The Gauntlet: Climb Ev'ry Mountain Edition

Oh yeah, kiddies, The Gauntlet is back and in your face. The first Gauntlet of the season features USCHO Lifer CO14ers.

RWD: So, how long have you been a DU fan?

CO14ers: I'm told I went to my first DU game when I was two years old. I wasn't throwing chickens on the ice yet, but I've been a fan all my life. Over 40 years.

RWD: God. You're old. [And she's comin' out swinging!]

CO14ers: I get carbon-dated for age every now and then.

RWD: It's a good thing they don't use dendrochronology.

CO14ers: I guess, don't know that term. I don't know if that's good or bad.

RWD: It's how you age a tree. By counting the rings. [I learned this from UMDDogz. That’s what big brothers are good for! Along with scratching mosquito bites and recklessly driving jet-skis and ATVs.] It might hurt.

CO14ers: Yeah, carbon-dating is less painful than that.

RWD: How long have you known DG and the Swami?

CO14ers: Actually, not all that long. I met both of them when I went to DU's appearance in the Columbus Frozen Four in 2005.

RWD: Are they... slightly older than you?

CO14ers: Swami is much older and wiser than me. DG and I are about the same age.

RWD: Did you attend DU?

CO14ers: I actually did my undergrad work at the hockey-renowned Arizona State University. I am currently half way through a Masters degree at DU.

RWD: So you were not a Kappa Sig too?

CO14ers: Nope, I was a GDI. Funny how I hang out with frat guys now later in life.

RWD: Do you feel like you know DG pretty well then?

CO14ers: I think so. We've done some fun hockey trips and hang out whenever he comes to town. Although, we all have to show him the proper respect and call him "The Godfather". [I wonder if he kisses Goddard’s ring. Which is probably platinum and diamonds.]

RWD: So which business is he in? Olive oil or sanitation?

CO14ers: Must be olive oil because he is really slick and his skin glows.

RWD: If you're ever around him and a crate of oranges topples over, run.

CO14ers: Absolutely, but he is pretty slow.

RWD: You could run, though. [Away from him. Which is what I meant.] Unless you are slow, too.

CO14ers: I'd take him in a 100 yd dash, no problem.

RWD: Swami would be way ahead of you two, though.

CO14ers: Swami is in another league. He'd also use his magic carpet and be timed using a stopwatch while DG and I would be timed with a sun dial.

RWD: What does he look like?

CO14ers: I truthfully don't know if I've really seen Swami or just the visual representations he wants me to see which are often different. I've even tried to photograph him but when I look at the picture, there's always something like a scarf blocking his face.

RWD: He's so sneaky. Have you ever worn a toga to a game?

CO14ers: I personally have not. DG, of course had and another DU fan, Dubbie31 also has. This season I'm creating my own identity by wearing an authentic coonskin cap I had imported from Arkansas.

RWD: Those caps are offensive, as is your mascot. What is the big deal with Boone?

CO14ers: If you ask North Dakota and CC fans, they'd probably say I'm offensive too. Well, many of the longtime fans and alums grew up with Denver Boone as the mascot and associate Boone with the fun times they had at DU. Bring Back Boone!

RWD: Oh yes... ND fans... the USCHO 5.

CO14ers: That was a "discussion" between SiouxInMinny, Dirty, du78, DG, and I about the Geoff Paukovich situation. I got totally hosed in that suspension. [Hosed? Are you Canadian?] I was innocent.

RWD: Of what were you accused?

CO14ers: Posting offensive graphics, bad language and personal attacks. I just had a bad lawyer.

RWD: You should have gotten Mrs. Swami.

CO14ers: I didn't know she was a lawyer at the time. Unfortunately I went with some stiff who does local ads here named Frank "The Strong Arm" Azar. Bad decision. [I don't know. Sounds like a good lawyer to me.]

RWD: Denver has a lot of bailbondsmen. I noticed.

CO14ers: Lots of seedy stuff happens here. They are mainly used when the CC and UND fans come to Magness and cause trouble.

RWD: Have you ever seen the movie Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead?

CO14ers: Yeah, but I was drunk and don't remember it too well, if at all.

RWD: I see. I wrote a post semi-based on that movie. And I feel like no one got it. It's all right though. I took a risk. [Why am I still talking about this? I just need to let it die!] It's a good movie. [It is!]

CO14ers: I'll have to see it sober sometime. I actually don't know many people that have seen it though.

RWD: It has Christopher Walken in it! Jesus! [Ok, maybe Jesus isn’t in it.] I guess if it's not High School Musical then no one knows what's what.

CO14ers: I like that guy. Kinda creepy, but was in the best SNL skit all time. I need more cowbell!!!

RWD: I wrote a post about more cowbell. It was genius. No one read it. That pretty much sums up every RWD post, though. [Pity party, table for one?] Except the Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead one. [Ok, enough!]

CO14ers: Wish I had seen that. [And through the magic of the internet, you can!] At the ‘05 Frozen Four, we played the hell out of cowbell. [Because you would be doing yourself, and everyone on the team a disservice if you hadn’t!] I even have a picture of Gwoz with said cowbell. [The cock of the walk, baby!]

