The John

tUMD 2, Corporate Drones 2

Hello, all! Are we all exhilarated and refreshed after the stressful tie last night? Are we all so nervous our hearts are pounding faster than a hummingbird's wings? Don't leave me hangin' here!

I was so stressed last night. And the entire day preceding the game. And pretty much ever since I recovered from my trip to Houghton. And a tie is incredibly stressful for me because of its potential to swing from 1 point to 0 in a matter of seconds. Especially when tUMD's all-star rocking forecheckers didn't GO TO THE NET ENOUGH. ESPECIALLY ON THE POWER PLAYS, GUYS. Seriously. Peppermint Patty was leaving you nice sexy rebounds to romance into the net, and y'all were like "We just want to CYCLE!!!" Seriously, though, tUMD put on a CLINIC in pressure in the offensive zone in the 3rd period. However, not enough players registered for the break-out session on goal-scoring.

It's no surprise to see who stepped up in this game. MATT GREER and NICK KEMP, two SENIORS. Greer's goal was just... ok I should have watched the tape delay so I could really write about it, but I happened to be looking right down on it and on the initial shot or pass or whatever I was like "Nooooo" because I didn't think it came at Matty at a good angle but then he just made it work. Tim Gunn would be proud. Kemp's goal was an awesome garbage goal that Peppermint Patty couldn't keep out of the net. Honestly I can't believe the whistle wasn't blown or something but MIRACLE OF MIRACLES the officials never lost sight of the puck. The Gopher goals came on 1.) Stalock being Stalock and 2. Shenanigans so I'm feeling pretty good about tonight's game. I think that UMTC should probably put away the checkbook and save any money earmarked for tonight's ref payoffs for the 09-10 campaign; what is the point? Even winning out may not help their cause.

I'd like to talk for a moment about YET ANOTHER reason why I'm glad I'm not a Gopher fan. There are just so many, but their precious palace is one that I'm probably in the minority on. I think for a college atmosphere, it's just... terrible. My #1 complaint is that when I am yelling, only like 1% of the people in the arena can hear me. Trust me, I'm yelling for a reason, you want to hear it. Unless like in the 2nd period when I yelled "LET'S GO POWER PLAY!" when we were 4 on 4. I could not count, evidently. But I think the clock guy heard me because there was only a Gopher penalty on the board. But other than swallowing up the noise of the individual, the arena sucks because there's no sense of unity among the fans. Even the student sections couldn't get together, and they are on a cheering schedule. Cheer at an unscheduled time, and one of the 8,000-year-old ushers will ask you to leave. Oh, and also, when Thug4life Jake Hansen took out Greer and Suz was running onto the ice, the music folks decided to play "Another One Bites The Dust." Ok, Music Person, I'm pretty classless at arenas at times, but I'm not in any way affiliated with tUMD. YOU are, and you suck. SANCTIONS! One final thought: how come no one can trash talk well with me? Someone asked me "Are all UMD fans like you?" and I said "They aren't as cute as me," and he said "That must have been a long bus ride." Then later when T-Lu and the Sheriff took their OT matching penalties, I was laughing about Sunday dinner at the Lucia house and how Tony would be in trouble, and the wife of the previously mentioned person said "He'll get extra dessert." What? People, try harder.

Sigh. I'm in class right now and don't have my Numbers. I just know that Matty G and Kemper the Wrecker are OFF NOTICE!!!!

Come on 'Dogs!!! No giving away charity points tonight! Go for the jugular!!

Hey, Hey, Hey! What Is Going On Here?

Minnesota Wild #20, Antti Miettinen















Team RWD #1, BIDDCO!

Seriously, have you ever seen these people in the same room? HAVE YOU??? HAVE YOU?!?!?!111/!?!?!?!? Distressing.

p.s. Biddco: I heart youuuuu

Stuffgopherfanslike

The post is dedicated to stuff that Gopher fans like. (FYI, it is an homage to this site. There is probably a lot of overlap.) Since tUMD fans will be guests in their building, I have provided this helpful guide to some of their most common behaviors.

#1. Polite Applause.

Gopher fans occasionally find a reason to be pleased with their team, and many of them feel the need to express it in an appropriate way. The most common way for Gopher fans to convey their approval to their team is through polite applause. Gopher fans are well-versed in polite applause because their favorite sport, golf, requires it. Gopher fans are extremely pleased that they have an outlet for their polite applause so they do not get out of practice during the long winter months.

#2. Exclusive Free Domestic Beer.

Gopher fans enjoy ascending to the Blue Line Club for free plastic cups of lukewarm domestic beer. However, Gopher fans do not like other Gopher fans to bring people who are not members up to the club, though those same Gopher fans like to bring their own non-members up. Gopher fans have invented many ways to prevent non-members from invading, like wristbands and tickets and other flotsam and jetsam; none of this has prevented people such as secret RWD gossip source The Beard from sneaking me into the BLC. Gopher fans are so serious about segregated imbibing that they would prefer to swill exclusive free domestic beer than watch Gopher hockey; their priorities are firmly set. It should be noted that Gopher coaches do not enjoy beer, whether domestic or foreign, free or for sale, exclusive or inclusive, being consumed in college hockey arenas.

#3. Sandbagging.

No matter how many games the Gophers have won, Gopher fans will always say something along the lines of "This team always plays the Gophers tough," "I predict a split," or "I will dance naked on the coffee table if the Gophers sweep." Though no one actually believes these trite comments, Gopher fans nonetheless flood USCHO and the messages boards of opposing teams with their pandering. Gopher fans then go over to GPL and say what they really think: GOPHERS UBER ALLES.

#4. Arriving Late To Games.

Gopher fans often enjoy arriving at games when at least ten minutes have elapsed. Some of them even prefer to miss the first period entirely. This causes issues when standing room only fans occupy those seats, thinking such seats' occupants had some other engagment and could not find someone else to take them off their hands. It has even in rare cases caused harrassment of innocent Michigan Tech fans.

#5. Paying Excessive Amounts Of Money For Tickets.

Everyone knows of the legendary waiting list for Gopher season tickets. This list appears to never shorten as corporations use the tickets as tax write-offs, people who don't want them anymore find someone else to take them, and Gopher fans who go to that great Blue Line Club In The Sky will them to their children. Gopher fans with deep pockets or a lot of plasma to donate can circumvent most of the line by paying a nominal fee of $1000, and legions of them do.

#6. What Fighting Sioux Fans Are Thinking About.

And vice versa.

Rehab

Losers 2, Winners 2
(A tie is now referred to as a "Tech win.")

The best thing about late posts is they are usually better. We shall see. I'm still trying to piece together the weekend. Thank goodness for the many people who contributed to the invention of the digital camera. And thank goodness for the delete button on said camera!

I am sorry in advance that this post is full of dumb inside jokes. Unless you are in on those jokes, in which case I am not sorry. You might be, but I can't help that.

Friday night was pretty tame, as I mentioned in that post, which seems so long ago now. This meant my fellow shortie and I were well-rested for the day, and we started it off standing out in the cold heckling an IM broomball game. People at Tech are very serious about broomball. They are not serious about playing defence in their broomball games, though. We also ate at a Chinese food place that did not take my food before I was done eating it nor did it have someone trying to put lemons in the water of non-lemon likers, and I also got to be a creeper for a few minutes because a player walked in. I thought maybe Chinese food was a good thing to eat before games but in fact that person could have eaten a bucket of lard and it would not have mattered because he did not play.

