The Gauntlet: Rage Edition

And... we're back! The Gauntlet has been thrown down to Donald, author of the UAA Hockey Fan Blog, and ideal candidate for anger management sessions. I didn't waste any time getting to the hard-hitting questions this week.

RWD: I hear you are a foreigner.

Donald: 100% Scottish blood. Ewan Macgregor's got nothing on me... besides wealth, women, and fame, that is.

RWD: Please, you have infamy, and that's much better. A [USCHO] Poster That Will Live In Infamy... let's discuss that. What happened with USCHO?

Donald: Long, long story. I joined back in '99... [that's 1999, people, not 1899. Donald may have been around then, but the internet and USCHO were not.] Got booted the first time because everytime a new BC bandwagon fan came onto the board, they started a new thread with each new thought that occurred to them. So, naturally, I spammed the board with new threads like "This is not your father's BC thread," "This is my favorite BC thread," and "I had a new thought about BC." I think it was after the seventh one they booted me. So then I just settled into insulting people.

RWD: Stick with what you know.

Donald: Worked for Don Rickles. The last straw was publishing the emails their admin sent me. After doing that, they gave me a two month rest. Then all it took was a single complaint from a St. Bob fan and I was history. Wasn't there some philosopher that said something about making the things we really want to happen? [Sorry, didn't catch that last part.]

RWD: A "single" complaint?

Donald: It could have been multiple. I heard through the grapevine that a certain [person] was texting all his friends that he'd got me booted. Then he had to [do some laundry].

RWD: I can't print that [meaning, what he actually said]. There are some that have called you The Angriest Man In Alaska.

Donald: Notably, you.

RWD: Let's not name names here. What do you say to these allegations?

Donald: I say I can't be responsible for other people's misinterpretations of my directness.

RWD: Wow, a master of euphemisms as well. Does the word "restraint" mean anything to you?

Donald: Yes ... but not in the terms you're referring to.

RWD: I saw that one coming like a freight train.

Donald: You're the engineer and the conductor, keep it on track.

RWD: How did you end up in Alaska?

Donald: My parents dragged me up here in 1978.

RWD: Perhaps using a car and driving would have been a better idea.

Donald: But the dragging part taught me a valuable lesson. How else could I achieve the heights of anger to which you referred earlier?

RWD: Have you ever thought of setting your sights higher? Becoming the angriest man in New York is prob. much harder. Or the angriest man in Moscow or something.

Donald: I used to "twist a few spliffs" in an attempt, but that just kept me on the couch.

RWD: Um... no comprendo.

Donald: Other people will get it. [Indeed, the Alleged Webmaster was all over it.] You obviously haven't been to Alaska. There's a LOT of angry people up here.

RWD: I would love to go to Alaska, and clearly would fit right in. How did you get inspired to start a blog?

Donald: DG. [Of LetsGoDu fame and The Gauntlet humiliation.] I couldn't let him get a hand up, and I'd noticed a few others, so it just seemed natural.

RWD: F******! Why does no one ever say "Because of RWD???" Someday, someone will. [My blog] is the grandmother of all college hockey blogs.

Donald: I agree.

RWD: It's not an opinion, it's a fact. I don't need your agreement, mister. So what did you hope to achieve with your blog? What was the game plan when you started?

Donald: I had two primary purposes. First, to correct misinformation and stupid misconceptions about the program. Second, to give parents of the players (and other fans) another source other than the boring weekly releases from the school.

RWD: So parents of the players read your site?

Donald: Yes.

RWD: Interesting. I only know of 1 parent that reads mine, and that particular person is the biggest hockey fan in the universe. Do any players read your site?

Donald: I really have no idea if the players do.

RWD: The only player I know that has read my site is actually a UAA player, Justin Bourne. People keep coming to my site from his facebook profile, ever since I said he was not hot. However, I misjudged him. I saw another picture and... hmmm...

Donald: He lives with 3 other players, so you can bet they've been there too.

RWD: I probably said his roommates were uggo, too.

Donald: Such judgements are beyond the scope of my blog.

RWD: How about the coaches? Do they read the site? I'm sure John Hill is an avid reader.

Donald: I hope other coaches read it, I just don't want UAA's staff to.

RWD: So, you keep a distance from the team?

Donald: I don't have any particular interest in meeting any of them.

RWD: I have never spoken to a hockey player.

Donald: Then you and I are alike in that way. It really doesn't hold any big attraction to me.

RWD: Well, I prefer to stalk from afar, so maybe we diverge there. Then again, maybe not.

Donald: We diverge.

RWD: So one day you were Drop The Puck, and the next day, you were Donald. What was with that?

Donald: I'd been booted from USCHO for a long time, and at the rink people were introducing me as DTP. That isn't who I am, so I updated it.

RWD: So, do you and John Hill still call each other now that he's left the program?

Donald: He gives me all the good tips I get on the Gopher program. The whole thing with me calling him tDon's shoeshine boy is part of the disinformation campaign.

RWD: Were you ever a fan of him?

