30 July 2009


Just a few little RWD notes on the sidebar to the left.

1. PB&HjT info will be posted, as it comes available, in its own little section. It will also be on Facebook, but if you're not a Facebooker it's a way to get the new info as it comes along.

2. I'm on Twitter now. It's gross and childish, but I promise you it is not going to be a rundown of my life. During the season, I'll be able to post snippets of news and also game information.

3. I updated the links to delete some dormant ones and to update some new ones.

4. I have typhoid, but shot a buffalo, rested three days at Soda Springs, and traded 2 sets of clothing for 1 wagon tongue, so I'm doing ok.

This Shirt is Bananas

After the last post, I'm sure you're salivating at the prospect of owning the dernier cri in bootleg Bulldog apparel, the PBHjT-shirt, and dying, just dying to know what it looks like.

Well, from the atelier of the hottest fashion house in Minneapolis, here's the design.

T-shirt front:

T-shirt back:

29 July 2009



Where are you going to be? Oh, you already know where you're going to be, of course. At the DECC. Duh. It's UMD's season opener. Time for our 3rd Annual Tie With Lake Superior State. Or maybe a win????


What will you be wearing??? Scary thought, I know. What if that horrible nightmare where you go out in public is realized??? How awful. Especially for the rest of us.

Of course, you know you can count on your Girl Friday, RWD, to come through. I work tirelessly for you. At this moment there are about 300 other things I should be doing, including but not limited to studying, sleeping, concentrating on the Star Trek: TNG episode on TV, or packing things away for the RWD headquarters move on Saturday. But no, you folks are my highest priority.

Anyway, to avoid public nudity, consider a PEANUT BUTTER HJELLE TIME!!!! t-shirt. These t-shirts are exclusively available through the
eponymous Facebook group or by letting me know you want one. If you're not sure what it looks like, the group photo will give you a pretty good idea. You can also view the image on Photobucket. If you get the red X, that means too many people have viewed it. Trust me, you won't get the red X.

The t-shirts have not been priced yet, but please believe me, they are not a for-profit endeavor and they will be cheap. Joining the Facebook group is the best way to get information on pricing and availability. Then you won't run up my stat counter checking in to see if they've been ordered yet.

This is a chance for UMD fans to support the team and rally behind our new goalie, but it's also a time for UMD fans to rebuild some of the camaraderie that might have been lost in recent years. This is by no means limited to students (remember, I'm not a UMD student) or Penalty Box posters, so don't think you're too old/obscure/good to participate. It might also help if you reviewed some of the PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME YouTube videos to be prepared for the cheers (this is a multimedia event!!!) and dance moves.

27 July 2009

Blowing Sunshine

All right. So I've been accused (and rightly so) of being a little too optimistic about this coming season. But I think that's okay. We've got to have extremes, and if an extremist is gonna blog about the team, it should be one who says nice things and has high hopes.

Remember, if one expects a team to lose and they do, one's expectations have been met. It's a pretty hollow victory; who wants to thump their chest and say "See? I was right, they do suck!" But it's a pretty safe bet. If they win, then great!!! But if they lose, then one doesn't risk looking "stupid." (This is the same reason why people never ask questions in classes or at meetings, and why many are no fun: they don't want to look stupid. Whereas I've made a second career out of it.) It's why people invest in t-bills: little ventured, little gained. And then we've got folks who want to win big, like me. I know I can lose big, and I know that people think I'm either an idiot or on hallucinogenic drugs (or both!!!), but that's fine. I'm hoping my positive attitude will spread like herpes through the Northern Michigan Pep Band. Fun times!