The hockey part of the day started early as I had to go to the VP and Yager's IM hockey game. Many of those people were equally as talented as MTU's varsity squad, and I do not mean that in a complimentary fashion, less the VP think I was being nice. Word to the wise: I AM NEVER NICE. Some of tUMD's fans were at the game, too, as they had nothing better to do. It was very enjoyable as we all sang the "$5 footlongs" song and made up cheers about our friends. I think the IM puck bunnies (sooo incredibly unnecessary) did not like us. It's okay, though. The VP went offsides and ruined everything at one point. Stick to VPing, VP.

I got in free to both games, Friday compliments of Le Russell, my secret boyfriend, and Saturday compliments of getting there so freaking early so I could stalk and the ROTC kids weren't there yet to guard the doors. You know, when I was in ROTC we did crap like that to make money for the battalion but I was stuck 1. covered in cold hot chocolate 2. hauling a giant thing of overpriced sodas through the upper deck of Memorial Stadium trying to hawk them to people who did not want them or 3. cleaning up soggy popcorn, mini-booze bottles, and nearly-liquid funnel cake the day after the Illini got their butts whipped by the rest of the Big 10. I think taking tickets would have been more fun and less freaking nasssty.

I am glad that we arrived as early as we did because later on tUMD started doing their little warmups and they were doing their plios/stretching EXACTLY WHERE I HAD WALKED IN A MERE 20 MINUTES PRIOR. And if I had walked into that I THINK I WOULD HAVE DIED. I commented on this, saying I would have wanted to RUN AWAY FAST like I did once when I told Justin Fontaine "Good game" at Blackwoods and then RAN AWAY before he could even answer (he said "Thanks" I think). MEg pointed out I'd look even more crazy if I did, and I said I wasn't planning on actually running away, just wishing I was going to run away. Fortunately that nightmare only happened in my head.

The game was even more fun somehow even though we "Tech lost." Sadly, the Tech students did not decide to show up to the game, but we were there to help by once again occupying their student section. tPBers came up with some GREAT chants and we had a lot of fun going back and forth with the Tech fans. I horribly embarrassed MEg because it was really quiet in the arena because they were having some sort of sportsmanship announcement from their captain and it was very poorly read, like a robot or something, and I was yelling about it. I know that I often say that I wish I was louder but in this case it was unnecessary because MEg told me that she happened to be focusing on one particular Tech player and the instant I opened my big fat mouth to bellow out "COULD YOU PLEASE ENUNCIATE?" he looked at me like my words were stabbing him in the eyes.

It was very hard to watch the game because of all of the goings-on. Tech jumped out to an early lead and then Gergy got a goal and I was so excited and happy. He seemed that way, too. We all chanted "Just like last night!" which was a great idea. It was incredibly strange because it was a PP goal and the assists went to Andrew Carroll and Nick Kemp, and they are not normally on the PP. But good job! Yeah! Between periods I followed MEg to the other side of the arena to climb up and meet Huskyfan. I needed some oxygen. I don't know why old people would want to sit so high up. I am young and I almost needed Boosh to carry me up. I don't know why I didn't think of that then. Then we went to the Blue Line club to meet MacDie and some lady started screaming that a Bulldog fan had entered as if I was carrying the bubonic plague or something. I mean, maybe I was, but still, calm down. It was 100 degrees in there. MacDie offered me some food but I declined (I DECLINED FOOD. IT'S SO UN-AMERICAN.) because of the death stares I was getting. I got a cup of water and even then people were all "Bitch get away from our jugs of wine." This provided an excellent distraction for Boosh to make off with half of their buffet.

The second period was good because Meyers got a goal and then Seth Soley breathed too close to Alex Stalock and he went down like he was Geoff Kinrade. Hee. (I am sorry Al but you know you totally flopped.) Akins went all Akins on Soley and Palm and Bunger bear-hugged for awhile so they all went to time out. It took a very long time to sort out the penalties and then there were net problems. I was nervous because we could not afford to get any DQs. I am always nervous at games, though. I think I was clutching Marty at one point. At the 2nd intermission tUMD fans put on a parade and marched through the arena to find the fan bus fans. They cheered when we came over and we cheered for them. Then we walked back through the concourse chanting "LET'S GO BULLDOGS!" and people stared.

The 3rd period sucked because Weird Derek Kitti scored the game-tying goal and I knew, I just KNEW, we were not going to score another goal. I should have worn a different jersey. Or something. Or maybe I should have sabotaged some of the guys. They (and their LLC) were in close proximity to me for much of the trip. And they didn't even know it. Muahahahaha. Overtime sucked too. We seriously almost lost the game like 600 times. Or once. I was sitting in a weird seat that was at the top of the stairs and so I had to hold onto the railing to keep from rocketing down the stairs. After the game ended we chanted "BEAT THE GOPHERS" and everyone stared at us like "What are Gophers?" Hello, we were trying to be nice.

After the game, things happened. The end.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: Not even necessary!
Points until we equal last season's total: Eee!

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 31!
Jack Connolly: 22
Michael Gergen: 14!
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 27!
Jack Connolly: 22
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

On Notice
Rob Bordson
Andrew Carroll
Jay Cascalenda
Jack Connolly (whyyyyyyyy?)
Jordan Fulton
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Matt Greer
Nick Kemp
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm

Back At It

tUMD 4, Enginerds 1

I'm not sure exactly what's going to happen with this post, but I know there are people that are counting on me to make it. Okay, that's a lie. No one counts on me for anything, which is smart on all of their parts. Also, I'm posting on MEg's tiny computer and I'm making all sorts of typing errors which are irritating me. This computer is really small. Just like we are!!! Yeah!!!

Being at Tech has been fun so far, though I haven't really done anything other than eat. MEg, Booshiepie and I went to Suomi for breakfasty food at lunch time, and then we went to the Ambassador for an early dinner and some drinks and for playing "Don't Stop Believin'" on the jukebox 3 times. We called for a taxi and then did a shot while we were waiting. Then we went outside to stand on the curb and someone, I'm not sure who other than I know it wasn't me, said "I want a Dirty Girl Scout." So we trooped back into the bar and did another shot and then waited another 15 or so minutes for a cab. There are only 8 cab drivers in Houghton. I know this because MEg asked the cabbie.

THE GAME. Right. The thing people care about on this site. If they care about anything at all. GOD DID I MISS HOCKEY. And also, I LOVE ROAD TRIPPING!!!!! Tech scored a power play goal to start things off, which made me even more stressed and nervous. Ugh, PK, seriously. HOWEVER, an interesting little tidbit I noticed: I was talking with one of me secret correspondents last week, and we were discussing the penalty kill and how we wished we had put some offense out there. Somehow, our collective genius travelled on the thoughtwaves of the universe and ended up in Coach Sandelin's head, because Mike Connolly was out there on the PK later in the game. INTERESTING. I like it. Anyway, Superior native Brett Olson got a PP goal for Tech and I stressed a lot, but then The Fonz was all "Eyyyy, sit on it!" and tied the game.

Then things got interesting. But not in the game. Just other secret goings-on.