Donald: I openly advocated the hiring of a teammate of his, Dennis Sorenson, on USCHO when they were looking for a Talafous replacement. Dennis actually email me and thanked me for doing so. My only "encounter" with Hill was in '91 or so when we were playing NMU in a tourney championship game. I was right behind the UAA bench and being really loud. Hill kept looking back at me like I was hurting his ears.

RWD: Do you think he gets more bloated every year?

Donald: I think everything about the Gopher hockey program gets more bloated every year. [Best line of the interview.]

RWD: Did you know he is "One of the most respected coaches in the nation?"

Donald: Hill?

RWD: Yes.

Donald: Respected for? Telling a fan base that head coach at UAA was his "dream job," and then leaving it after 3 seasons and giving a bunch of [equine feces] reasons on his way out the door? If that's what you mean by respected, then yeah. Respected for being hired by tDon three times?

RWD: I read it in his bio on gophersports.com, so it must be true. I'm getting you all riled up, I see. I've often wondered: you get mad at, like, everyone. Why haven't you ever gotten mad at me? Or do you get mad at me, but exercise that r-word? [Restraint, in case you people weren't paying attention.]

Donald: It's a mystery to me how people interpret things that way. Most of the time, I'm sitting here laughing. I rarely get mad about anything on the internet.

RWD: Wow. That comes as a surprise to... the world at large.

Donald: I hear ya, but what can I do? I'm who I am and say things how I say them. [He's also strong to the finish and eats spinach.]

RWD: How do you feel about this season so far?

Donald: Awesome. There is so much promise. The freshman are surprisingly good, the vets are really coming through, and you never hear anything but what a great attitude the team has.

RWD: Let's say the Seawolves continue to play at the level they are playing now. What do you see in April?

Donald: The first WCHA home ice playoff series.

RWD: Um. That's March. But, ok.

Donald: The team definitely has a chance in my mind to reach the NCAA's, but its way early to be saying stuff like that.

RWD: Did you just knock on wood?

Donald: Yeah, I think I bruised my noggin.

RWD: I assumed you had a steel plate in your head. What are we going to see this weekend?

Donald: The UMD squad is going to see a surprisingly fleet UAA team. One that is the second tallest and 8th largest in all of the NCAA. They're going to see a big sheet filled with green and gold blazing all around them. Mostly they're going to see pucks going behind Stalock. [Into the corners, when the Seawolves miss the net, no doubt.]

RWD: So a bunch of [obese badonkadonk] traffic cones...

Donald: If by [obese badonkadonk], you mean fast and strong, then yeah.

RWD: Last year, several of the Dogs players were in trouble for "violation of team rules" while in Alaska. What do you think they did? What is there to do in Alaska that would be a "violation of rules?"

Donald: I'll make sure they know where the [gentlemen's clubs] are ... there's one up here that caters to the under-21 crowd.

RWD: Who is your favorite Seawolf, current and all-time?

Donald: All time? Dean Larson was definitely the best player ever. I always liked big Mike Peluso too. In recent history, Curtis Glencross. Currently, Kevin Clark. Brush [Christiansen] is "da man" when it comes to Seawolf hockey. He's an old time hockey guy, he never shied away from "get in your face" hockey. Back in the day, teams didn't want to come up here. Not because of the travel, but because they knew they'd go home bruised.

RWD: Sort of the blogging style at the UAA Fan Blog.

Donald: I'm honored at the comparison.

RWD: So, who is the hottest guy on your team?

Donald: I wouldn't have a clue, but all the coaches wives are definitely smokin'. [A clear DG rip-off here.]

RWD: Is there a Mrs. Donald?

Donald: I'm here for Geico, luv, let's not delve into me personal life.

RWD: I see. [I can't believe I left that in.]

Donald: There was. We're best buds.

RWD: So, ladies, Donald is a single man

Donald: I certainly am.

RWD: How about a weekend prediction?

Donald: Seawolf sweep. I pick them to sweep every weekend.

A Very Angry Sequel

Not cool, guys. That would not make Peter Brady proud. He is sitting with his hot "Surreal Life" wife and shaking his head, because we were lame this weekend. SO lame. I mean, I didn't even have to update the Numbers last night, because WE DIDN'T PUT UP ANY NUMBERS. Barf. And Dan Kronick did not have 0 points, which is b.s., because he is not even good. WE ARE JUST THAT BAD RIGHT NOW.

Also, I do not like Summit. And I'm mad at my cousin because we went out tonight for his birthday, and he and his friends had already left Pizza Luce, and then I had the offending Summit. And I missed both games this weekend, because I slept for like 18 hours between Friday and Saturday, and then I was working Saturday night. GOOD THING I MISSED THEM.

Yeah, I'm mad. I try to hold it together, I try to keep my chin up and my positive attitude, because these are my guys, and all, but really, what is there to be happy about?

OH WAIT.

JEFF MCFARLAND SCORED A GOAL. AND IT WAS NOT WAVED OFF. IT DOESN'T GET ANY SWEETER THAN THAT.

