This Started Off As A Comment

... and then it just kept going.

So, the RWD World Headquarters has moved up the highway, inching closer and closer to Duluth. At this rate, we'll be living there by... oh, 2041. So I didn't just ABANDON you all like I normally do, I actually was CUT OFF FROM THE INTERNET. Well, sort of. Because I used the internet a little during my CS class on Tuesday, but that doesn't count. It would be rude to blog during class. I can only write emails and check Gameday.

SPEAKING OF BLOGGING, over at the Blogger Hottie of the Year's site, he talks about some sort of Hockey Blogging Code. Well, they're really more like guidelines.

Chris says "There seems to be two schools of thought in bloggyworld. The first is that blogs don't need the same type of mainstream access to coaches and players that the regular media has. This lack of access helps give them the freedom to say whatever they want and not have to worry about pissing off anybody important. It's an interesting idea, and works quite well for a lot of sites. The other school of thought is that blogs are a legitimate form of media and should be treated the same as mainstream media."

Hello, I think we know which category I fall into over here. There is nothing legitimate about this site, and don't let anyone tell you any different! Clearly, I fall into the former category, because I mostly write fiction, half-truths, and LIES LIES LIES.

But for those of you who might be interested in just what would make this site (or any site) legit, he lists the set of criteria, created by some dude I've never heard of because he's probably a real journalist.

1. Email Media Relations at least 3 days before an event.
That's like the only thing on this list I could do. And they'd probably think it was spam.

2. Don't publish objectionable content.
I published content that offended my own grandpa. I lose.

3. Be in operation for at least 3-6 months.
Oh, I guess I did that. We're coming up on 4-8 times that many months.

4. Submit traffic data.
I have a few unpaid tickets from when I was still living in Champaign. But I also had illegal plates on my car at the time.

5. You have to interact with players and coaches and write something about the game.
I'm sure the players already have taken out restraining orders on me. Hey guys, if you haven't, better hop to it!
Rumor has it I do occasionally write "something" about a "game."

6. You have to act professionally.
Did you see me at the Final Five last year?
Because I'm pretty sure no professional people do that.

I don't think I'm going to make the cut. I can't even behave myself in a suite.
But that's fine, because I'm not suffering through "Programming in C" so I can be a SPORTSWRITER.

Wild About WPB

I just added a new link to the ol' sidebar, to Roy's Wild Puck Banter. That's Discussion of the Pro Hockey Team from Minnesota, not Erratic Jabbering About Hockey (hello! That's Runninwiththedogs' niche, comrades!)

The great thing about Roy is he is ALWAYS up on the latest La P sightings, so I have bestowed upon him the (dubious?) title of Head La P Watchdog. Clearly I can't be trusted to monitor La P's comings and goings, as I TOTALLY WAS SLEEPING WHILE LA P WAS DOING TWINS PLAY BY PLAY. I ALMOST HAD A STROKE UPON FINDING OUT.

There isn't a FireAnthonyLaPanta site yet, but I always enjoy the fine fellows at FireJoeMorgan. And I busted a gut upon learning of their sister site.

And, as always, I TOTALLY enjoy it when people's Google searches for La P lead them here. And this thread is great!

Sorry, Roy, didn't mean to make this into a La P-dominated post.

Diamonds and Pucks

I went to a baseball game, and a hockey game nearly broke out.

Err... a fight nearly broke out. The Hick (my recovering Badger friend) and I went to the Twins game Saturday, and, while the Twins sucked it up on the field, Hick and I were enjoying the company of not one, but TWO bachelor parties who were sitting around us. From our seats high atop the Metrodome upper deck (roughly at the same elevation as Mount McKinley), we observed these lovely gentlemen drink lots of beers, throw things at people, and jaw back and forth with someone who did not like things being thrown at him. It was fun.

But this isn't hockey, I realize. HOWEVER, while bemoaning the Bill Buckner-eqsue play of Nick Punto and the sad offense, I thought a bit about hockey. Of course, it was hard to fit in hockey, there was just so much about the things going on around me that I couldn't wrap my mind around. I mean, there was a guy making giant paper airplanes, who had booze-filled binoculars. And I had the following conversation with a person who had one eye sewn shut (seriously).

Hick and RWD enter stage left, filing into row with ice cream cones.

One Eyed Guy: That doesn't look like beer.

RWD, with nervous laughter: Ha ha, oh, well, I'm driving.

One Eyed Guy: Oh, that doesn't matter! Just close one eye! That's what I do.

RWD: ...

I am not lying. Good lord, what does that even mean? Is he referring to the one eye, that is perpetually shut? Or does he close both eyes? And man, does he have some accuracy when it comes to throwing a bag of peanuts!

