Manifest Destiny

tUMD 4, Racist Mascots 2

In the early days of the WCHA season, there were those among the Denver fanbase who believed the Pioneers were destined and divinely ordained by the hockey gods to expand their empire across the whole of Division I hockey. They used this belief to justify their domination of other species such as huskies and bulldogs (and sweet, sweet buffalo!) as well as their violent attacks on innocent little fuzzy guys.

So the Pioneers rolled into town in their covered wagons with their sights on eradicating the Bulldogs from this earth once and for all. Along the way, they had to ford the Yukon River and lost an oxen, 2 sets of clothing, and a wagon wheel, and then Tyler Bozak got cholera and they went past a gravesite that says "Here lies Andy. Pepperoni and chease [sic]." For more information on the Pioneers's journey, please consult this informative simulation.

So, after the first game, in which DU circled their wagons to keep the PP from scoring, and then made base camp in tUMD's goal crease to either screen or cherry-pick (depending on the individual), something needed to be done. A last stand, perhaps, though one preferrably more successful than General Custer's. Interestingly enough, this last stand involved some very similar strategery (or, rather, lack of strategery) to the previous night's shenanigans. Meaning, Pioneers camped out in front of the net, etc. Some time in the third period, tUMD was on the penalty kill, and there was OF COURSE a player in the crease and a Bulldog player (who shall remain nameless) standing near him. IF THERE IS A PLAYER IN YOUR CREASE, DON'T FREAKING WATCH HIM. GET HIM THE FREAK OUT OF THERE. I can't even stand it. How many goals would that have saved? So I yelled something marginally coherent, and then the secret player gave the guy in the crease a little shove and he moved. It was like we were on the same wavelength! We're connected, Trent! I mean, uh, secret player. But thank you for doing that. Now everyone try to make a point of it. (Although it seems like every time a tUMD player decides to play physically they get called for a penalty, so it's a pretty fine line, but please, figure something out.)

Oh, and Coach? I know you weren't so happy with the PK and some of the defence from Friday night, but the substitution you made didn't make any sense.

I was, of course, late to the game, as I essentially parked on the lake I was so far away from the game. I missed Sharp's goal, one second after the expiration of the power play, but I did hear the goal horn as I was running to the ticket booth. Exciting. The battle had truly begun. And the game was a sell-out! That's, what, two sell-outs this year? Against non-Gopher teams? That's huge. Even though I complained about the availability of tickets, it's still pretty exciting to have the team selling out games again. Plus I had a seat anyway, because I have friends in high places. Like, the top row of the student section. Which was a bit of a challenge to get to, but I'm tough.

What a fun game! I enjoyed the three early goals, although I got a little whiny because they came so close together that there was a long stretch with nothing to celebrate. I think I was even whining about it when Gergy decided to make Cheverie look like a water buffalo wallowing in a mudhole. (I don't really like to think about water buffalo because there is a part in the book The Things They Carried about a water buffalo that is horribly disturbing.) Woohoo!

There should have been a few other goals in the game, including one DU shot that clanked off the pipe. Burbstyle said it was the luckiest we had been all season until I shut him down by reminding him of last weekend's installment of the Alex Stalock Goaltending Circus. Burbs was pwned. I can't believe I said that. I guess I'm getting ready for Tech weekend ALREADY! Yay! Fonzie hit a couple of pipes, too, and MSJ had what I thought was a wide-open net but somehow stupid Chevy go-go-Gadgeted his leg or pad or something over and saved it and I almost tumbled over onto Biddco because I was standing on the back of my seat.

The game ended very poorly because Foz E. Bear was trying to get an empty net goal with 3 seconds left and stupid jerk Mullen decided to brutally slash him. Listen, Mr. Mullen. I know you are not a very good player and a disproportionate number of the crappy plays in the game could be attributed to you, but it isn't very kind to take it out on anyone else. You could have just slashed yourself. Then Gwozzy tried to make you apologize and no one cared, so you just looked stupid, which was good. I wasn't really sure what was going on at the time; I thought that the refs were going to make them leave the ice without shaking hands in order to avoid a UMTC/UND-style incident, but things got explained later on.

The Curling Club followed, and pure insanity. DU fans are incredibly fun. My voice is completely shot.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: FINITO!!!!
Points until we equal last season's total: BRAVISSIMO!!!

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 28!
Jack Connolly: 22
Michael Gergen: 13! (Now flat to last year in points!!)
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 25!
Jack Connolly: 22 (So close to having a goal that I pre-celebrated it!)
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

On Notice
Rob Bordson
Andrew Carroll
Jay Cascalenda
Nick Kemp
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Justin Fontaine
Matt Greer
Josh Meyers
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm

Postcards from RWD, Vol. 11: Fantasy Hockey Edition

(No, people, not that kind of fantasy. Jeez.)

Dear Justin Fontaine, Alex Stalock, and Jack Connolly,

MeanEgirl has all three of you on her WCHA fantasy team. It would help her out immensely if you could score goals, especially shorthanded or on the powerplay (Al you can, too), get assists, and shut out DU.

On behalf of MEg,

Runninwiththedogs

Ordinary People

tUMD 3, tUMD's PK 4

Ok, the Curry game-worn needs to take a breather, as its mojo is gone. This is unfortunate, because I really wanted to wear it tomorrow: not only is it very cool and beaten up by all the fun and wacky elbows and hip checks MC would throw around, but it also makes wearing pants pretty much unncessary. I mean, I still planned on wearing pants with it, because though it has warmed up this weekend it would still be rather drafty, but it's incredibly large on me and I think that's fun. One of these (October) days I'm going to wear hotpants and fishnets underneath it and really mess with people. Plus I can totally head right over to some Rocky Horror Picture Show viewing without changing!

I was driving home today in a panic because I got out of work slightly late and I was afraid I'd miss part of the game (I did, but it was an inconsequential part). I was thinking about how I was enjoying this whole semi-successful season thing, but that I missed the old crappy Bulldogs because I knew I could pretty much get a ticket for any game by just walking up to the ticket window when I arrived. Now I have NO PLAN for getting into the game tomorrow and if I don't get a friggin' ticket I am going to be UNBELIEVABLY p.o.ed because I just frantically drove 2 hours after spending 8 1/2 hours speaking to the most idiotic people in the whole world. Don't be surprised if you don't see me (with our without pants!) because I might have choked myself on my own headset or hung myself with a phone cord.

What? Oh, the game. Do I really have to talk about it? Well, no, I don't have to, no one is holding a gun to my head. And if anyone was holding a gun to my head, it would probably just be me. I know it was only 4-3 and not some horrendous blow-out, but really. There was some horsecrap officiating tonight, but that's not the point. So what if the referees FORGOT they need to BLOW THE WHISTLE when there's a penalty on the Bulldogs and they have POSSESSION of the PUCK and then ANDREW CARROLL scored a SHORTHANDED GOAL? That was really annoying, but what was more annoying is our Ordinary Teams going 2 for 6 on the PK and 1 for 9 on the PP including a GIFT of a PP with 1:17 remaining which gave tDogs a 6 on 4 opportunity and STILL couldn't net a game-tying goal. OH THE HUMANITY.

Weird stat: all of tUMD's players are either even, +1, or oddly +2 in the case of Jay Cascalenda, while DU's players are all either even or -1.

Okay, GOODNIGHT.