RWD: Ooh, Gwoz! Do you think Gwoz voted for McCain?

CO14ers: I would say so, they both dress alike.

RWD: Maybe I got a guess right. Do you remember when we met?

CO14ers: I actually first saw you at Spanky's a couple of years ago, but you were pretty drunk cuz DG kept plying you with alcohol. [This is what male cougars do to try to get hotties like me.] I remember coming back from the game and someone behind me asked, "Is that CO14ers?" I think that was you.

RWD: That is not what happened. Well, it is. Kind of. YOU said we met at Spanky's, which I was unaware of, because of excessive Coors Lights [Gross. But the beers came in their own barf bucket.] and Jack/Cokes. [Things were slightly out of hand.]

CO14ers: Well, I was having a few of those myself, but that is my best recollection.

RWD: Here is what I recall: I was walking toward the parking lot. [Cue romantic piano music] And I saw this guy wearing a DU scarf. [Slo-mo camera effects] And I screamed "THOSE ARE UMD COLORS!!!!" or something. And you were either the person in the scarf or with the scarf person. And you said "That's Runninwiththedogs" and I was all WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

CO14ers: Ahh yes. I was walking with KScant. [Whoever] I did know that you were RWD though. Who wouldn't?

RWD: Others. Bulldog players. [I hope.]

CO14ers: I thought you were tight with the boys.

RWD: Er. No. I get tight and then go watch the boys play hockey.

CO14ers: That's kinda my MO as well. LOL.

RWD: But that was very exciting for me. Except for the next morning it was not. [I lay on the couch and attempted to eat a bagel. It took me an hour to finish.]

CO14ers: Getting tight or making fun of my scarf?

RWD: The entire experience.

CO14ers: We try to make opposing fans who travel to watch the games comfortable, sans UND and CC fans.

RWD: I went back to my cousin's and drank more. BIG MISTAKE. I was supposed to go hang out with Bruce Ciskie. [The next morning, I mean. Bruce is a grandpa and goes to bed early. Unless he needs to rant excessively about Don Adam.] It did not happen. He called and I didn't even know. So he was stranded at the hotel. [Like I was going to show up at some hotel where the whole team was staying looking like the Bride of Frankenstein and scoping out the nearest trash cans in case of emergency.]

CO14ers: I have not met Bruce yet. I do know the DU radio guy who is an absolute riot. He used to be a character called "The Shagman" who pimped used automobiles on a local TV ad. Totally classic.

RWD: Did he work for John Elway Ford?

CO14ers: Don't think he climbed that far up the used car food chain.

RWD: Speaking of climbing, I hear you're a mountain climber [and stream forder and rainbow follower]... allegedly.

CO14ers: Well, I have done a ton of mountain climbing, but not recently. One needs to be in good shape to do that and right now I'm pretty frickin' far from that.

RWD: Do you have proof of that? I mean, the mountain climbing, not the out of shapeness.

CO14ers: Well, I could send you some photos of some hero shots I've got of me, but people would say they were photoshopped. [It is harder than you think to use Photoshop. Which is why I looked like a crazy owl/exorcism recipient in the Han/Leia post. Also, the effort was minimal.]

RWD: People would. Especially people in the olive oil business or who wear scarves over their faces.

CO14ers: I read he didn't do anything to "take my back" on that recently. [I don’t even understand.] I need to have a talk with him. I bet I could give that big hill a shot.

RWD: Duluth has a big hill. You could climb that. It's no Rocky Mountain.

CO14ers: With my conditioning, it might as well be. Speaking of Duluth, my mom was born and raised there.

RWD: It is tragic that you became a DU fan then. Speaking of that, let's talk about DU. [Seeing as this is a college hockey blog.]

CO14ers: And her too. Although I think she's still really a Bulldog fan at heart. [As everyone should be.] Let's du, er, do.

RWD: When is your blog coming out?

CO14ers: Geez. I tried to do a website and failed at that. I think we have enough blogs with DG and Swami. They do pretty well I think. No one would read my blog.

RWD: No one reads mine, and yet here we are.

CO14ers: Mine would be known as the worst blog ever. [Except for that racist guy who wrote about the Gophers.] I hear you had the first WCHA blog. [No, I had the first college hockey blog. Get it right.] Pretty cool. Too bad DG entered the blogging business.

RWD: I did/do. No one knows that. There are really bad blogs out there though. I read a blog that is basically a collection of blogs that had only one post. It is amazing.

CO14ers: Yeah, that CC one sucks.

RWD: It is now defunct. [I thought that guy was pretty fun when I Gauntletted him!]

CO14ers: Not surprising. I wish their team was.

RWD: People think it's easy. [Blogging. Not sucking. Which I would know nothing about.] Why does CC suck so much?

CO14ers: There are too many reasons to list. One is Denver is windy so CC sucks. It's just always been that way and always will.

RWD: Who are your favorite DU players? Current and all time. [Extremely long pause.] So, no one! All right, let's move on!

