The Gauntlet: Filthy Edition
Not only is this Gauntlet rife with Authentic Frontier Gibberish, but it has more inside jokes than ever before. Here we go!
RWD: Okay let's do this. It's on like a beer bong (to quote Jonathon Toews).
Dirty: That was an imposter Toews in that picture.
RWD: I'm sure it was his stunt double.
Dirty: Exactly. Don't you wish UMD was good enough to have stunt doubles for their players? [No, because stunt doubles are for people who can’t do their own dirty work.] Junior Lessard really could've used one a couple years ago when he went swimming.
RWD: Oooh! [That one hurt!] This is not a normal Gauntlet, though, folks. Normally, I interview fans from the opposing team. But this week, Michigan Tech fan Dirty is in the hot seat. [Read all about it here.]
Dirty: Quite the miracle that Duluth was finally able to beat my Huskies this year at the DECC. You guys gonna hang a banner for that?
RWD: We are not St. Cloud. So, no.
Dirty: Touche. you'd have home ice if you were
RWD: I'm cool with that. Home ice isn't a necessity. UMD will not have home ice this weekend and will still provide a beat down on UND.
Dirty: That was last week with the women's team. Speaking of which, Sandy will be welcomed back with open arms to coach our womens team. He'll probably get a raise by coming back here.
RWD: Ah, so you're settling for Sandelin since you can't have Blais?
Dirty: UND can have Blais if they wanted [Yeah, I’m so sure that’s true], but we all feel bad for Sandy. We want to help raise his self-confidence again. Having to coach UMD really kills it.
RWD: I think the UND women's team record is actually worse than the UMD men's team, by a game or two. But the gals are in a rebuilding year, right?
Dirty: Have been for 5 years.
RWD: I could have sworn you were a Fighting Sioux fan, but the MTU-UMD series at tDECC shot down that rumor. Is it because you're like most UND fans, who are unsatisfied with anything less than an undefeated record and a national championship?
Dirty: Ooo? Does this mean I get to rip on all the moron Sioux fans? Awesome. I hate them with a passion. Hakstol should have been fired every year according to those idiots. They should all be beaten with a mukluk. [Mukluk. Noun. 1. A sealskin or reindeer-skin boot worn by Eskimos. 2. A boot often of duck with a soft leather sole and worn over several pairs of socks.]
RWD: I have the NCAA on speed dial, so watch what you say. How much money did you make selling "I'm not hostile and abusive" t-shirts, sweatshirts, thongs, etc?
Dirty: Much less money than I made on my Oshie shirts.
RWD: Oshie shirts?
Dirty: [Yeah right, like I’m really going to put a link in and let you make money off my site. But, they say “Got Oshie?”]
RWD: Well, next year they'll be 80% off. [UND won’t “Got Oshie?” after this season.] You are more scandalous than Lindsay Lohan, what with your recent USCHO suspension. Enlighten us on how that went down.
Dirty: MeanEgirl told me to die so I told her she's an embarassment to Tech (I should know). Obviously I'm the one who should have gotten suspended.
RWD: What was the "official reason?"
Dirty: I was trolling on the Bemidji State to the WCHA thread.
RWD: I guess in that manner, you are probably trolling about 90% of the time on USCHO. Do they pay you per post?
Dirty: Board hates me. I think they'd pay me not to post.
RWD: I mean, the only way you could get me to have 37,000 posts on a message board is for money. I wouldn't have the time otherwise.
Dirty: You bring up a good point. I should start charging. I give my brilliance [um, yeah, that’s the word] away for free. That's pretty silly of me.
RWD: You might be able to move out of Mom and Dad's basement that way, no?
Dirty: You obviously have poor sources if you think I live there. You should probably work on that.
RWD: It seems to be the general consensus on Teh Internet. But that's what The Gauntlet is about. Uncovering the Truth. [Like Fox 9 News, baby!] Why not parlay all that brilliance into The Dirty Blog? I'm surprised there isn't one.
Dirty: Where would I find the time? I've got 37,000 posts.
RWD: Well, right, instead of those posts... [Do I have to hold his freaking hand? Why doesn't he see the connection?] What do you think of the blogs around the WCHA?
Dirty: I don't read them much. I only read books recommended by Levar Burton on Reading Rainbow.
RWD: Is that because you had a bad experience with a certain blogger? The one who stole your USCHO girlfriend?
Dirty: Nope. She hated me for me. It had nothing to do with Maize. [Aka the writer behind Western College Hockey.]
RWD: Ouch. That's much worse. And now, Casey Borer has stolen [MeanEgirl].
Dirty: We both know Casey is just humoring MEg. I'm still golden.
RWD: Maybe USCHO is not the best place for meeting women... Unless you are Rabid Husky.
Dirty: Rabib's Woman with the bag over her head is HOT!
