The Gauntlet: NewsRadio Edition
This week, in honour of the upcoming series with UAA, we are bringing back the Gauntlet to torment JimmyJam, Donald's minion from the UAA Fan Blog.
In honor of that, I give you this.
Excellent. Now, commencez!
RWD: So, how did you get hooked up with Donald?
JJ: I got hooked up with Donald when he asked for help on the blog. I've been wanting to write for a while and contribute so I decided to help.
RWD: Did you know Donald previously?
JJ: Yeah, Anchorage is a somewhat small place; most of the USCHO posters from Anchorage know each other and hang out.
RWD: You... hang out with Donald? [That, my friends, is the whole Interwebs gasping in shock.]
JJ: At games and such, not at other places, I made that mistake once. [!!!]
RWD: Oh? [ORLY] Do tell.
JJ: I don't remember much, alcohol was involved, and I got dragged to a place I would rather not have gone. [A Seawolves game?]
RWD: Aha! I think I know where! What directives did he give about your contributions to the site?
JJ: Find my own niche. Figure out what I'd want to write about and go with it.
RWD: Does he stand over you with a whip and beat you every time you make a typo?
JJ: No but then again I use spell check like lazy college kid, mostly because I was one. [Lazy college kids, spell check doesn’t catch everything! That’s why it takes so long to edit these Gauntlets.]
RWD: How did you become a UAA fan?
JJ: My parents and grandparents have been fans since the beginning of the program. My grandfather was a booster club president. So I've been going to games literally since I was born. I've seen way too many games [not possible] and some really good players.
RWD: Yeah I suppose the visiting teams had some stars.
JJ: yeah, Reinprecht and Heatley are the most vivid memories. [So if I had to list 2 exceptional players I had seen in the WCHA, these two are not the first two to come to mind. Odd.]
RWD: Those are the best players you've seen?
JJ: No, not by a mile.
RWD: I see. [Then… why say them?]
JJ: Heatley maybe in the top 10.
RWD: Was he playing hockey when you saw him, or crashing into a brick wall?
JJ: both lol [Simultaneously or separately?]
RWD: Is your child a UAA fan?
JJ: Yes, very much so. She loves watching them.
RWD: Isn't that child abuse?
JJ: No. [Yes.]
RWD: Torturing the poor girl with season after season of losses?
JJ: You get used to it a little bit; there's always hope though.
RWD: There is? Even this season?
JJ: Yes. [No.]
RWD: Locate this hope. Say, latitude and longitude.
JJ: 61° 10' N, 150° 1' W. [These are Anchorage’s coordinates. I don’t think there’s any hope there.]
RWD: I see. So who are some of your favorite UAA players, past and present?
JJ: Past would be Peluso, Clark, Glencross, Cygan, and Krake. Present would be Grant, Wiles and Gunderson. Gunderson was hilarious.
RWD: In what way? [In his goaltending attempts?]
JJ: Funny to talk with. [Funny like a clown? Did he amuse you?]
RWD: What about your second favorite WCHA team? What team is that?
JJ: Tech. Nice people I've met from there. A little nerdy but so am I. [It’s like talking to Yoda. What the hell?]
RWD: What about Twitch Boy? Now that he's in Alaska, have you seen him? Or at least his hotdog hat?
JJ: Yes I have but I haven't seen the hotdog hat. I was disappointed.
RWD: Have you turned him into a UAA fan yet?
JJ: Not yet, I'll work at it, I mean it's not like he's a fan of a winning team either.
RWD: This year! [Tech is undefeated!]
JJ: 5 games in... UAA's been unbeaten through 5 games in before.
RWD: Probably when playing UMD. [Sigh] How do you like the new jerseys?
JJ: I like them, a very classic look to them. We've got a unique logo [it's no realistic bear] and nice colors [yuck!] so there's no need to be outlandish.
RWD: Ugh, green and gold, no thank you. What about the new WCHA, do you like it?
JJ: Omaha yes, Bemidji no. [Indeed!] I also don't like how Bemidji got gifted with the Minnesota-only schedule.
RWD: Minnesota-only?
JJ: No travel to Alaska or Colorado, basically the 3 tough road trips. [Tech is brutal in the winter though.]
RWD: I see. Well, no extra games for them then.
JJ: True.