Anyway, baseball and hockey fit together so well, you'd think it was designed with my entertainment involved. In early October, just as the hockey season is starting, the baseball season is ending. And then in March, when hockey's over, there's just a handful of days until baseball commences. You know how some crazy hicks divide their seasons into Hunting and Fishing? Well, my seasons are Baseball and Hockey. (This seamlessness doesn't apply to people who are fans of, say, the Gophers and the Yankees, who are often still playing in April and late October, respectively. But those people will also be living out an excruciating afterlife in the fiery underworld, so I guess it all works out in the end.) (Oh, one note of importance, last time the Twins were playing in very very late October, in 1991, they won the World Series on my birthday. Here's hoping the 'Dogs AND the Twins win a series on my birthday this year!)

It's easy to love baseball and hockey, even though they seem so different. I mean, if I were Michael Cuddyer and Bobby Jenks hit me in the elbow with a pitch, I would definite check that guy into the baggie so hard he would think a freight train had hit him. But, hello! You can't do that in baseball. Justin Morneau and Corey Koskie would have already done it.

Baseball is a game of anticipation, and hockey is a game where anything can happen. It is so easy to love them both.

In baseball there's the upper deck, and hockey, top shelf. The fastball and the slap shot, the breaking ball and the wrist shot. The Texas Leaguer and the lucky bounce. Carom and deflection. Wooden sticks sending hard objects flying at homicidal speeds. An overwhelming portion of the game's burden lies on the shoulders of one person, who's usually just a little on the crazy side.

Sometimes minutes in a hockey game feel like forever. Baseball could theoretically go on forever. When my team's ahead, I'm always anticipating that breakaway, that bad pitch, that could change the entire game. Tiny moments, big mistakes. A fraction of a second, a fraction of an inch, and it's a whole new ball game. Forget about what you did last night, last week, last year. You can't count a guy out because you think you're better than he is. Gene Larkin. Tony Quesada. Alejandro Pena and Don Lucia counted them out.

And, when my team's behind... well, it's best to tiptoe quietly away.

I didn't mean to fall in love with two teams who are so infrequently successful (three, if you count the Red Sox, but now it's getting harder to love them. Success has changed them. But at least they don't have *ugh* Johnny Damon anymore.) You can blame my parents, I guess. The default excuse. I know winning doesn't get old, winning is good, everyone would prefer to win rather than lose. But the 1991 World Series was so much more incredible since the Twins had been the last place team the year before. I'm sorry, Yankees fans. You'll never feel like I did then. And that first NCAA championship for the 'Dogs, oh man is that going to be sweet. Oh man, I just can't wait. The 8th title, or the 4th or 2nd, it's just not going to be the same for those folks. Victory is just so much sweeter if you're usually the also-ran.

One team is in a pennant race. The other's season is six weeks away. It's almost September, and anything can happen.

I Never Dreamed You'd Leave In Summer

Ah yes, the players who promised to be they would be the life in autumn and there would be warm love in springtime is ever-growing. Back in, oh, April or so, I started my own little list. Thanks to Goon's post, I was reminded that I've been remiss. So, away we go.
FYI, players that were not on the list from April are denoted with a ***


David Backes, Minnesota State-Mankato
Backes was a great player on an okay team. I won't miss him on the ice because he was a scary opponent, but I wish him the best of luck.

Matt Carle, University of Denver
Matt Carle pretty much did all he could at the collegiate level: national championship, Hobey Baker, All-Hottie team. Don't get that pretty face messed up in the NHL, honey!

***Ryan Carter, Minnesota State-Mankato
Who? What? Sorry buddy, you're below my radar. Perhaps my Mavs counterparts can elaborate? (Sorry I got your name wrong at first, dude.)

Kris Chucko, Minnesota-Twin Cities
I will miss Chucko simply because his name rhymed with so many insults.

Robbie Earl, Wisconsin-Madison
My archnemesis? Gone? Nooooooooo! He's totally ruined my plans! Oh, the fun we would have had, the cruel things I would have said! He's foiled my plan to wear a wetsuit and carry the A (Alfa) flag. (Contrary to what some people had at the WCHA playoffs, the "Diver Down" flag is not red and white, it looks like this.) I didn't even get a chance to cure his pimples.

Danny Irmen, Minnesota-Twin Cities
Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling, they're saying "Good luck getting a puck between us in the NHL." I don't like situations like this, when my enemy suddenly joins my side. Joe Mauer joining the Twins, Danny Irmen for the Wild. I just don't trust it. Maybe one day, love will build a bridge between Danny and me, but I don't know if it'll hold.