RWD: I would like to know why you are called Dirty. I mean, who voluntarily calls themselves Dirty? [Possibly someone who thinks Rabid’s Lady is hot?] Are you a Christina Aguilera fan?
Dirty: It's what the older kids called me in the neighborhood when I was younger.
RWD: Because you were... a neat freak?
Dirty: It went well with my name or something. I just went with it so I didn't get beat up.
RWD: When did you become a Fighting Sioux fan?
Dirty: When I went to my first game and watched the Hrkac Circus light up UMD. The students littered the ice with plastic cups.
RWD: I find it hard to believe that your first game was against UMD.
Dirty: It was.
RWD: Yeah right. You’re saying that for dramatic effect.
Dirty: My parents didn't have season tickets and we only went to like one game a year [with tickets] that they got from my mom's co-worker. I wanted to get a Hrkac button but they were sold out and I got stuck with Russ Romaniuk one.
RWD: Were you wearing the cape way back then?
Dirty: Nope. I stole the cape idea from a Canadian fan who was at the WJC [in 2004/2005].
RWD: Why not go all out and wear white underpants over green tights, too?
Dirty: I just might do that next year.
RWD: Which UND player would look the best in that get-up? (Meaning, who is the hottest hottie?)
Dirty: What kind of silly question is that? [T.J.] Oshie. DUH.
RWD: I knew it. Has TJ replaced Andy Schneider in your heart?
Dirty: He did that long ago. He can stop hurricanes simply by glaring at them. Schneider can't even compare. [Somewhere, Andy Schneider is crying. Or, sighing with relief.]
RWD: Mason Raymond is so fast, he can skate around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Who are your favorite players, other than TJ and Andy? Current and all-time.
Dirty: Jeff Panzer, Mike Commodore and Mike Prpich. [So he only likes Oshie from the current squad?]
RWD: You tend to like guys with interesting hair.
Dirty: Of course. It makes them stand out.
RWD: I heard a rumor [from Meg]. I heard you work for the enemy. She said you work for NDSU.
Dirty: I work on the NDSUcks campus, but don't work for NDSU. It's a subtle but very important distinction.
RWD: Why exactly do the Bison suck?
Dirty: They are hostile and abusive towards Sioux.
RWD: Like Red Baron pizza?
Dirty: Exactly like that.
RWD: Well, how about a weekend prediction for us?
Dirty: Toews singlehandedly outscores UMD.
RWD: I guess it doesn't have to be an accurate prediction.
Dirty: That was an imposter Toews in that picture.
RWD: I'm sure it was his stunt double.
Dirty: Exactly. Don't you wish UMD was good enough to have stunt doubles for their players? [No, because stunt doubles are for people who can’t do their own dirty work.] Junior Lessard really could've used one a couple years ago when he went swimming.
RWD: Oooh! [That one hurt!] This is not a normal Gauntlet, though, folks. Normally, I interview fans from the opposing team. But this week, Michigan Tech fan Dirty is in the hot seat. [Read all about it here.]
Dirty: Quite the miracle that Duluth was finally able to beat my Huskies this year at the DECC. You guys gonna hang a banner for that?
RWD: We are not St. Cloud. So, no.
Dirty: Touche. you'd have home ice if you were
RWD: I'm cool with that. Home ice isn't a necessity. UMD will not have home ice this weekend and will still provide a beat down on UND.
Dirty: That was last week with the women's team. Speaking of which, Sandy will be welcomed back with open arms to coach our womens team. He'll probably get a raise by coming back here.
RWD: Ah, so you're settling for Sandelin since you can't have Blais?
Dirty: UND can have Blais if they wanted [Yeah, I’m so sure that’s true], but we all feel bad for Sandy. We want to help raise his self-confidence again. Having to coach UMD really kills it.
RWD: I think the UND women's team record is actually worse than the UMD men's team, by a game or two. But the gals are in a rebuilding year, right?
Dirty: Have been for 5 years.
RWD: I could have sworn you were a Fighting Sioux fan, but the MTU-UMD series at tDECC shot down that rumor. Is it because you're like most UND fans, who are unsatisfied with anything less than an undefeated record and a national championship?
Dirty: Ooo? Does this mean I get to rip on all the moron Sioux fans? Awesome. I hate them with a passion. Hakstol should have been fired every year according to those idiots. They should all be beaten with a mukluk. [Mukluk. Noun. 1. A sealskin or reindeer-skin boot worn by Eskimos. 2. A boot often of duck with a soft leather sole and worn over several pairs of socks.]
RWD: I have the NCAA on speed dial, so watch what you say. How much money did you make selling "I'm not hostile and abusive" t-shirts, sweatshirts, thongs, etc?
Dirty: Much less money than I made on my Oshie shirts.
RWD: Oshie shirts?
Dirty: [Yeah right, like I’m really going to put a link in and let you make money off my site. But, they say “Got Oshie?”]
