ended them would you raise your arm in the air and call for a penalty?

Goon: No, I would give them the one finger salute.

RWD: Oh, you'd pull a Hakstol?

Goon: Yeah, I can't fault Hak for giving someone the bird. It is like the Grand Forks wave. [God, sounds like GF is full of jerks.] It is quite common here. In defense of Hak, Adam was calling a horrible game and I would have done more than give him the bird; I would have been ushered out of the rink after the calls in the first two periods. I would have probably been throwing water bottles and towels and yelling really loud... [I can’t imagine what it would be like to be around someone like that.]

RWD: Is it ever not the ref's fault? I mean, aren't the Sioux players just sometimes hacking goons without skill? [Sometimes? What am I saying? Always!]

Goon: Well, if you listen to a few of my blogger buddies, you would think that UND are a bunch of hacks and goons and start every fight and wherever there are high penalty minutes, the Sioux are involved. [I see nothing wrong with this assessment.]

RWD: I don't think that. I know it.

Goon: You told me that the Sioux were the kings of clutching [I changed the spelling of this… among MANY OTHER words.] and grabbing last March at the Final Five.

RWD: I am wise.

Goon: Oops clutching... I affraid to miss spell a words. See I am scared. Afraid. Sorry

RWD: I'll edit it. [Except for that part. Now you have a taste of how hard I work for you people.]

Goon: Good.

RWD: Trust me. I can't have this [feces] on my site. People will be impressed [with Goon’s seemingly stellar spelling].

Goon: That is part of the schtick. [God! He’d even spelled “schtick” wrong! “Stick???”]

RWD: Do you think all the ads on your site might pay for a copy editor?

Goon: Nah I haven't got a dime. I did get 300.00 from the Ticket Liquidator and 75.00 bucks [???] from another person for putting up 8 links [What person was that? Geist the Blog Whore?], but nothing from Yard Barker yet. Versus game me a hat as well. [Noticing his error] Ah crap gave, I can't type on my new computer.

RWD: Uh, sure. It's the refs fault; it's the computer's fault. Typical UND fan. Another typical UND fan behavior is whining about the polls. Who even cares? [Seriously, they have no bearing on anything.]

Goon: I think polls are great reading in the morning when you’re eating breakfast. Then you can line the bird cage with them. Only thing is I don't have a bird. Dog would eat it... because he is a bird dog... [Well, you could train him.]

RWD: I wish I could vote in polls. [I should vote. I am a legitimate member of the media.] I would vote so annoyingly. You would die.

Goon: I don't want the responsibility. I don't find you annoying; I find you to be funny and thought provoking. [There’s a first time for everything. Usually I’m just provoking.]

RWD: #1 Air Force. #2 Princeton.

Goon: That would drive me nuts. And Miami number three, right?

RWD: Your favorite team!

Goon: I actually think they are a nice story. Ryan Jones was a monster [Frankenstein or Gamera?]; I just like arguing with Redhawk from USCHO. I called him Red Hack.

RWD: You know how you feel about polls? Well, I feel that way about Sioux7. I could use him to line my cat's litter box. [If he ever used his litter box…]

Goon: Sioux7 is my old college roommate. We emptied many of beer cans and whiskey bottles when I was in college. [That explains a lot.]

RWD: Well he is solely to blame for my Dogs’ season.

Goon: Team effort.

RWD: No. I won't let you take the blame too. [What a gallant gesture!] ALL SIOUX7.

Goon: Um, the Gandalf the Red likes Donn's predictions because the more he predicts wrong, the more the Badgers win. I don't do predictions. I won't say Sioux sweep like Dirty. Bad mojo.

RWD: Gandalf the Red lives in his mom's basement and has an awful blog. [To be fair, he’s not the only person who sucks on it. There are other sucky people too.]

Goon: I actually like his blog he said that Stalock was a sieve. [I wonder if he understands the meaning of the word.] I don't believe it though...

RWD: He thought that Wisconsin should have won on Friday night. Must have been some bad reception in mom's basement. [More tinfoil for the rabbit ears next time.] Or he was distracted by his Dungeons and Dragons game.

Goon: I think they are an enigma. Connelly is not very good [but Connollys are very good!], but they played well when the BADgers played UND and they went on a run after playing the Sioux [against the WCHA powerhouses of tUMD and MTU!]. Mom's basement, yikes... That is harsh.

RWD: Please. Lord of the Rings fan + Wisconsin loser = Basement dweller. [Like Aaron Neville, I’m tellin’ it like it is.]

Goon: I am a Harry Potter fan myself, I have never watched Lord of the Rings.

RWD: And you live above ground! Shot and a goal!

Goon: Yep, and the wind blows a lot here in God's Country...

RWD: I thought that was Montana.

Goon: I know, Montana sucks and Minnesota blows right?

RWD: Minnesota rocks. We've got trees.

Goon: And we have tree belts. [What?] I like Minnesota and I would move back, but I like North Dakota.

RWD: How do you even have a deer stand in ND if you don't have a tree to build it in?

Goon: Duck hunting... [That is not an answer.] We don't do tree stands; we walk and push sloughs for deer. We also do some road hunting as well...

RWD: When I was driving to Houghton, I drove by a deer on the side of the road with its head cut off and a bird eating its carcass. [Glorious nature!] Do you do that? Take the heads off of roadkill deer and mount them on your wall? [I think that's what he means by "road hunting."]

Goon: Road Kill. There is a town on Hwy 2 on the way to the UP in Michigan that’s named Spread Eagle. [I think FHG is moving there.] That isn't really the question, but you are right there are a lot of deer in Michigan [I don’t recall saying that] and you probably will see a lot of road kill. It is the same in ND as well. I feel that there are way too many deer in the upper Midwest. [What a civic minded man! He should have a key to the city of Grand Forks!] I have a rack I got off a deer I shot three years ago that I still haven't hung on the wall...

RWD: I have a rack too but it's not off no deer. [Hi Dad!] Do you think the animals you kill have souls?

Goon: A deep question. [Okay, if that’s the way you want to play it.] Yeah, I think so. I don't see them in my sleep.

RWD: Does that mean that maybe you have no soul?

Goon: Philosophy! I didn't know we were going to get into a deep conversation; I would have drunk a few Miller Lites in preparation. [Why? Do you crave gut rot from glorified water?] I have a soul but my wife says that I am kind of shallow. Kind of like the guy in big daddy where the kid pees on the bed and he covers it up with a news paper. I guess I have been labeled to be that guy... [WHAT?]

RWD: I... am... speechless. [Seriously. I mean, how am I supposed to respond?] MOVING ON! Let's talk about the Sioux!

Goon: Uh oh...

RWD: I heard Vandevelde's tearing it up! He got an empty netter against CC!

Goon: Yep into our own net. I have never seen that before. (I heard it on the radio). [Tragically not on YouTube yet!]

RWD: It happens. [Poor Nisky.]

Goon: I was a football player so I don't know about that.

RWD: What about that guy that ran the wrong way for the Vikings?

Goon: Yep he was a Vikings player, and I was kind of young when that happened.

RWD: So it happens.

Goon: Yep.

RWD: Ryan Duncan: overrated or extremely overrated?

Goon: Duncan is awesome, not over rated. You would think the guy is an absolute hack thought.

RWD: I would think that. He also lies.

