The Gauntlet: Nothing Nice To Say Edition

This week, in a highly anticipated (relatively speaking) edition of The Gauntlet, RWD interviews Negative Nellie "Boosh" of The Boosh Factor, which has the most annoying URL in the history of the world. I hesitate to call Boosh a MTU "fan" because... well, you'll see.

RWD: Please refrain from speaking in the third person during this interview. [Or listening to ska.]

Boosh: I didn't plan on it. Are 't's fair game?

RWD: They are encouraged. Preferrably only at the beginning of words, and not randomly inserted in the middle.

Boosh: Of course. Wayne Gretzky is pissed. [He also hates the small t?]

RWD: That's tragic, but irrelevant.

Boosh: He's been using naughty words on TV.

RWD: Any obscene gestures?

Boosh: No, just a few mouthed "[fornicate] you"s. He's no Dave Hakstol. [Ah, now he’s setting up his own jokes!]

RWD: I guess that's what separates college hockey from the pros. Restraint. [AHEM*JUTTZ*AHEM]

Boosh: Haky and I are good friends.

RWD: I heard about that!

Boosh: Yeah. Interesting story.

RWD: Our readers are dying to know.

Boosh: Hakstol was actually pretty nice; Dane Jackson is a little [female dog] though. Basically, Hakstol was a whiny [female dog] because his Suzies got beat by the big mean Huskies on Friday night. Before warmups on Saturday, I yelled a comment offering Hakstol a tissue in an extremely quiet arena [Mariucci?] while he was conversing with Jackson on the bench. He gave me a death stare, and a few minutes later, he was still staring at me, so I waved and he motioned me over to the Sue bench. I obliged, and was met by Jackson halfway there, and he shoved me and told me to “go sit the f down and be an f-ing gentleman and have some f-ing class.” [That’s some good advice right there.]

RWD: Didn't you know? The Sioux are the class of tWCHA? Their fans can tell you exactly what is and is not classy in every situation.

Boosh: I hate that word.

RWD: You should seek their advice. Goon could be your own personal Maharishi. [R.I.P.]

Boosh: Goon is an interesting character. I'm not sure if he is a Sioux fan or a closet Mavs fan. It gets better. So instead of [sitting the f down], I waited a bit, then went down and talked to Hakstol about me being obnoxious, and didn't really get anywhere [Imagine that!], so I wished him luck and departed. As I was heading back to my seat, Kyle Radke and Jake Marto met me in between, apparently having witnessed all this in the pressbox. Radke shoved me and told me that if I had a problem with his coach I'd have to deal with him. So instead of coming up with something witty to get him to hit me, I just shook my head and walked around him and then we got annihilated in the game and some of our other Misfits apparently shared some words with an evil Hakstol [as opposed to the angelic one that had been present earlier?] at the end of the game. It was a real cluster[fornicate]. Then I brought it up on my blog and all the level-headed Sioux fans wet their pants like they do about anything that isn't them winning NCAA championships. Good times. Kyle Radke has a mancrush on me though, I could tell.

RWD: You forgot part of your story.

Boosh: What part?

RWD: You forgot about Rob Green's "I Have A Dream" speech. [Rob Green had a dream that one day, all the healthy scratch hockey players and all the smart-mouthed fans in this world could walk hand in hand into the sunset.]

Boosh: Heh. I did not endorse that speech

RWD: Nor did you spell-check it.

Boosh: He had good intentions. I think MEg complains enough about his spelling

RWD: No, I disagree. It will be enough when the bad spelling ceases.

Boosh: I'll see what I can do for you. Not my blog though.

RWD: I noticed that. One day you were posting there... the next day, not. What happened?

Boosh: MEg was upset about my [female dog]ing. Apparently my hatred for tOshie was too much for her blog, so I just gave up and went into hiding for a while. Then I got tired of not complaining, so I started up my own.

RWD: After fleeing all the way to Wisconsin.

Boosh: It’s a good place to flee to.

RWD: Isn't there a non-extradition clause there? [Are there any laws in Wisconsin?]

Boosh: I don't remember the specifics so I can't comment directly [Paint thinner kills brain cells! Stay out of Wisconsin!]. I may have still been up here when I canned myself, so I guess that would work out.

RWD: Well, why start another blog if you couldn't hack it there?

Boosh: I could hack it, just not to her standards. I tend to be more critical than she likes to be, especially of tHuskies. [God save the soul of anyone who insults Reel Big Fish to her.]

RWD: And why would you choose the most annoying name ever for a blog?

Boosh: Because I'm terribly uncreative. I could have called it 'RunninWithtHuskies'

RWD: Well, RWtD is a plagiarized name to begin with.

Boosh: Double plagiarism might get me in trouble then. I wouldn't want to risk it. If you haven't been able to tell, I don't put a whole ton of effort into the blogging [I just died from the shock!], so a marginal title is ok.

RWD: It is not a marginal title. No one ever said that. I said it was the most annoying name EVER, which is like 100000000 times worse than marginal.

Boosh: You sound a lot like Dirty.

RWD: Well the gloves are coming off now. [:::puts on the foil:::]

Boosh: It’s a good thing I don't have those tender feelings, just make sure you don't scratch me like Steve Downie. So are you saying that you fight like Dirty?

RWD: No. I'm saying you insulted me for saying I sounded like Dirty.

Boosh: I figured it would be. I have to stand my ground though.

RWD: So, back to blogging. Does it make you feel like a big man to be critical of the team?

Boosh: According to the Sioux fans. It’s more venting for me. [So, does it make you feel like a big man to vent?]

RWD: Even if they cry themselves to sleep over the awful things you say?