RWD: You don't have to pay for them to come and play you.
JJ: Eh whatever. [How Zen. Donald would be steaming.]
RWD: Donald feels very strongly about that, but you do not?
JJ: It's part of the deal, I don't like it much either but it's not going away. I'd love to get rid of it but it's not the highest priority.
RWD: Despite Donald's letters. [Next step: mail bombs.]
JJ: Despite.
RWD: Speaking of Donald, if the Seawolves and the Aces played an exhibition… would anyone care?
JJ: I dunno, it's hard to say. I think people would care but I don't think the result would change people’s minds. The Aces are good one thing: marketing, that's why they do better. [I don’t understand why schools don’t have every marketing student at the school working on marketing for the teams FOR FREE.]
RWD: If I were watching on TV, no one would be visible in the stands. But that's because, just beyond the camera, true fans are packed into the "better" seats, right?
JJ: Correct, the Sullivan has high glass that makes the game unwatchable from iceside [what?] seats. There is truth to that.
RWD: What about the rest of the statement?
JJ: Also true because the only ones to show up would be the hardcore sit in those seats. [My head just exploded.]
RWD: Would you like to rephrase that into a sentence that makes sense?
JJ: no lol, ok the better seats that aren't visible would be full because that's where the people who actually want to watch the game sit.
RWD: So beyond our viewpoint, the arena is standing room only. I see.
JJ: Somewhat.
RWD: And then you get behind the scenes after the games. How does that work? Do you dress up as a janitor? Hide in the laundry cart with the dirty jockstraps?
JJ: I have a press pass, the university likes us somewhat.
RWD: You and Donald have press passes, free ticket giveaways... does anyone PAY to see UAA?
JJ: Yes, thousands. [No wonder no one pays, the tickets are so expensive! Thousands?]
RWD: I see.
JJ: Well apparently not. [Touché]
RWD: I haven't been able to tell from your videos, who is the hottest Seawolf?
JJ: Secure in my masculinity, I would say Grant.
RWD: What? He looks like Jar Jar Binks.
JJ: Eyes girl, the eyes. [He’s been hypnotized or something.]
RWD: …are googly.
JJ: Ok.
RWD: Hm, I see he has longish hair. What about you, still mohawkin’ it?
JJ: Yes ma'am.
RWD: Superb.
JJ: Damn right.
RWD: Let's talk about this weekend.
JJ: Ok shoot.
RWD: How can the Seawolves win this weekend? [Trick question! They cannot!]
JJ: Playing tough defence, keeping the goal scoring, great goaltending.
RWD: Keeping the goal scoring? [The goal does not score itself. Silly Seawolves are confused!]
JJ: 3 goals at least in every game, that's not bad, that can win you games. [Not if we get 9.]
RWD: And how can they lose this weekend?
JJ: Playing bad defence like last weekend, goal scoring going away.
RWD: Is Shyiak a good coach?
JJ: Yes, I had doubts, especially last season, but you can see with this group that they are responding well to his coaching. I was harsh on him and I was wrong.
RWD: PEOPLE! A MAN JUST ADMITTED WRONGNESS. FIRST TIME EVER. Do you miss John Hill?
JJ: No, [fornicate] him.
RWD: I... would prefer not. [Horrific.]
JJ: Good for you lol.
RWD: Do you think he gets more bloated every year?
JJ: Possibly, maybe he sees himself getting the job at Minny with every crap year Lucia has. [Maybe he sees Leprechauns that tell him to burn down the rink.]
RWD: Do you read Justin Bourne's articles on Puck Daddy?
JJ: Yes, I read his blog as well.
RWD: I have no follow up questions. I just enjoy reading his perspectives as a former pro player.
JJ: They are interesting, it's something you really get to see written about.
RWD: Do you mean rarely?
JJ: Yes sorry rarely. NO DONALD!!! [One can only assume beatings commenced.]
RWD: Terrifying. What about a weekend prediction to wrap things up?
JJ: Split, Bulldogs win Friday [yes] and UAA wins on Saturday [no].
RWD: Scores?
JJ: 4-3 on Friday and 3-1 on Saturday.
In honor of that, I give you this.
Excellent. Now, commencez!
RWD: So, how did you get hooked up with Donald?
JJ: I got hooked up with Donald when he asked for help on the blog. I've been wanting to write for a while and contribute so I decided to help.