Wait, one more thing. MCON? Great game. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 1 (Ready for tomorrow night!)
Points until we equal last season's total: 2 (Sigh, would have been nice to update this one, at least)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 27!
Jack Connolly: 22
Michael Gergen: 12!
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen

Mike Connolly: 24!
Jack Connolly: 22
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

On Notice
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Nick Kemp
Evan Oberg
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Justin Fontaine (Whaa?)
Michael Gergen
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt

RWD's Know Your Foes

A comprehensive look at RWD's opponents

DGGoddard

the godfather

site: Let's Go DU

Puck Swami

the spiritual advisor

site: Know Your Foe

CO14ers

the evil henchman

site: thankfully, none

vs.

A Scary Person

(escaped mental patient)

site: duh (Eee! A circular reference!)

I know. It hardly seems like a fair fight. The Little Blogger That Could pitted against three grown men, one of whom possesses mystical powers. But there's very little I wouldn't do for my 'Dogs or for 'Dogs fans, so I'll get the best of them or die trying.

About the Enemy

Let's Go DU sprang onto the scene with the 2005-2006 campaign (a full year after the genesis of RWD) as the result of a manifesto on school spirit given by Goddard and some other hack. The report is mostly corpie-speak, which is an essential language for communication within the WCHA as it is the main language spoken at both Mariucci and Magness Arenas. Curiously, the report speaks of DU athletics as a "primary bonding opportunity," which seems like something that should be downplayed, given the overall negative results of rival Colorado College's bonding efforts, which resulted in multiple cases of mono and numerous suspensions. The remainder of the blog is far from corporate: its main purposes seem to be link-whoring to Mike Chambers's blog and other "legitimate" media sources, baiting North Dakota fans, and otherwise disseminating all the college hockey news that's fit to line your birdcage. DGGoddard is the main proprietor of LGDU with both CO14ers and Puck Swami as consultants.

Earlier this season, Puck Swami launched Know Your Foe as a counterpoint to the sometimes-dicey-on-the-facts LGDU; KYF seems to be culled solely from Wikipedia, school's media guides, and Puck Swami's vast knowledge of WCHA history. KYF seems doomed by its potential for stagnation, as many of DU's opponents are the same year after year and there are only 58 teams in college hockey, which leaves little in the way of new content. The Swami is a business legend, and one can only hope he has plans to diversify his content in order to keep it fresh and relevant. Puck Swami is an enigmatic creature, ageless, faceless and shapeless; whether he exists in this realm at all is a topic of heated debate.

CO14ers has not, as of presstime, started a blog on DU athletics or any other topic of interest (or noninterest) to any sector of the population. He travels the country with his bald ward as an ambassador of sorts, or what would pass for an ambassador if any entity would claim him publicly as their own, visiting hockey arenas and gentlemen's clubs from Anchorage to Zminneapolis.

Mascot and Colors

LGDU is at the heart of the Denver Boone Controversy. Boone is a fat, white, jolly, furry cap-wearing cartoon and the former mascot of the University of Denver. Boone was usurped by University brass with the explanation that he does not represent the diverse student body of DU. Maybe so, but fat white Imperialist guys seem to be the majority of DU alumni.

DU's school colors are extremely similar to UMD's colors. I drunkenly screamed this at politely and soberly pointed this out to CO14ers the first time we met. Or rather, the first time I remember meeting him.

Famous Readers

Let's Go DU is probably the secondmost widely-read non-newspaper affiliated blog in college hockey, with only Western College Hockey surpassing its readership. Naturally, with that kind of exposure, some real luminaries visit the site, including:

George Gwozdecky, DU Head Coach

Matt Carle, DU alumnus, Hobey Baker winner, defenceman for the Philadelphia Flyers

Dirty, USCHO posting lifetime achievement award winner and author of Dirty's Diatribe

Dave Hakstol, UND Head Coach and LGDU favorite

Mike Chambers, Denver Post beat writer

Bruce Ciskie, AOL FanHouse and College Hockey News contributor

Donna Carpenter, genius and beauty queen

Zach Blom, two-time All-WCHA Hottie Team honoree

The Series

The Pioneers are smarting from their overtime loss in Anchorage on Saturday, where they earned a split, which is one more point than tUMD got out of Anchorage. tDogs had a low-scoring and epileptic-fit-inducing weekend against Wisconsin where they scored 2 goals and earned 2 points. The last time these teams met, DU routed tUMD 5-1 on Friday night, which also gave fans their first installment of PEANUT BUTTER HJELLE TIME!!!!, and tUMD lost a close one on Saturday night, 2-1 (My recap for that game was almost non-existent and not worth the linky). Michael Gergen was the only Bulldog to score a goal that weekend. For DU, expect to see Marc Cheverie between the pipes for DU until tUMD's offensive onslaught chases him from the game, when we will see Little Peter Rohn's neighbor in Norway, Lars Paulgaard. For the Good Guys, WCHA co-defensive player of the week Alex Stalock will have the start, and I have a 99.999999% confidence level in that answer. DU's leading scorers are Anthony Maiani (really?) and diving legend Rhett Rakhshani at forward followed by Patrick Wiercioch on defence. DU's leading scorer would most likely be Tyler Bozak if he was not injured. UMD's scoring is led by Arthur Fonzarelli and MacGregor Sharp at forward, while captain Josh Meyers leads the defencemen in scoring. DU's Joe Colborne and UMD's Mike Connolly were teammates and linemates for the Camrose Kodiaks, so tUMD fans are hoping that MCON gives away all of Joe's secrets, while Joe forgets to do the same for Mike. tUMD arena staff will likely be augmented, with checkpoints set up to assist Coach Gwozdecky in finding the locker room, since he had so much trouble in North Dakota.

In The House

In an act of what can only be sheer desperation, Bruce Ciskie asked me to write a "semi-serious" paragraph on Alex Stalock for his FanHouse column.

My attempt at semi-seriousness is a failure, but he used it nonetheless. Check it out.

Inside Job

This weekend, I wasn't able to get to Madison. This is probably a good thing since it seems every time I drive to Wisconsin, something bad happens. Specifically something vehicular.

HOWEVER, I'm always thinking about my reader. Er, readers, I suppose. Still can't get used to that. I had SEVERAL sources in Mad-town for this game covering it from all angles: from skyboxes to dive bars. And Simmerdown, once-and-future? author of the Penalty Box's Maroon Lampoon, agreed to give me a recap. This is great, because it means original content with zippo effort from your #1 gal.

Note: all of the opinions in this article are Simmerdown's own, and are not necessarily the opinions of RWD. Especially those on My Guy Gergzilla.

Hey all RWD readers, Simmerdown here. I was asked to give a recap of the past weekend here by your wonderful host since I made the trip into Sconnie for the games, so here goes:

Friday Night – Can I get some Spotted Cow?