The second period went by without any goals, thanks to a non-goal that had Booshie crying into the jersey of the Weirdest Kid Ever, who was sitting next to him. The Bulldogs finally kicked things up a notch thanks to back to back power plays where they finally converted and Sharpy had his first of 2 goals!!! Andrew Carroll got in on the scoring with a shorthanded goal and Sharpy got an empty net goal from quite a distance out! Incredible!!

Tomorrow is going to be off the heezy. For now, we're discussing the Golden Girls, and I really must go. No Numbers tonight as I don't have access to my superspecial spreadsheet.

The Gauntlet: Insane Tubers Edition

The Gauntlet started off as such a great project, until I ran out of people to Gauntlet for long periods of time. FINALLY I found someone worthy of my witticisms: Crazy Potatoes (I know, stupid name! But I didn't make it up), the Vice President of Michigan Tech's "Mitch's Misfits."

RWD: First off, I just have to ask you: Why are you a Tech hockey fan?

VP: Well, for one I go to Tech, but I don't think that's the answer you're looking for. [Way to end a sentence with a preposition!]

RWD: Another Tech fan submitted that question. S/he doesn't understand why. [Specifically, s/he said VP didn’t have an “18 October 2003.”]

VP: Well, mostly because I love hockey, and I love Tech, so it's natural for me to be a Tech fan.

RWD: I feel like those are two mutually exclusive principles.

VP: But, it also doesn't hurt that my first college hockey experiences were the GLI tournaments [aka the Beat Up On Tech Invitational] while visiting relatives in Detroit, or that my dad is a Tech alum, along with two of my uncles.

RWD: Oh, people who might actually remember when Tech was good?

VP: Yeah, exactly.

RWD: How did a sophomore become Vice President of Mitch's Misfits? [Naivete, I think.]

VP: Well, MEg started noticing I was on all the road trips last year (I think I only missed out on UAA and Mercyhurst last year, so I was at all but 4 games), and so we became friends and it just kinda went from there.

RWD: Hah. I didn't notice you on road trips. [Evidently the VP was at the UMD, SCSU, and UMTC Tech games I attended as well as the Final Five and I never noticed. How sad. For him.]

VP: I don't know what she saw in me though, I'm a terrible person. [Hear that? That’s the sound of NO ONE ARGUING.]

RWD: You even spawned a new term in the college hockey lexicon. What exactly does it mean to "VP?"

VP: Heh. I wouldn't quite say it's in the college hockey lexicon; maybe the MTU college hockey lexicon.

RWD: Well, it's no "MNS." [In case you were unaware, “MNSing” it is “not knowing what you were supposed to do.”]

VP: Yeah, exactly.

RWD: But, continue.

VP: Anyway, you know how when you put your thumb over the nozzle of a hose and it sprays with a greater force? (Yay fluid dynamics!) [Yay continuity equation! vA = constant for an incompressible fluid!!!] Just apply that concept to puking and you get VPing.

RWD: There will be no VPing anywhere near me this weekend. While we're playing dictionary, what does "Tech hot" mean? [Extremely long pause.] Are you looking it up or what?

VP: Well if we're talking about the hockey team this year [which I am not], it would probably mean consecutive non-losses [Has that even occurred? Oh, yeah, when they tied tUMD {ugh} and swept NMU], but the actual usage is an average- to slightly-above-average-looking girl that is considered "hot" since there are not that many girls up here.

RWD: Would you consider RWD "Tech hot?"

VP: Sure, why not? [Oh, I can think of a few reasons. The giant warts on my face, for starters.]

RWD: What about regular hot?

VP: That might be pushing it.

RWD: Ouch. [Not into warts, I see.]

VP: Just be glad I didn't say that to the Tech hot question.

RWD: I almost blasted you for not speaking in the 3rd person there. [This is some sort of weird tradition on USCHO started to make fun of some person who hasn’t posted on USCHO in like 3 years.] MEg thinks I'm regular hot.

VP: That's because you'll make out with her.

RWD: I see. So why has Mitch's Misfits [a Tech student section, named after Mitch Lake, professional creeper] fallen apart under your watch?

VP: Well, Tech's record hasn't exactly helped. It's hard to get the fair-weather fans into the game when you're down 3-0 in the first, but it's also due to the free student tickets that came as a result of the Tech Experience initiative they passed. People have no real investment in the games since they get in free, so they just kinda take up space, don't bother learning the cheers, and end up walking out early. There's also a decrease in the willingness of the e-board to drop everything to focus on the Misfits; Bill's a CC, Z's never around [Do I even know that person?], I have a double-major to work on along with (playing) hockey, broomball and skiing, and Alaska is in a frat. [So what he’s saying is, he sucks and so do all of the other MM officers.] MEg's [slavish] dedication to the Misfits, beyond just being a fan, is hard to match, especially with a completely fresh e-board. [I like how the lesson here is “Never try.”]

RWD: MEg is certainly dedicated. So is [was?] Shirtless Guy. Have you ever been hypnotized by the rhythmic jiggling of Shirtless Guy's stomach?

VP: I tend to try and not look at it, but it does remind me of the Goonies.

RWD: Fascinating. So why aren't you dedicated to the Misfits?

VP: Because I'm busy with school, work, hockey, broomball, skiing and... not consuming alcohol... [That last one generally helps with dedication and commitment.]

RWD: That's tragic. How many days til you're 21?

VP: Still on months (exactly 7 months from Thursday.) [Guess what? There are days in months!]

RWD: Then you'll have more fun on road trips. [And we will not ditch you! Maybe.] What has been your favorite road trip this year?

VP: Well it's kinda hard to beat Alaska.

RWD: You could beat him with a sack of doorknobs.

VP: Yes, but I don't think he'd let us stay at his house in Alaska then...

RWD: I see. [You can always shack up with Donald! I just hope you like putting lotion on your skin.] So, other than hockey, what is there to do in Houghton?

VP: [copying and pasting] (10:48:38 PM) [why the heck do people have the time stamp in their AIM windows? It’s as weird as keeping AIM logs saved on one’s hard drive] me: Because I'm busy with school, work, hockey, broomball, skiing and... not consuming alcohol... [end copy and paste] That stuff. /lame cop out. [God. CS nerds.]

RWD: I can't do many of those things. I was thinking more about visitors to the region. YOU SHOULD BE AN AMBASSADOR FOR YOUR TOWN.

VP: I can't really comment on the bar scene, so I'm gonna say go skiing [There are only two choices?], especially at Mt. Bohemia, which is about 40 minutes north of Houghton. Best skiing in the Midwest. [Uh, that’s like saying the coldest spot in Death Valley!]

RWD: That is far.

VP: Not relative to the distance most people travel to get to Houghton.

RWD: I suppose. In the warmer months there's golfing, I hear.

VP: Yes, MTU's course is very nice. And very free for students.

RWD: Which Husky is the best golfer?

VP: The BLC golf outing was last August so I don't really remember. [And you say you aren’t drinking.] Lickteig was pretty good though.

RWD: Can't really say anything about his hockey skillz.

VP: Yeah, he went down for the season in practice before the season started. He played decent in the one exhibition game though...

RWD: So who are your favorite Huskies? I usually ask current and all-time, but your fandom isn't very lengthy. [VP’s like “All time? JORDAN FOOTE!”]