I know there's not a lot of empirical data to suggest UMD will finish anywhere near first place. I fully expect DU to win the league and I imagine the coaches' poll will reflect that. I'm a genius prognosticator, I know. I just get so mad at the folks who want to complain about the coaching, or moan about our departures or rail against the "outrageous" spending on our coach's salary (he's a bargain, folks. A bargain. I'll show it mathematically some day.) At the end of the day, being a Bulldog fan is a choice. An insane choice, yes, because they drive us crazy, but we can walk away. Unlike with our families, for example, where even when your mom joins Facebook and cluelessly blunders her way through the site, or your dad calls you to tell you about major road construction AFTER YOU ARE ALREADY STUCK IN IT and then calls back to tell you what shortcut to take AFTER YOU HAVE ALREADY MIRACULOUSLY FIGURED IT OUT ON YOUR OWN, you have to love them anyway. This is a major theme within the collective unconscious, I know. Karl Jung wrote about it extensively.

We can walk away at any time. It's not easy. Minnesota sports fans suffer a lot. We cheer for underdogs. (This is a kind of sick obsession with me. Here is a partial list of underdogs I have championed: Greg Gagne*, Tommy Kramer, Henry Blanco, and Mike Curry. So you can take this for what it's worth.) But seriously, folks. Or, as serious as we can get around here. It's more fun to think positively about the season in July, months before practice even starts, when zero games have been played. We are all on the same side here, and it would be nice if we were on the same side as our team, for crying out loud.

So, as Beard says, "Let's support the team and enjoy not being from Wisconsin." (It's T.S. for Larry R. and Bruce.)
*Gags can't be that much of an underdog, as he was voted to the All-Metrodome team! Yeah! Way to beat out Cristian Guzman and Pat Meares!

24 July 2009

File Under: Obvious

Dear Bulldogs,

As much as I love seeing your sweet smiling faces, I'd prefer it not be in the form of a mug shot. Stay out of trouble this summer. And during the season. And always.


21 July 2009

Lilies of the Field

Dear Dylan Olsen,

Each day that you do not sign with a WHL team is like a bouquet of flowers appearing on my desk. Some days are like daisies, others like carnations. Today, since learning that John Moore has defected
signed a contract with the Blue Jackets and will play for Kitchener come fall, it was like a dozen roses.

Thank you,

14 July 2009

10 Things To Hate About Us

You know, I used to really think Heath Ledger was a major hottie when he was in movies like The Patriot and he was just another pretty face. Then he goes and kisses a dude and suddenly he's a serious actor. If all I had to do to get some respect around here was make out with a few chicks, I'd be accepting the Nobel Prize in literature.

Ahem. That is neither here nor there. Anyway, back when he was alive and relatively unknown, he was in a movie called 10 Things I Hate About You. It's kind of a very stupid movie, but it did somehow pop into my head and provide the inspiration for this post.

Just a few things to remind fans of the other teams in the league why tUMD is better than they are.

The Bulldogs bounced you from your own "invitational," then won one of the most dramatic games ever played in your own barn. And you didn't even get to have the best road trip in the WCHA... although FHG and Cardinal did it twice anyway.

2. DU
You suffered your first loss in the Final Five, and we made it look easy. Then the next weekend you looked even worse. We also prevented you from sharing in the league title with our lone win over you. On the plus side, Mullet did have a nice sign showing Gwoz where the locker rooms were.

3. CC
We started your golfing season early with our kickoff to our improbable playoff run, and we put up a touchdown on you when we faced you in December. Don't you guys like playing hockey?

4. UND
Oh man, where to start? We're the only team you didn't beat, we beat you in the Final Five, and we flipped you in the PWR, so you got to draw New Hampshire and get scored on with .1 seconds left! Our mascot is also not racist.

5. UW
Possibly one of the most embarrassing moments of the season came when Stalock was being Stalock and Tom Gorowsky shot the puck over the net.

Like they need to be reminded... Mitch Ryan didn't pan out as well as Dan Kronick, did he? We have a better arena coming. And our hockey parents aren't embarrassments to our team.