CO14ers: Wow, there are a lot of those. The ones who I got to actually watch skate would include Dallas Gaume, Aaron McKenzie, Gabe Gauthier, Adam Berkhoel, Peter Mannino, Luke Fulghum, Geoff Paukovich, Adrian Veideman [that whiny baby who got Mike Curry kicked out of a game for a little love tap on the wrist??] and so many others. We are lucky to have such a great program year in and year out.

RWD: Speaking of Mannino, I have a reader-submitted question. Have you ever gotten anyone a signed Mannino puck or photo?

CO14ers: No, I never have. Would have been easy for me the last four years, but it would be much more difficult now.

RWD: Did someone ever ask you to do that for them?

CO14ers: Hold it. Maybe I have, now that I think of it. I vaguely remember someone asking. Hopefully I came through.

RWD: I don't know. The midget... er... person didn't say.

CO14ers: Oh yes, that is correct. I know this person. I'm sure I came through with it.

RWD: So what current players do you like?

CO14ers: Right now I have to say that Tyler Bozak and our new freshman Luke "The Goal Czar" Salazar are my favorites. Both work hard on the ice and can score, score, score.

RWD: That is such a stupid nickname. I hate it. It's actually on my list of questions.

CO14ers: Blame DG.

RWD: It doesn't even make sense. Like, it would if he was a goalie.

CO14ers: We even nicknamed his sister "The sis Czar."

RWD: I wonder if Dubbie tried to hook up with her. I heard about you guys in Alaska.

CO14ers: You mean Gilligan? Yeah, I went to Alaska with the guy. Still owes me $250.

RWD: Beat him with your hat.

CO14ers: I'll give him credit though; he wore a toga to the games when it was -18 degrees outside.

RWD: Do you know if Brock Trotter has a girlfriend?

CO14ers: Not sure, haven't talked to him since the middle of last season.

RWD: Someone came to my site using that as a search query. I'm here to help. Speaking of girlfriends, is there a Mrs. CO14ers?

CO14ers: There once was, but not right now. Most hockey addicts like me are hopelessly single. I probably need therapy.

RWD: Is that why you attend games with a bald man with a goatee?

CO14ers: LOL. Take companionship wherever you can find it. [I feel like CO14ers would do ok in prison, then.]

RWD: Why is Rhett Rakhshani such a whiny baby? Is it because he's a home-schooled mama's boy?

CO14ers: Rhett's a stud. You should check out his Facebook stuff. Absolutely brilliant photos.

RWD: Um. I'm not friends with any players on facebook... well, ok, 2, but they're not on DU or UMD. I don't even know that I could see his page. Plus, he is uggo.

CO14ers: I guess you never saw his guitar hero pic. [Was there a bag over his head? Preferably a plastic one?] Quite funny.

RWD: Not as funny as my Tougher in Alaska spread. Which no one read.

CO14ers: I'll have to go read that myself. [If a blogger posts on the internet and no one reads it, does it make anyone laugh. Here.]

RWD: Who is the hottest Pioneer? I'll give you a hint who it's not. RHETT RAKHSHANI.

CO14ers: I think Ruegsegger probably does alright with the ladies.

RWD: Mmmmm, tasty. He's too nice for me though. [I like the bad boys.] MEg likes Tom May. [And Tom May likes ice cream.]

CO14ers: Tom May looked like Jesus for most of the season. [Yeah. Like you know what Jesus looks like. You don't even know what the Swami looks like!] MEg's weird. Maybe you'd like Bozak. He looks more rugged.

RWD: Hm. Let me inspect him. [I started looking for his roster pic.] MEg is hot for Gwoz.

CO14ers: Like I said, she's weird sometimes. [Understatement of the century!]

RWD: I'm more of a Jamie Russell gal myself.

CO14ers: She must like pink ties on a guy.

RWD: Oh. [Found the roster pic!] Hello there, Tyler Bozak. [Grow a little scruff on your face and come to Mama!] MEg has him in fantasy hockey. She should probably sit him this weekend.

CO14ers: Like I said, MEg is a genius sometimes. [Was that ever said?]

RWD: She has Stalock, too.

CO14ers: I think she will be just fine this weekend. I'd sit Al if I had both.

RWD: Well. She only has one goalie. Some jerk in her league took like 6 goalies.

CO14ers: That's quite a few goalies to have on a roster. Good trade bait though.

RWD: Yeah but if you're that much of a jerk who would trade with you? What should we expect from the Pioneers this weekend?

CO14ers: I think the Pioneers will be very hungry this weekend after only getting one point last weekend while really outplaying the #1 team in the nation. I think you can expect to see a high powered offense that transitions well and a lot of pucks on Al. Conversely, our still developing defense and young goaltender provide a challenge for us against a to-date great UMD offense.

RWD: What do you expect from tUMD this weekend?

CO14ers: I think they might have a bit of trouble on Friday adjusting to an offense that is faster and more skilled than they've seen yet this year. I also expect them to give DU troubles as they go on offense. I don't expect low scoring games in this series.

RWD: Hey, UAA are speed demons.

CO14ers: Yeah, as fast as DG on skates.

RWD: That must be amazing.

CO14ers: I'd pay good money to see it!

RWD: Is DU going all the way this year?

