04 November 2010

The Gauntlet: Orca Edition

This week, we've got another Gauntlet victim: Geist, from the stupidly titled Sioux Yeah Yeah! blog (which will have to be renamed soon!)

RWD: Are there any particular UMD players that are targeted this weekend? Or should they just all be on alert for an airlift to Minneapolis?

BG: 'Cause UND is a headhunting team now. Nice. No, since Malone will obviously be brought down by the WCHA Wheel of Justice (c) Joe Yerdon, I think UMD should be fine.

RWD: Ah, so Malone acted alone? [Brandon is under the incorrect assumption that Brad Malone is the only player on UND capable of such infractions.]

BG: What is this, a game of Clue? Malone at the Engelstad with a Warrior Stick?

RWD: I was wondering if the orders came down from on high. Like from Hakstol. Or Virg Foss.

BG: Could have been Goon. [This is true.] He's a fan of old-time hockey

RWD: Ah, he's a fan of career- or life-threatening injuries. How is it that UND fans are so passionate about hockey, but don't bother to learn the rules?

BG: 'Cause UND fans can't read. [Or spell.] I thought this was obvious. We're just a bunch of sugar beet farmers that like blaming the refs for our losses. [And harping on the refs when you win, too!]

RWD: You're not a sugar beet farmer. You're a co-pilot.

BG: Shhhhh, don't tell Happy [some USCHO person]. He'll be blown away that not all of us are sugar beet farmers.

RWD: Well, it can't really be hard to be a co-pilot. It's mostly a figurehead role.

BG: It's like your job, except it involves more skill.

RWD: It can't be too skillful to sit there and watch the actual pilot work. Although it must be tempting to touch the shiny buttons.

BG: Yeah, sometimes he lets me sit on his lap and steer. [Whoa! TMI!]

RWD: Do you blog while flying?

BG: Maybe...

RWD: On your Sioux blog or on your Baby Dinosaur blog?

BG: On my third blog.

RWD: Ravings of a Lunatic? [What third blog? Oh, wait, I see, the Baby Dino blog isn't the same as the sparkly one.]

BG: Sure, whatever.

RWD: So why did you choose to start a blog?

BG: I have that kind of time to write down pointless thoughts? [Not sure why he's asking me.]

RWD: And why did you choose to name it Inspiration Stardust Dreams? Is it because you are a chick?

BG: That's not mine, homeslice. [Lies! It lists him as an author!]

RWD: Sure it isn't. And now you have a workout blog as well? [Okay, that's the Baby Dino blog. Which... good lord.]

BG: You'd know. [He's uncooperative.]

RWD: This is read by a vast audience, they may not know!

BG: Yeah, real vast. From sea to shining sea. [He doubts me!]

RWD: I have readers in Connecticut, California, Florida, Texas, Colorado...

BG: So my statement is not [i]naccurate. [It was sarcastic though.]

RWD: I'll say it's accurate, rather than use a double negative [and spell the word wrong]. What do you think UND's new nickname will be?

BG: I'm guessing nothing. It'll stay as University of North Dakota.

RWD: I heard the killer whales might be a good choice. And you could be their mascot. [Dirty famously said about this picture, "Put a white dot under your arm and you'd be Shamu."]

BG: I was in the process of swimming 1500 meters. When's the last time you hopped on a treadmill?

RWD: Generally I run outside. [HAH! And here he thought he was going to get me!]

BG: You run?

RWD: With the 'Dogs. [Actual running is without them.]

BG: ba dum crash [I... guess that was a rim shot?]

RWD: How long have you been a UND fan?

BG: Since '99, when I knew that's where I wanted to go to school.

RWD: I don't know if the UND staff is a fan of you though. Certainly not Hakstol. And Katie O'Keefe [former intermission hostess-type person] was not a fan.

BG: Maybe it's cause I said someone should shoot her. [I can't imagine why someone would object to that!] Hak and I are cool though.

RWD: Well, wasn't he the one that called the [REA] cops [aka the Gestapo] on you for that remark?

BG: No, he was not.

RWD: Despite their familial relationship? [Katie is Hak's sister-in-law.]

BG: Hak doesn't read the board. He's not Jamie Russell.

RWD: A booster probably pays someone to read the board for Hak. Do you play hockey?

BG: Yes, you already know this. Instead of asking me, be like "Geist plays hockey," then we can move on. [This isn't my first rodeo, son.]

RWD: I am in charge here. What position do you usually play?

BG: Center or left wing.

RWD: And also puncher of chicks, right?

BG: Can't take it, get the f*** off the ice.

RWD: That's the UND way. So what if Aaron Marvin had hit Brad Malone in the same way [as Brad Malone hit Jesse Martin]? Do you think UND fans would call it a clean hit? [Um, duh, no.]