Oh, but it does... RWD "obsession" (according to DHG) Mike Curry ASSISTED on the Jeff McFarland awesomeness. Seriously, all the forces in the universe had to align for McFarland to score on a Curry assist. The only thing stranger than that would maybe have been a Ryan Swanson goal on a Jim Jensen assist.

AND Mitch Ryan and the Detroit Wheels had his first goal as a Bulldog! So, there ARE some bright spots to be found.

PLUS, an EXCELLENT "The Gauntlet" edition coming up as the Dogs travel to Anchorage this coming weekend. Let's hope no one gets benched for "violation of team rules" after this next series...

Numbers
Points Until We Surpass Last Year's Total: 22
Wins Until We Surpass Last Year's Total: 10

My "Guys" Competition:
Matt Niskanen: 10
Michael Gergen: 5
Mike Curry: 3
Jason Garrison: 2
Matt McKnight: 2

Freshmen Competition:
Fulton: 6
Akins: 3
Detroit Wheels: 2
Gorsalitz: 2
Palm: 1
Stalock: 1
C. Ryan: 0

It's The New Jan Brady!

Oh brother, comrades. This is not good. Yes, the time stamp on this is correct. I am actually posting at half past four in the morning, RST (Runninwiththedogs Standard Time.) This is because I have to work in an hour. Yes, work. I'll be lucky if I can function... and safely operate a motor vehicle.

But! There is a game tonight! And I'm going to try my hardest to listen, but when I get home from work, somewhere between 1:30 and 2:00 PM RST, I'm going to be sleeping like I just pricked my finger on a spindle. Will I wake up for game time? I don't know. And tomorrow, sadly, I'm working the late shift, and so I won't be able to listen at ALL. Not good.

We need to win, and I'm really concerned about this series. Jan seems to be having a strong year so far, and having watched them play a few times on TV, I'm not really sure how we're going to do this year. Bobby G is having a sort of down year, but in case you haven't noticed, SO IS PRACTICALLY OUR WHOLE TEAM. Okay. So, who is going to show up for the 'Dogs tonight? Are we going to be the fat little Swiss Miss lisping Brady sister and let Jan Brady State roll through us? Or are we going to be Greg Brady and give Jan a good backhand to the face? Perhaps we will be Mrs. Brady and all have weird mullet-like hair.

I say, let's make like Peter Brady in The Only Episode Where Peter Is Actually Important At All. It's time to change! So we haven't scored many conference goals, or had many conference wins, or successfully killed as many power plays as we should have, and maybe our voices are cracking when we have a big singing engagement coming up. Did that stop Peter Brady? No! He cleared his throat, suited up, sang his croaky little heart out, scored a hat trick, AND delivered a sweet open-ice check on Alice when she got too sassy!

Now, let's hope that the St. Cloud players all show up with giant black wigs on.

Caveat: It's 4:30 in the morning. If you think this is stupid, just blame it on the early morning. If you think it's funny, then bow to the master.

O Canada

RWD would like to extend a Turkey Leg of Fellowship to all the Canadian readers out there. (Specifically, Canadian readers of this blog, not all people in Canada who read. Although, one day, those groups may be one and the same...) We appreciate our Canadians, not just the fans, but the players, from the newest arrivals to some of our brightest stars. Happy Thanksgiving, Neighbors To The North Who Do Not Celebrate It On This Day.

Thanksgiving

Hockey post coming soon, I promise. There will be no Gauntlet this week, as there's no one in St. Cloud that I think would appreciate/participate in such an interview. But it IS Thanksgiving on Thursday, and I have to work at the crack of dawn on Friday, so I'd better put something out.

RWD is thankful for
Bulldog hockey. Year in and year out. Win or lose.
Sammy's pizza.
Holy Cross.
Arena rock, especially Journey. Don't stop believin'!
Discovering tUMD Penalty Box and the hilarious guys/gals I've met.
My blogging friends: The Angriest Man in Alaska, Blogger Hottie 2006, MEg, Miss Mavs, DG, Goon, BB, Brad.
Siouxsports.com
The Bruce Ciskie is a hack thread at USCHO.
The Alleged Webmaster and all the RWD correspondents.
The Final Five.
The Miracle On Ice.
The truce between RWD and PCM.
The All-Hottie Team. Yum.
Free booze! Always!

RWD is less thankful for
Budweiser/Coors Light. Rough going the day after the Final Five.
Most of last season.
Blogger. Why so many problems?
Doug Woog. Love him, but I just couldn't put him on the first list.

RWD will never be thankful for
Nickelback.
Phil Kessel.
The Star Tribune.
Whatever/Whoever injured Matt McKnight.
State Legislators. WE WANT AN ARENA!
The "Gopher Rule" at the Final Five.
Opposing fans who say things to your back, but never to your face.
LaP.
Pink hockey jerseys/caps/t-shirts.