CO14ers: I think they have the offense to do it. However, unless our goaltending improves, I don't see it happening. However, Cheverie has the potential to be a great goalie and if he steadily improves his game, anything is possible.

RWD: Good thing you guys went all the way last year, since the Frozen Four was in Denver. Oh... wait...

CO14ers: That was disappointing. Didn't help playing a Wisco team with a grudge against us on their home ice in the regional. We were all disappointed as we were the year we didn't even make the regional that was hosted at Pepsi Center in Denver. Can't remember who knocked us out of the WCHA Final 5 and caused our ultimate demise though.

RWD: Some hotties. You guys kind of CCd it.

CO14ers: We did Ceremoniously Choke that year.

RWD: Do you have a weekend prediction?

CO14ers: Yeah, I have a prediction. DU Sweeps. 6-4 Friday. 5-3 Saturday.

RWD: It's nice that they clean up the arena after the Dogs beat them. Do you think they could trade in for a Swiffer?

CO14ers: LOL. I'm not sure how good the Dogs are yet. We'll know more after this weekend. Or maybe not after the DU sweep.

RWD: We're not talking about curling here.

CO14ers: We are good at that though too.

RWD: I am sure we are better. Did you know that curling was a high school sport in Minnesota?

CO14ers: I did not know that. But did you know we have a new dedicated curling rink only 5 miles from the DU campus? CO14ers in the Olympics in 2010.

RWD: What kind of name is CO14ers anyway?

CO14ers: Stands for Colorado 14ers, the 54 mountains over 14,000 feet in Colorado.

RWD: I see. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [Boring name.] Dirty should be ND1ers.

CO14ers: I think that would fit for many reasons.

RWD: For the one tree.

CO14ers: One tree, the 100 foot hill, his IQ, etc.

RWD: You don't seem to like UND fans.

CO14ers: I have actually met a few cool ones in person, but a few good apples don't save the spoiled bunch.

RWD: Do you like UND fans better than CC fans?

CO14ers: That's like asking me if I'd prefer colon cancer or pancreatic cancer.

RWD: Are you and Randy May BFFs?

CO14ers: I actually ran into the infamous Randie down at World Arena last Sunday. No, not BFFs, but I don't think we want to kill each other anymore. Plus, you gotta respect a guy who owns a pawn shop.

RWD: I don't know that I do.

CO14ers: I hear it's reputable from some CC fans for whatever that's worth.

RWD: What about St. Cloud fans?

CO14ers: They are a blast. After "The Rock"'s hattrick up there last year, I threw my hat on the ice and had the student section chanting [sphincter] at me, the arena booed and their mascot Blizzard stood behind me with his arms crossed shaking his head. Classic! Oh yeah, we won 3-2 and the bus back to our car left without us.

RWD: I feel so torn. I mean, on the one hand, St. Cloud fans were enraged. On the other hand, the uggo was the one who got the hat trick.

CO14ers: It was just funny either way. Beautiful hattrick!

RWD: St. Cloud fans. If you can't get into college, go to state. If you can't get into CC, go to DU?

CO14ers: If you can't get into DU, go to CC. Or Duluth in the case of Brett Hull.

RWD: People have actually been turned away from tUMD for academics. Actually one guy ended up on the Gophers. [Yeah General College!]

CO14ers: Murray Armstrong had Brett Hull all set to play for DU, but DU the school wouldn't admit him academically. Hmmmm.

RWD: Any last words before I go slave away editing this mofo? [This thing is a behemoth. Dirty will whine.]

CO14ers: Not really except to add that I still think there is a friendly bond between DU and tUMD fans, especially after Gwoz brought the boys over to support Junior Lessard win the Hobey after the tUMD team went home (for some reason). [This grammar is Rob Green-esque.] Pretty friendly banter between the fans on USCHO.

RWD: That Swami though. He's always so rude and mean. Just running his mouth off.

CO14ers: That's just how he rolls sometimes. Like God getting pissed at Moses and his peeps. He does that sometimes.

RWD: I expect the rivers to run red and the locusts to invade, then.

CO14ers: Swami can part the tUMD defense for our offense if he wants to. He just doesn't really go there unless absolutely necessary -- Like Maine not being able to score on a 6 on 3 for well over a minute. Times like that Swami is there.

RWD: I feel like an unfortunate accident might need to befall him. Especially since he did not give me any dirt on you.

CO14ers: The universe is his and his alone to control.

One Coach, Two Coach, Red Coach, Blue Coach

Okay, so the last post sort of flew under everyone's radar. I thought as much. I can't be brilliant all the time. Well, okay, I can, but I choose not to in order to make the rest of you feel better about yourselves.

I know there was quite an uproar amongst dumb skanks named Chelsey when Don Lucia endorsed John McCain for president back in September. I was kind of shocked that Don Lucia and I agreed on something, but I guess there's a first time for everything. I guess we also agree that the shoot-out isn't a good idea when we have so few games in a season. Perhaps we are more alike than I thought. It's a very Kumbaya moment here.