Boosh: If they cry themselves to sleep over the things I say, their play may have changed a little over the past few months. [I disagree. They might be crying too much to make changes. Or they might be too bitter.]

RWD: Ohh, stone cold

Boosh: I'm a terrible, heartless person

RWD: Along those lines, I have a reader submitted question.

Boosh: Shoot.

RWD: Why are you so whiny?

Boosh: Is that a Dirty-submitted question? Or Ciskie? [I’ll never reveal my sources!] Whininess is easier than doing something about what I'm whining about. And I'm lazy. [Not lazy enough to avoid redundancy!] I'm also terribly negative, or so I've been told.

RWD: I hope you responded with "I'm not negative!"

Boosh: I've come to accept that fact, I don't try to argue anymore. [I made an embarrassing scientific mistake here, which I will not reproduce.]

RWD: Exactly what aspects of the Huskies are you so upset about?

Boosh: The fact that they don't shoot quickly through open lanes on the powerplay. There must be a 5-pass limit before they shoot, or else a 5 second wait before taking shots. [Okay, I like to see shots on the power play, but I don’t like it when people indiscriminately yell SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!] And the fact that (a lot of them) seemingly don't skate with any sort of fire or motivation. And the fact that we can't beat 'crappy' teams.

RWD: Wow, tell them how you really feel. Did you know that, unlike your blog, Tech players might actually read mine and see this?

Boosh: I guess I'm in trouble then. I'm willing to take that risk though. My feelings don't apply to all the guys, but it’s the older ones that seem to do it more because their job is pretty much guaranteed. [Wow, it’s like talking to a Sioux fan during the first half of the season with all the negativity.]

RWD: So do you like any players? [Srsly!]

Boosh: Yes. Derek Kitti is awesome. He's technically the only one I've met too. He's a great guy and works his ass off since he hasn't really gotten a lot of playing time. 3 consecutive starts in the last 3 games. 1st line starts. And no one could hate tTeslak.

RWD: What's your record in those 3 starts?

Boosh: Not good. He did tie the UAA game though (the Saturday one) so I guess we're 0-1-2.

RWD: Hey, for you guys, that's a great record!

Boosh: A pretty good record for tDogs last year too. Or was it two years ago? Though we have sucked for longer. You sound like an upper-middle-aged BADger or Gopher fan [i.e. a cougar!!] trying to get me to shut up because they have more NCAA titles.

RWD: tDogs do not suck AND we have no national titles. Other than Derek Kitti and MLT, do you like any other Huskies?

Boosh: I like all of them; I'd just like them more if they showed up every weekend. [I know my ‘Dogs are happy to know that I have nearly unconditional love for them. Note I did say NEARLY.] I do like Malcolm Gwilliam too. Not sure why, he isn't that good [which is a great reason to like a player], but he does hit hard and has his moments.

RWD: What about players around tWCHA? Any favorites on other teams?

Boosh: Ryan Flynn.

RWD: I know you're a big TJ Oshie supporter.

Boosh: I'm a big Ryan Flynn supporter because he beat up tOshie and he gave me a puck and forgave me for stalking him in person because he's that cool. [To stalk is human; to forgive, divine.]

RWD: Weird. Maybe you should just become a Gopher fan, since evidently tHuskies aren't stalkworthy.

Boosh: I've considered it. Once Doug Woog goes away, maybe [What? Woog is hilarious!]. Flynn just got stalked because he gave me a puck and accepted my Facebook friendship, so I wanted the puck signed.

RWD: So how do you feel about your own coach?

Boosh: He's a bit too defensive at times, but I'd rather have him than a guy like Bob Motzko. I hate [female dog]y coaches. I wish he'd be more vocal about the motivation I complain about, and play some of the young guys. [Well, call up Suzanne Sanregret and get Jamie fired! Clearly without Boosh behind the bench, the Huskies will never get out of the middle/bottom of tWCHA!]

RWD: So who's the hottest Husky?

Boosh: Hot by your standards? [Um, no, that’s well-established. Plus, why would I ask someone else for my own opinion?]

RWD: I mean attractive. I'm sure you may have different standards than my own.

Boosh: I don't often think about which Husky I am most attracted to.

RWD: It's an easy choice, I'm sure.

Boosh: So you essentially just want me to say Robby. He does have a really hot family. His mom and sister are pretty hot, and his dad fits the family image.

RWD: I want you to say the truth. You can say whatever is in your heart.

Boosh: Nothing is in my heart. I told you, I'm heartless.

RWD: Listen, that is my shtick, and I was here first.

Boosh: Yes ma'am.

RWD: How are you going to survive after tDogs sweep you guys out of your own rink this weekend?

Boosh: Well, we gave up 3 points to UAA and 3 points to tDogs already, so I guess I expect it. If we lose bad enough, I might become a tDog fan [that’s actually a misuse of the small t]. I'd rather see them win anything over tSioux and tGophers [I would concur wholeheartedly. If I only had a heart.]. I am a closet BADger fan though.

RWD: Well, you're not in the closet anymore! [That should make Radke happy!]

Boosh: Nope. You could include a picture of a rainbow-colored badger or something along with that.

RWD: I... don't put that much work into this site.

Boosh: [MEg] is upset that we are going off on tangents. I'm not supposed to fight you.

RWD: You are SUPPOSED to SUBMIT.

Boosh: She did call you the Gauntlet dominatrix. I submit to thee.

RWD: That's hot. I'm leaving that in.

Boosh: Good.

RWD: So, how about a weekend prediction?

Boosh: I'd say another 3 points for tDogs. We'll blow it Friday, then eke out a tie Saturday.

Let that be a lesson, folks. You must obey tGauntlet Dominatrix.