America's Next Top Bulldog*

It's what you've all been waiting for! It's time for RWD to name My Guys for the 2007-2008 season! Last year, My Guys were Mike Curry, Michael Gergen, Matt McKnight, Jason Garrison, and Matt Niskanen. My Guy of the Year (based solely on points scored) was Matt Niskanen, who has abandoned me for the hated Dallas Stars.

This year's My Guys are:
Mike Curry
Michael Gergen
Matt McKnight
MacGregor Sharp

My Guys hold the distinction of being my favorites amongst the Dogs, which means they are not eligible for the Humane Society of the WCHA (where I send Bulldogs when they are bad), and I will not tolerate any criticism from outsiders.

Please note that freshmen are not eligible to become one of My Guys as I have not had the chance to see their stuff. Thus, they have their own competition, Freshman Scoring Champion. Last year's title was shared by Jordan Fulton and Drew Akins. This year, we have a significantly larger number of competitors:

Rob Bordson
Cody Danberg
Justin Fontaine
Chad Huttel
Mike Montgomery
Evan Oberg
Kenny Reiter
Kyle Schmidt

There are no special exemptions for the freshmen, so they had better play hard every night or they will end up in the HSWCHA.

*And so what if I watch ANTM? It's like a trainwreck, I can't look away!

Across the Rink

I'm watching hockey right now. Regular season hockey. (And wow, Parros has quite the mustache. He looks like an extra from Almost Famous.) It's kind of annoying that it has to be the hated Ducks, but it's still hockey. I wonder if my dear friends from the dormant Nottingham Pandas site have managed to get tickets to the sold out games in London. I also wonder if maybe they have quit enjoying hockey and gone back to football, or Footballers Wives.

The Bulldogs still have just under two weeks to go until their season gets started, and let me tell you, I am SICK AND TIRED of hearing people saying they are SO EXCITED for NEXT weekend. Screw you all.

I have been networking quite a bit lately. In addition to the WIB from a few weeks ago, I had a conversations with Duluth radio hick Bruce Ciskie, and rage-filled blogger Donald Dunlop. Bruce thinks tDogs are going to be awesome this year and finish much higher than expected because everyone else is going to suck more than expected. Donald thinks soccer is awesome and baseball is all about people scratching themselves out of boredom. As you can see, some discussions were more valuable than others.

There are things I'm going to write about in the next few weeks, but information is pretty limited and I'll have to wait until the season really gets underway before this blog really kicks into high gear. Relatively speaking.

TWELVE MORE DAYS!

Ad Nauseum

Please note: you will not be seeing the Grand Folks Herald WCHA Coaches' Poll on RWD. Please visit one of the MANY fine blogs in my links section to see what those drunks think their teams are going to do.

Preaching to the Choir

tWCHA Blog states what we already knew: Duluth rocks everyone's faces off.

Gopher Puck Banter

RWD's Head LaP Watchdog over at Wild Puck Banter wrote a little ditty on why he hates the Gophers. I encourage my readers to go forth and multiply the reasons for hating those varmints.

Conventions

As a writer for the premier blog in college hockey, I am often invited to engagements in the college hockey world. I was a keynote drinker at the RCBF '07, moderator for Dinner with the Legends, and now, panelist at the Minnesota Chapter of the WIB convention. The WIB convention is not, as you would expect, a Wine In Box convention (I stopped attending those in college), but is the Women in Blogging convention.

And by that, I mean Let's Go Mavs and Win Twins (along with their personal body guards) visited me at my place of employment.

Topics of the WIB Convention included:
Hotties and How To Rate Them
Who's Hot? Hottiewatch 07
We're Dumb Girls Who Don't Know Anything About Anything
Like, Oh My God
I Don't Know What Satire Is
Jersey Chasing Techniques

You know, because that's all we care about. Right?

We actually talked about the Twins game they had just come from, LGM's interactions with various Mavs players, my careful avoidance of any interaction with any Bulldogs players, the inept WCHA standings predictions of the Great Unwashed USCHO posters, how LGM should go about getting a date with Donald, that weird racist diatribe that was left as a comment on both of our blogs (possible by a certain blogger I will not name), weird fans, and some other topics.

We also talked about stereotyping. It was a timely topic, as they informed me of a comment that was left on another site in response to a silly comment I made. I was excited to go home and read this comment, because there is nothing I enjoy more than seeing what people think about me. ME! The most interesting person in the world! This person was really concerned about my personal life. S/he wrote "Running with the dogs- you need to switch to women's hockey because you blogs are as boring as women's hockey. Great, let's hear about the cutie report. PS- Get a date once for once and stop writing about stuff that you would expect from a high schooler."