November Birthdays

In addition to RLMORWD, many Bulldogs have November birthdays. So, I'm buying a Camel Hump shot (RLMORWD's favorite) for:

Travis Gawryletz - 21 on 2 NOV
Drew Akins - 21 on 4 NOV
Nate Ziegelmann - 24 on 5 NOV (I got the date wrong before... sorry Zigmund)
Chase Ryan - 20 on 9 NOV
Jason Garrison - 22 on 13 NOV
Matt Greer - 21 on 21 NOV (Golden Birthday!)

and Mitch Ryan's b-day was the day after RWD!

Bottoms up, guys!

We Scored HOW MANY goals???

That would be 6. Sweetness!

Never have I ever been so excited to do the numbers!!! I'm going to do them first!

Numbers
Points Until We Surpass Last Year's Total: 22 (non-conference game, so no points)
Wins Until We Surpass Last Year's Total: 10

My "Guys" Competition:
Matt Niskanen: 10
Michael Gergen: 5
Jason Garrison: 2 (Still not playing)
Matt McKnight: 2 (Should be back next time we play Northern!)
Mike Curry: 2

Freshmen Competition:
Fulton: 6
Akins: 3
Gorsalitz: 2
M. Ryan: 1
Palm: 1 (first goal as a Bulldog!!!!)
Stalock: 1
C. Ryan: 0 (C'mon buddy! You can do it!)

Okay, so, the game. We won, which is great. But if we hadn't had 6 goals (3 on the PP!!!), we would have been in big trouble. The 3rd period got away from us, big time. And it's hard to get excited about games when they end on... well, not a sour note, but with a sigh of relief that we didn't give the game away. MAD props to the Wildcats for fighting back when they were down by 5... but not so good for us, giving up 3 goals and taking some lame penalties.
This break is going to be good for us, as we are so banged up from injuries we have some strange things going on (Cascalenda at forward? Curry on the power play?????) We need to rest up for a St. Cloud team that looks pretty tough, from what I saw last weekend. We seemed... tired. And it's understandable... but not an excuse.

Let's end this post on a positive note: 6 goals! 50% on the PP! 2 goals in 14 seconds! MIKE CURRY POINTS! The Michigan Magic continues! Look out Wildcats, you're going to see us again in January!

And Out Of The Darkness, There Came A Light

RWD Favorite, Team Captain, and All-Around Awesome Person Matt McKnight is not going to be out for the whole season, as was feared before.

So, I meant to write this a long time ago... like, a few hours ago, but then I went to a movie, and I missed the showing I wanted to go to, and so I found myself leaving the theater and getting into traffic... um yeah. I'm just glad it was a 6:35 start. (Evidently, they don't do the :37 start.)

We need to win tonight. We WILL win tonight, because though it is not my birthday, it is the birthday of the RWD West Coast Correspondent, who is also the Real Life Mother of RWD and an A-Number-One Bulldog Fan Extraordinaire. Real Life Mother of RWD (from here on known as RLMORWD, which is a great vanity plate idea) has been a Bulldogs fan for many years now, and would really appreciate a Bulldog win. RLMORWD enjoys going to 'Dogs games, starting from her college years, sitting behind the penalty box enraging opposing players, up to recent years, sitting in the folding chairs pounding her feet on the wooden risers and making an embarrassing amount of noise. So please, get a win for her, because then I can call it a present.

Northern. Naturally.

Did you know that is the slogan on the Northern Michigan website? Well, no, you probably didn't. But now you do.

I would like to point out that the Bulldogs are also naturally northern, however, Marquette is beating Duluth in Northern-osity by about a quarter of a degree of latitude. (Marquette is at 46.543 degrees and Duluth is at 46.79 degrees) So, okay, I'll concede that. Not very important to the hockey, but still worth pointing out.

Now on to the hockey. I'm sorry, I just don't know much about the Wildcats. I have seen them play before, in previous WCHA Final Fours, but that was a long time ago. It was in the St. Paul Civic Center, for crying out loud. I think a little compare and contrast is in order.

Let's look at the results so far. Wildcats in green, 'Dogs in maroon. In case you're colorblind... just guess.
Record: 6-4-2 2-5-3
Conference Standing: 4-way tie for 4th All alone at the bottom
Against Canadian Universities: 5-2 win 8-1 awesomeness
Against UW-Madison: loss, tie tie, loss
Against Michigan Tech: 2 goals (1 loss, 1 win) 1 goal (1 tie, 1 loss)
Scoring Leader: Mike Santorelli (17 pts) Matt Niskanen (10 pts)
Power Play: 11.1% 22.4%
Penalty Kill: 87.0% 80.7% (seriously??? Whoa.)

Okay, this is a must win. Seriously. We are off this weekend, this is a non-conference game, we have got to still play strong. I know it's going to be hard, but if we have to stitch some people's arms back on and shoot them up with morphine for the pain, we've gotta do it. WE NEED TO PUT SOME WINS ON THE BOARD. OKAY? PLEASE?

