17 March 2009

RWD's Definitive Guide To The Final Five

It's been a long, long, long, long, long time since tDogs made the Final Five, and I realize some of you fans may be out of practice. Fear not, because I am a member of the VFF Club. The Veterans of Final Fives Club. I have been doing this for YEARS people. Since it was at the CIVIC CENTER. Since NORTHERN MICHIGAN was in the league. And only 4 teams played. So I'm here to help. My sole purpose in life is to serve my reader(s?).

It's at the Xcel Energy Center. I hope you are all aware of this. I know it's the Gopher Invitational, but it's at Mariucci East, not Mariucci West.
Here is how to get there.

Game information
tUMD vs. UMTC - 7:07 - $20 lower bowl & club, $15 upper deck

UW vs. DU - 2:07 - $35 lower bowl & club, $15 upper deck
tUMD(!) vs. UND - 7:07 - $45 lower bowl & club, $15 upper deck

UND vs. UW/DU - 2:07 - $20 lower bowl & club, $15 upper deck
tUMD vs. DU/UW - 7:07 - $45 lower bowl & club, $15 upper deck

I wouldn't park in the Xcel ramp. It's just not necessary. Neither is parking in the Science Museum ramp. The people who work there can't count and they may end up sending you in when they are actually full. Pretty much anywhere will gouge you on parking. I located
this helpful map of where you can and can't find such gougers. Fortunately stupid St. Patrick's Day is about an hour away from ending, so it will NOT be during the Final Five and stupid parade-attenders will not be taking up valuable parking spots.

The Gopher Puke Live tailgate will be in the parking lot behind the Dairy Queen.

On Thursday, tUMD fans will be gathering at
Patrick McGovern's. UPSTAIRS. Other than that, you're on your own. Alary's has a shuttle they run to their bar, if you like chicks in hotpants (who doesn't!!), cops, and the Chicago Bears. I would recommend running to catch the shuttle BEFORE it makes it to the X, as they will pack as many people into it as they can. I've never been to Tom Reid's but I don't feel any reason to go. I think lots of Gopher fans go there.

Suggested drinks:
Windsor & Diet Coke/Pepsi/RC
Jag Bombs

Lyrics to tUMD's school song.

There are always lots of free things at the Final Five. I have gotten a foam puck keychain, Thunderstixxxx, foam hockey sticks, a poster that referred to UND as NDSU and made a bunch of Sioux fans crap themselves in unison, and once I would have won a t-shirt but I wasn't in my seat when they shot it out of the t-shirt cannon. My dad also took this weird cloth backpack thing that was only supposed to be for kids. Some of these free things are for everyone, and when you get back to your seat for the championship game, you find a surprise! Like Christmas morning! There are also a few contests/row giveaways. Red Baron pizza always has a giveaway, as does Tony the Tiger, and the Keebler Elf (the real one, not Benny Royer) likes to "toss his cookies" as well.

The main contest is DanceMania. It is between periods and goes all weekend. You will not win DanceMania on Thursday night. Thursday is the night you establish yourselves for the camera. Friday you keep it going, and then Saturday night you bring it on home. A costume is almost necessary, although last year this middle-aged lady won. Past winners include SpongeBob SquarePants, the bunny, and the bunny dressed as something else.

If you need any further assistance, please come to the RWD Base Camp at the top of Section 116, or look for me on the jumbotron.


vizoroo said...

Dear RWD,

tUMD is my 2nd favorite team in the F5

Thursday--The utterly fantastic fan fave, MacGregor Sharp, should get a double HAT TRICK!! Your Jacky should get at least one goal and 4 or 5 assists. Scoring is not limited to our personal faves, but should include a plethora of Bulldogs.

It is my fervent hope that tBulldogs chew up and spit out the rodents.
Run up the score on the gophs. They are ugly and undeserving.

Friday-- I'm counting on you, a VFF member, to motivate tdogs and tfans to victory.

Speaking of the nodak fans, You might want to provide an alternate map for them. You know the one that ends up at the Keokuk, Iowa convention center. There should be plenty of parking there.
The green shirted, hostile and abusives need to be taught a lesson.

Now on to the game, make sure MacGregor Sharp and Jacky both get HAT TRICKS. If Rob Bordson were allowed to play, he'd probably get one too. And if Al could get a goal, an assist and a shut out, that would be a great day for tUMD.

SCALP the sioux!
Flock the flickertails!
Make them wish they went to NDSU.
Shackle the goons and thugs.
Destroy the dak rats.
NO mercy for the nodaks!
If I have forgotten any other perjorative to describe the grand forksians, please forgive the omission.
(BTW,they are my 58th favorite team in the F5.)

Fire Helmet Guy #26 said...

You'll be the one in tears after NOT getting on the jumbotron! ;) You're only 2 sections over from us, we're in 118. I guess we'll be able to hear you screaming plain as day from there. lol

Anonymous said...

A beer says UMDDogz is on the jumbotron before you. Interested?

Anonymous said...

I bet I will be on the Jumbo tron before everyone! You will see why at the game!

Fire Helmet Guy #26 said...


I'll take that bet. I hope she does get on the jumbotron, a friendly wager involving beers between hockey fans is never a bad thing. :)

DC said...

UMDDogz is on the jumbotron about once every five minutes. I did make some signs so I might have a better chance.

Your predictions are outstanding. Although you left out Gergy! He needs hat tricks, too!

Fire Helmet Guy #26 said...

Thats fine, having to buy a beer for someone is not that big of a deal. I'll buy a beer for a Bulldog fan, no problem......a Badger fan would be different. lol

vizoroo said...

Here's the deal. If Bordson doesn't play Friday, then Gergy can have his Hat Trick.

My count is:
MacGregor Sharp--3 Hat Tricks
Jacky--1 Hat Trick + 1 goal and 4 or 5 assists
Gergy/Bordson--1 Hat Trick
Stalock--1 or more shutouts, 1 goal and 1 assist

Rodents--nothing worth mentioning
Hostiles and abusives--NaDa, NaDa; NaDa,
NaDa, Zip, Zip, Zip!

Anonymous said...

You're on FHG! White "Bulldogs" hat and '02-'06 UMD maroon jersey vs. a sign-bearing RWD in I'm not sure what (hopefully something).