VP: I'd have to say Baker, BUNGER!, and Cousens. Or Dobson. Actually yeah, Dobson not Cousens. I get them confused sometimes.

RWD: I see. Not Little Peter? [Rohn]

VP: He's good, but I wouldn't call him a favorite.

RWD: What about Bennett? [Royer]

VP: If he could finish more often, he'd probably be a favorite. Same with Lord.

RWD: I... will not make the comment I am thinking of making. What about Robby?

VP: Nolan? [No, Krieger.] Too inconsistent.

RWD: What about JSL? [Justin St. Louis. Not pronounced Sant Loo-ee.]

VP: He doesn't play much, so no.

RWD: Mike Curry didn't play much. Even when he was on the ice. You don't like any of my Tech faves.

VP: I'm sorry. I judge on how they play.

RWD: Um. Relative to each other, I'm assuming. Since, uh...

VP: Style of play, not necessarily their success as a player.

RWD: What about their hottness? Who is the hottest Husky?

VP: I barely recognize most of them, so I can't really say. [Just look up at the poster you have on your ceiling that you make kissy-faces at every night.]

RWD: You have to answer.

VP: Well I guess I'll go with the answer you want to hear then and say Robby Nolan.

RWD: It's not about what I want to hear. [It happens to be the right answer. There is no room for difference of opinion on this matter.] It's about what's in your heart.

VP: I don't have hockey players in my heart.

RWD: That's sad. [And harsh.] What about Jamie? Is he in your heart?

VP: I'm a fan of the game, not a stalker of players. [To the VP, stalking = loving. Hmm… sounds like the future recipient of a restraining order to me!] Same applies to coaches.

RWD: You can still care. So how is Michigan Tech going to win this weekend?

VP: It's quite possible. I wouldn't be surprised if we managed to pull out a split.

RWD: That isn’t the question. [Sigh.]

VP: Win/Tie Friday, loss Saturday. [He claims to be a sophomore, but he’s acting like a freshman.]

RWD: Still not understanding the question. Do you need a lifeline?

VP: Yes? I'm optimistic with realistic expectations. Yes to the original question. [My brain is bleeding at this point.]

RWD: VP. It's not a yes or no question. My god. Let me rephrase.

VP: Oh wow. [CAN YOU SEE THE LIGHTBULB GOING ON OVER HIS HEAD?]

RWD: What strategy is Michigan Tech going to have to employ in order to be successful this weekend? THAT IS THE QUESTION.

VP: Yes, I see that now. Passing and an aggressive forecheck. [I like how scoring goals is not in the plan. Seems like he’s been drinking the Jamie Russell Kool-Aid.] Also, not skipping the second period would be good too.

RWD: And how will they lose?

VP: Bad passing, dump and watching and skipping the second period. Same way they've managed to lose and tie their way through this season so far.

RWD: Dump and watch. Do you think they do drills on that?

VP: I doubt it, just a lack of effort on the parts of the forwards.

RWD: Who will be in goal? A rotation? Robby? Robo? Robot Chicken?

VP: I'd probably say Robinson since he played pretty well in St. Cloud.

RWD: Does it even matter?

VP: Probably not.

RWD: You could play. You did get some experience with North Dakota last year. [Extremely long pause.] ... [another extremely long pause] ...

VP: I don't believe I played.

RWD: You helped in practice though. [The VP bears an uncanny resemblance to UND’s former 3rd stringer, Landon Snider.] I notice you were not asked back.

VP: Yeah.

RWD: Tragedy.

VP: Indeed.

RWD: So do you see the players around campus a lot?

VP: Every once in a while I'll walk past one, but not all that often.

RWD: So none of them are in any of your classes?

VP: Nope.

VP: CS and Physics aren't exactly popular majors for D1 hockey players. [I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t be. PHYSICS!!!!!!! is amazing!!!]

RWD: Maybe they would play better if they understood physics more thoroughly.

VP: I doubt it; you shouldn't be thinking that much on the ice.

RWD: If you understand physics well you don't really have to think.

VP: I think they've picked up on the necessary intuitive physics by the time they reach NCAA hockey.

RWD: And yet... 1-17-6.

VP: They should brush up on their chemistry; that would help the passing a lot more. A pool player can study geometry as much as he wants [and some physics, too! PHYSICS!!!!], but in the end it all depends on how well he can control how he hits the ball.

RWD: Speaking of balls: when did you grow some?

VP: They've been hanging around for a while. [Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww.]

RWD: Dormant.

VP: Perhaps.

RWD: Do you think it'll drive you crazy when your housemate and your sister start dating?

VP: My sister's previous boyfriend of 2 ½ years was a friend of mine before they met, so probably not too much. I doubt it will happen though.

RWD: What about when your mom and your housemate hook up?

VP: Really? A sister joke followed by a mom joke? You can do better than that. [He seemed prepared for this line of questioning. It must happen a lot.]

RWD: Who is joking?

VP: The implied housemate. My mom and my sister are way out of his league

RWD: I didn't ask who is a joke. So, any last words before we wrap things up?

VP: Nope.

RWD: How about a weekend prediction?

VP: Didn't we go over that when my reading comprehension took a dive? [NO.]

RWD: You have to give scores.

VP: 2-2, 4-2 UMD. [Close, but there will be no tie. tUMD SWEEPS!]

SUBMIT.

Oh, comrades, it is that time again. Only a few weeks before the All-WCHA Hottie Team for 2009 is unleashed on the world. I know Donald's pretty excited.

So, guys and gals (I'm inclusive), is there a player in tWCHA that makes your heart go pitter-pat? Do you have any hott pictures of him, especially in the case where his roster pic is beastly? Please send any hottness evidence (virus-free, please) to runwiththedogs(at)hotmail(dot)com. (Why do I even bother to post it like that? I have so much junk coming to that email address that I almost deleted an important email. Almost-sorry, Dawn!) If you ARE sending me an email, please make it obvious you are a spammer. That means don't title it "Hello Dear," "Irish National Lottery," "URGENT REPLY," "Verify Your Account," or a long string of gibberishy characters.

Note: this is NOT a vote. RWD is a benevolent dictatorship; I will take into account your faves, but there are no guarantees. You may campaign at will, but please note that unlike the Hobey Baker fan vote, no matter how much you, um, stuff my ballot box, Chay Genoway will not make the list.

Additional note: There are a few folks that have been campaigning for their faves all year long, so the rest of you are behind the 8-ball.

Final note: Mr. Seidel is NOT eligible until next year but that does not mean stop campaigning for him...

My Bloody Valentine

Much love to all RWD readers on Valentine's Day!












XXOO,
Runninwiththedogs

Great Expectations

"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape." Charles Dickens, and if you can't guess the reference, I worry about you. And direct you to the title of the post.

I really love Duluth and there certainly are many lovely folks in that wonderful city, but seriously, some of them are straight up crazy.

Most of those crazy people are not RWD readers nor are they regular posters on tPB or USCHO; a few of them wander over to Rink and Run when they are out of the straitjacket for an hour of occupational therapy. I don't really like to run down UMD fans, and I certainly don't like to run down mentally ill people because really, life's hard enough for them already, but for reals, people. Just stop with the complaining.

There are evidently people out there delusional enough to think that Bulldog hockey is a dynasty in ruins, and a large subset of those people think that it is the fault of our current coach.