I'm going to the Northern-UMD game in Duluth with a friend, but I'm going to be missing this one. I'll be sitting at home listening, of course, but it's just not the same. Please, a 4-2 win would be nice. Mike Curry needs to find his Michigan Magic. Michael Gergen needs to get his breezers in gear. Andrew Carroll needs to step up and lead, like his teammates believed he could do. And some freshman, I don't care who, needs to make a statement so we know what they're about.

C'mon 'Dogs... it's all about North Country Pride.

Timing Is Everything

I just found a Northern Michigan blog.

If You Take Only 2 Shots On Goal...

...you will not mount a comeback in the third period. Seriously, we are starting to play like the worst team in the league. Tech was a beatable opponent. They are better than they have been (and seriously, I want to see them do well, so people will stop acting like they don't belong in the WCHA), but we shouldn't be as bad as we were.

Let's take this Northern Michigan game and work out our scoring frustrations. Please.

Numbers
Points Until We Surpass Last Year's Total: 22
Wins Until We Surpass Last Year's Total: 10

My "Guys" Competition:
Matt Niskanen: 10
Michael Gergen: 4 (I just changed my desktop background to a sweet pic of him from last weekend)
Jason Garrison: 2 (Not playing!)
Matt McKnight: 2 (Injured, so sad)
Mike Curry: 0 (but definitely rocked a Techie in the 3rd)

Freshmen Competition: (the good news!)
Fulton: 6
Akins: 2!!!!!
Gorsalitz: 1!!!!!
M. Ryan: 1!!!!!
Stalock: 1
others: 0

Superb job, freshmen, in stepping it up where the others would not.
RWD out.

0

Unfortunately... we got shut out.

Fortunately... so did Tech.

But, um, yeah. 65 minutes of scoreless hockey may make Jacques Lemaire excited, but I don't think anyone else was excited. And 16 shots on goal??? CRASH THE NET!!!
We would have been taken out like the trash against a better team.

THANK YOU Alex Stalock for being "perfect" tonight.

ALSO Jeff McFarland, you are awesome. I am sorry that you got your goal waved off. I know you were opening the scoring floodgates, but then got screwed. You rock. And I know you'll get one tomorrow because I TOTALLY CALLED IT.

RWD would also like to give a shout out to The Beard, Anonymous Source Extraordinaire. But I would also like to mention to him that if he expects to find any love for the Gophers here (other than RWD Random Fave Blake Wheeler), he will be disappointed. Goes with the territory.

Numbers
Points Until We Surpass Last Year's Total: 22
Wins Until We Surpass Last Year's Total: 10

My "Guys" Competition: (no need to update)
Matt Niskanen: 10
Michael Gergen: 4
Jason Garrison: 2
Matt McKnight: 2 (Injured!!! Not good!!!)
Mike Curry: 0

Freshmen Competition: (also no need to update)
Fulton: 6
Akins: 1
Stalock: 1
others: 0

Falling Down On The Job

Well, in my haste to make my new The Gauntlet feature fabulous, I've forgotten one of the other regular features on this here site, and that's the weekly preview. Because, you know, I want my obligatory link from That Really Successful Blog, written by the Blogger Hottie of the Year 2006.

This weekend we're going to Michigan Tech. That means a lot of things:
1. This is a must-win series.
2. We need to start scoring more than 2 goals a game.
3. Mike Curry will rock your face off.
4. Games start at 6:00 PM RST (Runninwiththedogs Standard Time)
5. MEg will drink Ciskie under the table.
6. Bonus hockey on Wednesday, with the Turn Back The Clock series against NMU.

We've had a tough few weeks, but we've played some tough teams. This is a chance for us to see what we're made of against a team that hasn't actually won one of the last 5 national championships (whee!) It's time to throw some points on the board, 'Dogs, and get on a roll.

The Gauntlet: Nerd Edition

Oh yes, that's right. We're going to Michigan Tech this weekend, and if you go to Michigan Tech, you're a nerd by definition. This is okay for me to say, as I am a nerd as well.

RWD sent the message out early.
RWD: when are you going to accept my challenge? :::slaps MEg with a glove:::: I DEMAND SATISFACTION

But the interview didn't start until later.
RWD: Let's begin with what's on the front page of all the scandal sheets: your love affair with Casey Borer. How did this come about?

MEg: When St. Cloud came to Houghton last season one of the [MTU] Huskies got a breakaway. Everyone knew it was going to go in, including Captain Borer himself. He got himself "tangled up" away from play with one of the [MTU] Huskies and oops! Off goes his helmet, in goes the puck past Bobby. I had a feeling that we wouldn't get to keep that one. The captains skated over to the box, waiting for a decision on the goal. While they were standing there, I was so angry and I was screaming at Casey as loud as I could. Finally, he looked at me as I'm yelling at him and my face is getting all red. He watches me for a bit, then he winks at me. I instantly shut up. The ref came out of the box and called off the goal. The fans were angry, but I just stood there like, "He winked at me!" ... That was when I decided that this guy could be a lot of fun. Tomorrow's game, I would make a sign for him... something along the lines of "BORER WANTS ME." Sweet justice was served in that game, as we won in OT. The next night, I did exactly as I had planned. He saw [the sign] and smiled, shaking his head. During warm ups, I went to stand behind their net. He smiled everytime he skated by. He even blew me a kiss. I prayed and prayed that he'd get into the box. [The penalty box, sickos!] Finally, at 6:00 into the second period, my dreams came true. He skated slowly to the penalty box, and I was right beside it the whole time, holding my sign with the biggest grin ever. Once he sat down... it started.