First of all, the drive through Wisconsin on 94 is quite possibly the most boring drive, second only to Nebraska. Nothing to look at but open land, cows, and second cousins riding in pickup trucks [How does open land fit in a pickup truck?]. We got into town around 5:30 and made our way to my buddy’s house (Bulldoginbadgerland over at tPB). Once we got to the Kohl Center I thought I had entered Stalingrad [now known as Volgograd, in case you're in a geography bee]. Everyone was in red, and they all thought alike. Obviously a group of people wearing the opposing team’s jersey are automatic [sphincters]. It wasn’t so bad the first couple of times but my god, think of something original to say. McCarthy is gone, you can think on your own once again. I had one [donkey] tell me that I could look forward to serving his kids french fries since I go to UMD. Nevermind the fact that I have already graduated and go to law school. Whatever, he was a communication major and was wearing a red Polaris jacket [god, they're everywhere]. I didn’t know UW accepted St. Cloud transfers…

The Kohl Center is an impressive building, for a basketball arena. The sea of red idiots jumping around on cue is enough to make you vomit. The same chants, the same cheers, the same strange badger mating ritual every night. I guess repetition is the goal of any brainwashing cult. [Oh yeah!] The game itself was very boring, with ugly goals scored by both teams. J-Con (RWD required me to mention him at least once per night) [Yes, but to be fair, I also said "No need for any sort of Jacky quota... he'll just be so awesome you'll have to mention him. Double points for Mike Curry references." AND I DON'T SEE ANY OF THOSE!!!!] scored first off a big rebound given up by Connelly. Later in the first Kishel took a hooking penalty and the BADgers tied it up with the ensuing PP. Davies took a rink wide pass on the near side about 8 feet out and beat Stalock through the five-hole as he slid over. [See, you never get this kind of analysis from RWD. I'm too busy trying to find a damn spoon for Bruce's kid's freaking Dippin' Dots before the world ends to like, pay attention to games and stuff.] It was the only goal all weekend that was remotely on Al. Of course, it was only 1 of 2 that he let in. Later in the second period the Communists scored again after a scrum in front left Al laying helpless in front and the defence [EARTH TO MEYERS!!! COME IN, MEYERS!!!] couldn’t find the strength to MOVE SOME FRICKIN' BODIES from the front of the net. The Bulldogs played a much better third period, and got some decent chances from their first and second lines. Bucky sealed the game with an empty net goal by Gorowsky (how ironic) [this is the literary device known as foreshadowing, folks] in the third and our beloved Bulldogs fell 3-1.

After the game we made our way over to the Echo Tap to drown our sorrows. That place was awesome to us. Both bartenders knew their hockey, and although there was the usual good natured ribbing, both in person and over the loudspeaker, they also hooked us up with free “pity shots.” I even got a free shot just for closing my tab. [Is this some sort of miracle? Although Stacy seemed to have trouble remembering at the CC last weekend...] I later filled my belly at Ian’s Pizza (they seriously need one of these in Duluth. Luce doesn’t have a mac n cheese pizza, but they should) where we met more dumbass fans that obviously didn’t watch the game, or know anything about hockey. One guy told me that I should go home before the Badgers blank the Bulldogs again. I was quick to tell him that the Bulldogs scored first, which he replied “whatever, you still suck.” Is there something in the water that removes all logic and thought from Badger fan’s brains? [Hah! The same thing happened to me! tUMD had a delayed penalty and pulled the goalie and this girl started screaming. I explained the rule kindly and she yelled back "Well, you're still losing!" Well I'd rather see tUMD lose every once in awhile than be a brainless jersey chaser.] We decided to make it a short night, go home and play some Rock Band, and make Saturday night the night we hit the town hard.

Saturday Night – Beer, Heart Attack, Beer. In that order.

On Saturday we made our way over to the New Glarus Brewery about 30 minutes outside of Madison. They make the famed Spotted Cow wheat beer and Fat Squirrel nut brown ale that you can only find in Wisconsin. The tour wasn’t that great, but the beer is amazing. They need to distribute to Minnesota because I can’t keep making runs to Hudson for this stuff [Word. Who wants to go there?]. After sampling their brew and buying 5 cases of beer to bring back with us we made our way back to the Red Shed for redemption. [I was confused. I was thinking of Fred's Red Shed! Yay!]

In the first, I had what I can only speculate to be the first heart attack of my young life. Al played the puck but centered it to Gorowsky, while another Badger gave a pretty decent body check to Stalock. Gorowsky missed the net entirely, wide right from about 15 feet out. The refs even had to do a replay just to be sure it didn’t go through a hole in the net. Apparently they couldn’t believe that a
player could be that bad; Gorowsky proved them wrong. Al played solid the rest of the night, including a great toe save after making 3 others just before it. The game got chippy in the second, with both teams playing some great defensive hockey. I have to give credit to Wisconsin for blocking as many shots as they did. Our powerplay was stifled the whole night because they never moved the box, they just stayed in position and let us move around them, but when we tried to make a move they closed in. It was a great penalty kill against a mediocre powerplay. [I have issues with who is on what power play but that is for another day.]

The third period started with some controversy. Sharp lined up with Geoffrion to take the draw, but Geoffrion made a move and Sharp tried to sweep his feet out, both players threw their hands up but the ref threw Geoffrion out. He lined up on the left wing against Kemp, but made a move in before the puck dropped. That got him an unsportsmanlike penalty which was met by a sea of boos from the Kohl Center. It didn’t matter, because our powerplay was atrocious all weekend. The Dogs finally scored when J-Con (there he is again) [Check] made a great play in the Wisconsin end by forcing the turnover, cutting in, and hitting Fulton with a great saucer pass right on the stick. [Eee!] All Fulton had to do was tap it in and it was 1-0 Dogs. After that goal, it was all defense for Duluth. They only used one forechecker, and really played good defensive hockey, especially during the last 3 minutes of the game. Stalock hung up the goose egg on the Sea of Lenin, and our boys took 2 points on the road.

After the game we made an appearance back at the Echo Tap since they were so cool the night before. The same two bartenders were working, only this time we got them “pity shots.” After a few rounds, I made my way behind the bar and even started pouring Jag for the two of them (pretty sure some of the football players that were there were ready to kick my [badonkadonk] for going behind the bar but let it go once they realized that the other bartender told me to.) We then went over to Waldo’s to get some fishbowls. The crowd at Waldo’s are basically all drunk undergrads who have no clue about anything outside their little world. Some of them had the deer in headlights look when I came up the stairs with a Bulldog jersey on. Strangers from the outside world, my parents warned me about this… A d-bag who was waiting in line to go to the next level of the club started talking trash. Let me say that again, this guy was waiting in line to go to another level of the bar he was already in, and was leaning over talking [feces]. My buddy pointed that out to him and the bouncer watching the door laughed so hard at it that he even gave my buddy a high five. Burn. Maybe I’m getting old and like quieter places with good beer, maybe the fish bowl had way too much alcohol in it for one person [I always thought fishbowls were pretty light on the booze; there was this bar called R and Rs at the U of I and I drank a whole one myself and nothing horrible happened. Maybe I'm just a sad sad drunk], or maybe I just don’t like amateur night at the local frat bar, but Waldo’s made me want to fight everyone I saw. [I feel like that pretty much constantly.] At closing time we left our remaining fishbowls with a very confused Asian guy and his date and made our way home. I remember thinking to myself as I fell asleep that road trips are the greatest thing about sports. [Eee! Houghton soon!]

Weekend Notes:
- Our powerplay has to get better. Wisconsin played a great PK, but 0-8 is simply unacceptable. [Unless you're from St. Cloud!!!]
- Sandelin used Kishel on Friday night, and Lamb on Saturday. Lamb looked much more in control and confident than Kishel. [I heart Super Sexy Shirtless Brady Lamb!]
- I am amazed at the speed of Cascalenda, only noticed him once or twice but when I did I was like “Who is that speedster?”
- Palm needs to learn how to handle a bouncing/fast puck. Soft hands, get out the eggs.
- Gergen still doesn’t realize there are teammates out there with him. The only time he passed the puck in the offensive zone was when he had no other option but pass, and it was a terrible one.
- Solid games from Sharp, Akins [What??? I love you Drew, but OMFG your penalty], and Fulton. Kemp is one of the most underrated players on our team in my opinion.
- Andrew Carroll should have a monument put up in remembrance of his work ethic.
- The student section at Wisconsin just plain sucks. The only original cheer they had was “where’s your water bottle” toward Stalock. How is supposed to get a guy off his game? You’re so good you don’t need water during the game, you suck!
- Fontaine is his usual fast self; I was impressed by his puck work through 2 and sometimes 3 Badgers.
- J-Con [check] was the same way but needs more size to him [What are we supposed to do? Tie his arms and legs to a team of horses and let them pull? Don't think JMay hasn't thought of it] or learn to duck the bigger hits. M-Con had an off weekend and really looked small compared to the Badgers when he was in the corners.
- Shane Connelly has a superman logo on his helmet. What a tool.

