An Actual Post Based on Fact

At a Bulldog ceremony second only to the Oscars in glitz and glamour, the post-season awards were handed out.

Tim Stapleton, resplendent in Christian Dior, took home the highest honor, Most Valuable Player. In his speech, he thanked his family, his linemates, and, with a tear in his eye, the makers of the movie Youngblood.

Young superstar Mason Raymond was named Rookie of the Year (not to be confused with the Rookie of the Year from this previous RWD story, who is neither young nor a superstar). Mason strutted down the maroon and gold carpet in Armani Black Label. He spoke eloquently of his appreciation for all the nicknames the fans have made for him, and thanked RWD for making him one of our "guys."

The sleeper hit of the evening was Nate Ziegelmann, named Most Improved Player. Ziegelmann, of Grand Forks, ND, was dressed head to toe in functional and fashionable Carhartt apparel. Ziegelmann wanted especially to thank the defensive corps for waking up and actually trying during the games he played, and he also thanked his comrades between the pipes, Isaac Reichmuth and Josh Johnson, for taking a chance on a young kid with a dream.

The final award of the night, Most Inspirational Player, went to Andrew Carroll. No. 20 tread the fibers in Ralph Lauren, and brought the house down with his speech. By "the house," I mean "the DECC," although that might have been falling down all along. It was a touching moment for all. Even Jim Jensen had a tear in his eye, although that might have been a consequence of pepper spray rather than emotion.

Look for a full spread in next months issue of Vogue Hockey. Michael Gergen is nude on the cover, wearing only a feather boa.

(Note: I said this post was based in fact. I never said it didn't go horribly awry.)