That's awesome. I didn't know anyone cared so much about me that they were concerned about my social life. I have definitely reached a new level. I'm also wondering if maybe this person wants a date with me, but doesn't know how to ask. I'll have to politely decline. I don't know why anyone would be interested in an old hag who stalks barely-legal hockey players, but I'm flattered at the overture! (I should add that by writing about hotties, I am just giving the people what they want! Do you know how mean people come here by searching for "[Your player here] hot?" Even the ugly guys are sometimes listed!)

Overall, this adds to the list of bloggers I have actually met. It's a short list: Ciskie, LGM, DG, WT, Dirty, Eliot Olshanksy, MEg, and Booster. Oh, I kind of met the guy from tSecond Best Feeling in tWorld, but not really. Others, take note: get on my list. I am funny. Despite what that comment said.

3

September 2, 2004. A date that will die in obscurity.

As always, I totally forgot to mark the RWD Dogiversary. 3 freaking years, people, can you stand it? And still, no one reads this thing.

This is my fourth season of covering the Bulldogs. When I first started the site, optimism abounded among the Bulldog faithful. We had a veteran squad that had been in the Frozen Four five months prior. We had a very hott captain. I thought I was going to attend a lot of Bulldogs games*. And I had just discovered a freshman named Mike Curry.

Now he's a senior! WTC am I going to do next year???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

We've got a lot of juniors this year, but they aren't particularly playoff-tested. Our assistant captain looks like a serial killer. I'll probably only make a few games this year. And yet, there's always optimism at the start of the season. Just look at Donald, even The Grinch can be optimistic about his Seawolves. I'm ready for the season to start, and I'm ready to see hella wins this year. LET'S GO 'DOGS!!!!!!!!!

*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ticker

Okay, so I underestimated my readership by, like, 2 people. Sorry, RW77. I can't count that high on one hand.

Recently, Interested Parties contacted me via covert communications to ask if I would be doing a hottie preview this year. After the request was filtered through the Canadian-to-Normal-English translat-o-matic, I nearly tore my hair out of my head at the mere memory of what I went through last year with my ten team whirlwind WCHA hottie preview. Dear god, the ugliness. Also, it totally made me look like a loser jersey-chasing fan-girl. I may be a loser and a total fan-girl, but I AM NOT CHASING JERSEYS. If I found myself in proximity to a jersey, I would be running the other way. I stalk from afar, comrades.

But yet, as I get so very, very few requests from my readers, and most of those requests are to stop blogging and die, so when a real request reaches me, I'm more than happy to finally have something to freakin' write about oblige. This year, instead of doing tGtBatA, I'll be doing something different. I give you:

The Dow Jones Memorial Hottie Stock Report

This year, in an attempt to be a kinder person (and I know Satan just saw a few snowflakes falling when I wrote that), instead of labeling people as Ugly or Heinous or, rarely, Not Ugly, I'll be using relative terms such as Less Uggo or More Uggo, as compared to last year. If I wanted to be nicer, I would maybe say Less Hott or More Hott, but that is a pretty big if, folks.

Freshman Class
(obvs. freshmen have no comparison from last year, but I couldn't exclude them. We will just say they are all hotter, because becoming a D1 hockey player makes you hotter, even if you're Colby Genoway, Ugliest Man Ever.)
Rob Bordson: Well, hello, lovah. If every hockey player looked like you, I would do an All-WCHA Hottie Preview.
Cody Danberg: Cody totally wants to sell me something. I see he's an undecided major. Ooh, ooh! Cody! Major in marketing or something!
Justin Fontaine: Justin is rocking the SJP hair from Sex and the City.
Chad Huttel: I don't know if it's my computer or the picture, but Chad's hair is totally pixellated or something. It looks like Larry decided to Photoshop in some raindrops or something. His hair is as dewy as grass in the morning.
Mike Montgomery: Mike looks like he is hiding something, both from the expression on his face, and from the lack of bio. I see he is from Lino Lakes. Maybe he is a prison escapee. Monte, get on that bio (although Monte will write that he is the next Crosby).
Evan Oberg: Evan appears to have just removed swim goggles. His face is very creased. He also looks like a guy I really liked in junior high, so we have an instant rapport.
Kenny Reiter: For a non-Robby Nolan goalie, Kenny is not bad. Sunburned, but not bad. Next time, smile, honey.
Kyle Schmidt: Kyle is possibly Mike Montgomery's partner in crime. He is so plotting something. I the plot is growing his hair out. Ladies love the curls.