Goon: I am pretty sure Ryan is very Hobey Baker-like. [Mike Curry was robbed!] I don't know about lying.

RWD: He said he is 5'6".

Goon: He might not be that tall.

RWD: See! LIAR!

Goon: I am not going to measure him.

RWD: Are you going to go to Duluth this weekend?

Goon: Nope I have to work this weekend and Mrs. Goon is working overnights so I won't be making the trip. One of my friends wanted me to go, but I don't want to drive that far either.

RWD: It's not on Mars. It's not that far.

Goon: I have been down Hwy 2 to Duluth a lot lately. My boss probably wouldn't let me take the time off. It’s 260 miles.

RWD: Why did you tell people they should go to Little Angie's?

Goon: They have killer food. I ate there a couple of weeks ago when we took Abby [the Spawn of Goon] to the doctor. Their margaritas are awesome. [Get one in a rocks glass!] One of them will give you a great buzz.

RWD: Barf. Killer. You said it. [Little Angie’s is disgusting.]

Goon: I was impressed with your drink gauntlet.

RWD: FHG was not impressed. [Nor was he present, he was sitting on his butt in tGarden watching the Golden Chokers.]

Goon: That guy is funny.

RWD: -looking. God, I'm really mean. [I can’t write a post without taking a shot at FHG! Sorry hon!]

Goon: The whole hat thing is cool; he should paint it Green and White...

RWD: No. It has the right colors.

Goon: Maroon and Gold aren't my colors.

RWD: Wrong emblem. Do you miss T.J. Oshie?

Goon: Yes I do, the kid was a monster player. T.J. Oshie kicked some serious [badonkadonk] while he was here. Gave his all. [All over the elevator floor!]

RWD: And you posted his dad's "public statement."

Goon: Yes I did. You remember that?

RWD: Yes. I rudely commented on it. [It was basically Papa Osh kissing up to all the people helping with his celebrity golf tourney thinly disguised as a “thank you” letter from “T.J.”]

Goon: Now I remember that conversation. It was last summer after Oshie signed with the Blues.

RWD: I recall. What should we expect to see this weekend? Who's going to be in goal? [Does it even matter?]

Goon: Brad Eidsness will be in goal and I don't know what to expect.

RWD: If you wanted to give Walski a confidence boost you could play him. [Eeee! Sorry guys! I didn’t mean it! You are awesome!! Mama loves you!!!]

Goon: I think UND is starting to get it going and actually the forwards are more talented this year. If I was the coach Walski would never touch the ice again. We do not benefit from playing a kid that is a senior when we have two freshmen that need experience. Eidsness is a way better goalie than Walski. I am sure some the ND state high school hockey homer will not like this, but that is how I feel. [First Ziggy, then Walski. ND is producing some goalies with great credentials!]

RWD: Don't hold back now.

Goon: I call it the Walski experiment. LGM aka Amy likes it but I don't.

RWD: I like it too. We need some goals.

Goon: I am sure you do. Heck UMD has scored more goals that UND. [Miracle of miracles.] I can't make any predictions because I don't know what to expect. [Cop out!] The games are on TV so I can watch them both.

RWD: How will UND win this weekend? [As if.]

Goon: They will win by making the Bulldogs pay for defensive zone break downs, solid defense and hitting and hustling.

RWD: And how will they lose? [Now we’re talkin’.]

Goon: They lose if they don't respect the ‘Dogs. They have to hit them [very respectful] and protect the puck. Transition and stay out of the box. No selfish penalties. [How is a penalty “selfish?” I would more say “stupid.” But stupidity can’t be helped.] They must not let Stalock get comfortable and see the puck, screen the goalie and let Hextall get in the Bulldogs' kitchen. [Make Mama a sandwich while you’re in there, honey!] If they don't play smart they will lose.

RWD: Hextall is going to win the Hobey Baker this year.

Goon: Nope but I love the way that kid plays. [Really? A genius came on here and left that prognostication!] I told Sioux7 he was like Prpich Lite. Only with more offensive skill. [No one is more offensive than Prp.]

RWD: Bleccch. Drew Akins will wipe the ice with him. [He will jump on him and use his stick to row, row, row the Brett gently around the rink.]

Goon: I am not familiar with Drew Akins.

RWD: Are you familiar with anyone? [He’s a freaking junior!]

Goon: I have not watched your team play this season. I am familiar with teams we have played, but I haven't had the opportunity to see the Dogs. I know your goalie is awesome.

RWD: That's tragic. Stalock is [awesome, I mean].

Goon: Yep Alex, LGM's favorite goalie... [Brady Lamb worked diligently to try to change her mind. With his smooth Barry White voice, I think he might have gotten through to her.] If you have some film on the Bulldogs I will watch it.

RWD: Nothing you want to see... [Restraining order #330] Speaking of that: Who is the hottest Sioux player?

Goon: On the women's team?

RWD: Are we talking about the women's team here? NO.

Goon: I don't know. I don't swing that way.

RWD: You can appreciate the attractiveness of people without being a homosexual. Like me and MEg.

Goon: Hey what people do behind closed door is fine with me as long as I don't have to see visual evidence. I don't know how to judge men for attractiveness. That is a loaded question that LGM asked me as well and I haven't fallen for the trick so far... I am too quick... [It’s too easy. I won’t do it.]

RWD: It's not a trick. It's been a standard of the Gauntlet since its inception.

Goon: Ok, do I have to answer that question?

RWD: YES! [Why would I asked otherwise?] Ladies need to know! [I provide a public service.]

Goon: Hextall.

RWD: Let me see. [Pause while I look him up] Well, I didn't vomit at his photo.

Goon: Wow, that's good to know.

RWD: But he's no Darcy Zajac. [Mmmmm]

Goon: I will take your word for it.

RWD: If you'd said Joe Finley I would have died. And you would be arrested. [For murder.]

Goon: That was my next choice.

RWD: So you think Bert from Sesame Street is good-looking?

Goon: Nope...

RWD: Because he and Joe are one and the same. Same eyebrows. Same consuming rage.

Goon: Yes I do, I have an eyebrow. No rage, I am a very happy person...

RWD: What?

Goon: vhat?

RWD: I said Bert and Joe Finley were the same. Not you and Joe Finley. Or you and Bert.

Goon: oh, miss that one. No, duh, woopppsss. [I left this in to prove a point.]

RWD: So, let's see if you can get through one more question without a glaring error. Weekend prediction? (And you MUST make one!)

Goon: split. Sioux Friday, Dogs win Saturday.

RWD: Wow, you even managed to mess that up! DOGS SWEEP!

The Truth Is Out There

I guess UND Blogger Extraordinaire Dirty had his little undies in a bunch after UND split with UAA, so he decided to take it out on me. And no, he couldn't find anything to say about ME, because 1. he is too scared and 2. I am gorgeous and perfect, so he thought he'd take it out on innocent Connollys. Well, Dirty needs to learn, if you mess with the cubs, look out for Mama bear!

I have been secretly gathering intel on Dirty for WEEKS, for exactly this purpose. I didn't know exactly how he would strike, but I knew I needed to be ready.

Dirty's parents (whose basement he resides in) sent me his baby picture.
















He insists on using a litter box instead of a toilet.

Dirty's favorite song is "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. He also likes Panic! at the Disco.