Permit me to illustrate using the ever-informative Venn diagram:


















Exciting! We're all learning together, comrades.

Now, I love tUMD hockey more than most people love their freaking parents (however, this doesn't mean I love my parents less than Bulldog hockey; I just have a freakishly large capacity to love, all evidence to the contrary), but there have been more downright terrible years than there have been good years, and so I don't know from where they are deriving this irrational expectation of college hockey dominance. It is pretty crappy and lame that tUMD has been in the WCHA for, what, 40 years now? and they haven't been able to string together anything even close to what UND, UMTC, DU or UW have done, but we can hardly blame the current coach nor can we start spazzing at the current players for not winning. FIRST OF ALL, THEY ARE WINNING. Second of all, it's not their fault that we didn't win a national title in 1984. Or 2004, for that matter. I mean, some of our best players had probably never even heard of tUMD in 2004. And were any of them even BORN in 1984? (TERRIFYINGLY, NO. And now I'm depressed that I looked.) Just because they don't win every gosh darn game they play doesn't mean we need to put stones in our pockets and walk into Lake Superior, or that we need to fire the coach.

Now, with that being said, let's all have a group hug and agree to get behind this team and support them down the stretch. Two sellout crowds is a great way to start! I am definitely going to be smart and buy my tickets for the Anchorage series IN ADVANCE in order to avoid the blind panic of the last two home weekends.

Now, ahem, guys. I know you're out there Googling yourself Ciskie-style to see what the Internets have to say about you and to stroke your egos a bit, which I am okay with because if people were writing about me I'd be curious (I don't know if they are, because I recently typed myself into the query bar and after 14 pages there wasn't a single hit that could have even possibly been about me), but in case you surf on over here, let's have a chat.

In three weeks, when the dust has settled, I don't want to be picking through the wreckage of a season that could have been, eating crow for writing posts like this. Please, please, please, throw your girl a bone here (triple entendre, anyone?) and give me, along with the city of Duluth and the worldwide Bulldog nation, something positive to take away from this season other than "It's equal to or slightly better than last year." I know you guys have it in you; seniors, you know what it was like to be on a team heading nowhere at an all-out run and then turn it into a playoff upset and a Final Five appearance. This year's team is going somewhere at a trot or possibly a canter, and I would like to see something fun. A couple of wins at the X. A couple of wins at Mariucci in February... and then a couple more in March. I don't know. Get creative. Okay? Thanks.

Get On The Bus

Blogs are popping up all the time, and I just do not have the time to read every one-post wonder that bursts forth on the scene. It would be like trying to count zits on Robbie Earl's face. Or hairs on DHG's back.

But every once in awhile, a blog comes along that I must call attention to. I'm not really sure why I am in this case, as most of my readers probably won't like it if they don't like humor that is USCHO-centric or is below sophomoric. Freshmanic, in fact. If you're not a USCHO poster or reader, USCHO humor will never be funny. I hate USCHO but I still post there in UMD threads or occasionally do a drive-by in some random thread, so I'm still on the outside of a lot of stupid jokes. Many of them originate in the cafe, and if you're in the USCHO cafe on a regular basis, then something about you is malfunctioning. It could be A.) your brain B.) your interpersonal skills C.) your legs D.) all of the above.

USCHO newbie (I REFUSE to use the nerd-speak spelling) and St. Clown Community College freshman Startthebus decided to start a blog. It is not... um... well, if you're offended by the occasional curse word, romantic interludes between humans and animals, selling of alcohol to minors by St. Cloud taverns, occasional slip-ups in grammar, spelling, and usage, or Dirty's face, just don't click on the link, and if you do anyway I can't say I didn't warn you.

I don't know how long this blog will be around, but Startthebus has already 1.) rescinded his earlier statement that I am fat 2.) dedicated much of his blogging to making fun of Dirty and 3.) made fun of stupid losers from St. Cloud, so it is already the best blog to come out of the St. Cloud fanbase. Yeah, Allenspach, you read it here first. Well, not likely, because I'm sure you don't read RWD. Well, you might now, if you are occasionally Googling your name like other columnists I know *cough*Ciskie*cough*.

So, I've given you fair warning; here's the link.

Melodrama

There has always been some friction between paid sportswriters and bloggers, mostly because sportswriters fear for their relevance and bloggers desperately want legitimacy. RWD has stayed above the fray for the most part, as very little that I do resembles journalism. Of course that doesn't mean that I'm not annoyed with Mr. Pates for EDITING OUT MY COMMENTS ABOUT STALOCK WHEN HE REPRINTED CISKIE'S FANHOUSE ARTICLE. But whatever. Maybe his bourgeois readers can't handle something so freaking real. Hee!

So I was reading WCH and he linked to some paint-huffer over at the Badger Beat whining about anonymity on the internet and the mean things people say on blogs and message boards.

I don't really care who this guy is, but I read through the comments because I was bored and curious (a dangerous combination!) and though most of them are annoying blowhards trying to use big words so that the whiny author won't lump them in with other blog and message board commenters (jeez, talk about biting the hand that feeds you!), one comment by someone named "UnknownBadger" is just too amazing not to share with my readers.

"What gets me is the shallowness exhibited by the WSJ over the years. It's so
willing to castrate a player for smoking pot but seemingly overlooks or at least
down plays a coach's son for cooking a parrot."

WHAT??? COOKING A PARROT??? People in Wisconsin are sick. It is glorious in its randomness. The commenter's grammar kind of sucks though.

I investigated further, and it looks like Alvarez's kid wasn't cooking the parrot because it was tasty, but rather because he was being a petulant brat about some sort of email. And it was cooked in a microwave, not in a pot on the stove.

(To be fair to the whiner from the WSJ, some Wisconsin bloggers whined about how he's always stealing their scoops. Whatever, dudes. You live blog games you don't even attend.)

Manifest Destiny

tUMD 4, Racist Mascots 2

In the early days of the WCHA season, there were those among the Denver fanbase who believed the Pioneers were destined and divinely ordained by the hockey gods to expand their empire across the whole of Division I hockey. They used this belief to justify their domination of other species such as huskies and bulldogs (and sweet, sweet buffalo!) as well as their violent attacks on innocent little fuzzy guys.

So the Pioneers rolled into town in their covered wagons with their sights on eradicating the Bulldogs from this earth once and for all. Along the way, they had to ford the Yukon River and lost an oxen, 2 sets of clothing, and a wagon wheel, and then Tyler Bozak got cholera and they went past a gravesite that says "Here lies Andy. Pepperoni and chease [sic]." For more information on the Pioneers's journey, please consult this informative simulation.

So, after the first game, in which DU circled their wagons to keep the PP from scoring, and then made base camp in tUMD's goal crease to either screen or cherry-pick (depending on the individual), something needed to be done. A last stand, perhaps, though one preferrably more successful than General Custer's. Interestingly enough, this last stand involved some very similar strategery (or, rather, lack of strategery) to the previous night's shenanigans. Meaning, Pioneers camped out in front of the net, etc. Some time in the third period, tUMD was on the penalty kill, and there was OF COURSE a player in the crease and a Bulldog player (who shall remain nameless) standing near him. IF THERE IS A PLAYER IN YOUR CREASE, DON'T FREAKING WATCH HIM. GET HIM THE FREAK OUT OF THERE. I can't even stand it. How many goals would that have saved? So I yelled something marginally coherent, and then the secret player gave the guy in the crease a little shove and he moved. It was like we were on the same wavelength! We're connected, Trent! I mean, uh, secret player. But thank you for doing that. Now everyone try to make a point of it. (Although it seems like every time a tUMD player decides to play physically they get called for a penalty, so it's a pretty fine line, but please, figure something out.)