The following is a dialogue between MEg and Casey Borer.
Me: Casey, I think you and I shared a moment over there.
Casey (as he's looking and smiling at me): No, I don't think we did.
Me: Casey, I think you and I have a future together!
Casey (still looking and smiling at me): No, I don't think we do.
Me: Casey! I think I LOVE YOU! I need to know... do you feel the same way about me?!
Casey (no longer looking, no longer smiling): Nope!
End dialogue.

MEg: And it went on and on for all two minutes of his penalty. When his penalty was over, I guarantee he was the HAPPIEST guy in the MacInnes. Tech lost that game 0-7, but it was the most fun I've ever had at a hockey game. Part 2 of the Casey Borer saga continued later that season in St. Cloud. I brought the sign with me, plus a new one for his girlfriend, which read, "CARLY, I'M STEALING YOUR MAN!" The third and final part of this saga will be on 1-2 December this year.

RWD: Wow. That's a whole new direction The Gauntlet could take. Actual players. But he's not even attractive... does he just have a certain je ne sais quoi?

MEg: I think he's pretty cute. Maybe his pictures don't do him justice. But he is definitely cute. However, cuteness has nothing to do with it, as my victim of Minnesota was Phil Kessel. It's just whoever gives me the attention. [Well now, that's just sad.]

RWD: I see. So we have a little self-esteem issue going on? You should wait for someone who values you as a person.

MEg: I think Casey does.

RWD: Well, I'm not a therapist. [translation: You are deluded, but I'm not going to pursue the matter.]

MEg: That's a good thing.

RWD: Whoa, whoa. Only I can make smart remarks. So was the Casey Borer Affair just a way to make Dirty jealous?

MEg: Yes, but don't tell anyone. Especially Dirty. He thinks I'm just doing it to be funny.

RWD: Don't worry. I will not tell anyone. And what about Eli? How does he fit into this sordid game?

MEg: Eli is an awesome guy with an awesome last name. My Eli craze is mostly because I'm one of 5 people who know how to pronounce his last name correctly. I could even do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind my back. [Whatever flaps your chaps, doll.]

RWD: How do you think Bruce Ciskie will do with that?

MEg: If he's nice to me, I'll help him before the game on Friday and teach him how to say it. But I think Ciskie's going to do like every other non-Tech radio announcer: SLAUGHTER it. Unless I save him, of course.

RWD: And in general, what is your opinion of Bruce Ciskie?

MEg: He's a big wuss. I'm pretty sure my mom could beat him up.

RWD: I see. Do you have a grudge against Bruce?

MEg: A little bit of one, yes. I was angry with him for wussing out the last time he came to Houghton. I told him to go to the bar with me afterward, then he started whining about being too tired. I'm not going to let him get away with it this year, and he's fully aware.

RWD: Bruce is not as young as he once was.

MEg: I also believe he was responsible for sending his crew down at the DECC last January to make me the "Fan in the Stands," to get back at me for those signs I made for him. [The signs said "My mom can beat up Bruce Ciskie.]

RWD: Didn't you get free stuff for being a Fan In The Stands?

MEg: If you count humilation free, yes. Otherwise, no. Was I supposed to?! I think I got screwed!

RWD: Yeah I thought you got a gift certificate for pizza. [Or possibly skate sharpening at Stewart's Bikes and Sports, 1502 E. Superior St. in Duluth.]

MEg: No! I didn't get anything! I'm gonna make Ciskie buy me a pizza when he comes to town this weekend. Ciskie, if you're reading this: Friday night at the Ambassador. And he thought he was going to get away with it!

RWD: So sneaky! :::consults notes::: okay, mocked MEg, took shots at Ciskie... How did you become a Tech fan in the first place? It's not like you are old enough to remember the "glory days."

MEg: I came here knowing that I would have to go to the hockey games. I'd never been to one in my life. The first games I saw my freshman year were against NMU. The first one there, we lost in OT due to being on the wrong side of a 5-on-3. But the atmosphere, the game itself.. all so awesome. The next game is why I am who I am today. It's why I'm president of the Misfits. It's why I go on lots of road trips. It's why I post on USCHO. It's why I write for the THB. [I think she means the Tech Hockey Blog.] It's why I'm being embarrassed in this interview right now. [Well, That was the amazing comeback game where Tech was down by 3 goals with 2:30 left in the game and we came back and won it in OT. Most AMAZING feeling I've ever had.

RWD: Lovely. So you were banned from tPenalty Box message board... what for?

