Mass * Velocity

It's all a question of momentum.

The season's almost here. It's breathing hot, stinky dog breath down our necks, like Fluffy in Harry Potter.

But man, is it ever boring writing about... nothing. Seriously, nothing. NOTHINGGGG!!!! Zip. Zero. Stingy with dinero. Let's tick the facts off on our fingers:

• No one left early for the pros.
• I don't have insider access to the team, so I'm not getting a sneak peek at anything.
• Other people have already done season previews for the team and the league. Better than I could ever do.
• No one ran anyone down with an SUV.
• It's just been too... freaking... long.

So man, is it ever getting hard to find the impulse (F*dt) to write about something. Impulse is just a change in momentum. It's all physics. Hockey is all physics, anyway. Do you know how many problems I solved in college about an object sliding on a sheet of ice? The professors weren't trying to ignore friction! They were thinking about hockey!

What? Where am I going here? Stop being a nerd!

So, I guess good stuff happened these past few months. Sandelin's contract was renewed (as was mine!). Hard Charger Andrew Carroll and RWD Favorite Matt McKnight are captains. And Bill Watson will be giving PowerPoint briefs on How To Be As Awesome As Bill Watson. Topics will include (Ooh, more Fun With Formatting!):

• Winning A Hobey Baker
• Scoring A Sick 1.94 Points Per Game
• Knock Hockey Strategies
• Surviving Quadruple Overtime
• Mustache Cultivation
• How To Succeed In Hockey Even Though You're Playing For The Bulldogs

(So yes, I'm alive and well and boring as ever, in case you were wondering. Just remember, the season's almost here!)