Oh, and Coach? I know you weren't so happy with the PK and some of the defence from Friday night, but the substitution you made didn't make any sense.

I was, of course, late to the game, as I essentially parked on the lake I was so far away from the game. I missed Sharp's goal, one second after the expiration of the power play, but I did hear the goal horn as I was running to the ticket booth. Exciting. The battle had truly begun. And the game was a sell-out! That's, what, two sell-outs this year? Against non-Gopher teams? That's huge. Even though I complained about the availability of tickets, it's still pretty exciting to have the team selling out games again. Plus I had a seat anyway, because I have friends in high places. Like, the top row of the student section. Which was a bit of a challenge to get to, but I'm tough.

What a fun game! I enjoyed the three early goals, although I got a little whiny because they came so close together that there was a long stretch with nothing to celebrate. I think I was even whining about it when Gergy decided to make Cheverie look like a water buffalo wallowing in a mudhole. (I don't really like to think about water buffalo because there is a part in the book The Things They Carried about a water buffalo that is horribly disturbing.) Woohoo!

There should have been a few other goals in the game, including one DU shot that clanked off the pipe. Burbstyle said it was the luckiest we had been all season until I shut him down by reminding him of last weekend's installment of the Alex Stalock Goaltending Circus. Burbs was pwned. I can't believe I said that. I guess I'm getting ready for Tech weekend ALREADY! Yay! Fonzie hit a couple of pipes, too, and MSJ had what I thought was a wide-open net but somehow stupid Chevy go-go-Gadgeted his leg or pad or something over and saved it and I almost tumbled over onto Biddco because I was standing on the back of my seat.

The game ended very poorly because Foz E. Bear was trying to get an empty net goal with 3 seconds left and stupid jerk Mullen decided to brutally slash him. Listen, Mr. Mullen. I know you are not a very good player and a disproportionate number of the crappy plays in the game could be attributed to you, but it isn't very kind to take it out on anyone else. You could have just slashed yourself. Then Gwozzy tried to make you apologize and no one cared, so you just looked stupid, which was good. I wasn't really sure what was going on at the time; I thought that the refs were going to make them leave the ice without shaking hands in order to avoid a UMTC/UND-style incident, but things got explained later on.

The Curling Club followed, and pure insanity. DU fans are incredibly fun. My voice is completely shot.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: FINITO!!!!
Points until we equal last season's total: BRAVISSIMO!!!

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 28!
Jack Connolly: 22
Michael Gergen: 13! (Now flat to last year in points!!)
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 25!
Jack Connolly: 22 (So close to having a goal that I pre-celebrated it!)
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

On Notice
Rob Bordson
Andrew Carroll
Jay Cascalenda
Nick Kemp
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Justin Fontaine
Matt Greer
Josh Meyers
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm

Postcards from RWD, Vol. 11: Fantasy Hockey Edition

(No, people, not that kind of fantasy. Jeez.)

Dear Justin Fontaine, Alex Stalock, and Jack Connolly,

MeanEgirl has all three of you on her WCHA fantasy team. It would help her out immensely if you could score goals, especially shorthanded or on the powerplay (Al you can, too), get assists, and shut out DU.

On behalf of MEg,

Runninwiththedogs

Ordinary People

tUMD 3, tUMD's PK 4

Ok, the Curry game-worn needs to take a breather, as its mojo is gone. This is unfortunate, because I really wanted to wear it tomorrow: not only is it very cool and beaten up by all the fun and wacky elbows and hip checks MC would throw around, but it also makes wearing pants pretty much unncessary. I mean, I still planned on wearing pants with it, because though it has warmed up this weekend it would still be rather drafty, but it's incredibly large on me and I think that's fun. One of these (October) days I'm going to wear hotpants and fishnets underneath it and really mess with people. Plus I can totally head right over to some Rocky Horror Picture Show viewing without changing!

I was driving home today in a panic because I got out of work slightly late and I was afraid I'd miss part of the game (I did, but it was an inconsequential part). I was thinking about how I was enjoying this whole semi-successful season thing, but that I missed the old crappy Bulldogs because I knew I could pretty much get a ticket for any game by just walking up to the ticket window when I arrived. Now I have NO PLAN for getting into the game tomorrow and if I don't get a friggin' ticket I am going to be UNBELIEVABLY p.o.ed because I just frantically drove 2 hours after spending 8 1/2 hours speaking to the most idiotic people in the whole world. Don't be surprised if you don't see me (with our without pants!) because I might have choked myself on my own headset or hung myself with a phone cord.

What? Oh, the game. Do I really have to talk about it? Well, no, I don't have to, no one is holding a gun to my head. And if anyone was holding a gun to my head, it would probably just be me. I know it was only 4-3 and not some horrendous blow-out, but really. There was some horsecrap officiating tonight, but that's not the point. So what if the referees FORGOT they need to BLOW THE WHISTLE when there's a penalty on the Bulldogs and they have POSSESSION of the PUCK and then ANDREW CARROLL scored a SHORTHANDED GOAL? That was really annoying, but what was more annoying is our Ordinary Teams going 2 for 6 on the PK and 1 for 9 on the PP including a GIFT of a PP with 1:17 remaining which gave tDogs a 6 on 4 opportunity and STILL couldn't net a game-tying goal. OH THE HUMANITY.

Weird stat: all of tUMD's players are either even, +1, or oddly +2 in the case of Jay Cascalenda, while DU's players are all either even or -1.

Okay, GOODNIGHT.

Wait, one more thing. MCON? Great game. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 1 (Ready for tomorrow night!)
Points until we equal last season's total: 2 (Sigh, would have been nice to update this one, at least)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 27!
Jack Connolly: 22
Michael Gergen: 12!
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen

Mike Connolly: 24!
Jack Connolly: 22
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

On Notice
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Nick Kemp
Evan Oberg
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Justin Fontaine (Whaa?)
Michael Gergen
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt

RWD's Know Your Foes

A comprehensive look at RWD's opponents

DGGoddard

the godfather

site: Let's Go DU

Puck Swami

the spiritual advisor

site: Know Your Foe

CO14ers

the evil henchman

site: thankfully, none

vs.

A Scary Person

(escaped mental patient)

site: duh (Eee! A circular reference!)

I know. It hardly seems like a fair fight. The Little Blogger That Could pitted against three grown men, one of whom possesses mystical powers. But there's very little I wouldn't do for my 'Dogs or for 'Dogs fans, so I'll get the best of them or die trying.

About the Enemy

Let's Go DU sprang onto the scene with the 2005-2006 campaign (a full year after the genesis of RWD) as the result of a manifesto on school spirit given by Goddard and some other hack. The report is mostly corpie-speak, which is an essential language for communication within the WCHA as it is the main language spoken at both Mariucci and Magness Arenas. Curiously, the report speaks of DU athletics as a "primary bonding opportunity," which seems like something that should be downplayed, given the overall negative results of rival Colorado College's bonding efforts, which resulted in multiple cases of mono and numerous suspensions. The remainder of the blog is far from corporate: its main purposes seem to be link-whoring to Mike Chambers's blog and other "legitimate" media sources, baiting North Dakota fans, and otherwise disseminating all the college hockey news that's fit to line your birdcage. DGGoddard is the main proprietor of LGDU with both CO14ers and Puck Swami as consultants.