RWD: Did you know Donald previously?
JJ: Yeah, Anchorage is a somewhat small place; most of the USCHO posters from Anchorage know each other and hang out.
RWD: You... hang out with Donald? [That, my friends, is the whole Interwebs gasping in shock.]
JJ: At games and such, not at other places, I made that mistake once. [!!!]
RWD: Oh? [ORLY] Do tell.
JJ: I don't remember much, alcohol was involved, and I got dragged to a place I would rather not have gone. [A Seawolves game?]
RWD: Aha! I think I know where! What directives did he give about your contributions to the site?
JJ: Find my own niche. Figure out what I'd want to write about and go with it.
RWD: Does he stand over you with a whip and beat you every time you make a typo?
JJ: No but then again I use spell check like lazy college kid, mostly because I was one. [Lazy college kids, spell check doesn’t catch everything! That’s why it takes so long to edit these Gauntlets.]
RWD: How did you become a UAA fan?
JJ: My parents and grandparents have been fans since the beginning of the program. My grandfather was a booster club president. So I've been going to games literally since I was born. I've seen way too many games [not possible] and some really good players.
RWD: Yeah I suppose the visiting teams had some stars.
JJ: yeah, Reinprecht and Heatley are the most vivid memories. [So if I had to list 2 exceptional players I had seen in the WCHA, these two are not the first two to come to mind. Odd.]
RWD: Those are the best players you've seen?
JJ: No, not by a mile.
RWD: I see. [Then… why say them?]
JJ: Heatley maybe in the top 10.
RWD: Was he playing hockey when you saw him, or crashing into a brick wall?
JJ: both lol [Simultaneously or separately?]
RWD: Is your child a UAA fan?
JJ: Yes, very much so. She loves watching them.
RWD: Isn't that child abuse?
JJ: No. [Yes.]
RWD: Torturing the poor girl with season after season of losses?
JJ: You get used to it a little bit; there's always hope though.
RWD: There is? Even this season?
JJ: Yes. [No.]
RWD: Locate this hope. Say, latitude and longitude.
JJ: 61° 10' N, 150° 1' W. [These are Anchorage’s coordinates. I don’t think there’s any hope there.]
RWD: I see. So who are some of your favorite UAA players, past and present?
JJ: Past would be Peluso, Clark, Glencross, Cygan, and Krake. Present would be Grant, Wiles and Gunderson. Gunderson was hilarious.
RWD: In what way? [In his goaltending attempts?]
JJ: Funny to talk with. [Funny like a clown? Did he amuse you?]
RWD: What about your second favorite WCHA team? What team is that?
JJ: Tech. Nice people I've met from there. A little nerdy but so am I. [It’s like talking to Yoda. What the hell?]
RWD: What about Twitch Boy? Now that he's in Alaska, have you seen him? Or at least his hotdog hat?
JJ: Yes I have but I haven't seen the hotdog hat. I was disappointed.
RWD: Have you turned him into a UAA fan yet?
JJ: Not yet, I'll work at it, I mean it's not like he's a fan of a winning team either.
RWD: This year! [Tech is undefeated!]
JJ: 5 games in... UAA's been unbeaten through 5 games in before.
RWD: Probably when playing UMD. [Sigh] How do you like the new jerseys?
JJ: I like them, a very classic look to them. We've got a unique logo [it's no realistic bear] and nice colors [yuck!] so there's no need to be outlandish.
RWD: Ugh, green and gold, no thank you. What about the new WCHA, do you like it?
JJ: Omaha yes, Bemidji no. [Indeed!] I also don't like how Bemidji got gifted with the Minnesota-only schedule.
RWD: Minnesota-only?
JJ: No travel to Alaska or Colorado, basically the 3 tough road trips. [Tech is brutal in the winter though.]
RWD: I see. Well, no extra games for them then.
JJ: True.
RWD: You don't have to pay for them to come and play you.
JJ: Eh whatever. [How Zen. Donald would be steaming.]
RWD: Donald feels very strongly about that, but you do not?
JJ: It's part of the deal, I don't like it much either but it's not going away. I'd love to get rid of it but it's not the highest priority.
RWD: Despite Donald's letters. [Next step: mail bombs.]
JJ: Despite.