I started wondering about other coaches in the WCHA, and whose ovals they would be filling in or chads they'd be punching or levers they would be pulling today. Since these elections are secret ballot and no one other than Lucia has openly supported a candidate that I am aware of (but since this blog isn't exactly based in facts I'm not up on all the news), I can only guess. AS A DISCLAIMER: This is just for fun and games, kiddies! Just a game! I'm not actually publishing anyone's actual vote! So let's have some fun. The election itself is already a joke!

RED COACHES
Mike Eaves
George Gwozdecky
Don Lucia (duh)
Scott Sandelin

BLUE COACHES
Troy Jutting
Bob Motzko
Scott Owens
Jamie Russell

CANUCKS
Dave Hakstol
Dave Shyiak

BONUS! Blogger votes!

RED BLOGGERS
The Darkness (or so he is trying to make me believe)
Goddard
Goon
RWD (ok, not really a guess)
Sioux7
Roy
Who's Whining Now? (though not really a blogger anymore)

BLUE BLOGGERS
Boosh
Bruce Ciskie (he does like NASCAR though)
Dirty
Let's Go Mavs
MEg
Rink Rat
WCH
WinTwins

VOTED FOR THE UNABOMBER
Donald

A TOTAL MYSTERY
Puck Swami

Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead

It's been tough times for Scotty "The Saint" Sandelin. He's been out from under the thumb of crime boss Dean "Blazer" Blais for eight years and he's still trying to go legit. His Bulldogs haven't had the greatest of years these past few years, and a few years ago they majorly pissed off another pillar of the mob community, "The Man With The Plan," also known as "Curious George." Apparently The Saint owed a debt to Curious George, and he called in the note. The Man With The Plan wanted his boys to get shaken up, get ready for the playoffs, and he wanted The Saint and his boys to surprise the Pioneers with a little upset in the first game of the playoffs, you know, to keep them hungry and all. (Here's what actually happened. But don't go here if you don't like Christopher Walken, bad words, or hobos being beaten up. And if that is the case, I feel like it's best if you and I part ways.) Sandelin had no choice but to gather together a group of his best guys and carry out the Man's orders.

Well, we all know what happened there. Sandelin's boys got a little crazy and ended up taking out the Pioneers entirely. Not only did they miss the Final Five, but they also failed to make the NCAA tournament despite being finishing 2nd in the WCHA. And The Man With The Plan was not happy.

Today after the WCHA coaches had their conference call and Sandelin showed up to practice looking totally freaked out.

"What's the matter, Coach?" asked Josh "Easy Wind" Meyers. But he didn't get an answer, The Saint just stared.

"Really, Sandy, what's the deal?" Critical Nick [really, Nick, I am sorry that you had to be this guy... if you haven't seen the movie, you just don't want to know] pressed him for answers. He exchanged a look with Matt "Pieces" Greer and Andrew "Franchise" Carroll. They all know something is up.

Finally, The Saint opened his mouth and uttered a single word. "Buckwheats."

Silence. Finally Franchise sputtered "Buckwheats?" The Saint repeated, "Buckwheats."

It was silent for a moment as a look of horror fell over the face of every senior on the team.

"What's 'buckwheats?'" piped up Mike Connolly, confused. The guys shot him death stares. "Geez, never mind, eh?"

The rest of the guys got up to start their practice, not realizing the severity of the situation. The seniors and The Saint stayed seated, shell-shocked.

"Who are they sending?" asked Critical Nick. "Goal Czar Salazar? Brock the Rock?"

"He's dead," Easy Wind said.

"Oh yeah. So who is it?"

Still with his thousand-yard stare, The Saint replies "Mr. Shh." And with a collective intake of breath, all the seniors realize they are about to come face to face with their own mortality. Mr. Shh, whose real name is Rhett Rakhshani, is known for killing his opponents slowly, drawing penalties by falling on the ice if so much as the breeze from an opponent passes his way, then whining like a little baby until the Pioneers get a power play, which is where he takes his kill shot.

It's an epic battle, folks. Mr. Shh and the Pioneers vs. The Saint, Franchise Carroll, Critical Nick, Easy Wind Meyers, Pieces Greer and the rest of the seniors. Evil vs. Good. Boys vs. Men. Stupid Fat Creatures In Coonskin Caps vs. Bulldogs. And it's not going to be settled tonight, so stay tuned for this weekend.

Is anyone even going to understand this post?? It's not that obscure of a movie, is it??? Oh well. It's late. Just appreciate the genius.

Delusions

tUMD 5, SCSU 1

Kiddies, Mama was tired last night. I did start writing this last night but I decided a game like yesterday's deserves better than the crap I was typing up. So after reading this post, you can imagine just how terrible the last one was.
I don't know if you are aware of this, readers (if I can use the plural term), but I have always operated under the assumption that you fall into two categories, the first being people that I know either in real life or in the vast expanse of the internet, and the second being people who accidentally come to this site because they are wondering if TJ Oshie has a girlfriend or they desperately want to find shirtless pictures of CDR Harmon Rabb. Okay, so those people aren't "readers," but they do have to read one or two words at least to realize they aren't going to find a lesson on the bones of the human leg. Sorry I'm such a tease!!