Dirty let Zach Jones pierce his nipple. Just the left one.

Dirty's dream home is a single-wide trailer in St. Cloud, MN. With DudeLove as a roommate.

When Dirty was last suspended from USCHO, he cried for a week.

He cried harder than that during John Denver's Wildlife Concert.

His favorite blog is Hammy's.

The above photo is security camera footage of Dirty moments before he stole an old woman's purse. That old "woman" turned out to be PCM.

Dirty stole the Lindbergh baby.

For every post Dirty makes on USCHO, he donates $.01 to PBS. He calls in every individual pledge. They've tried to block his number, but he's resorted to using pay phones.

You know that elevator TJ Oshie peed in last year? Dirty licked its floor.

I don't even need Photoshop to make incriminating photos of Dirty.

Shortly after this photo was taken, he made out with Brenthoven, who said it was just so-so.

Dirty has a signed Danny Irmen jockstrap. He also sleeps with a stuffed Badger named Robbie.

He thinks Brandon Geist is cute. He said he loves the dimples. He's plotting to kill T in her sleep.

Maid in Manhattan is Dirty's favorite movie, followed by Beaches.

Dirty puts up his Christmas decorations in September, even before Macy's.

His signature karaoke song is "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera. He practices in front of the mirror nightly.

That picture of Duncs and Kozek in the hottub is the desktop background on his computer, except he digitally inserted his face over Kozek.

Walk of Shame

tUMD 1, Commies 4

Oh god. I really don't want to write this. Not just because I'm dead tired and still fuzzy from all the, um, excitement of yesterday, but also because... well, the game.

But let's talk about the real winners from yesterday. No, not the Sons of Stalin, but the hard-drinking boys and girls of the Penalty Box, who presciently drank away what I can only describe as a day that should otherwise be forgotten.

Let's have a little play-by-play.

2:00 - Grandmas Saloon
I was a little late, and there weren't that many people there, mainly the organizers, Sando and C...C...C..., and a few others. Some of the group had started drinking at 10 even after a rough night before. Ooh-rah hard-chargers! Quote of the bar: "I cracked open my first beer while I was on the phone with my mom." I'm sure she's proud.
I drank: a shot of Jack Daniels

2:22 - Bellisios
The point of doing Bellisio's early is to ensure we are not unbelievably drunk by the time we arrive there. I think in the future it could be skipped without any great loss to tDHW, but it does have a bar and is in Canal Park. It's just expensive. And we are obvs. way too classy for it. A few more joined our group. Quote of the bar: "Next time I'll order their second cheapest wine."
I drank: nothing

2:44 - Little Angie's
Slowest service ever! How long does it take to make a Mojito? Correction: how long does it take to START a Mojito? Also, Sando asked for a margarita in a "rocks glass" because he didn't want a whole giant margarita. He received it in practically a pint glass. Quote of the bar: "Give me some of that pineapple crap." I meant the pineapple-infused rum. Which was good.
I drank: a shot of the aforementioned "pineapple crap."

3:06 - Club Saratoga
We left Little Angie's a bit early, so we were at tToga for a long time. Listening to boring jazz music. The Gopher game was on TV and they showed MEg. I called her and told her I loved her. Quote of the bar: "I tried to lick the pole. It tasted good."
I drank: nothing

3:28 - Red Lobster
Red Lobster was a pretty uneventful bar--until the end. They were really nice and gave us complimentary biscuits, which were very well received. For a lot of us, that was our dinner. As we were leaving, someone was talking about how they wished they had a big fish to throw on the ice that night. Someone else pointed out there was a tank of lobsters and we could use one of them. Quote of the bar: "Thank you!" That was the hostess at Red Lobster as we went out the door; she was completely oblivious to the hijinks behind her. C...C...C... had just stuck his hand in the lobster tank and pulled one out, posing for a few photos.
I drank: a shot of Crown Royal, aka C. Royale, Attorney-at-law

3:50 - Hell's Kitchen
Things really picked up here as tAnchor crew showed up and rounded out the group. I wouldn't say anything really exciting happened here though. Tragic. No quote of the bar.
I drank: nothing, I think.

4:12 - Timberlodge
Monte and Tom showed up, which was very exciting. Timberlodge was also the only place that had happy hour specials! On a Saturday! Way to go, Timberlodge! It was something like $3 beers and $4 rail drinks? I would have a "Quote of the bar" but I can't remember what the bartender's response was when I asked him what the rail whiskey was. I decided to pay extra rather than drink turpentine or whatever it was.
I drank: a shot of Windsor

4:34 - Old Chicago
O.C. was supposed to be our food stop, but it was pretty packed so the organizers called an audible and decided to eat at Green Mill instead. People got very into the puzzle game at the bar. Quote of the bar: "WISCONSIN SUCKS!!!" "Nice to meet you, too." Yeah, I kind of ambushed a girl. But, seriously. They suck.
I drank: a Scooby Snack

4:56 - Green Mill
I didn't eat anything here but quite a few people did. I spent most of my time yelling at the top of my lungs, which is how I usually converse with people. Evidently, after we left for Famous Dave's, some of the crew that stayed behind got kicked out for some inventive spelling. Quote of the bar: "I was surprised to hear you were married after all the things you said about Mike Curry."
I drank: nothing

5:37 - Famous Dave's
Famous Dave's does not have a bar. All it has is a walk-up window where we ordered booze. If you looked in the kitchen, there was a shelf with like 10 bottles of alcohol. That was their bar. Amazing. Beers were really cheap there.
I drank: nothing

5:59 - Sports Garden
Upon entering tGarden, I ambushed poor FHG and harrassed him until he agreed to buy me a drink. What a good guy. (SEE. I SAID SOMETHING NICE ABOUT YOU, AND IT WASN'T A BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT.) Then I assaulted a poor, unsuspecting Bulldog fan simply because he would not tell me why he had a purple pass to get into games. But seriously, Mike, if you had just told me then there would have been no need for violence.
I drank: a shot of Jack Daniels

6:30 - Curling Club
Everyone sort of splintered off at this point. I didn't stay there too long because I wanted to get into my seat. I think... yeah, I made it to my seat for introductions.
I drank: nothing

And then... the game. Which was not fun. Gergy had an assist, which was very exciting, and we certainly had some chances, but all in all it was a rotten game. I am rarely critical on here because I don't feel it's necessary (the commenters on Pates's blog have got that taken care of!) nor am I enough of a great hockey mind to really break down the game. But there wasn't a single aspect of the game that went well for tDogs last night, and we were never really in the game. It was unfortunate, and I don't expect to see it happen again. It shouldn't happen again. There is enough talent and sense on this team to respond with fire and intensity against probably the most vulnerable North Dakota team in years. I expect 4 points this weekend, or an effort worthy of 4 points, at the very least. We will lose some games; it's just part of the season. But I expected those losses to be games where the team fights the whole time. And I don't mean by hurting people, I mean by making smart plays and hustling. I know we've got some fast guys on the team, so SKATE. SERIOUSLY.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 8
Points until we equal last season's total: 19

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 12
Jack Connolly: 7
Michael Gergen: 5!
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 10 (Obviously would have had a hatty if McBain had not been such a little baby!)
Jack Connolly: 7
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0

On Notice (Getting too long boys! Come on!):
Drew Akins
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Jack Connolly
Jordan Fulton
Matt Greer
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Andrew Carroll
Cody Danberg
Nick Kemp
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm
MacGregor Sharp

DHW Eve

UMD 3, Red Menace 3

Tomorrow is the Drunk Hockey Walk. I don't know what is going to happen, but for the safety of all parties, I think the team needs to hire some extra security.

