If I Were A Check From Behind, And You Were A Referee...

...would you call me anyway?

We've got an off-weekend coming up, and that give me a whole stress-free week to just have some fun! Often times, when bloggers are totally out of ideas interested in a new perspective, they do a "roundtable" or "blogpoll." This is nothing like that.

I sent an email to certain members of the hockey community asking, "If you were a penalty, what would you be?" The result is a glimpse into the psyche of hockey fans, and it's a bit scary.

"Interference, because I don't see why I shouldn't be able to check anybody anytime I want, and I take those liberties in NHL 2003. Checking is fun. It should be encouraged, and not discouraged by having 'penalties' for checking someone away from the play." BadgerBacker, from The Wisconsin Hockey Blog

"I would be five for fighting and a game misconduct." Goon, from Goon's World

"A la the Boogeyman, I'd be a five minute major for fighting combined with a game misconduct for being the biggest bad-ass on the ice." Roy, from Wild Puck Banter

"I'd have to be boarding. After all, I've been told for years that I bore people to death." Bruce Ciskie, UMD play-by-play announcer and writer of The Ciskie Blog

"Checking from behind, and I think you know why..." HockeyMom, UND fan

"I would be Abuse of Officials because I'm convinced there are very few refs who know their asses from their elbows... and I often want to or in fact do abuse officials! Video evidence of my theory. That clip came from a junior game in Sweden in which the player was called for Abuse of Officials because the ref tripped over the player." Catie, from Hockey in Colorado

"My first thought is that I'd be a 5 minute major for slashing, mostly because I think it's something players get caught for after someone slashed them first. I'm a big believer in the old Cold-War doctrine of 'massive retaliation.' If I perceive you've dropped a bomb on me, then you better be prepared for a bigger bomb coming back atcha. My second choice would be a too many men on the ice, which would be an adequate metaphor of my tendency to use more words than necessary. My third choice would be unsportsmanlike conduct because if it comes down to it and I'm standing on the bench behind the team, I'll toss every stick I can reach onto the ice in order to make a point." Donald Dunlop from UAA Hockey Fan Blog

"I would want to say hooking because I've always aspired to be a hooker... but then tripping would be a good one too since I've never tripped off anything in my life... oh and then checking from behind is good too because taking anything from behind sounds SO dirty... Dang! How's a gal to choose?" Let's Go Mavs from Let's Go Mavs

"Holding the stick or roughing... because... well, I like it rough." MeanEgirl, from Michigan Tech Hockey Blog

"Hooking. It seems to me that this is the penalty of all those scrappy little guys who are just trying to even it up and slow someone down a little bit. I LOVE those scrappy little guys and I like to think I'm a little scrappy (I think I could take down someone bigger than me), so I'm going with HOOKING!" WinTwins57 from Win Twins

"Instigating. Because I am awesome at it." Dirty from Dirty's Diatribe

Hacks that didn't reply: DG, Swami, DA, WCH

And what would RWD be? I think it's obvious I'd be unsportsmanlike conduct, of the 10 minute variety, as I have a way with words.