Earlier this season, Puck Swami launched Know Your Foe as a counterpoint to the sometimes-dicey-on-the-facts LGDU; KYF seems to be culled solely from Wikipedia, school's media guides, and Puck Swami's vast knowledge of WCHA history. KYF seems doomed by its potential for stagnation, as many of DU's opponents are the same year after year and there are only 58 teams in college hockey, which leaves little in the way of new content. The Swami is a business legend, and one can only hope he has plans to diversify his content in order to keep it fresh and relevant. Puck Swami is an enigmatic creature, ageless, faceless and shapeless; whether he exists in this realm at all is a topic of heated debate.

CO14ers has not, as of presstime, started a blog on DU athletics or any other topic of interest (or noninterest) to any sector of the population. He travels the country with his bald ward as an ambassador of sorts, or what would pass for an ambassador if any entity would claim him publicly as their own, visiting hockey arenas and gentlemen's clubs from Anchorage to Zminneapolis.

Mascot and Colors

LGDU is at the heart of the Denver Boone Controversy. Boone is a fat, white, jolly, furry cap-wearing cartoon and the former mascot of the University of Denver. Boone was usurped by University brass with the explanation that he does not represent the diverse student body of DU. Maybe so, but fat white Imperialist guys seem to be the majority of DU alumni.

DU's school colors are extremely similar to UMD's colors. I drunkenly screamed this at politely and soberly pointed this out to CO14ers the first time we met. Or rather, the first time I remember meeting him.

Famous Readers

Let's Go DU is probably the secondmost widely-read non-newspaper affiliated blog in college hockey, with only Western College Hockey surpassing its readership. Naturally, with that kind of exposure, some real luminaries visit the site, including:

George Gwozdecky, DU Head Coach

Matt Carle, DU alumnus, Hobey Baker winner, defenceman for the Philadelphia Flyers

Dirty, USCHO posting lifetime achievement award winner and author of Dirty's Diatribe

Dave Hakstol, UND Head Coach and LGDU favorite

Mike Chambers, Denver Post beat writer

Bruce Ciskie, AOL FanHouse and College Hockey News contributor

Donna Carpenter, genius and beauty queen

Zach Blom, two-time All-WCHA Hottie Team honoree

The Series

The Pioneers are smarting from their overtime loss in Anchorage on Saturday, where they earned a split, which is one more point than tUMD got out of Anchorage. tDogs had a low-scoring and epileptic-fit-inducing weekend against Wisconsin where they scored 2 goals and earned 2 points. The last time these teams met, DU routed tUMD 5-1 on Friday night, which also gave fans their first installment of PEANUT BUTTER HJELLE TIME!!!!, and tUMD lost a close one on Saturday night, 2-1 (My recap for that game was almost non-existent and not worth the linky). Michael Gergen was the only Bulldog to score a goal that weekend. For DU, expect to see Marc Cheverie between the pipes for DU until tUMD's offensive onslaught chases him from the game, when we will see Little Peter Rohn's neighbor in Norway, Lars Paulgaard. For the Good Guys, WCHA co-defensive player of the week Alex Stalock will have the start, and I have a 99.999999% confidence level in that answer. DU's leading scorers are Anthony Maiani (really?) and diving legend Rhett Rakhshani at forward followed by Patrick Wiercioch on defence. DU's leading scorer would most likely be Tyler Bozak if he was not injured. UMD's scoring is led by Arthur Fonzarelli and MacGregor Sharp at forward, while captain Josh Meyers leads the defencemen in scoring. DU's Joe Colborne and UMD's Mike Connolly were teammates and linemates for the Camrose Kodiaks, so tUMD fans are hoping that MCON gives away all of Joe's secrets, while Joe forgets to do the same for Mike. tUMD arena staff will likely be augmented, with checkpoints set up to assist Coach Gwozdecky in finding the locker room, since he had so much trouble in North Dakota.

In The House

In an act of what can only be sheer desperation, Bruce Ciskie asked me to write a "semi-serious" paragraph on Alex Stalock for his FanHouse column.

My attempt at semi-seriousness is a failure, but he used it nonetheless. Check it out.

Inside Job

This weekend, I wasn't able to get to Madison. This is probably a good thing since it seems every time I drive to Wisconsin, something bad happens. Specifically something vehicular.

HOWEVER, I'm always thinking about my reader. Er, readers, I suppose. Still can't get used to that. I had SEVERAL sources in Mad-town for this game covering it from all angles: from skyboxes to dive bars. And Simmerdown, once-and-future? author of the Penalty Box's Maroon Lampoon, agreed to give me a recap. This is great, because it means original content with zippo effort from your #1 gal.

Note: all of the opinions in this article are Simmerdown's own, and are not necessarily the opinions of RWD. Especially those on My Guy Gergzilla.

Hey all RWD readers, Simmerdown here. I was asked to give a recap of the past weekend here by your wonderful host since I made the trip into Sconnie for the games, so here goes:

Friday Night – Can I get some Spotted Cow?

First of all, the drive through Wisconsin on 94 is quite possibly the most boring drive, second only to Nebraska. Nothing to look at but open land, cows, and second cousins riding in pickup trucks [How does open land fit in a pickup truck?]. We got into town around 5:30 and made our way to my buddy’s house (Bulldoginbadgerland over at tPB). Once we got to the Kohl Center I thought I had entered Stalingrad [now known as Volgograd, in case you're in a geography bee]. Everyone was in red, and they all thought alike. Obviously a group of people wearing the opposing team’s jersey are automatic [sphincters]. It wasn’t so bad the first couple of times but my god, think of something original to say. McCarthy is gone, you can think on your own once again. I had one [donkey] tell me that I could look forward to serving his kids french fries since I go to UMD. Nevermind the fact that I have already graduated and go to law school. Whatever, he was a communication major and was wearing a red Polaris jacket [god, they're everywhere]. I didn’t know UW accepted St. Cloud transfers…

The Kohl Center is an impressive building, for a basketball arena. The sea of red idiots jumping around on cue is enough to make you vomit. The same chants, the same cheers, the same strange badger mating ritual every night. I guess repetition is the goal of any brainwashing cult. [Oh yeah!] The game itself was very boring, with ugly goals scored by both teams. J-Con (RWD required me to mention him at least once per night) [Yes, but to be fair, I also said "No need for any sort of Jacky quota... he'll just be so awesome you'll have to mention him. Double points for Mike Curry references." AND I DON'T SEE ANY OF THOSE!!!!] scored first off a big rebound given up by Connelly. Later in the first Kishel took a hooking penalty and the BADgers tied it up with the ensuing PP. Davies took a rink wide pass on the near side about 8 feet out and beat Stalock through the five-hole as he slid over. [See, you never get this kind of analysis from RWD. I'm too busy trying to find a damn spoon for Bruce's kid's freaking Dippin' Dots before the world ends to like, pay attention to games and stuff.] It was the only goal all weekend that was remotely on Al. Of course, it was only 1 of 2 that he let in. Later in the second period the Communists scored again after a scrum in front left Al laying helpless in front and the defence [EARTH TO MEYERS!!! COME IN, MEYERS!!!] couldn’t find the strength to MOVE SOME FRICKIN' BODIES from the front of the net. The Bulldogs played a much better third period, and got some decent chances from their first and second lines. Bucky sealed the game with an empty net goal by Gorowsky (how ironic) [this is the literary device known as foreshadowing, folks] in the third and our beloved Bulldogs fell 3-1.