Next weekend is critical for the Dogs. They need at least 2 points but a stick salute would be better. [Me likey!] Good luck and go Dogs!

-Simmerdown

Thanks for the FANTASTIC recap of the weekend and a fresh perspective on the game.

Plan B From Outer Space

tUMD 1, Thugs4Life 0

Dear Tom Gorowsky,



















Just a thought? You might have a better chance of hitting the net.
XXXOOO,
RWD

Good teams find ways to win games. Even games where they do not play in a supercalifragilisticexpeealidocious manner. This was a tough series and UW is always a difficult team to play against. I think the guys tend to struggle when teams play a style of hockey that really shuts our game plans down. I mean, I guess probably every team has that problem, but really, you've either got to A. Not let the other team interfere with your way of playing or B. Have a plan B. A team can get away with the former against some opponents, but with Wisconsin, a Plan B was necessary. I'm not QUITE sure what the plan B was. It was not the plan B I suggested earlier, but a win's a win. And hey, look, once plan B took effect, they could start implementing plan A as well and get back on track. I would have liked some additional goals, maybe one on the power play or something, but hey, any game in which the Bulldogs take ONLY TWO PENALTIES is a game of which I am in favor. Sweetness.

Now, see? It's not as funny when we win. But this week should have a bunch of fun stuff, so please turn off all electronic devices and restore your tray tables and seat backs to the upright position.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 1! (Perfect setup for next weekend!)
Points until we equal last season's total: 2! (Thanks guys!!!! Way to go!!!!)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 26
Jack Connolly: 22! (Now the leading scorer in his family!)
Michael Gergen: 11
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen

Jack Connolly: 22! (It's gonna be a close one for the freshman scoring title!)
Mike Connolly: 22
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

On Notice (no one added or deleted tonight... is that good or bad?)
Rob Bordson
Cody Danberg
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Jay Cascalenda
Nick Kemp
Evan Oberg
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt

Going Platinum

Okay, people. I get it. Al is a great goaltender. But, seriously, this is insane. Come on, Al. Do you know who Shaquille O'Neal is? A basketball player. He got a little big for his already giant britches and decided to be in a terrible movie called Kazaam and also put out a rap CD with a title I do not care to know and will not dignify with a Google hit. Both were unnecessary and terrifying.

And now, Al comes out with this.























Al. You are a fabulous goalie. Please do not do this. You do not look hott. We do not want to see you driving around with children in your lap, climbing out of cars wearing miniskirts and no underwear, or being hauled off to the looney bin in an ambulance. Let Zach Jones be the Crazy.

I got a sneak peek at the lyrics. Enjoy!

(Note: if you want a soundtrack with which to karaoke along, or you're not getting the reference, let YouTube be your savior!)

There's only two types of people in the world:
The ones who play the game, and the ones who observe
Well baby, I'm a put on a show kind of guy
I am the starter, don't ride the pine

I'm like the ringleader, I stop the shots
I'm like a firecracker, I make it hot

When I put on a show, I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins,
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to save

I'm like a performer, The ice sheet is my stage
Better be ready, Hope that you feel the same

All eyes on me at the end of the rink
Just like a circus
When I make that save everybody gon' rave
Just like a circus

Don't stand there watching me,
Break on me, show me what you can do
Everybody by me, We can make the goal crease
Just like a circus

There's only two types of players out there:
Ones who try to move on me, and ones who are scared
So baby, I hope that you came prepared
I'll slash or shove you, so beware

I'm like the ringleader, I stop the shots
I'm like a firecracker, I make it hot

When I put on a show, I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins,
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to save

I'm like a performer, The ice sheet is my stage
Better be ready, Hope that you feel the same

All eyes on me at the end of the rink
Just like a circus
When I make that save everybody gon' rave
Just like a circus

Don't stand there watching me,
Break on me, show me what you can do
Everybody by me, We can make the goal crease
Just like a circus

All eyes on me at the end of the rink
Just like a circus
When I make that save everybody gon' rave
Just like a circus

Don't stand there watching me,
Break on me, show me what you can do
Everybody by me, We can make the goal crease
Just like a circus

Don't quit your day job, honey. And don't give Brady any ideas.

(I know I'm double-posting tonight, but I think tUMD's fans need some fun to get pumped up for the triumphant comeback that is merely 18 hours away!)

Ugly Is The New Pretty

tUMD 1, Red Army 3

It's kind of unfortunate that this season has had so many wins, because a lot of my good ideas about posts are about losing (it's easier to write something funny about a loss than about a win, because a win is enjoyable on its own, while a loss must be spun so that I can sleep at night). And then we go and lose and I can't think of any of those great posts. I really should have a little notebook or something to write these things down. Preferrably while driving with my knees and trying to apply mascara with the other hand. Hi Mom!

You know what this game could have used? A dirty, junky, garbage-y, bag over the head, butterface, make-you-puke-it's-so-ugly goal. It was as if a bunch of guys who got Off Notice last weekend were all "W000t! We've got 4 games before we're back on!" That's not how it works, guys. I want to see some CRASHING of the NET and some POUNDING of OPPONENTS. If you are going to take a penalty, for crying out loud, MAKE IT WORTH SOMETHING! I want teeth on the ice, tears running down McBain's face, apoplectic Eaves, refs running scared. Eddie Shore sould be standing up in his grave and cheering. Drew Akins, you can disregard this public service message, as it is not applicable to you. I might have to resurrect the Humane Society of the WCHA just for you after your boarding penalty tonight, although MEg would probably just adopt you and nullify that. Please just don't do it again.

Here is a list of things I want tomorrow:
1. A power play goal.
2. A perfect penalty kill.
3. A garbage goal. (Akins????)
4. Two or three bone-jarring but LEGAL open-ice hits.
5. Opponents in front of the net to be knocked off their skates.
6. A Jacky goal (Note: #1 and #3 can not ALSO be fulfilled by this.)
7. A strong second period.
8. A goal from one of the captains.
9. A NICE BIG FATTY BOOM BATTY WIN! Guys, for reals, we need some MOMENTUM going up against Denver!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 2 (I want to change this tomorrow)
Points until we equal last season's total: 4! (I want to change this tomorrow, too. Specifically by 2. Please?)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 26
Jack Connolly: 21! (But I missed it! Sadness!)
Michael Gergen: 11
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 22
Jack Connolly: 21! (Look out MCON!)
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

On Notice
Rob Bordson
Cody Danberg
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Jay Cascalenda
Nick Kemp
Evan Oberg
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt

In Soviet Wisconsin, Bulldogs Play You!

Ah yes, Wisconsin. Always entertaining. The first post I ever wrote that offended people on the Internets was a post about Wisconsin. I can't remember what it was called, or else I'd be linking to it. There are a lot of posts on RWD, and they are all so amazing that sometimes when I go looking for a specific post I get all wrapped up in reading things I wrote 3 years ago and I'm like Narcissus, staring intently at my computer for hours on end as I re-read brilliant articles I'd forgotten I'd written. It's dangerous.