We pretty much killed Pretty Boy Dan Tormey's hopes of playing in any more games after we put up another touchdown (gee, the Bulldogs sure like scoring 7 goals!), and our end-of-season meltdown was still not enough to get you out of 8th place.

8. MTU
Geoff Kinrade was exposed as a flopper when we visited the UP and MSJ took him out and got an undeserved (naturally) penalty. And "The Man" tried to silence your cowbells.

9. UAA
As Donald points out to me often, UAA took 7 of 8 points from UMD, so they don't have much to be mad about... except they whooped us and we went on to the NCAA regional finals, and they were swept out of Denver.

10. The whole league
We were the "last man standing" while finishing 7th in the league. So if you finished above us, you can't believe it wasn't you, and if you finished below us, you're jealous it wasn't you. We also accomplished what many, many teams have failed to do: won the Final Five in three games.

So, I hope this fans the flames of rivalry. As if we need to get any warmer... ugh.

09 July 2009

The Chopping Block

Folks, it's no secret that I'm having a bit of a rough time here. I'm really not ready for a Bulldog team without MacGregor Sharp. I know, I know. I managed without him before, I should be able to manage without him. But it's going to be rough. Just as things were really getting going, he's gone. This year's My Guys are going to have to work extra hard. (They will be named shortly.) We had so much going! The many, many, many goals, the hat tricks, the time I yelled at him to get a hat trick and he did not, the time he walked by while Stacy, LeAnn and I were singing Beyonce's "Single Ladies" and dancing like fools, my Exorcist-like Star Wars post... Can we all hear Cinderella's "Don't Know What You've Got (Til It's Gone)" in the background? Hold up your lighters.

God, I am creepy.

Even though I was proud of MacG S for getting an NHL contract, I was not pleased (meaning enraged^10000) it was with the stupid Ducks. My consolation was that their AHL affiliate was located in Minnesota's Basement. Meaning Iowa, naturally. Des Moines, specifically. (For those of you who don't "PARLAY FRANSAY," Des Moines is French for... The Moines.) I could get there in a jiffy if I was needed.


Ugh. Now where will Anaheim send their AHL players??? Of course, I'm sure Sharpie will be "in The Show" next year, but still, I have to be prepared. I'll try to keep you all updated on the situation as it develops.

07 July 2009

Hits From The Blog, Part Deux

It's been awhile since I've been lazy enough to do this, so I've got some good crazy stuff saved up. There are some twisted people out there, coming to RWD. And writing it.

Somewhat Hockey-Related
mike zacharias budweiser i take it he's a big fan.
t.j. oshie beer bong people, get it right. that was jonathan toews.
greer Macgregor is this some sort of science experiment gone wrong?
euthanasia, nick kemp is that really necessary? can't we just put him out to stud?
the drunk hockey guy blog umd doesn't exist yet. you're stuck with rwd.
don lucia complaining imagine that!
bulldog with fire helmet more like fire helmet with bulldog.

Hockey Player Stalker Hits
drew akins is cute probably a meanegirl hit.
is mike sertich of duluth minnesota married wow, even sertie gets stalked!
rob bordson is so hot yes.
uaa nathan lawson girlfriend i hope she's combing the beaches, because he is washed up.
josh meyers shirtless yes yes.
bryan mcgregor girlfriend i wonder what he's up to?
stu bickel girlfriend another meanegirl hit.
tyler bozak girlfriend probably dumped him when he got his knee injury.
tony lucia girlfriend ...is jay barriball.
tj oshie apartment on you tube for what? dirtiest apartment ever?
alex goligoski girlfriend ...is ryan potulny.
tyler ruegsegger girlfriend hopefully did not get projectile-vomited on.
glenn fisher girlfriend who? oh wait, that du guy.
jordan parise gf to be fair, the gf could stand for grand forks.
rob nolan girlfriend ...is rwd.
tj oshie girlfriend should probably not view "tj oshie apartment on you tube."
matt smaby engaged someone cares?
jonathan toews shirtless with a beer bong, i hope!