Tonight was very typical of Wisconsin and all communists. Cheating to win. Interference non-call that led directly to their first goal. Poor widdle Jamie McBain was mysteriously in so much pain he couldn't even skate when Wisconsin was down 5 on 3... and then managed to play a ton of minutes for the rest of the game! The trainer barely even came over and talked to him. Guess the trainer didn't get the memo about How To Fake An Injury. Eaves will beat him later. I think Eaves wanted to beat me, too. That is because Campion didn't call a penalty and I screamed "ARE YOU BLIND? IS EAVES GOING TO BEAT YOU LATER?" Blake Geoffrion charging my sweet little Jacky. (I forgot what the hand signal was for charging, so when I saw it all I could think was "false start?")

Also, Power Play. We have to talk. We are not going to score goals on the power play when THREE of our guys are behind the goal line and the other two are up at the blue line. Let's not do that.

I'm ready for two points tomorrow night, sweeties. Let's do it. I'll help, if necessary.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 8
Points until we equal last season's total: 19!

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 12!
Jack Connolly: 7
Michael Gergen: 4
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 10! (What a SNIPER!)
Jack Connolly: 7
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0 (But was super close to having his first Bulldog goal!)

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Jordan Fulton
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Andrew Carroll
Jack Connolly
Cody Danberg
Chad Huttel
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm
MacGregor Sharp

Dr. StrangeGlove

or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love When Stalock Plays The Puck*

Friday, November 14th. Late afternoon. Somewhere in Northern Minnesota.

It's the height of the Cold War. Brigadier General Scott Sandelin has discovered a communist plot to overthrow the city of Duluth. "They are bringing us down from the inside," he insists to his Joint Chiefs of Staff, Colonel Watson, Lt. Colonel Rohlik, Major May, Captain Larson, Commander Hoppe, and Private First Class Hoagy. "Those commie bastards are making the DECC fall apart!"

Silence. Then CAPT Larson says, "Uhhh, General? I don't know if..." but sort of trails off. COL Watson finishes for him, "Yeah, Coach, that is, I mean, General... the DECC has been falling apart for years. Like, in 1984. It was falling apart then." And General Sandelin is all, "Whatever dude, I was at North Dakota then... but I'M NOT A FASCIST!!!!" The last part, delivered in a booming voice normally reserved for times when a team gives up 3 goals in the first period and plays like total crap against some no-name freshman goalie, takes the rest of the war room aback. "The commies are going to attack tonight. I have reliable intel that says Premier Eaves is planning on launching an all-out nuclear assault on the harbor tonight. We have to act fast and nuke them before they nuke us. There's no time for argument." And he forces LTCOL Rohlik to turn his launch key so they can activate their arsenal.

Addressing his forces later on, General Sandelin gives a rousing speech. "Your Commie has no regard for human life, not even of his own. For this reason men, I want to impress upon you the need for extreme watchfulness. The enemy may come individually, or in strength. He may even appear in the form of our own players. But however we must stop him. We must not allow him to gain entrance to the offensive zone. Now, I'm going to give you THREE SIMPLE rules: First, trust NO one, whatever his uniform or rank, unless he is known to you personally; Second, anyone or anything that approaches within 20 feet of the goal crease is to be FIRED UPON; Third, if in doubt, shoot first then ask questions later. I would sooner accept a few penalties through "accidents" rather losing the entire game through carelessness. Any variation on these rules must come from me personally. Now, men, in conclusion, I would like to say that, in the eight years it has been my privilege to be your commanding officer, I have always expected the best from you, and you have never given me anything less than that. Today, the nation is counting on us. We're not going to let them down. Good luck to you all."

President Bob Nygaard finds out about this from MAJ May, and is disturbed. "Major May, I find this very difficult to understand. I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons." "That's right, sir, you are the only person authorized to do so," MAJ May answers nervously. "And although I, uh, hate to judge before all the facts are in, it's beginning to look like, uh, General Ripper exceeded his authority." Pres. Nygaard realizes the severity of this situation and calls upon the mysterious Dr. StrangeGlove, who wears a black goalie glove that sometimes attempts to strangle him or snatch a phantom puck out of the air. Dr. StrangeGlove informs the President of how desperate their circumstances are. Evidently, the Red Army has a Doomsday Device, which will automatically destroy all life on earth if the Soviet Union Wisconsin was destroyed. So, while an entire fleet of wings and defencemen are ready to destroy the Red Army, they have no idea that they are about to destroy the entire world as well.

Pres. Nygaard manages to recall all but one of the B52s from its mission. However, there is one man who cannot be stopped, who is hell-bent on destroying the commies at any cost.

















*Ok, that's a lie. Nothing could possibly make me stop worrying. I worry whenever the puck is anywhere near the net. The only time I'm ever calm when a puck is near a net is when it's our opponent's.

FAIL

Obviously the fault of a Wisconsinite.

see more pwn and owned pictures

Badger Badger Badger

We all loved the original.

But I think this version is going to be more accurate for this weekend.

Bucky is going down.

That is all for now.

Feelin' Fine

tUMD 1, Silent Arena 2













Gonna have to take a Mulligan on this one. Wisconsin is up next so there should be some offensive things on here in the next few days!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 8
Points until we equal last season's total: 20

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 11! (Back on top of the scoresheet along w/Arthur Fonzarelli!)
Jack Connolly: 7
Michael Gergen: 4! (Good things happen when you shoot the puck!)
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 9
Jack Connolly: 7
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0

On Notice (lots of people, come on guys!):
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Jordan Fulton
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Andrew Carroll
Jack Connolly (gasp!)
Cody Danberg
Chad Huttel
Mike Montgomery
Evan Oberg
Trent Palm
MacGregor Sharp

I Don't Think You're Ready For This Hjelle

tUMD 1, Ruckus's Rascals 5

Our goalie's too Bradylicious for the Pioneers! (Yes, I've been waiting for months to make these jokes.)



So, in case you were unaware, Brady Hjelle made his debut for the Bulldogs and did not let in any goals. He made some GLORIOUS saves, from what I hear. I didn't want to pay $8.95 for Pioneer Vision. I am cheap. Well, not really, since I paid for B2 and am always driving up to Duluth and buying jerseys and things. So I had to rely on Bruce, which is scary. Brady played 20 minutes of shutout hockey and allowed tDogs to end the game on a high note... such as it was.

The rest of it... well, I don't really want to talk about it. At all.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 8
Points until we equal last season's total: 20

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 10
Jack Connolly: 7
Michael Gergen: 3! (THANK YOU, MICHAEL!)
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 9
Jack Connolly: 7
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0

On Notice (lots of people, come on guys!):
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Jordan Fulton
Mike Montgomery
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Andrew Carroll
Jack Connolly (gasp!)
Cody Danberg
Chad Huttel (sorry, honey, didn't know you were granted an assist last night!)
Evan Oberg
Trent Palm

The Gauntlet: Climb Ev'ry Mountain Edition

Oh yeah, kiddies, The Gauntlet is back and in your face. The first Gauntlet of the season features USCHO Lifer CO14ers.