RWD: Speaking of Donald, if the Seawolves and the Aces played an exhibition… would anyone care?
JJ: I dunno, it's hard to say. I think people would care but I don't think the result would change people’s minds. The Aces are good one thing: marketing, that's why they do better. [I don’t understand why schools don’t have every marketing student at the school working on marketing for the teams FOR FREE.]
RWD: If I were watching on TV, no one would be visible in the stands. But that's because, just beyond the camera, true fans are packed into the "better" seats, right?
JJ: Correct, the Sullivan has high glass that makes the game unwatchable from iceside [what?] seats. There is truth to that.
RWD: What about the rest of the statement?
JJ: Also true because the only ones to show up would be the hardcore sit in those seats. [My head just exploded.]
RWD: Would you like to rephrase that into a sentence that makes sense?
JJ: no lol, ok the better seats that aren't visible would be full because that's where the people who actually want to watch the game sit.
RWD: So beyond our viewpoint, the arena is standing room only. I see.
JJ: Somewhat.
RWD: And then you get behind the scenes after the games. How does that work? Do you dress up as a janitor? Hide in the laundry cart with the dirty jockstraps?
JJ: I have a press pass, the university likes us somewhat.
RWD: You and Donald have press passes, free ticket giveaways... does anyone PAY to see UAA?
JJ: Yes, thousands. [No wonder no one pays, the tickets are so expensive! Thousands?]
RWD: I see.
JJ: Well apparently not. [Touché]
RWD: I haven't been able to tell from your videos, who is the hottest Seawolf?
JJ: Secure in my masculinity, I would say Grant.
RWD: What? He looks like Jar Jar Binks.
JJ: Eyes girl, the eyes. [He’s been hypnotized or something.]
RWD: …are googly.
JJ: Ok.
RWD: Hm, I see he has longish hair. What about you, still mohawkin’ it?
JJ: Yes ma'am.
RWD: Superb.
JJ: Damn right.
RWD: Let's talk about this weekend.
JJ: Ok shoot.
RWD: How can the Seawolves win this weekend? [Trick question! They cannot!]
JJ: Playing tough defence, keeping the goal scoring, great goaltending.
RWD: Keeping the goal scoring? [The goal does not score itself. Silly Seawolves are confused!]
JJ: 3 goals at least in every game, that's not bad, that can win you games. [Not if we get 9.]
RWD: And how can they lose this weekend?
JJ: Playing bad defence like last weekend, goal scoring going away.
RWD: Is Shyiak a good coach?
JJ: Yes, I had doubts, especially last season, but you can see with this group that they are responding well to his coaching. I was harsh on him and I was wrong.
RWD: PEOPLE! A MAN JUST ADMITTED WRONGNESS. FIRST TIME EVER. Do you miss John Hill?
JJ: No, [fornicate] him.
RWD: I... would prefer not. [Horrific.]
JJ: Good for you lol.
RWD: Do you think he gets more bloated every year?
JJ: Possibly, maybe he sees himself getting the job at Minny with every crap year Lucia has. [Maybe he sees Leprechauns that tell him to burn down the rink.]
RWD: Do you read Justin Bourne's articles on Puck Daddy?
JJ: Yes, I read his blog as well.
RWD: I have no follow up questions. I just enjoy reading his perspectives as a former pro player.
JJ: They are interesting, it's something you really get to see written about.
RWD: Do you mean rarely?
JJ: Yes sorry rarely. NO DONALD!!! [One can only assume beatings commenced.]
RWD: Terrifying. What about a weekend prediction to wrap things up?
JJ: Split, Bulldogs win Friday [yes] and UAA wins on Saturday [no].
RWD: Scores?
JJ: 4-3 on Friday and 3-1 on Saturday.
3 comments:
Giant Laser Fusion ftmfw
Funny. Make fun of the 'Wolves all you want, you folks do still live in Duluth.
Save yourself the embarrassment of trying to compare your dumpy backwater town to the Last Frontier. No contest.
You seem confused, so I will assist. I live in Minneapolis, and am one person, not "folks." Alaska is beautiful; I'm unsure where you found any words disparaging the scenery. However, Duluth, Lake Superior and the North Shore are beautiful, too. I would be happy to show you around if you are planning to be there this weekend for another visit. I assume you have been there previously, else you would be in no position to judge.
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