It's surprising that the first post that would offend people would come from Wisconsin fans, who are probably less present on the internet than any of the other large fanbases and thus their exposure to RWD has been more limited. I assume this is because of all the paint-thinner being huffed; not enough time to check out the blogosphere. I was expecting the first incendiary comments on my behalf to come from the most thin-skinned, quick-to-anger, delusional fanbase in the WCHA, college hockey, and possibly sports in general: the North Dakota fans. How messed up are these folks? Dirty is the most sane among them. (Sorry Goon, but your rantings about AFA and Jess Myers sealed the deal for Dirty; also, sorry Geist, a grown man should not use the term "mrrrraaapants" EVER.) If Dirty can say My Sweet Jacky looks like Carol Brady and still be voted Least Likely To Be Institutionalized, that's just... well, it's a messed up world in which we live.

I don't know why I felt the need to take potshots at the UND fanbase in a Wisconsin post; maybe because I'm interested in seeing my stats counter spin like a slot machine. I hope it lands on all cherries!

Let's review the home series against Wisconsin. I drank 6 shots and physically assaulted InebriatedMike. That was the highlight of the weekend. Friday I flew into a blind rage at Campion (Imagine that! Weird, I thought the SCCC series was the first time we had the flaming moron.) Interesting how the two most poorly officiated series of the year have had the same referee. Hm. Wisconsin also cheated a lot, but this is not so much surprising as it is expected. Fuzzy was ejected from Saturday's game, which was unwarranted. Okay, I don't remember if it really was unwarranted, but he is innocent until remembered guilty. Cody Danberg was also ejected from Saturday's game, and look how well that turned out for him.

But these guys. These guys are the New Bulldogs. They are nassssssssty. Their Connelly is going to be wishing he had a 2nd "o" in his name; he certainly won't have any on the board. Unless it's his save percentage. I'm not exactly sure how I will be following this game; so far the radio appears the only option, which is upsetting. This will be the first series in 2009 that I have missed out on entirely. I'm really hoping the guys can get over missing me desperately and play some good Bulldog hockey. Be brave, Bulldogs! I'll be counting on you!

Help

I am posting using my Blackberry. An intervention may be required soon.

Paradise By The Dashboard Light

I do a lot of writing for RWD while I'm driving. I mean, not the actual putting of pen to paper (yes, some of these entries exist in this realm, not just the virtual one), hello, between screwing with the radio, drinking Vanilla Coke, texting, eating Chex Mix, and applying lipgloss (I know! Women drivers!), I barely have time to check on what's happening on the road, let alone write down the brilliant passages that spring forth like Athena from the head of Zeus.

That was an unparalleled amount of sarcasm in one paragraph. I wonder if it's some sort of record.

To continue, I'm often driving either to or from a hockey game by myself, so there's plenty of time to think, and since I pretty much eat, sleep, and breathe hockey and interest rates, and I'd rather die than think about the yield on the 10 year U.S. Treasury Bond off the clock, I think about hockey a lot! At least, when I am not screaming along to mix CDs while terrifying people in SUVs who are observing. I try not to do that anymore after what happened when I was driving up for the Western series.

Let's talk about what's happened so far in 2009:

Jan 1-4: I went to almost-Chicago for the Shillelagh Tournament.

Jan 10: I drove into an ambush in St. Cloud after a full day fo school.

Jan 16-17: I stayed over in Duluth for both Bermidji games and one mini-mites Jamboree

Jan 24: I worked 8 hours, drove up to Duluth, watched the game, ate excessive Taco John's, and drove back home at 9:30 the next day so I could be in class by 1.

THIS IS INSANE. Especially since I have night-blindness and am generally about 2 seconds away from driving off the road at any point. Please keep this in mind if you are planning on being on the highway when I am. Also, please keep in mind that if you're driving less than 75 mph you are driving too slow. And that's just for city streets.

More importantly, what exactly is the point? Why? Why I am spending my hard-earned dollars (and they are hard-earned, honey. I'm not sure where I was going with that, but let's leave it in) and burning precious fossil fuels to wear down I-35 so that I can verbally berate grown men I've never met and have total strangers stare at me because I am flailing my arms around, beet red and spitting, then go home and prop my eyelids open so I can get my post up before passing out in bed just in case someone is actually waiting to hear my take on what happened in the game (if I even write about the actual game) even though no one has ever expressed that sentiment to me and god help humanity if they ever do. Especially because I write run-on sentences, but that's because I talk that way and think that way, so it really helps with the ambiance around here. Would you like it if I lit some candles?

Ok I took some Ritalin.

What is it that makes us pledge allegiance to a team, one Bulldog Nation, under Lessard, with Connollys and Fultons for all? I have been thinking about writing this post for a long time, and I even read the book Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby to get some references and everything, except the book is about soccer and is unbelieveably boring so I didn't finish it. (Just wait, the Ritalin needs to reach my bloodstream.) I don't mean what makes us enjoy hockey, because it is fun and entertaining and certainly enjoyable to play. But really, most people who read RWD are not casual hockey fans. People who write RWD (ok, me) are not casual hockey fans. I mean, let's face it, I probably like hockey more than 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of the rest of the universe and 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999 of people who are actually hockey fans. I think it might be a mental illness but I'm not sure.

I imagine it's either really awesome or really creepy to be a hockey player in the era of the blog. I mean, if you like attention and stuff, it's great, but if you're not interested in crazy chicks using Photoshop to paste your head onto Han Solo/Ralphie/a person carving a kayak or giving you embarrassing nicknames and calling you sweetie and cute and darling, it's probably somewhat unnerving. I'm sure that pretty much every blogger with any sort of self-awareness has to realize that on some level they are a giant joke to the very people they spend so much time writing about and chasing after and possibly ogling in bars (this is not me, I might be a creeper but when Cardinal is doing things to a Miller Lite bottle that should never be done [including DRINKING FROM THEM], I have no interest in anyone else in the bar), and those that have no capacity for self-reflection are probably even more of a joke.

THIS is the stuff I think about when I'm driving.

The conclusion I reached Sunday morning? It's not important why. What's important is the fun I've had and the friends I've made, and if hockey blogging is the medium for meeting amazing people and doing crazy things and connecting with people I'd never otherwise, then I'll be a joke in the locker room and endure the restraining orders and the sleep deprivation and the writer's block and hoarse throat and pathetic checking account balance and the highs and lows and doldrums and excitement and drunks and stupid USCHO threads and hilarious anonymous comments and fatness accusations and whiskey hangovers and Taco John's heartburn and frostbite and crusts of salt on my car and weird looks over the shoulder and slow claps and endless sentences.

Endzone

tUMD 1 Touchdown, Mankato's Football Team 2 Safeties


I'm glad I drove up here. This will be a short post because I am watching Katt Williams on Comedy Central and it is entertaining.

I missed much of the 1st period because I was still driving up. Depressingly, I missed my Jacky's goal (though I heard it on the radio) AND Josh Meyers's goal (because I was waiting for InebriatedMike in the ticket lobby while he was waiting for me at the back entrance), and I was starting to wonder if I was a curse because we did not score any more goals until Monkey scored.

I feel sorry for Troy Jutting. I mean, not just because he is super uggo and gross, but also because he does not understand what sport he is coaching. That's really the only explanation for tonight's play. It was rough for tDogs in the 2nd period because they let Mankato dictate what game was being played, and it was Maverick Football, not Bulldog Hockey.