RWD: So, how long have you been a DU fan?

CO14ers: I'm told I went to my first DU game when I was two years old. I wasn't throwing chickens on the ice yet, but I've been a fan all my life. Over 40 years.

RWD: God. You're old. [And she's comin' out swinging!]

CO14ers: I get carbon-dated for age every now and then.

RWD: It's a good thing they don't use dendrochronology.

CO14ers: I guess, don't know that term. I don't know if that's good or bad.

RWD: It's how you age a tree. By counting the rings. [I learned this from UMDDogz. That’s what big brothers are good for! Along with scratching mosquito bites and recklessly driving jet-skis and ATVs.] It might hurt.

CO14ers: Yeah, carbon-dating is less painful than that.

RWD: How long have you known DG and the Swami?

CO14ers: Actually, not all that long. I met both of them when I went to DU's appearance in the Columbus Frozen Four in 2005.

RWD: Are they... slightly older than you?

CO14ers: Swami is much older and wiser than me. DG and I are about the same age.

RWD: Did you attend DU?

CO14ers: I actually did my undergrad work at the hockey-renowned Arizona State University. I am currently half way through a Masters degree at DU.

RWD: So you were not a Kappa Sig too?

CO14ers: Nope, I was a GDI. Funny how I hang out with frat guys now later in life.

RWD: Do you feel like you know DG pretty well then?

CO14ers: I think so. We've done some fun hockey trips and hang out whenever he comes to town. Although, we all have to show him the proper respect and call him "The Godfather". [I wonder if he kisses Goddard’s ring. Which is probably platinum and diamonds.]

RWD: So which business is he in? Olive oil or sanitation?

CO14ers: Must be olive oil because he is really slick and his skin glows.

RWD: If you're ever around him and a crate of oranges topples over, run.

CO14ers: Absolutely, but he is pretty slow.

RWD: You could run, though. [Away from him. Which is what I meant.] Unless you are slow, too.

CO14ers: I'd take him in a 100 yd dash, no problem.

RWD: Swami would be way ahead of you two, though.

CO14ers: Swami is in another league. He'd also use his magic carpet and be timed using a stopwatch while DG and I would be timed with a sun dial.

RWD: What does he look like?

CO14ers: I truthfully don't know if I've really seen Swami or just the visual representations he wants me to see which are often different. I've even tried to photograph him but when I look at the picture, there's always something like a scarf blocking his face.

RWD: He's so sneaky. Have you ever worn a toga to a game?

CO14ers: I personally have not. DG, of course had and another DU fan, Dubbie31 also has. This season I'm creating my own identity by wearing an authentic coonskin cap I had imported from Arkansas.

RWD: Those caps are offensive, as is your mascot. What is the big deal with Boone?

CO14ers: If you ask North Dakota and CC fans, they'd probably say I'm offensive too. Well, many of the longtime fans and alums grew up with Denver Boone as the mascot and associate Boone with the fun times they had at DU. Bring Back Boone!

RWD: Oh yes... ND fans... the USCHO 5.

CO14ers: That was a "discussion" between SiouxInMinny, Dirty, du78, DG, and I about the Geoff Paukovich situation. I got totally hosed in that suspension. [Hosed? Are you Canadian?] I was innocent.

RWD: Of what were you accused?

CO14ers: Posting offensive graphics, bad language and personal attacks. I just had a bad lawyer.

RWD: You should have gotten Mrs. Swami.

CO14ers: I didn't know she was a lawyer at the time. Unfortunately I went with some stiff who does local ads here named Frank "The Strong Arm" Azar. Bad decision. [I don't know. Sounds like a good lawyer to me.]

RWD: Denver has a lot of bailbondsmen. I noticed.

CO14ers: Lots of seedy stuff happens here. They are mainly used when the CC and UND fans come to Magness and cause trouble.

RWD: Have you ever seen the movie Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead?

CO14ers: Yeah, but I was drunk and don't remember it too well, if at all.

RWD: I see. I wrote a post semi-based on that movie. And I feel like no one got it. It's all right though. I took a risk. [Why am I still talking about this? I just need to let it die!] It's a good movie. [It is!]

CO14ers: I'll have to see it sober sometime. I actually don't know many people that have seen it though.

RWD: It has Christopher Walken in it! Jesus! [Ok, maybe Jesus isn’t in it.] I guess if it's not High School Musical then no one knows what's what.

CO14ers: I like that guy. Kinda creepy, but was in the best SNL skit all time. I need more cowbell!!!

RWD: I wrote a post about more cowbell. It was genius. No one read it. That pretty much sums up every RWD post, though. [Pity party, table for one?] Except the Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead one. [Ok, enough!]

CO14ers: Wish I had seen that. [And through the magic of the internet, you can!] At the ‘05 Frozen Four, we played the hell out of cowbell. [Because you would be doing yourself, and everyone on the team a disservice if you hadn’t!] I even have a picture of Gwoz with said cowbell. [The cock of the walk, baby!]

RWD: Ooh, Gwoz! Do you think Gwoz voted for McCain?

CO14ers: I would say so, they both dress alike.

RWD: Maybe I got a guess right. Do you remember when we met?

CO14ers: I actually first saw you at Spanky's a couple of years ago, but you were pretty drunk cuz DG kept plying you with alcohol. [This is what male cougars do to try to get hotties like me.] I remember coming back from the game and someone behind me asked, "Is that CO14ers?" I think that was you.

RWD: That is not what happened. Well, it is. Kind of. YOU said we met at Spanky's, which I was unaware of, because of excessive Coors Lights [Gross. But the beers came in their own barf bucket.] and Jack/Cokes. [Things were slightly out of hand.]

CO14ers: Well, I was having a few of those myself, but that is my best recollection.

RWD: Here is what I recall: I was walking toward the parking lot. [Cue romantic piano music] And I saw this guy wearing a DU scarf. [Slo-mo camera effects] And I screamed "THOSE ARE UMD COLORS!!!!" or something. And you were either the person in the scarf or with the scarf person. And you said "That's Runninwiththedogs" and I was all WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

CO14ers: Ahh yes. I was walking with KScant. [Whoever] I did know that you were RWD though. Who wouldn't?

RWD: Others. Bulldog players. [I hope.]

CO14ers: I thought you were tight with the boys.

RWD: Er. No. I get tight and then go watch the boys play hockey.

CO14ers: That's kinda my MO as well. LOL.

RWD: But that was very exciting for me. Except for the next morning it was not. [I lay on the couch and attempted to eat a bagel. It took me an hour to finish.]

CO14ers: Getting tight or making fun of my scarf?

RWD: The entire experience.

CO14ers: We try to make opposing fans who travel to watch the games comfortable, sans UND and CC fans.

RWD: I went back to my cousin's and drank more. BIG MISTAKE. I was supposed to go hang out with Bruce Ciskie. [The next morning, I mean. Bruce is a grandpa and goes to bed early. Unless he needs to rant excessively about Don Adam.] It did not happen. He called and I didn't even know. So he was stranded at the hotel. [Like I was going to show up at some hotel where the whole team was staying looking like the Bride of Frankenstein and scoping out the nearest trash cans in case of emergency.]