Well, yesterday afternoon, Amy from Let's Go Mavs decided that she would shatter the little fantasy playing inside my head and tell actual Bulldog players about this little old site. I can't imagine why. I mean, now they are all going to live in fear that I will go all Swimfan on them. Don't worry. It won't happen. Amy also told Mike Zacharias's dad that I thought Mike was a hottie. But really, it's true, so what can I say? Amy was in full PR mode and promoting RWD to anyone who would listen. I don't know that it will result in more readership, but a girl cannot ask for a more dedicated, more drunk friend than Amy.

Don't worry about any of these occurrences affecting the content of this site in anyway. It will continue to be as creepy and irrelevant as ever.

FireHelmetGuy is also even more dead to me than ever because evidently he was around the entire freaking team and did not come drag me by the hair to say hello. Although I would have been very nervous and not stopped talking and probably would have been flinging my hands around wildly and someone would have been hurt. Still, if my apartment was on fire, would he send me a text message and if I didn't answer just leave it at that, or would he break down my door and carry me to safety? I feel like these two scenarios are of equal importance.

I know that I seem scary, but I promise you I am not. (FHG is the only person who need be afraid...) I met some young hockey fans last night that are now my good buddies. Bruce's son and I discussed our favorite players. I asked him who his favorites are and he said "JCON and MCON." I cannot argue with that. Someday I will be DCON. Which is also a rodent control system. Hmm... that may come in handy later in the season. He also admitted that he liked Drew Akins, and Cody Danberg, and really if I had listed everyone on the team he would have said they were his favorites, too. I feel the same way.

At the game I ended up sitting next to another young man, probably a few years older than Bruce's son, who was a St. Cloud fan but also Kyle Schmidt's cousin so pro-UMD. I was a little confused because everyone in his group seemed to be wearing tUMD stuff but yet were also St. Cloud fans. I couldn't figure out what was going on there. But we talked during the games about hockey and other things. He really wanted the Gophers to lose so we helped out with the "Let's Go Mavericks!" cheering. Sadly, it was to no avail.

Okay, okay, who cares. LET'S TALK ABOUT THE GAME.

I was so nervous beforehand because I didn't know what was going to happen. We started off cruising and then hit a bit of a skid last weekend in Anchorage. I didn't know if that was the beginning of a slide or if it was just a temporary setback. Obviously winning one game, though in decisive fashion, isn't going to perfectly predict what will happen even next weekend, but let's just say I feel a lot more confident about zooming into Denver with some momentum.

The downside to waiting so long to write this recap is the details of the game are fading a bit. This wouldn't be a problem IF THE GAME HAD BEEN TELEVISED. I could have watched it again and it would have been like having 2 games this weekend! The upside to it not being on TV is on the off-chance I got caught on camera yelling.

I love games where I can stop stressing. Once we took a 3-0 lead I stopped stressing. Obviously a 3-0 lead with a full period and then some to go is not necessarily safe, but it isn't stress-inducing. The 4th goal with less than a minute to go in the period definitely made me relax. This was a game where everything worked: penalty kill, power play, 5 on 5, goaltending, offense, defence, me being there, etc. I don't have anything negative to say AT ALL and I'm happy that my emergency switch of my birthday game paid off! Thanks, guys! AND the Curry jersey is UNDEFEATED!!!

I guess I lied and won't be talking about the game. But rest assured, there will be great things to come this week!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 8! (Finally updating this number!)
Points until we equal last season's total: 20! (Glorious!)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 10! (Hooray!)
Jack Connolly: 7! (Almost had a goal but Weslosky made a killer save!)
Michael Gergen: 2 (Some good chances though!)
Rob Bordson: 0 (Does get an honorary point for having to put up with LGM!)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 9!
Jack Connolly: 7!
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0 (Let's Go Mavs's and WinTwins's new favorite Bulldog!)
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Mike Montgomery
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Cody Danberg
Michael Gergen
Trent Palm

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Meanwhile, on the Millennium Falcon

So, yesterday was my birthday. Indulge me a moment.




















(If the text is too small just click on the image. Or don't if you're not interested.)

The Empire Strikes Back

Our young hero, Michael Gergen, has decided on the advice of his former teacher, Obi-Brett Hullobi, to seek out a Jedi Master on a remote planet. Upon arriving on the planet, he crashes his flying zamboni and is stuck in the swampy muck. He meets a strange creature who hops around wildly, stealing food from him and banging on his android companion. Michael gets frustrated and complains about being stuck on the horrible slimy mudhole of a planet. The strange creature takes offense.

Michael feels a little badly for insulting the little green fuzzy man's home. He is reminded of another little guy with fuzzy hair, Mike Connolly, and feels a little homesick for Duluth. So he sits down and has a meal with the little green guy, hoping he'll take him to the Jedi Master. Eventually he runs out of patience and demands to see the Master. The little green man's demeanor changes entirely, and he sounds weary.

Suddenly the disembodied voice of Obi-Brett Hullobi boomed out over the swamp. "Was I any different when we were teammates?" Gergy realizes that the crazy green man is actually Jedi Master Bill Watson, the very being he sought out. Watson and the voice argue for awhile and then after about 10 highballs they are reminiscing about the old days and the master agrees to take on the young Jedi Knight. He warns him, in a voice that slurs every third word, that the training will not be easy. Jedi Master Watson passes out and Michael goes and works on some statements of cash flows for his accounting class.

