19 October 2006

When You Say Wisconsin, You've Said Too Much

Little known fact: I didn't even know that was a Budweiser jingle until earlier this year. Please, like I would ever drink Budweiser. I am a lady, and I deserve nothing but the best. It's Miller High Life or nothing at all, thank you.

Anyway, the Bulldogs are preparing to march on the capital in protest of these so-called "National Champions." It's time for their Bolshevik Reign of Terror and Trap-Style Hockey to end. I remember I went into the Kohl Center two years ago, and I saw a sign hanging up above the rink. It seemed strange at the time, and so I noted it, as a good investigative journalist would do (should I ever want to be one). I guess Wisconsin was just trying to remind us they were a very inclusive institution.

1. Whatever wears a striped shirt is an enemy.
2. Whatever plays on the point, or on the wing, is a friend.
3. No hockey player shall harm a tent.
4. No hockey player shall play against a team that has an offensive mascot.
5. No hockey player shall drink alcohol.
6. No hockey player shall dive on the ice.
7. All hockey players are equal.


So, I happened to be watching a Wisconsin hockey game on TV last year, and I saw the same banner, but it looked slightly different.

1. Whatever wears a striped shirt is an enemy a friend that won't call us for blatant slashing.
2. Whatever plays on the point, or on the wing, in front of the net and blocks shots is a friend.
3. No hockey player shall harm a tent unless the tent was a threat to them.
4. No hockey player shall play against a team that has an offensive mascot unless it is in our conference.
5. No hockey player shall drink alcohol at Blarney's.
6. No hockey player shall dive on the ice unless another player touches them.
7. All hockey players are equal.

And then this year, an anonymous source sent me this picture of Wisconsin hockey players changing the banner. It now reads only a single sentence:

All hockey players are equal, but goalies are more equal than others.

Okay, yeah yeah yeah, all this means is, without their goalie and their shot-blocking, the Commies have nothing. We have got the total package. No one from our team had to be hospitalized during the last series, no one person from our team is the difference between 0-0 ties and 7-0 losses, no one from our team defected, and very few people left due to graduation. If Wisconsin makes it through this weekend with a point or two, they should consider themselves lucky. Once we're firing on all cylinders, this Bulldogs team is going to be unbelievable. You heard it here, although probably not first.

This weekend, even Bucky Badger himself would rather be DEAD than RED. Rise up, Bulldogs, and throw down the shackles of your communist oppressors!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ha! I'm a Badger fan - although the girlfriend is a grad student at UMD. Anyways, wanted to say that your Commie comments are hilarious. Calling someone a communist, for any reason, is just really funny. Hopefully (for the Bulldog Nation) Akins turns out to be the next Carroll, since they are both Sioux Falls boys.

Prediction- The Badgers will take the games if they can hold the Dogs to less than 2 goals. The Dogs will win if they net 2 or more goals in either game.

Roy said...

Who gets the start tonight? Personally I'd go with Zigelmann tonight and follow up with the freshman Saturday.

Runninwiththedogs said...

Anonymous...

If you had used the relation operators > and < rather than <= or >=, you'd have been correct in your prediction.

Damn that computer science!

Glad you liked the post!

Gramps said...

Donna Marie,
I wrote a long comment and must have hit the wrong thing. Last thing I said was NO BAD WORDS after this weeks deal with the Guffers
Gramp