CO14ers: I have not met Bruce yet. I do know the DU radio guy who is an absolute riot. He used to be a character called "The Shagman" who pimped used automobiles on a local TV ad. Totally classic.

RWD: Did he work for John Elway Ford?

CO14ers: Don't think he climbed that far up the used car food chain.

RWD: Speaking of climbing, I hear you're a mountain climber [and stream forder and rainbow follower]... allegedly.

CO14ers: Well, I have done a ton of mountain climbing, but not recently. One needs to be in good shape to do that and right now I'm pretty frickin' far from that.

RWD: Do you have proof of that? I mean, the mountain climbing, not the out of shapeness.

CO14ers: Well, I could send you some photos of some hero shots I've got of me, but people would say they were photoshopped. [It is harder than you think to use Photoshop. Which is why I looked like a crazy owl/exorcism recipient in the Han/Leia post. Also, the effort was minimal.]

RWD: People would. Especially people in the olive oil business or who wear scarves over their faces.

CO14ers: I read he didn't do anything to "take my back" on that recently. [I don’t even understand.] I need to have a talk with him. I bet I could give that big hill a shot.

RWD: Duluth has a big hill. You could climb that. It's no Rocky Mountain.

CO14ers: With my conditioning, it might as well be. Speaking of Duluth, my mom was born and raised there.

RWD: It is tragic that you became a DU fan then. Speaking of that, let's talk about DU. [Seeing as this is a college hockey blog.]

CO14ers: And her too. Although I think she's still really a Bulldog fan at heart. [As everyone should be.] Let's du, er, do.

RWD: When is your blog coming out?

CO14ers: Geez. I tried to do a website and failed at that. I think we have enough blogs with DG and Swami. They do pretty well I think. No one would read my blog.

RWD: No one reads mine, and yet here we are.

CO14ers: Mine would be known as the worst blog ever. [Except for that racist guy who wrote about the Gophers.] I hear you had the first WCHA blog. [No, I had the first college hockey blog. Get it right.] Pretty cool. Too bad DG entered the blogging business.

RWD: I did/do. No one knows that. There are really bad blogs out there though. I read a blog that is basically a collection of blogs that had only one post. It is amazing.

CO14ers: Yeah, that CC one sucks.

RWD: It is now defunct. [I thought that guy was pretty fun when I Gauntletted him!]

CO14ers: Not surprising. I wish their team was.

RWD: People think it's easy. [Blogging. Not sucking. Which I would know nothing about.] Why does CC suck so much?

CO14ers: There are too many reasons to list. One is Denver is windy so CC sucks. It's just always been that way and always will.

RWD: Who are your favorite DU players? Current and all time. [Extremely long pause.] So, no one! All right, let's move on!

CO14ers: Wow, there are a lot of those. The ones who I got to actually watch skate would include Dallas Gaume, Aaron McKenzie, Gabe Gauthier, Adam Berkhoel, Peter Mannino, Luke Fulghum, Geoff Paukovich, Adrian Veideman [that whiny baby who got Mike Curry kicked out of a game for a little love tap on the wrist??] and so many others. We are lucky to have such a great program year in and year out.

RWD: Speaking of Mannino, I have a reader-submitted question. Have you ever gotten anyone a signed Mannino puck or photo?

CO14ers: No, I never have. Would have been easy for me the last four years, but it would be much more difficult now.

RWD: Did someone ever ask you to do that for them?

CO14ers: Hold it. Maybe I have, now that I think of it. I vaguely remember someone asking. Hopefully I came through.

RWD: I don't know. The midget... er... person didn't say.

CO14ers: Oh yes, that is correct. I know this person. I'm sure I came through with it.

RWD: So what current players do you like?

CO14ers: Right now I have to say that Tyler Bozak and our new freshman Luke "The Goal Czar" Salazar are my favorites. Both work hard on the ice and can score, score, score.

RWD: That is such a stupid nickname. I hate it. It's actually on my list of questions.

CO14ers: Blame DG.

RWD: It doesn't even make sense. Like, it would if he was a goalie.

CO14ers: We even nicknamed his sister "The sis Czar."

RWD: I wonder if Dubbie tried to hook up with her. I heard about you guys in Alaska.

CO14ers: You mean Gilligan? Yeah, I went to Alaska with the guy. Still owes me $250.

RWD: Beat him with your hat.

CO14ers: I'll give him credit though; he wore a toga to the games when it was -18 degrees outside.

RWD: Do you know if Brock Trotter has a girlfriend?

CO14ers: Not sure, haven't talked to him since the middle of last season.

RWD: Someone came to my site using that as a search query. I'm here to help. Speaking of girlfriends, is there a Mrs. CO14ers?

CO14ers: There once was, but not right now. Most hockey addicts like me are hopelessly single. I probably need therapy.

RWD: Is that why you attend games with a bald man with a goatee?

CO14ers: LOL. Take companionship wherever you can find it. [I feel like CO14ers would do ok in prison, then.]

RWD: Why is Rhett Rakhshani such a whiny baby? Is it because he's a home-schooled mama's boy?

CO14ers: Rhett's a stud. You should check out his Facebook stuff. Absolutely brilliant photos.

RWD: Um. I'm not friends with any players on facebook... well, ok, 2, but they're not on DU or UMD. I don't even know that I could see his page. Plus, he is uggo.

CO14ers: I guess you never saw his guitar hero pic. [Was there a bag over his head? Preferably a plastic one?] Quite funny.

RWD: Not as funny as my Tougher in Alaska spread. Which no one read.

CO14ers: I'll have to go read that myself. [If a blogger posts on the internet and no one reads it, does it make anyone laugh. Here.]

RWD: Who is the hottest Pioneer? I'll give you a hint who it's not. RHETT RAKHSHANI.

CO14ers: I think Ruegsegger probably does alright with the ladies.

RWD: Mmmmm, tasty. He's too nice for me though. [I like the bad boys.] MEg likes Tom May. [And Tom May likes ice cream.]

CO14ers: Tom May looked like Jesus for most of the season. [Yeah. Like you know what Jesus looks like. You don't even know what the Swami looks like!] MEg's weird. Maybe you'd like Bozak. He looks more rugged.

RWD: Hm. Let me inspect him. [I started looking for his roster pic.] MEg is hot for Gwoz.

CO14ers: Like I said, she's weird sometimes. [Understatement of the century!]

RWD: I'm more of a Jamie Russell gal myself.

CO14ers: She must like pink ties on a guy.

RWD: Oh. [Found the roster pic!] Hello there, Tyler Bozak. [Grow a little scruff on your face and come to Mama!] MEg has him in fantasy hockey. She should probably sit him this weekend.

CO14ers: Like I said, MEg is a genius sometimes. [Was that ever said?]

RWD: She has Stalock, too.

CO14ers: I think she will be just fine this weekend. I'd sit Al if I had both.

RWD: Well. She only has one goalie. Some jerk in her league took like 6 goalies.

CO14ers: That's quite a few goalies to have on a roster. Good trade bait though.

RWD: Yeah but if you're that much of a jerk who would trade with you? What should we expect from the Pioneers this weekend?

CO14ers: I think the Pioneers will be very hungry this weekend after only getting one point last weekend while really outplaying the #1 team in the nation. I think you can expect to see a high powered offense that transitions well and a lot of pucks on Al. Conversely, our still developing defense and young goaltender provide a challenge for us against a to-date great UMD offense.