The days pass and the Jedi training intensifies. Jedi Master Watson passes on his wisdom, but the young knight is still full of questions, wanting to soak up all that he can of the master's knowledge and experience.

But with his growing knowledge of the force, young Michael can sense trouble for his fellow Bulldogs. The evil sith lord Motzko and his pesky little Huskies have threatened the Galactic Empire. His Bulldogs are in trouble! They need him! But he also needs to finish his training. Master Watson wants him to stay.
















"But if I leave now, they'll lose! I should sacrifice Fontaine and Jacky?"

"If you honor what they fight for, yes."

Michael decides to leave anyway, because he knows that he can use at least some of his skills to fight the evil Motzko and his vile henchmen. However, his flying zamboni is stuck in the muck and he can't get it out, no matter how much he tries to use the force. "I can't," he says, panting, "it's too big." Jedi Master Watson shakes his head. "Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the hockey stick, the puck, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the zamboni." Michael still looks skeptical, because Jedi Master Watson is very small and green and fuzzy, so the master has to put his badasssss mad skillz into effect. He lifts the zamboni out of the swamp.

Gergy fires up the jets on that bad boy, and his android hops on in the little seat that kids usually ride on and they zoom away. Master Watson yells as he flies out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!" "Strong is Motzko! Mind what you have learned! Save you it can!"

What will happen to our young hero??? And the Bulldogs??? Stay tuned for the next installment!

MC's Back!

EXCITING NEWS, PEOPLE!!!!!!

I know that I rarely post about former Bulldogs, but eeeeeeeeeeeee! Mike Curry scored his first professional goal as part of a Jean-Phillippe Lamoureaux sieve-out in Mormon Country on Friday.















Here is what the Aces' press release says:

Aces rookie Mike Curry, raised in Eagle River, Alaska, scored on a rebound in his pro debut with 6:49 remaining, but James Sanford answered with a goal off the rush three minutes later to complete the scoring.

James Sanford can go jump in a frozen lake. He is inconsequential here, though. Great job, Mike!!! Keep up the scoring flurry!

Jason Garrison also made his NHL debut last night. We definitely miss him on the blueline this year, but considering he's already been called up by his team, I'm happy for him and understand that his decision was the right one for him.

Space Oddity

Ground Control to Major Tom, your circuit's dead, there's something wrong, can you hear me Major Tom?

tUMD 1, UAA's Football Team 1

So, we fell to earth a little bit here this weekend. Or a lot. Whatever. That's not the point. The point is... well there's only one of them. And we should have had more. We really should have had at least a split out of this weekend but instead we came up against a defensive line to rival the Minnesota Vikings. Literally. I don't know if the Seawolves heard something about a "quarterback on the power play" and got a little confused, but there were only a few of them that were interested in playing hockey, and even then only sometimes.

The Seawolves played their game and didn't allow us to play ours. That's to their credit. Now, I would be pretty embarrassed if the Bulldogs considered that to be our game plan, but if that's what Shyiak wants to do then whatever. tDogs came out flying and controlled the puck for at least the first five minutes of the game, although nothing became of that. We had possession of the puck but didn't have sustained pressure. If we hadn't scored on a 5 on 3 opportunity we might have been scoreless. And if we hadn't failed on a stupid clearing attempt we would have won the game. There wasn't a whole lot of room for us to bring on last year's strategy of not scoring ever.

Obviously we aren't allowed to have anyone even *near* the poor little goalie as evidenced by last night's tomfoolery with the replay, but we need some goals to come on 2nd and 3rd efforts, and the types of plays we are executing and the types of shots we are taking just aren't giving us that many opportunities.

Our PK didn't let in any goals tonight, which is a moral victory, but I wouldn't say it was "good." It is definitely good to get in their passing lanes and break up the play, but if we don't clear the puck it is bad news.

Sooner or later UAA will fall to earth, too. With the amount of ice time certain guys are seeing and their short bench due to injury and non-smart people leaving, it'll take its toll. They're not going to have a PP at 26% in the league forever. I do hope they're able to become more competitive in this league, and there are definitely some historically good teams that are vulnerable, so this league is wide open.

This is not the post I wanted to be writing tonight. I really wanted to be exuberant about a win and use lots of exclamation points and be a lot more positive than I am. It's not the end of the world and it's just one series of many, but we are going to be facing some tough teams in the coming weeks and I just wanted a little more confidence going into November.

I'll probably have something more to write tomorrow that will be more fun; I've had something in the works for a few days here that I laughed and laughed over (but no one will find it as funny as I did). MEg will probably drunk dial me again if I stay up too much later so I need to avoid that. I can't even remember what I've written here so it's probably a sign to end transmission.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 9
Points until we equal last season's total: 22! (I hardly even want to put an exclamation point, but it's a start.)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 8 (Ok, even MacGyver can have a night off. At least he didn't play like MacGruber.)
Jack Connolly: 5! (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Michael Gergen: 2 (Good chances tonight though on the PP)
Rob Bordson: 0 (Let's go, honey. I want to see you get things going!)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 7
Jack Connolly: 5!
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Cody Danberg
Michael Gergen

Must-Win

Well, all games are must-win games, because I enjoy winning, but this is the one game each year that tDogs are REQUIRED to win.