In the 3rd period, I got a call from one of my friends with 9 minutes to go. He asked about the score and I said "It's 4-3... we're losing." I was pretty crabby. The PK was rough and the PP was hurting a bit from the shorty. Later on I was telling him about the game and he was like "They really scored 4 goals in 9 minutes?" I didn't even realize it. Wow. Amazing. What's also amazing is how much food you can get from Taco John's for $25: 2 sodas, 1 order of chicken quesadillas, 2 hard shell tacos, 3 softshell tacos, 3 orders of Potato Oles, 1 buffalo chicken burrito, 1 side of nacho cheese, 1 side of sour cream, and a side of guacamole. Heavenly. Mom, I'm sure you're jealous. But the 3rd period was a smorgasbord of scoring: Sherrif Andrew Carroll said "No way are we going to let this herd of cattle run wild on OUR rink," and tied the game. Then Captain Greer decided he needed to get in on the scoring, assisted by Super Sexy Shirtless Brady Lamb! All three captains scored in the game!!!! That's awesome. MCON decided he DEFINITELY did not want to be On Notice and got his own goal, and then Jordan Fulton kicked an extra point with 33 seconds to go.

I sat in the student section tonight, and they were AWESOME in the 3rd period. I've often stressed that it doesn't matter WHAT they say, just that they are LOUD and PROUD (like 2 certain Gopher fans I know...). The student section was so rocking tonight that we couldn't even get chants going in our section because the next section had already started one! And then... many of them left before the end of the game. Screw them. Also, students, there is no reason to drink so much that you vomit on yourself or your friends while in your seat. If you're going to do that, why even bother attending the game?

I'd like to write more, and I probably will, but it's 2:17 and I have to be up to drive home in like... 7 hours. And I have tacos to eat, and miles to go before I sleep.

The Numbers (abbreviated until I'm home again)
Wins until we equal last season's total: 2! (Yay! We're comin'! We're comin'!)
Points until we equal last season's total: 4! (AMAZING!!!)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 26!
Jack Connolly: 20!
Michael Gergen: 11
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 22!
Jack Connolly: 20! (Sorry I missed your goal!)
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1! (Yay Brady! And your dad was there to see it!)
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

You Can Leave Your Hat On

tUMD 4, Mankato State University 0

I hope I get an angry letter from MSU-M's attorneys demanding I cease and desist the use of the term "Mankato State University." That would be awesome. It would mean that someone felt that RWD was important enough to threaten with legal action. That's a big deal, guys. I'd get my attorney right on a response.

I really really really really really really appreciate Jack Connolly's efforts to NOT get a hat trick when I wasn't at the game. That would be unbelievably unfair. As it was, it was the THIRD game in a ROW that one of MY GUYS had TWO GOALS. AMAZING. Wow. In years past, maybe I've picked some Guys who were not so handy with the goal scoring, but we can't help who we love. It's very cool to have My Guys having great years. Bordson, I know you'll get going soon! Every time I see you in the stands you look so sad. In Chicago we actually started singing "All By Myself." It was poignant. BE HAPPY!!!! From what I saw of the game, however, it seemed like Jacky had enough grade-A chances to have a double hattrick. I would make up another name for it but I think people would get the wrong idea.

Gergy's goal was fairly hilarious. It was like the goal tUMD gave up to send the NC game to overtime at Lake Placid in 1984. I'm not actually old enough to have remembered actually seeing it (and I was probably snuggled in my crib asleep with my stuffed penguin, or possibly sitting with a wet diaper and tears streaming down my face as my parents stayed glued to the television and ignored my wailing. This is why I should not have children), but it must have haunted DA's dreams for years afterward (or even still) because he has described it to me in detail. The puck went behind the net and Zacharias (Kosti) went to play it, and it hit a little pieces of the boards that was sticking out and came right out front again to Gergen (some nobody from Bowling Green) who did what a good Gergy does and scored. Yay!

Al played OUTSTANDINGLY tonight, and was a total darling in his post-game interview with that girl who really really needs help with questions ("How did you stop all those shots tonight?" I wish he'd answered "WITH MY NINJA POWERS" or something), attributing the shutout to the team and their defence. Great job, Alex! You're such a good role model for little Brady and little Kenny.

Oh, and Charter? In addition to hiring reporters who are essentially clueless (except the African-American gentleman at intermission doing the "This Week In The WCHA" roundup, who made Telly look like Ben Stein... wait... Telly makes Telly look like Ben Stein), you also have the production quality of a television station in the heart of the Congo. I assume. I am EXTREMELY UPSET that there was no post-period interview of you-know-who. Jordy Fulton's interview was nice but he had crazy eyes, which I guess made it even better.

Tomorrow's itinerary

8:00-4:30: deal with the Great Unwashed Masses at work

4:30-6:45: drive to Duluth

7:07: face off!

9:30 (approx): stick salute

9:40 (approx): unprintable things with FHG and Cardinal

YAY!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 3! (YESSSSSSSSS!)
Points until we equal last season's total: 6! (EEEEEEEEE!!)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 24
Jack Connolly: 17!
Michael Gergen: 11!
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 20
Jack Connolly: 17!
Scott Kishel: 2 (FANTASTIC hit though, way to throw around the body Scotty! Hey, that rhymed!)
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0
Brady Lamb: 0

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Matt Greer
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Andrew Carroll
Jay Cascalenda (hey, all right!)
Cody Danberg
Nick Kemp
Josh Meyers
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt

H J E Double-Hockey-Sticks E

tUMD 4, Drunken Crazy Lady's Favorite Team 2

All right. I think over the 4+ years that I've written RWD, I've established myself fairly solidly as a creepy creeper. So, that probably means it was a bad thing for me to sit in the primo seats for creeping: right behind the bench. Not a great idea for my whole anonymity plan. Well, posting crazy pictures of myself on RWD is probably also a poor idea. But whatever. I have friends in low places, and got the hook up with some of the greatest seats in the house. DA sent me a text asking if I could see the game. I said "I can smell it." Yes. Anyway, I took some creeper picks from my seat, although very little in the way of action shots because I like to actually WATCH the games. And also because I don't want to get nailed by a puck.

Super Sexy Shirtless Brady Hjelle* started for tUMD, which was very exciting. My co-drinkers at Grandma's (well, I wasn't drinking, so they were drinking for me) were very nervous, but I stayed calm by remaining positive. I reminded them that he's already played, and it was against a much better team, and that team had already rung up Stalock for 5 goals, and he still shut them down, so there was no reason to worry. It was so cute before the game, after the huddle, how Kenny and Al had a little chat with him and patted his helmet and got him all pumped up. Brady played well; both goals were given up on the power play, one on an unnecessary 5 on 3, and one on a penalty that we could have done without but wasn't that bad and was at least the result of physical play and not just random stupidity. He had a few moments that made me very nervous when he was playing the puck, but he did restrain himself from playing the puck at times when it looked like he was going to make a move. Someone made a sign that said "It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!" and hung it over the railing across from us. I tried to get a photo but I think it turned out poorly. We'll see later. When Bermidji took a time out and Brady came over to the bench, he was straight up grinning. I was so happy with his play all night and it was great to see him show off his mad skillz. I know my RWD correspondent/scout in Cedar Rapids is going to be thrilled. What up, Tracy?

I didn't think about it at the time, but I realized tonight all six of the freshmen played! Exciting!!! It was a good way to reward them for all their hard work (well, I don't really know that they have been working hard, but I would assume they would) and also to get them some game experience. The defencemen were getting power play and penalty kill experience, which is fantastic. Kishel will be QBing a PP unit if not next year, then the year after. Lamb is going to permanently injure some goalie with his wicked slappah. Great game, kiddos!

For the second time in as many nights, one of My Guys got 2 goals. Sharpy got his fairly early so there was plenty of time to get a hat trick (because really, Marco Peluso was the last Dog to get one and none of these guys even played on the same team as he did), and I really really wanted to see one. I was even wearing a hat, although it was of the knit variety and I probably would have hit Stalock with it as it would not have made it to the ice, and that would have been unbelievably embarrassing. I thought My Sweet Jacky had gotten an assist but evidently it went to Kishel instead. Oh well. All in all My Guys had a FANTASTIC weekend as did the whole team!