RWD: What do you expect from tUMD this weekend?

CO14ers: I think they might have a bit of trouble on Friday adjusting to an offense that is faster and more skilled than they've seen yet this year. I also expect them to give DU troubles as they go on offense. I don't expect low scoring games in this series.

RWD: Hey, UAA are speed demons.

CO14ers: Yeah, as fast as DG on skates.

RWD: That must be amazing.

CO14ers: I'd pay good money to see it!

RWD: Is DU going all the way this year?

CO14ers: I think they have the offense to do it. However, unless our goaltending improves, I don't see it happening. However, Cheverie has the potential to be a great goalie and if he steadily improves his game, anything is possible.

RWD: Good thing you guys went all the way last year, since the Frozen Four was in Denver. Oh... wait...

CO14ers: That was disappointing. Didn't help playing a Wisco team with a grudge against us on their home ice in the regional. We were all disappointed as we were the year we didn't even make the regional that was hosted at Pepsi Center in Denver. Can't remember who knocked us out of the WCHA Final 5 and caused our ultimate demise though.

RWD: Some hotties. You guys kind of CCd it.

CO14ers: We did Ceremoniously Choke that year.

RWD: Do you have a weekend prediction?

CO14ers: Yeah, I have a prediction. DU Sweeps. 6-4 Friday. 5-3 Saturday.

RWD: It's nice that they clean up the arena after the Dogs beat them. Do you think they could trade in for a Swiffer?

CO14ers: LOL. I'm not sure how good the Dogs are yet. We'll know more after this weekend. Or maybe not after the DU sweep.

RWD: We're not talking about curling here.

CO14ers: We are good at that though too.

RWD: I am sure we are better. Did you know that curling was a high school sport in Minnesota?

CO14ers: I did not know that. But did you know we have a new dedicated curling rink only 5 miles from the DU campus? CO14ers in the Olympics in 2010.

RWD: What kind of name is CO14ers anyway?

CO14ers: Stands for Colorado 14ers, the 54 mountains over 14,000 feet in Colorado.

RWD: I see. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [Boring name.] Dirty should be ND1ers.

CO14ers: I think that would fit for many reasons.

RWD: For the one tree.

CO14ers: One tree, the 100 foot hill, his IQ, etc.

RWD: You don't seem to like UND fans.

CO14ers: I have actually met a few cool ones in person, but a few good apples don't save the spoiled bunch.

RWD: Do you like UND fans better than CC fans?

CO14ers: That's like asking me if I'd prefer colon cancer or pancreatic cancer.

RWD: Are you and Randy May BFFs?

CO14ers: I actually ran into the infamous Randie down at World Arena last Sunday. No, not BFFs, but I don't think we want to kill each other anymore. Plus, you gotta respect a guy who owns a pawn shop.

RWD: I don't know that I do.

CO14ers: I hear it's reputable from some CC fans for whatever that's worth.

RWD: What about St. Cloud fans?

CO14ers: They are a blast. After "The Rock"'s hattrick up there last year, I threw my hat on the ice and had the student section chanting [sphincter] at me, the arena booed and their mascot Blizzard stood behind me with his arms crossed shaking his head. Classic! Oh yeah, we won 3-2 and the bus back to our car left without us.

RWD: I feel so torn. I mean, on the one hand, St. Cloud fans were enraged. On the other hand, the uggo was the one who got the hat trick.

CO14ers: It was just funny either way. Beautiful hattrick!

RWD: St. Cloud fans. If you can't get into college, go to state. If you can't get into CC, go to DU?

CO14ers: If you can't get into DU, go to CC. Or Duluth in the case of Brett Hull.

RWD: People have actually been turned away from tUMD for academics. Actually one guy ended up on the Gophers. [Yeah General College!]

CO14ers: Murray Armstrong had Brett Hull all set to play for DU, but DU the school wouldn't admit him academically. Hmmmm.

RWD: Any last words before I go slave away editing this mofo? [This thing is a behemoth. Dirty will whine.]

CO14ers: Not really except to add that I still think there is a friendly bond between DU and tUMD fans, especially after Gwoz brought the boys over to support Junior Lessard win the Hobey after the tUMD team went home (for some reason). [This grammar is Rob Green-esque.] Pretty friendly banter between the fans on USCHO.

RWD: That Swami though. He's always so rude and mean. Just running his mouth off.

CO14ers: That's just how he rolls sometimes. Like God getting pissed at Moses and his peeps. He does that sometimes.

RWD: I expect the rivers to run red and the locusts to invade, then.

CO14ers: Swami can part the tUMD defense for our offense if he wants to. He just doesn't really go there unless absolutely necessary -- Like Maine not being able to score on a 6 on 3 for well over a minute. Times like that Swami is there.

RWD: I feel like an unfortunate accident might need to befall him. Especially since he did not give me any dirt on you.

CO14ers: The universe is his and his alone to control.

One Coach, Two Coach, Red Coach, Blue Coach

Okay, so the last post sort of flew under everyone's radar. I thought as much. I can't be brilliant all the time. Well, okay, I can, but I choose not to in order to make the rest of you feel better about yourselves.

I know there was quite an uproar amongst dumb skanks named Chelsey when Don Lucia endorsed John McCain for president back in September. I was kind of shocked that Don Lucia and I agreed on something, but I guess there's a first time for everything. I guess we also agree that the shoot-out isn't a good idea when we have so few games in a season. Perhaps we are more alike than I thought. It's a very Kumbaya moment here.

I started wondering about other coaches in the WCHA, and whose ovals they would be filling in or chads they'd be punching or levers they would be pulling today. Since these elections are secret ballot and no one other than Lucia has openly supported a candidate that I am aware of (but since this blog isn't exactly based in facts I'm not up on all the news), I can only guess. AS A DISCLAIMER: This is just for fun and games, kiddies! Just a game! I'm not actually publishing anyone's actual vote! So let's have some fun. The election itself is already a joke!

RED COACHES
Mike Eaves
George Gwozdecky
Don Lucia (duh)
Scott Sandelin

BLUE COACHES
Troy Jutting
Bob Motzko
Scott Owens
Jamie Russell

CANUCKS
Dave Hakstol
Dave Shyiak

BONUS! Blogger votes!

RED BLOGGERS
The Darkness (or so he is trying to make me believe)
Goddard
Goon
RWD (ok, not really a guess)
Sioux7
Roy
Who's Whining Now? (though not really a blogger anymore)

BLUE BLOGGERS
Boosh
Bruce Ciskie (he does like NASCAR though)
Dirty
Let's Go Mavs
MEg
Rink Rat
WCH
WinTwins

VOTED FOR THE UNABOMBER
Donald

A TOTAL MYSTERY
Puck Swami

Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead

It's been tough times for Scotty "The Saint" Sandelin. He's been out from under the thumb of crime boss Dean "Blazer" Blais for eight years and he's still trying to go legit. His Bulldogs haven't had the greatest of years these past few years, and a few years ago they majorly pissed off another pillar of the mob community, "The Man With The Plan," also known as "Curious George." Apparently The Saint owed a debt to Curious George, and he called in the note. The Man With The Plan wanted his boys to get shaken up, get ready for the playoffs, and he wanted The Saint and his boys to surprise the Pioneers with a little upset in the first game of the playoffs, you know, to keep them hungry and all. (Here's what actually happened. But don't go here if you don't like Christopher Walken, bad words, or hobos being beaten up. And if that is the case, I feel like it's best if you and I part ways.) Sandelin had no choice but to gather together a group of his best guys and carry out the Man's orders.