What the...????
when does air bud hockey come out i don't know, but i can't wait!!!
good rat keeping i guess you clean their cage and feed them and stuff.
boosh hot dogs the game yeah, i'm sure that happened.
making of the game banana is the "game banana" some sort of trophy for gorilla footballers?
rat bleeding from ears probably resulted from bad rat keeping.
cowbell penalty two minutes for not enough!
that heartless bitch, thb tech hockey blog?
christmas dogs midget performance i'm assuming this show is in tijuana.
my legs are extremely long does not apply here.
i'm a guy, and i want grow my hair out like jason micheal carrol's, but until then, how should i manage my hair? ask hollywood clark!
your so into hockey and you don't even know it t-shirts i would never wear that grammatically incorrect shirt.
why women don't like hockey because we're too busy making sandwiches and fetching beers.
home improvement brad shirtless in locker room who wants to see the mullet kid shirtless?
outline of bronco for pumpkin carving that seems useful.
rhyme master rwd yo yo yo, peace out homeslice.
where to go in denver if you're single co14ers' house.
why do people cut off deer heads on the side of the road because they are lousy shots.
shopko temple of doom i see someone shares my point of view.
political affiliation ted Kaczynski same as donald's.
dogs that coach people i don't think they exist. i searched.
jack i don't think they are ready for this that's what she said.
real life fights between badger and dogs ask cody danberg for footage.
wow fhg that's what cardinal said.
does jack daniels have turpentine in it? does it matter?
i kissed a goon and i liked it?
what happened in the houghton temple ...stays in the houghton temple.
runnin and quantum theory you've come to the right place!

01 July 2009

Standing On Guard For Me

Today is Canada Day! Essentially, this is functions as Canada's "birthday," when the British North America Act was enacted and unified the provinces. I learned that on Wikipedia, which as we know is infallible as a source. While this is not nearly as bada$$$$ as event that we commemorate on the United States' birthday, we here at RWD still want to recognize a holiday that's important to some folks very important to RWD.

We have had a LOT of Canadians come through the DECC and the Duluth Curling Club; 140 to be precise. I counted! But I might be off by one or two. Let me know.

Currently, UMD has 5 returning Canucks on the roster: Brady Lamb (AB), Travis Oleksuk (ON), Cody Danberg (SK), Mike Connolly (AB) and Justin Fontaine (AB). We're also adding two more Canadians this fall: Wade Bergman (AB) and Dylan Olsen (AB, although I think he was born in the U.S.). I love Canadians! They add so much to my roster. A lot of My Guys have been Canadians... I pretty much favor Canadians and Northern Minnesotans, except for Gergy and Curry. Canadians were very good for UMD last year! They scored a lot of points and won a lot of games for us (including some BIG ones in the playoffs!) Canadians scored 63 goals and had 115 assists for 178 of the 344 points the team got.

Some of UMD's most successful alumni are Canadians. In addition to the awesome guys we have on our roster, last year's superstar senior MacGregor Sharp (AB), Hobey Baker winner Lucien Lessard, Jr (QC), WCHA commissioner Bruce McLeod (ON), Bulldog legend Keith "Huffer" Christiansen (ON), TV Analyst Judd Medak (BC), Bulldog daddy Bill Oleksuk (ON), former NHLers Curt Giles (MB), Pat Bouttette (ON), Norm Maciver (ON), and Glenn Resch (SK), UMD assistant coach and Hobey Baker winner Bill Watson (MB), Hall of Famer Brett Hull (BC), current NHLer Mason Raymond (AB), and most importantly, the original My Guy and all-time RWD favorite cutie pie, Evan Schwabe (SK) are ALL Canadians and important players in Bulldog history. Not that the rest of the guys aren't important.

Robby Nolan is Canadian, too. Even though he's not a Bulldog, he's still a very special person to RWD.

Happy Canada Day, everyone!!!!