I know that we've all had some ups and downs this year, but I have to say, it is so amazing to watch some of these goals happen. Justin Fontaine's goal and Mike Connolly's goal were both spectacular in the setup as well as the finish, and it is a nice change in our game plan. I still love the garbage goals, because you can't win successfully without them, but it is really nice to see the "highlight reel" (would that we had one!) goals that have been few and far between the past few years.

I could not finish this post without mentioning the weird drunken cougar from Bermidji who was FREAKING OUT every time the Beavers scored. I mean, pounding on the glass next to the bench, rubbing her badonkadonk on the glass, headlocking her friends, running around like a crazy person type freaking out. I yelled at her on Friday night but on Saturday the only person who benefitted from my yelling was Chris Garner. I recommended possibly cutting her off at the bar next time. Good lord, lady. When I am that old I will not be acting that way. Seriously. It is time to hang up the crazy cougary screeching and start being a crotchety old sea hag. I figure I have about 2 or 3 good years left in me, and this lady had about 30 years on me. For reals, if you are going to be a cougar, at least be hot.

Next up: Mankato. I'll be watching the Charter feed on Friday and then zooming up to D-town on Saturday to see us finish off another home sweep, and then some things will be happening. WOOHOO!!!!!!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 4 (Last NC of the season!)
Points until we equal last season's total: 8 (No more NC, but 6-1-1 is FABULOUS!!)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 24!
Jack Connolly: 15
Michael Gergen: 10
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 20!
Jack Connolly: 15
Scott Kishel: 2! (But taking a point from my Jacky made me less happy about Kish's point)
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0
Brady Lamb: 0

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Matt Greer
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Andrew Carroll
Cody Danberg
Jordan Fulton
Nick Kemp
Josh Meyers
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt

*This is an inside joke. He was not shirtless.

No Use For A Title

tUMD 3, WCHA Wanna-bes 2

Yay! We won! Hooray! I didn't drive up here for nothing!!! Glorious!

It's late, and I'm tired and have to be up early to see tUMD's freshman class of 2020 skate around without regard for rules or regulations. It will be thrilling from start to finish.

But so many things happened!

#1!!!!! Jacky got a goal!!! Did I NOT say in last weekend's Numbers that I was expecting a goal out of him??? My powers of prognostication are unparalleled. Eee!

#2!!!!!!!! And it's #2 because Gergy scored 2 goals! Hooray! I was so happy. I wanted to see him get 3. I would not have thrown my hat because it was cloth and would have landed on someone 2 rows ahead of me.

#3!!!!!!!! Oleksuk and Kishel got their first points! SO awesome. Can't wait for Scott to be a real force on our power play and Travis to be a nightmare to opposing goalies!

#4 Montesaurus took his first penalty ever. Weird. I was hoping it would be something more exciting, like just blowing a guy away or something.

The second period was not pleasing to me, but the guys really stepped it up and, thanks to a waved-off goal, dominated the 3rd period. I am hoping that tomorrow night's game will be a rout of those dirty Beavers and they will leave scratching their heads about why exactly they want to be in the WCHA again?

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 4 (Non-con... for now)
Points until we equal last season's total: 8 (Non-con... for always, I hope!)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 21
Jack Connolly: 15!
Michael Gergen: 10!
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 18
Jack Connolly: 15!
Scott Kishel: 1!
Travis Oleksuk: 1!
David Grun: 0
Brady Lamb: 0

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Jordy Fulton
Matt Greer
Nick Kemp
Josh Meyers
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Andrew Carroll
Cody Danberg
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt
MacGregor Sharp

Stuffed

So, the Hobey Baker fan voting has begun and so have the shenanigans. Well, the presence of not one but THREE tUMD players on the list is not a shenanigan, but of course there is the cursory ballot box stuffing by some random fanbase. (Chay Genoway? Bitch, please.) I know that this voting has an effect so small it's not an observable phenomenon, like string theory, but let's pretend that it has some importance. First, get out and vote, people. Now, let's talk about the people for whom we are voting. I'm not going to discuss why they will or won't win the award, but rather why they may or may not make it to the second round. Then we can talk specifics.

Justin Fontaine
sophomore forward
Vitals: 11-19-30, 1.36 points/game, 9 power play goals
Undoings: Sophomores rarely win the award unless they are truly dominant in the game, tUMD may end up having a horrendous second half, isn't enough of a household name.
Saving graces: 5th nationally in points per game, tied for 3/4 nationally in points, 2nd nationally in power play goals, team leader in points on a traditionally low-scoring team. 2/3 in the conference in scoring, 2/3 in power play points, 2nd in power play goals.

Josh Meyers
senior defenceman
Vitals: 6-11-17, .77 points/game, 6 power play goals
Undoings: Not dominant enough among defencemen, probably going to be overshadowed by Fontaine.
Saving graces: Has averaged 1 less penalty minute per game over last year despite the officiating changes (but who crunches those numbers? Only nerds!), 3rd in conference in scoring among defencemen, 2/3 in power play points, 13th overall in scoring.

Alex Stalock
junior goaltender
Vitals: 9-7-6, 2.27 GAA, .920 save%
Undoings: So-so record, not statistically dominant nationally, has had some not-so-stellar performances (WMU, SCSU, UW, DU), non-traditional style of play, Ryan Miller ruining it for goalies.
Saving graces: 2nd nationally in minutes played, will probably end the season with better numbers, Jon Campion not voting.

Come on, tUMD fans! Rock the vote!

Everybody Hurts

tUMD 3, Progeny of Total Morons 6

I don't even want to write this. It doesn't have anything to do with the game, I'm over that already. However, my commitment to this blog and my tens of fantastic fans is unwavering. So, here I am!

This weekend was a very low point for tDogs, but whatever. I had a fun night with my friends, even though Garrett Raboin's dad decided he wanted to start a fight with one of tUMD's fans. Way to go, Mr. Raboin! Way to embarrass yourself, your son, and the team! While most likely sitting in seats comped by the team! You are disgusting. On that note, tUMD parents are all awesome. Grandparents, too.

It was not a good game for tDogs at all, like I said. I was very glad to see after the hideousness of the first few minutes of the 3rd period that the guys still had some fight in them, and I was certainly happy we were able to cheer at least a few times. There were about a million chances that could have gone in, and they made up for the 11 SOG deficit from the first period. The power play scored twice while only giving up 1 on the PK which was on a stupid 5 on 3. Campion was of course a giant moron and tDogs made it all too easy to make calls on them, and then of course he added his own fun calls, too. Given the history between Stalock and Campion, I wasn't surprised to see Al off his game. Both of his penalties were certainly his own fault, but he just didn't seem to be squared away mentally. Don't give that moron the satisfaction next time, Al. Just play the game in the way we know you are capable and he'll have nothing. Maybe Raboin's dad and he can have a tea party.

Bemidji next weekend! And I'm going to one or both of the games! Yeah!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 4 (TRAGIC)
Points until we equal last season's total: 8 (ULTRA TRAGIC)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 21!
Jack Connolly: 14!
Michael Gergen: 8
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 18!
Jack Connolly: 14!
David Grun: 0
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Jordy Fulton
Matt Greer
Nick Kemp
Josh Meyers
Mike Montgomery
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Jack Connolly (I'm ready for a goal from you against Bermidji!!!)
Cody Danberg
Michael Gergen
Trent Palm
MacGregor Sharp

Shortie

tUMD 1, Jon Campion's Pets 3

Ugggggh.

Yep, that's about it.