RWD: Well, next year they'll be 80% off. [UND won’t “Got Oshie?” after this season.] You are more scandalous than Lindsay Lohan, what with your recent USCHO suspension. Enlighten us on how that went down.
Dirty: MeanEgirl told me to die so I told her she's an embarassment to Tech (I should know). Obviously I'm the one who should have gotten suspended.
RWD: What was the "official reason?"
Dirty: I was trolling on the Bemidji State to the WCHA thread.
RWD: I guess in that manner, you are probably trolling about 90% of the time on USCHO. Do they pay you per post?
Dirty: Board hates me. I think they'd pay me not to post.
RWD: I mean, the only way you could get me to have 37,000 posts on a message board is for money. I wouldn't have the time otherwise.
Dirty: You bring up a good point. I should start charging. I give my brilliance [um, yeah, that’s the word] away for free. That's pretty silly of me.
RWD: You might be able to move out of Mom and Dad's basement that way, no?
Dirty: You obviously have poor sources if you think I live there. You should probably work on that.
RWD: It seems to be the general consensus on Teh Internet. But that's what The Gauntlet is about. Uncovering the Truth. [Like Fox 9 News, baby!] Why not parlay all that brilliance into The Dirty Blog? I'm surprised there isn't one.
Dirty: Where would I find the time? I've got 37,000 posts.
RWD: Well, right, instead of those posts... [Do I have to hold his freaking hand? Why doesn't he see the connection?] What do you think of the blogs around the WCHA?
Dirty: I don't read them much. I only read books recommended by Levar Burton on Reading Rainbow.
RWD: Is that because you had a bad experience with a certain blogger? The one who stole your USCHO girlfriend?
Dirty: Nope. She hated me for me. It had nothing to do with Maize. [Aka the writer behind Western College Hockey.]
RWD: Ouch. That's much worse. And now, Casey Borer has stolen [MeanEgirl].
Dirty: We both know Casey is just humoring MEg. I'm still golden.
RWD: Maybe USCHO is not the best place for meeting women... Unless you are Rabid Husky.
Dirty: Rabib's Woman with the bag over her head is HOT!
RWD: I would like to know why you are called Dirty. I mean, who voluntarily calls themselves Dirty? [Possibly someone who thinks Rabid’s Lady is hot?] Are you a Christina Aguilera fan?
Dirty: It's what the older kids called me in the neighborhood when I was younger.
RWD: Because you were... a neat freak?
Dirty: It went well with my name or something. I just went with it so I didn't get beat up.
RWD: When did you become a Fighting Sioux fan?
Dirty: When I went to my first game and watched the Hrkac Circus light up UMD. The students littered the ice with plastic cups.
RWD: I find it hard to believe that your first game was against UMD.
Dirty: It was.
RWD: Yeah right. You’re saying that for dramatic effect.
Dirty: My parents didn't have season tickets and we only went to like one game a year [with tickets] that they got from my mom's co-worker. I wanted to get a Hrkac button but they were sold out and I got stuck with Russ Romaniuk one.
RWD: Were you wearing the cape way back then?
Dirty: Nope. I stole the cape idea from a Canadian fan who was at the WJC [in 2004/2005].
RWD: Why not go all out and wear white underpants over green tights, too?
Dirty: I just might do that next year.
RWD: Which UND player would look the best in that get-up? (Meaning, who is the hottest hottie?)
Dirty: What kind of silly question is that? [T.J.] Oshie. DUH.
RWD: I knew it. Has TJ replaced Andy Schneider in your heart?
Dirty: He did that long ago. He can stop hurricanes simply by glaring at them. Schneider can't even compare. [Somewhere, Andy Schneider is crying. Or, sighing with relief.]
RWD: Mason Raymond is so fast, he can skate around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Who are your favorite players, other than TJ and Andy? Current and all-time.
Dirty: Jeff Panzer, Mike Commodore and Mike Prpich. [So he only likes Oshie from the current squad?]
RWD: You tend to like guys with interesting hair.
Dirty: Of course. It makes them stand out.
RWD: I heard a rumor [from Meg]. I heard you work for the enemy. She said you work for NDSU.
Dirty: I work on the NDSUcks campus, but don't work for NDSU. It's a subtle but very important distinction.
RWD: Why exactly do the Bison suck?
Dirty: They are hostile and abusive towards Sioux.
RWD: Like Red Baron pizza?
Dirty: Exactly like that.
RWD: Well, how about a weekend prediction for us?
Dirty: Toews singlehandedly outscores UMD.
RWD: I guess it doesn't have to be an accurate prediction.
3 comments:
Nice interview. It didn't get as out of hand as I expected. You did a good job of handling The Dirty:)
It only appears that it didn't get out of hand. She edited out the ownage that I laid down.
I'm pretty sure it was hostile and abusive of you to pick dumb Ciskie over me during the Tech series, and then go and slap me in the face by interviewing Dirty...I'm a much better Tech fan anyway
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