BG: No, because Aaron Marvin is a lowly piece of scum who has a reputation for dirty hits. Nothing he does is clean. He should be banned from hockey for life.

RWD: So it depends on the person delivering the hit. The exact same hit, mind you.

BG: If it happens against UND, it's obviously a dirty hit. Anybody else, it's clean.

RWD: Well, at least you can admit your faults. [Hypocrisy!]

BG: Don't fault me for this. [I do.] I'm speaking on behalf of all Sioux fans.

RWD: I'm sure they are pleased. How many UND games a year do you attend?

BG: Dunno. [This is not a difficult question.]

RWD: I didn't know you were innumerate.

BG: Fine, 8-10. [I am not sure this is accurate.]

RWD: Do you dress in full UND regalia? Like a nice jersey?

BG: No, it sucks. Dirty has reminded me of this numerous times.

RWD: What exactly is wrong with your jersey?

BG: Dirty says it sucks and Dirty is a jersey hooker [which is not the same thing as a Jersey hooker], so he obviously knows. [It has multiple mistakes.]

RWD: So you and Dirty went to games together in school?

BG: He sat with his friends, I sat with mine.

RWD: He had friends?

BG: Flanders until he jacked Dirty's Playstation. [I had no follow-up questions.]

RWD: So you were not friends?

BG: We just sat with different people. Keep in mind he was like an 11-year senior.

RWD: So he was a creepy old dude.

BG: Still is. Not as creepy as Brent though.

RWD: Well, he doesn't write checks, so no.

BG: Writing checks does not make Brent creepy, it makes him a moron.

RWD: Well, what makes Brent creepy?

BG: Have you ever seen him?

RWD: Ah, yes. So can UND possibly win this weekend without Brad Malone around to decapitate someone?

BG: I guess anything is possible but I'm going with unlikely.

RWD: So you think UND will get swept by tUMD?

BG: That's what I'm calling, yes.

RWD: Hm. I haven't seen sandbagging like this since...last spring in North Dakota!

BG: How am I sandbagging? UND is missing a lot of players this weekend, their goaltending is horrid. You tell me why UND has a chance against UMD.

RWD: Because UND typically stomps the shit out of UMD no matter how the teams are performing?

BG: So you're sandbagging? [No, I'm a realist.]

RWD: We'll see who is bagging sand. Who is the hottest player on the UND squad? Men’s, not women's. [So he could not select Ms. Lamoureux or Ms. Lamoureux-Kolls.]

BG: Trupper. [Meh, he doesn't do it for me.]

RWD: Interesting. Why is Brad Miller Time still called Brad Miller Time if its namesake is not involved?

BG: Because it's legendary. [No.] It was on ESPNU. [No one watches that!] It's a marketable brand. Yes, I am comparing BMT to Coca-Cola or Budweiser.

RWD: It's certainly comparable to Budweiser in terms of quality. [Hi-yoooooo!]

BG: You don't like it, why do you watch it?

RWD: I don't watch it. But its existence offends me. I hear you are getting married soon.

BG: Yeah.

RWD: Any worries that you might have a wedding crasher from the ECAC?

BG: I think he's getting invited.

RWD: Wow, you love to rub salt in a wound, don't you?

BG: He's mature, I'm mature [HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA], we'll be fine.

RWD: I see. I'm planning to send a gift.

BG: I don't want whatever you're sending. [Jeez, I guess I'll take back the Porsche then.]

RWD: Just some monogrammed towels to celebrate your wedding and name change. BS and TS.

BG: Oh I'm changing my name? Wow.

RWD: Dirty and I were unsurprised.

BG: Didn't realize you and Dirty were that close.

RWD: Hey, what you don't know could fill an ocean, Shamu.

BG: Says the woman who needs two seats at the X to fit her fat ass.

RWD: [Some stuff I had to take out.] F***, I'll have to take that out. Who are your favorite UND players? Past and present?

BG: Parise and Oshie of the past [uh, wow, that's not that far back], and currently I like Kristo [who is sucking hardcore under the pressure of being on Team Cougar] and Trupp [in that special tingly way].

RWD: How will UND win the games this weekend?

BG: By making sure every UMD player leaves on a stretcher. [See! Malone didn't act alone!]

RWD: And how will they lose?

BG: By standard WCHA officiating. [Wahhhhh wahhhh!]

RWD: Score predictions?

BG: Friday - UMD 4, UND 2. Saturday - UMD 2, UND 0. [More like UND 6, UMD 1 and UND 8, UMD 0. Yikes.]

RWD: All right, I appreciate your participation. I'm giving you the Hakstol salute right now.

BG: Right back at you.

1 comment:

Goon said...

I am disappointed, first nothing but softballs for Brandon and then Benedict Arnold might as well just wear a UMD jersey. 