MEg: I think it was an error on their part. Luckily I'm a very forgiving person. And if it wasn't that, it was likely because I went off on them because of the disrespect they showed during the Star Spangled Banner, which doesn't ever sit well with me. I think I was banned after two posts though, which if I'm not mistaken, is a record there.

RWD: Wow. So, what are we going to see this weekend?

MEg: Michigan Tech Huskies and the Minnesota-Duluth Bulldogs battling it out for four conference posts. I can't give you much more past that. I can guarantee you that Mitch's Misfits will be rocking the place, which is never a good thing for the opposition. Hopefully you'll be seeing some solid Tech goaltending and very few shots on goal for your team. It's really great to see that we have good defense this year, which is a new concept to me. And who knows which Husky lines will score? They've all been producing. It's very special to have a team of players who all work together and the talent is spread throughout. Much different from what I'm used to, where 1-3 players are the team.

RWD: Is your team ready for the offensive machine that is Mike Curry?

MEg: Yup. They're going to shut him down this weekend. Minus maybe 1-5 points that he may get.

RWD: And all within about a minute of each other.

MEg: If he only scores one goal, how can it be within a minute of itself?

RWD: More like 5. Or perhaps some points will be assists, to McFarland or Gorsalitz. [You heard it here first, people. McFarland's getting a goal this weekend!]

MEg: Nope.

RWD: You said 1-5 points yourself.

MEg: I was leaning toward one.

RWD: You'll be kicking yourself when it's 5.

MEg: So if it comes to be 5, I'm gonna have to hope for 6.

RWD: 6? I don't know if he has THAT many points in him... Oh, you were speaking of your own team.

MEg: No, actually I wasn't.

RWD: Well I guess you have to be realistic. [Please, tack on more! Why not 7 or 8?] Unlike certain fans from last weekend who predicted the 'Dogs would be blown out.

MEg: Stupid Adam. I was really pulling for you guys

RWD: I hope you filled in the mad libs with some good words.

MEg: Oh, I did.

RWD: Superb. How do you feel about the rest of the WCHA? Any teams you hate?

MEg: I've got a ridiculous amount of like for the rest of the WCHA. [She really said that. A ridiculous amount of like. My head is still spinning.] Anchorage is definitely my second favorite team. As a fan of a team that hasn't been doing so great in recent years, I know how they feel when they pull of a big win... or a win, period. My apologies in advance to DG and my favorite DU fans, but I have a softspot for CC. The colors, 1957, and such a small school for a DI hockey program. I think Tech relates to them a lot. As far as teams I hate... it's actually kind of hard when I have so many friends that are fans of the WCHA schools. Sometimes when I become good friends with other fans, their team doesn't bother me as much. UND is a perfect example of that. I really used to hate them (due largely to Greene, Blais, Bochenski, and Parise). I'm over all of that now. I also didn't used to like Mankato for one reason or another. But I've recently become good friends with one of their zamboni drivers. I'm pretty much alright with any WCHA team unless Tech is playing them that night. Though if I had to pick one team that I disliked the most... Gophers. (Probably more info than you wanted.)

RWD: This is an interview, not a memoir... So who's your favorite Husky right now?

MEg: Toss up between three: Mike Batovanja, Eli Vlaisavljevich, and Kevin Hachey.

RWD: And your favorite guy to ever put on the Husky uniform?

MEg: Gotta go with Conner. Pittis is a close second. Short people making noise on the ice is awesome.

RWD: I agree. My all-time fave is also very short.

MEg: I'm also really going to miss John Scott. He showed the greatest appreciation of all the Husky Hockey players to the fans, and especially the Misfits. He will be (and is) missed in the MacInnes.

RWD: And on the streets of Houghton.

MEg: Well, maybe not there.

RWD: Excellent. Prediction for this weekend?

MEg: I hate doing predictions because 1. I'm always wrong and 2. I hate being wrong. I'm just going to say split. UMD normally does really well in our building, but I don't want to let them get away with more than 2 points this weekend.

RWD: All right. So following that prediction, UMD will sweep.

As a post-script, I'd like to point out that MeanEgirl had a very real but very groundless fear of this interview. She was afraid it wouldn't be funny. Keep in mind, if it isn't, it's not my fault. Remember the policy I laid out in my interview with DG.

Dog Libs

A few days ago, I got a comment on this site that I nearly missed, but I thought it was good enough to share with the rest of you:

"I wrote a long comment and must have hit the wrong thing. Last thing I said was NO BAD WORDS after this weeks deal with the Guffers." That was from none other than Gramps, RWD correspondent for the Southeastern United States, and also real life grandfather of me.

Okay then. No bad words. So what we see here is that the only times it is appropriate to use bad words are:
1. When hunting for wild animals.
2. When the motor on your car/boat/jumbo jet is not working.
3. When someone accidentally sets off a fire extinguisher in your car.