After the game we made our way over to the Echo Tap to drown our sorrows. That place was awesome to us. Both bartenders knew their hockey, and although there was the usual good natured ribbing, both in person and over the loudspeaker, they also hooked us up with free “pity shots.” I even got a free shot just for closing my tab. [Is this some sort of miracle? Although Stacy seemed to have trouble remembering at the CC last weekend...] I later filled my belly at Ian’s Pizza (they seriously need one of these in Duluth. Luce doesn’t have a mac n cheese pizza, but they should) where we met more dumbass fans that obviously didn’t watch the game, or know anything about hockey. One guy told me that I should go home before the Badgers blank the Bulldogs again. I was quick to tell him that the Bulldogs scored first, which he replied “whatever, you still suck.” Is there something in the water that removes all logic and thought from Badger fan’s brains? [Hah! The same thing happened to me! tUMD had a delayed penalty and pulled the goalie and this girl started screaming. I explained the rule kindly and she yelled back "Well, you're still losing!" Well I'd rather see tUMD lose every once in awhile than be a brainless jersey chaser.] We decided to make it a short night, go home and play some Rock Band, and make Saturday night the night we hit the town hard.

Saturday Night – Beer, Heart Attack, Beer. In that order.

On Saturday we made our way over to the New Glarus Brewery about 30 minutes outside of Madison. They make the famed Spotted Cow wheat beer and Fat Squirrel nut brown ale that you can only find in Wisconsin. The tour wasn’t that great, but the beer is amazing. They need to distribute to Minnesota because I can’t keep making runs to Hudson for this stuff [Word. Who wants to go there?]. After sampling their brew and buying 5 cases of beer to bring back with us we made our way back to the Red Shed for redemption. [I was confused. I was thinking of Fred's Red Shed! Yay!]

In the first, I had what I can only speculate to be the first heart attack of my young life. Al played the puck but centered it to Gorowsky, while another Badger gave a pretty decent body check to Stalock. Gorowsky missed the net entirely, wide right from about 15 feet out. The refs even had to do a replay just to be sure it didn’t go through a hole in the net. Apparently they couldn’t believe that a
player could be that bad; Gorowsky proved them wrong. Al played solid the rest of the night, including a great toe save after making 3 others just before it. The game got chippy in the second, with both teams playing some great defensive hockey. I have to give credit to Wisconsin for blocking as many shots as they did. Our powerplay was stifled the whole night because they never moved the box, they just stayed in position and let us move around them, but when we tried to make a move they closed in. It was a great penalty kill against a mediocre powerplay. [I have issues with who is on what power play but that is for another day.]

The third period started with some controversy. Sharp lined up with Geoffrion to take the draw, but Geoffrion made a move and Sharp tried to sweep his feet out, both players threw their hands up but the ref threw Geoffrion out. He lined up on the left wing against Kemp, but made a move in before the puck dropped. That got him an unsportsmanlike penalty which was met by a sea of boos from the Kohl Center. It didn’t matter, because our powerplay was atrocious all weekend. The Dogs finally scored when J-Con (there he is again) [Check] made a great play in the Wisconsin end by forcing the turnover, cutting in, and hitting Fulton with a great saucer pass right on the stick. [Eee!] All Fulton had to do was tap it in and it was 1-0 Dogs. After that goal, it was all defense for Duluth. They only used one forechecker, and really played good defensive hockey, especially during the last 3 minutes of the game. Stalock hung up the goose egg on the Sea of Lenin, and our boys took 2 points on the road.

After the game we made an appearance back at the Echo Tap since they were so cool the night before. The same two bartenders were working, only this time we got them “pity shots.” After a few rounds, I made my way behind the bar and even started pouring Jag for the two of them (pretty sure some of the football players that were there were ready to kick my [badonkadonk] for going behind the bar but let it go once they realized that the other bartender told me to.) We then went over to Waldo’s to get some fishbowls. The crowd at Waldo’s are basically all drunk undergrads who have no clue about anything outside their little world. Some of them had the deer in headlights look when I came up the stairs with a Bulldog jersey on. Strangers from the outside world, my parents warned me about this… A d-bag who was waiting in line to go to the next level of the club started talking trash. Let me say that again, this guy was waiting in line to go to another level of the bar he was already in, and was leaning over talking [feces]. My buddy pointed that out to him and the bouncer watching the door laughed so hard at it that he even gave my buddy a high five. Burn. Maybe I’m getting old and like quieter places with good beer, maybe the fish bowl had way too much alcohol in it for one person [I always thought fishbowls were pretty light on the booze; there was this bar called R and Rs at the U of I and I drank a whole one myself and nothing horrible happened. Maybe I'm just a sad sad drunk], or maybe I just don’t like amateur night at the local frat bar, but Waldo’s made me want to fight everyone I saw. [I feel like that pretty much constantly.] At closing time we left our remaining fishbowls with a very confused Asian guy and his date and made our way home. I remember thinking to myself as I fell asleep that road trips are the greatest thing about sports. [Eee! Houghton soon!]

Weekend Notes:
- Our powerplay has to get better. Wisconsin played a great PK, but 0-8 is simply unacceptable. [Unless you're from St. Cloud!!!]
- Sandelin used Kishel on Friday night, and Lamb on Saturday. Lamb looked much more in control and confident than Kishel. [I heart Super Sexy Shirtless Brady Lamb!]
- I am amazed at the speed of Cascalenda, only noticed him once or twice but when I did I was like “Who is that speedster?”
- Palm needs to learn how to handle a bouncing/fast puck. Soft hands, get out the eggs.
- Gergen still doesn’t realize there are teammates out there with him. The only time he passed the puck in the offensive zone was when he had no other option but pass, and it was a terrible one.
- Solid games from Sharp, Akins [What??? I love you Drew, but OMFG your penalty], and Fulton. Kemp is one of the most underrated players on our team in my opinion.
- Andrew Carroll should have a monument put up in remembrance of his work ethic.
- The student section at Wisconsin just plain sucks. The only original cheer they had was “where’s your water bottle” toward Stalock. How is supposed to get a guy off his game? You’re so good you don’t need water during the game, you suck!
- Fontaine is his usual fast self; I was impressed by his puck work through 2 and sometimes 3 Badgers.
- J-Con [check] was the same way but needs more size to him [What are we supposed to do? Tie his arms and legs to a team of horses and let them pull? Don't think JMay hasn't thought of it] or learn to duck the bigger hits. M-Con had an off weekend and really looked small compared to the Badgers when he was in the corners.
- Shane Connelly has a superman logo on his helmet. What a tool.

Next weekend is critical for the Dogs. They need at least 2 points but a stick salute would be better. [Me likey!] Good luck and go Dogs!

-Simmerdown

Thanks for the FANTASTIC recap of the weekend and a fresh perspective on the game.