Well, we all know what happened there. Sandelin's boys got a little crazy and ended up taking out the Pioneers entirely. Not only did they miss the Final Five, but they also failed to make the NCAA tournament despite being finishing 2nd in the WCHA. And The Man With The Plan was not happy.

Today after the WCHA coaches had their conference call and Sandelin showed up to practice looking totally freaked out.

"What's the matter, Coach?" asked Josh "Easy Wind" Meyers. But he didn't get an answer, The Saint just stared.

"Really, Sandy, what's the deal?" Critical Nick [really, Nick, I am sorry that you had to be this guy... if you haven't seen the movie, you just don't want to know] pressed him for answers. He exchanged a look with Matt "Pieces" Greer and Andrew "Franchise" Carroll. They all know something is up.

Finally, The Saint opened his mouth and uttered a single word. "Buckwheats."

Silence. Finally Franchise sputtered "Buckwheats?" The Saint repeated, "Buckwheats."

It was silent for a moment as a look of horror fell over the face of every senior on the team.

"What's 'buckwheats?'" piped up Mike Connolly, confused. The guys shot him death stares. "Geez, never mind, eh?"

The rest of the guys got up to start their practice, not realizing the severity of the situation. The seniors and The Saint stayed seated, shell-shocked.

"Who are they sending?" asked Critical Nick. "Goal Czar Salazar? Brock the Rock?"

"He's dead," Easy Wind said.

"Oh yeah. So who is it?"

Still with his thousand-yard stare, The Saint replies "Mr. Shh." And with a collective intake of breath, all the seniors realize they are about to come face to face with their own mortality. Mr. Shh, whose real name is Rhett Rakhshani, is known for killing his opponents slowly, drawing penalties by falling on the ice if so much as the breeze from an opponent passes his way, then whining like a little baby until the Pioneers get a power play, which is where he takes his kill shot.

It's an epic battle, folks. Mr. Shh and the Pioneers vs. The Saint, Franchise Carroll, Critical Nick, Easy Wind Meyers, Pieces Greer and the rest of the seniors. Evil vs. Good. Boys vs. Men. Stupid Fat Creatures In Coonskin Caps vs. Bulldogs. And it's not going to be settled tonight, so stay tuned for this weekend.

Is anyone even going to understand this post?? It's not that obscure of a movie, is it??? Oh well. It's late. Just appreciate the genius.

Delusions

tUMD 5, SCSU 1

Kiddies, Mama was tired last night. I did start writing this last night but I decided a game like yesterday's deserves better than the crap I was typing up. So after reading this post, you can imagine just how terrible the last one was.
I don't know if you are aware of this, readers (if I can use the plural term), but I have always operated under the assumption that you fall into two categories, the first being people that I know either in real life or in the vast expanse of the internet, and the second being people who accidentally come to this site because they are wondering if TJ Oshie has a girlfriend or they desperately want to find shirtless pictures of CDR Harmon Rabb. Okay, so those people aren't "readers," but they do have to read one or two words at least to realize they aren't going to find a lesson on the bones of the human leg. Sorry I'm such a tease!!

Well, yesterday afternoon, Amy from Let's Go Mavs decided that she would shatter the little fantasy playing inside my head and tell actual Bulldog players about this little old site. I can't imagine why. I mean, now they are all going to live in fear that I will go all Swimfan on them. Don't worry. It won't happen. Amy also told Mike Zacharias's dad that I thought Mike was a hottie. But really, it's true, so what can I say? Amy was in full PR mode and promoting RWD to anyone who would listen. I don't know that it will result in more readership, but a girl cannot ask for a more dedicated, more drunk friend than Amy.

Don't worry about any of these occurrences affecting the content of this site in anyway. It will continue to be as creepy and irrelevant as ever.

FireHelmetGuy is also even more dead to me than ever because evidently he was around the entire freaking team and did not come drag me by the hair to say hello. Although I would have been very nervous and not stopped talking and probably would have been flinging my hands around wildly and someone would have been hurt. Still, if my apartment was on fire, would he send me a text message and if I didn't answer just leave it at that, or would he break down my door and carry me to safety? I feel like these two scenarios are of equal importance.

I know that I seem scary, but I promise you I am not. (FHG is the only person who need be afraid...) I met some young hockey fans last night that are now my good buddies. Bruce's son and I discussed our favorite players. I asked him who his favorites are and he said "JCON and MCON." I cannot argue with that. Someday I will be DCON. Which is also a rodent control system. Hmm... that may come in handy later in the season. He also admitted that he liked Drew Akins, and Cody Danberg, and really if I had listed everyone on the team he would have said they were his favorites, too. I feel the same way.

At the game I ended up sitting next to another young man, probably a few years older than Bruce's son, who was a St. Cloud fan but also Kyle Schmidt's cousin so pro-UMD. I was a little confused because everyone in his group seemed to be wearing tUMD stuff but yet were also St. Cloud fans. I couldn't figure out what was going on there. But we talked during the games about hockey and other things. He really wanted the Gophers to lose so we helped out with the "Let's Go Mavericks!" cheering. Sadly, it was to no avail.

Okay, okay, who cares. LET'S TALK ABOUT THE GAME.

I was so nervous beforehand because I didn't know what was going to happen. We started off cruising and then hit a bit of a skid last weekend in Anchorage. I didn't know if that was the beginning of a slide or if it was just a temporary setback. Obviously winning one game, though in decisive fashion, isn't going to perfectly predict what will happen even next weekend, but let's just say I feel a lot more confident about zooming into Denver with some momentum.

The downside to waiting so long to write this recap is the details of the game are fading a bit. This wouldn't be a problem IF THE GAME HAD BEEN TELEVISED. I could have watched it again and it would have been like having 2 games this weekend! The upside to it not being on TV is on the off-chance I got caught on camera yelling.

I love games where I can stop stressing. Once we took a 3-0 lead I stopped stressing. Obviously a 3-0 lead with a full period and then some to go is not necessarily safe, but it isn't stress-inducing. The 4th goal with less than a minute to go in the period definitely made me relax. This was a game where everything worked: penalty kill, power play, 5 on 5, goaltending, offense, defence, me being there, etc. I don't have anything negative to say AT ALL and I'm happy that my emergency switch of my birthday game paid off! Thanks, guys! AND the Curry jersey is UNDEFEATED!!!

I guess I lied and won't be talking about the game. But rest assured, there will be great things to come this week!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 8! (Finally updating this number!)
Points until we equal last season's total: 20! (Glorious!)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 10! (Hooray!)
Jack Connolly: 7! (Almost had a goal but Weslosky made a killer save!)
Michael Gergen: 2 (Some good chances though!)
Rob Bordson: 0 (Does get an honorary point for having to put up with LGM!)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 9!
Jack Connolly: 7!
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0 (Let's Go Mavs's and WinTwins's new favorite Bulldog!)
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Mike Montgomery
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Cody Danberg
Michael Gergen
Trent Palm