I can work with that. But this weekend's been tough. I know everyone out there wants to use a few "magic words" after the Friday night fun. Fun is not actually the word I was looking for there, but I can't use that one, I guess. So, here's what we'll do. I'll write about the Friday hijinx, and leave some words out. You can fill in your own. It'll be fun, like mad libs! A game! Whee!!!

Friday night the UMD Bulldogs faced off against the (adjective) UMTC Gophers. The officiating in the game was (adjective), lead by referee Don Adam, who was (gerund) his (noun) instead of doing his job. Adam called a (adjective) check-from-behind major on Bulldog superstar Mason Raymond when the 'Dogs were already down a man. Then the 'Dogs managed to kill the first penalty, and score shorthanded. However, Don Adam, being such a (noun), decided to review the goal. After (number) minutes of (gerund), he decided to disallow the goal AND assess a too many men on the ice penalty, since his ARs had their (plural noun) up their (plural noun). I guess everyone in the WCHA just wants to (verb) Lucia's (noun). (Adjective)! Later in the game, with 5 minutes to go, Adam calls a check-from-behind major on Alex Goligoski, (who, by the way, isn't fit to (verb) Raymond's (noun)). The 'Dogs were buzzing, but with 12 seconds left, (adjective) captain Mike Vanelli decided to be a (noun) and knock the net loose on purpose. Adam, being the (noun) that he is, instead of awarding a penalty shot, took the faceoff OUT OF THE ZONE. (Verb) that (noun).

Okay, my job's done. Your turn!

*FYI, St. Cloud fans: A gerund is an "ing" verb.

Focusing On The Positives

...because that's what we do here. We're here to help, not hinder.

I can't say enough about Bryan McGregor. I am love, love, loving him this year. If he kept it up and had a monster Junior Lessard year, I wouldn't be opposed in the least. (We had a moment of reflection at my table at Senser's last night, as we all loved Junior. Who doesn't love Junior?) It seemed like McGregor was on the ice about 57 of the 65 minutes of the game, and he was crashing the net about half that time. My new friend, a Sioux fan who happens to be dating a prominent member of the media and a huge Gopher fan (a match made in heaven, no doubt), was very excited about Bryan as well. "Number 42! That's the guy who was denied last night!" she yelled. (On the shorthanded goal/too many men penalty ghetto debacle, she meant. Since he scored later, of course.) So, clearly, everyone is noticing Mr. McGregor.

So we lost. Got swept. Whatevs. We played hard, we didn't get embarrassed. No blow-outs. I don't know how much of the Gopher fan talk was just homer b.s. and how much was what they really believed, but they seemed to think the 'Dogs should just forfeit because we would be lucky to score, lucky to get away 10-0, etc. etc. Well, what really happened is, they were lucky to win. The 'Dogs could have just as easily won, if not for a few pipes, some horse-[feces] officiating, and a Gopher captain willing to win at any cost, if you know what I'm saying.

So, moving right along...

Numbers
Points Until We Surpass Last Year's Total: 23
Wins Until We Surpass Last Year's Total: 10

My "Guys" Competition:
Matt Niskanen: 10
Michael Gergen: 4
Jason Garrison: 2
Matt McKnight: 2
Mike Curry: 0 (Tech is up next, so you know what that means... Mike's gonna bring his guns to town.)

Freshmen Competition:
Fulton: 6
Akins: 1
Stalock: 1
others: 0

It's Not Fair!

Seriously. How am I supposed to post when a.) I didn't watch the game and b.) I'm half in the bag?

And what a game to miss! Evidently there is much controversy. I guess it's better I DIDN'T watch.

I can't even imagine what is going on at the RWD Deer Camp up in Canyon, MN. OMG you don't even know, people. Hockey rage is hereditary. And THEY are all the way in the bag.

I can't... I just don't even know what to say here. Luckily, the Alleged Webmaster took notes for me. You know INCH's Found On A Cocktail Napkin? This is Found On The Back Of An Envelope:

MuSin RaYmin hock frim Bmita - Bud Call
Macgregon Sh gcul Breakaway to he
Assist Niskanen

Screwed!
Macgregor
A: Fulton
Bad - PS Perkunfmasn Stalock
sov-s
5-mpnn pp. for UND - Check From
Behind
PP G: Gergen
A McKnight, Fulton
Kanelli
Gopher hocks
vet offun purpuse
n/R sec

Umm... I guess that sums it up???

Anyway, I'll do the numbers I guess.

Numbers
Points Until We Surpass Last Year's Total: 23
Wins Until We Surpass Last Year's Total: 10

My "Guys" Competition:
Matt Niskanen: 9
Michael Gergen: 4
Jason Garrison: 2
Matt McKnight: 2
Mike Curry: 0 (Again, NO PENALTIES! Mike is on a streak!)

Freshmen Competition:
Fulton: 5 (w00t!)
Akins: 1
Stalock: 1
others: 0

Tomorrow I will be watching the game at Joe Senser's in Bloomington. If I survive yet another long day on my feet.

Also, Faux Bobby Goepfert sucks and needs to stop spreading Gopher propaganda on my MySpace page.