***Phil Kessel, Minnesota-Twin Cities
This departure comes to no surprise to us at RWD. Months ago, Ace Prognosticator DA reported that Kessel would be leaving, which I assume he learned from The Beard, his anonymous co-worker/source.

***Jordan Parise, University of North Dakota
Ouch! That one hurt. Jordy was a true inspiration to the Fighting Sioux, judging by their less-than-stellar play in front of Phillippe Lamoreaux (and why? I don't know why you wouldn't want to play well in front of the guy. His name translates from the French as "The Lover." That's wicked cool). The Second Coming of Parise may have done more for the team than Parise Vol. 1.

***Joe Pavelski, Wisconsin-Madison
All I have to say is, good thing Wisconsin doesn't rely on offense to win. Really, the MN Wild should just draft Badgers.

***Kyle Peto, Minnesota State-Mankato
Kyle Peto was DEFINITELY a hottie, winning First Team Honors 2 years ago (although somehow failing to make the list this past year... people, the head shot is sometimes all I have to go on! COMB YOUR HAIR! Use a good antibacterial toner! Smile for Mama!), and I'm sure there's a lot of broken hearts down in Southern MN.

Ryan Potulny, Minnesota-Twin Cities
The original member of The Hater Report. The inspiration for it, in fact. Oh Ryan, you were The Little Engine That In The End Just Couldn't Quite Make It. All those awards I listed above for Matt Carle, you were just shy of getting, too. You're the New Jan Brady!

***Brian Salcido, Colorado College
Well, this guy is clearly not the one we're talking about. But hello! 40 points is not easy to replace! However, CC always disappoints in the end, so I guess they could lose no one and still fall short. I had high hopes for them 2 seasons ago, but... SPLAT!

Matt Smaby, University of North DakotaI don't think any opposing players will miss the brain-rattling, bone-jarring, board-shaking hits Big Matt dished out. UND was lucky to get another year out of him, since he was so close to signing with them last year. Instead, they went with our own Rosie the Riveter.

Rastislav Spirko, University of North Dakota (added 5/5/06)
Someone, please hold me. I loved my little Sparky, and I'm going to miss him terribly. First, he goes and gets engaged to someone other than me, now he's forsaking me to go back to Europe and play for-profit hockey. Don't go, Spirko! Not without kissing me goodbye!

Drew Stafford, University of North Dakota (added 5/4/06)
Drew was a controversial player around here at Runnin' With the Dogs. He failed to make the All-Hottie List, and the readers were incensed! I thought Drew was great, he was the king of short-handed goals, he was in a rockin' band, and his arms made me all hot and bothered. The ladies love ya, Drew, and you'll be missed.

***Paul Stasny, University of Denver
Paul Stasny was tied for 4/5 in the points in the WCHA, sharing that honor with some nobody named Matt Carle. It will be interesting to see if some sort of Butler/Trotter/Mullen/Fast combo can even come close to the Carle/Stasny awesomeness.

Travis Zajac, University of North Dakota
Um... uhhh... I liked you? Good luck? Until we meet again? Sayonara? Hasta la vista, baby? I don't know, what do I say? If only we'd had more time together...

?

Do you think La P really talks like that? I mean, if I met him in person, would he talk like he isn't moving his tongue at all?

I will concede being a puffy old windbag ain't easy. But is it necessary?

Sigh. I miss hockey.

Consumer Alert!

Again, here at Runnin' With the Dogs, we exist solely to serve you. And once again, it has come to our attention that there is yet another Faux-Dog out there on the loose.


Look out, people.

FYI: I am semi-back from vacation now, although I have only been semi-present the entire summer. So look out, because another post might hit you when you least expect it.

Just Because You Drive A Lexus Doesn't Mean You Can Cut Me Off

Tales of a Road Warrior

So, the other day Mr. Zippy and I were driving along, going home from work/sitting in the parking lot all day (guess which one did what?), and some horrible woman in a Lexus cut me off. In case you didn't glean that from the title.

Anyway, that isn't so much relevant as it is annoying, but it's hopefully not a prelude to come when the RWD Staff hit the road tomorrow. That's right, we are headed north on 35 (and then subsequently 53) on our hajj to the Bulldog Mecca that is Duluth, followed by the Runnin' With the Dogs Once Every Two Years Gathering Of Staff (knowing my penchant for acronyms, you already knew it was coming... RWtDOETYGOS) at the top secret lakeside retreat. RWD, the Aaaalleged Webmaster, UMDDogz, DA, Gramps, H and L will ALL be present for the summit.

So, in other words, I'm on vacation, suckas! Not that I post that often anyway...

P.S. LaP was spotted on TV wearing a red polo the other night. YUCK! Someone should tell him that it doesn't work on him! Also, I am fairly certain if I were driving near him, LaP would cut me off.