You guys, seriously. You are making me look like a jackass. I like to have confidence in you. It's sort of a new phenomenon for me; well, not new, but I've just taken the feeling off the shelf and am dusting it off. HOWEVER, it would be nice if my virulent support of the team was backed up by... well, something other than last night's game. God. We hit more pipes than my high school boyfriend. Eee.

However, I'm still SUPER excited to go to the game tonight! Please do not let me down. I've just suffered through 4 hours of discount accretion and I'm about to go dive into some statistics, then I have to drive an hour to the worst place in the country and deal with the great unwashed masses.

Plusses are I get to see WinTwins, Skeeterman, and Bruciepoo. And all of you darlings, of course.

The Numbers (abbreviated since I don't have my flashdrive with my SPREADSHEET!)
Wins until we equal last season's total: 4 (barffffffffffff)
Points until we equal last season's total: 8 (double barfffffffff)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 20
Jack Connolly: 13
Michael Gergen: 8
Rob Bordson: 0
(I expect an explosion of scoring from y'alls tonight, I know you had the chances!)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 17!
Jack Connolly: 13
David Grun: 0
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0 (I'm hoping he plays tonight!)
Travis Oleksuk: 0

Time Well Wasted

tUMD 1, Racist Mascots 3

Okay, it's Monday, and I'm finally getting around to posting. I'm pretty lame. Good thing no one was anxiously awaiting my astute analysis of every aspect of the game. Yay for alliteration!

I went to both games, of course, and watched Union beat UMass-Lowell, which was... well, not very interesting. I mean, we had a good time and yelled some dumb stuff and it beat getting a poke in the eye, but whatever. Two teams I've never cared about were playing hockey that wasn't really stellar.

We sat behind the bench for the whole game this time, which is kind of fun because when I yelled at the Notre Dame players, I knew they could hear me, but also isn't conducive to seeing the whole game. I could certainly see a few things FOR CERTAIN: 1. VERY VERY VERY rough first period. 2. POWER PLAY NOT CLICKING. Eeeew. At one point we thought it was tied 2-2, but that was, in fact, not the case, as the ref blew the whistle too early. We had some great cheers and taunts for that part that the Notre Dame fans behind us were in stitches about. As pointed out on tPB, the refs had no problem holding it in when the puck was in front of Stalock. It was certainly unfortunate that the alleged game-tying goal didn't count, but it's not like it came with 10 seconds left in the game, and we certainly had myriad other opportunities to score that went unconverted.

It wasn't a bad game by any means; other than the first portion of the first period it was certainly very even, with both goaltenders playing well and both penalty kills playing very effectively. SOMEHOW, and this is a mystery to me, Jacky ended up in the penalty box twice. PLEASE. At least ONE of the plays was not a penalty, and I didn't see the other one, but I'm certain it wasn't. Argh. CCHA = Can't Check Hockey Association.

Before the game, Mike and I were standing in ze lobby doing nothing, and a roving band of kilt-wearing bagpipers were up on the club level concourse, so I asked them if they would play "In Heaven There Is No Beer." Well, I screamed it. They did not respond. A bunch of dumb Notre Dame fans were looking at me, but then when I addressed them, they couldn't seem to look me in the eye. Yes, I am weird and scary and embarrassing, but if you can't say that to my face, then what does that say about you?

Great job to the tUMD fans who out-cheered the Notre Dame fans for the whole game. Awesome job to Drew Akins for getting us the lone goal and getting Off Notice in the process. Congrats to Prefontaine and Obi-Wan, who made the All-Tournament team. If tDogs play hard against Bermidji, then we should squeak by with a great non-con record. THIS weekend tDogs need to TCB at the NHC, but I have every confidence they will. GO BULLDOGS!!!!

And no, Jon, I'm not going to blog about what happened AFTER the game...

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 4 (still NC)
Points until we equal last season's total: 8 (still NC)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 20
Jack Connolly: 13
Michael Gergen: 8
Rob Bordson: 0
(Come on guys... none of you scored? Sadness)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 16
Jack Connolly: 13
David Grun: 0
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0 (Got to hear some good stories about his dad's time at tUMD)

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Matt Greer
Nick Kemp
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock
(Too many! I expect a lot of names off this list come Saturday night!)

Goals Only
Mike Connolly
Cody Danberg
Jordan Fulton
Michael Gergen
Josh Meyers
(I KNOW this list is going to be close to empty after this weekend!!!)

Say What?

tUMD 2, Riverhacks 1

Greetings one and all from the Sha-na-na Shaniqua Shillelagh Tournament! And that's pronounced Sha-lay-lee, not Shi-lih-log. Who knew?

We had fun. A lot of fun. I'm not sure what to write about this game because I was too busy with other things. There were A LOT more Bulldogs fans there than I thought would be there, but there should have been more! It's not a far drive at all. My car looks almost white because of all the crap the Wisconsin roads threw onto it. Yet ANOTHER reason to hate Wisconsin!!!!

This tournament started out on a VERY poor note because it cost $20 to park. $20!!! I mean, for reals, what are they THINKING???? I mean, at the Metrodome, the closest parking for TWINS games is only $20. INSANE. The Sears Centre is robbing people blind. No offense to actual blind people.

Then the tournament got VERY poor because UML scored first on the power play. I missed it because I was talking to the person in front of me about... something. He asked me a question and I was answering it, and the goal occurred. He apologized but I said "I wasn't interested in seeing it anyway." There was a replay. Bleah. Fortunately, Sheriff Andrew Carroll got us back to even and I felt more comfortable again.

The announcer was struggling to pronounce some of our players's names correctly. Akins is always a hard one for people; they call him Ackins or Atkins or something odd like that. We decided during the second period that we should move because #1 we needed some place where we could act stupid and stand and not bother anyone, and #2 we needed to help out the announcer. For example, when the power play ended, we helped out by yelling "UMD is at FULL STRENGTH!" and then he didn't announce second goal so I screamed "WHO SCORED THE GOAL??" and he yelled "DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU PERSONALLY???" and I yelled back "YES!!!" and he yelled back "JUSTIN FONTAINE!!" and I responded with "HOBEY FONTAINE!!!" But shhh. We're flying below the radar. Then we found out the announcer's name was Nick and told him how to pronounce Gergen (he was saying it "Jer Jin") and we were all friends.

In the third period we went and sat in what were evidently the "club" seats and annoyed some people, but whatever. We gave the goalie all we had and he was laughing and kept looking at us. I can't wait to see him tomorrow in the Union-UML game.

All in all there wasn't much to report. It was not a very exciting game and we played rather flatly, but since the guys hadn't played a game since the Tech series, it was not a big deal. I know they are going to come out SMOKING against Notre Dame and their fish-face, giant-eared coach and his earpiece assistant.

We stayed for the Union-Notre Dame game and acted just as stupid at that game. Nick the Announcer threw a t-shirt at us and InebriatedMike tried to get it and missed, but knocked me over in the process. I have a giant bruise on my leg because he knocked me into the armrest between us (which didn't have a cupholder, which was INCREDIBLY annoying).

Good times. Great times even. More good times tomorrow!!! GO DOGS!!!!!!!!!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 4 (NC)
Points until we equal last season's total: 8 (NC)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 20!!!!!
Jack Connolly: 13
Michael Gergen: 8!!!!!
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 16!!!!!!!
Jack Connolly: 13
David Grun: 0
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0 (But back in action!!!!)

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Matt Greer
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Mike Connolly
Cody Danberg
Michael Gergen
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm

The Plunge

Happy New Year from RWD!





















I'm starting off 2009 right: a nice relaxing dip into Lake Minnetonka, and now a road trip to CHICAGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!