Sophomore Class
Drew Akins: Drew is MORE HOTT. He looks like he wants to kill me, but hey, get in line, pal.
Jordan Fulton: Jordy is MORE HOTT. He must have read my criticism from last year, and has a five o'clock shadow to try to make him look older. Shout out to me!
Logan Gorsalitz: MORE HOTT. Logan is looking fiiiiiiiine, awww yeah. And no one paid me to say that. Although I do take Porsches as currency. This is one instance in which Not Smiling is acceptable.
Trent Palm: LESS HOTT. The chin is too Jay Leno for me.
Chase Ryan: MORE HOTT. Chase has discovered the beautiful skin under his acne with Proactiv Solutions.
Alex Stalock: LESS HOTT. The pre-mutton chops are weird, and worse than regular mutton chops.

Junior Class
Andrew Carroll: MORE HOTT. He, too, is showing the scruff to mature his face a little.
Jay Cascalenda: MORE HOTT. The spikes aren't so scary this year.
Jason Garrison: MORE HOTT. Like, potential All-Hottie Team hott.
Michael Gergen: MORE HOTT. Whoa, mama. I need a cigarette.
Matt Greer: MORE HOTT. Um, I don't know. Work on that tie knot, sailor.
Nick Kemp: MORE HOTT. Although, he has a near mullet. See a doctor about that, sweetie.
Josh Meyers: EVEN. Didn't he have longer hair last year? Bring that back.
MacGregor Sharp: I DON'T KNOW. I can't decide. He is weirdly morphing into another Bulldog player from a few years ago, but I can't quite figure out who. I'll have more on this later.

Senior Class
Mike Curry: MORE HOTT. He is less Cusack-esque this year. However, he looks toasted. Nicely toasted.
Travis Gawryletz: MORE HOTT. I wrote an essay about this picture called Two Treatises on Gawryletz, but I will not post it here, as it is longer than War and Peace. I guess I wouldn't say that morphing into the Charles Manson of werewolves is actually hott, he looks so damn awesome I must give him props.
Matt McKnight: EVEN. Fearless Leader looks the same every year. If you recall, I had to check last year to make sure he had not re-used his sophomore photo. This year I didn't have that problem, as he is def. wearing something different.
Nate Ziegelmann: EVEN. I have a feeling that by the time he is 50, Ziggy will actually look like Ziggy the comic strip character.

OVERALL, it looks to be a bull market for this year's Bulldogs. Yum!

Endless Summer

Do you know how many posts I write while driving? I would say that about 75% of my non-recap related posts are started while driving in rush hour traffic. There are also quite a few posts that I write in my car that don't make it onto the site because I forget about them, or get a better idea, or they are boring (more boring than normal, I mean), or I'm too busy stuffing my face, or whatever. Anyway, composing posts while driving is very theraputic with me. It helps me deal with the BLINDING RAGE I feel toward other drivers. I have to do something when commercials are on the radio and I can't rock out to Toto's "Africa."

So, today I had a little driving experience that I guess, in a Six Degrees of Separation sort of way, is relevant to this site. (God, I am really stretching it here, but I can't neglect my five readers! I love you guys! And I can list you: LGM, WinTwins, Goon, Donald, and FHG. NOTE THAT I CAN'T EVEN COUNT ON MY FREAKING PARENTS TO READ THIS THING. Why do I even bother? *******SHAMELESS PLEA FOR VALIDATION**********) I was trying to get somewhere, and some jerks would not let me merge off of 94E at my exit, and then I barely made it to the next exit, and then I was in on the UMTC campus, and NO ONE THERE CAN DRIVE WORTH CRAP. Seriously. And people also suck at walking. And parallel parking. I should seriously drive a tank, because then if I want to merge, I will just put my blinker on and people will move, or else I will just run over them. And I will also run over pedestrians and parallel parkers.

Moral of the story: Gopher fans suck in all forms of traffic.

Seriously, when is hockey going to start? I am lonesome for it. Some radio station was giving away Wild tix for some time this month, so there's hope, but seriously. I MISS HOCKEY. I also miss the cool weather that comes along with hockey, because my fab car overheats when I get stuck in traffic, so while I was creeping through Dinkytown, I was blasting my heater and swearing at people. I need the weather to cool down about 10 degrees so when I go for a run, it doesn't feel like a freaking Death March. I also miss hockey-related news. Nothing is going on. I guess tDECC is getting a new floor, which will make for some better ice. This is fab, since our ice usually has the consistency of an Icee, without being as tasty. Also, Ciskie has started updating his old blog, but I am not going to change the link until A.) he informs me it's a permanent change and B.) he quits writing conference previews for college football. Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh. But, because I am nice (yeah, right), I am linking.

Okay, enough of this. I've lost steam. Goodnight, all.