As you all have marked on your calendars already, Monday is my birthday. Another year more cougarific. tDogs have NEVER lost on my birthday in the history of RWD. And this is RWD's FIFTH SEASON. 2007: 3-0 @ DU; 2006: 2-1 vs DU; 2005: 6-3 @ MTU (Oct 28), Curry with 2 goals; 2004 4-1 W vs. MSUM (Oct 23). I wasn't blogging in 2003 but they swept the stupid Gophers. YAY!

Please, keep the tradition alive! (p.s. Gergy, Jacky, Rob: Mama wants some goals. Sharp: I know you'd get one birthday or not.)

*****************************************************************EDIT*****************************************************************
Since this game was not actually ON my birthday, I can choose to switch that game to NEXT weekend and our Xcel Energy Center game against St. Cloud. For which I got awesome seats. I guess my boys need me there to cheer them on before they can get going again. Don't worry! I won't fail you!!! I promise guys, you will hear my kind and gentle words of encouragement and praise next weekend.

Starwipe

tUMD 3, Seawolves 4, replay -1

I don't really have a lot to say about this game. Things did not start out well. And I'm not even talking about the 2-0 lead that we spotted the Seawolves. I'm talking about the radio feed. The Hog decided they would like to replace Bruce with Alvin and the Chipmunks, and Alvin was not coming through so well. I listened to the choppy, chirpy feed through most of the first period while trying to get the UAA television feed to stop crashing my browser and freezing my computer. I was lucky enough to hear both goal calls. I started knotting up a noose for myself.

So by the 2nd period I had Brucie back on the air and the video feed was working. However, it was not very useful. For example, we scored 4 goals in this game. I was not aware that the puck was in the net on any of them. This is because the video had a tight shot of the goaltender and I could not see the net, the goal light, or any Bulldog players celebrating. Okay no, that is a lie. I saw one goal and I about cried from its beauty. It was a play where on some teams of the past, we would have just lost the puck (and there were many of those tonight, thanks to UAA's 5-car pile-up style of playing) but somehow Akins was in front of the net and reached out and got the puck to Fontaine and he just slammed it home. It was just so lovely. Oh Justin, you have such great hands. And you dress very nicely.

In addition to not being able to tell when a goal was scored, I was also often not able to tell where the puck was. This is because I was silly and assumed that we would be zooming in on the player who was carrying the puck. Instead we were zooming in on patches of ice, or some random defenceman not even in the play, or the UAA goalie when the puck was at center ice. I really don't like people telling me what I should and should not be seeing in a hockey game. Or in life. Censorship is whack, yo.

Dirty watched along with me and we were IMing back and forth. Thank you, Dirty (and BB to a lesser extent) for attempting to keep me from going off the rails. I only did a little bit. Dirty kept up a steady stream of distractions like the UAA commercials and techno mexican hat dances and NCAA Basketball pool horror stories and that man that wears the question mark suits. I actually laughed at one point, and for kind of a bad reason: MEg has Stalock on her WCHA fantasy team. Sorry MEg! But Arthur Fonzarelli got 2 goals for you!!

I can't be upset about the replay, as #1 because of the crappy camera work I could not see what actually transpired and #2 it didn't decide the game. A game is 60 minutes and waived off goal probably only took a minute of the game to set up. There were 59 other minutes with which to get our game on and score some goals. That "goal" was supposed to be a tide-turner for us, and I have no doubt that if that goal had stood, we would have won the game. I know there was at least another goal there inside someone. But that replay just killed it. ADAM, YOU MURDERER!!!

Two people in the course of me writing this post have come on my site wondering about the disallowed goal. I DO NOT KNOW, PEOPLE. PLEASE. THIS IS VERY HARD FOR ME ALREADY. And as I stated before, the camera work was so poor that a replay probably would have shown Donald eating a hot dog in the stands. I would have screen-capped that so fast it would be all over the net. But it would not have solved the mystery of why some magical "man in the crease" was called. I am curious as to what footage was shown on that screen. Perhaps this. If only. A late-breaking report from a reliable source tells me that Fuzzy was not in the crease and there is no justification on earth for that wave-off.

I'm not really mad about the loss. I know others may say it was because of this, or possibly that, but whatever. I'm not here to blame. I am here to whine about things unrelated to the game. I was pretty furious during the game and committed violent acts toward my computer that would have been felonious had I done them to a human. But I really can't get on here and criticize guys, My Guys or not. I'm always proud of them if they try and play hard and keep themselves in the game. We're not going to win every game and I guess I'd rather lose on a tough road trip if we have to lose some time. I can't stay too upset in games that I know we could have won. If we can play every game with the potential to win then we will win a lot of games.

It's kind of late but I've been stalling for time trying to get the final stats on the game so I can update The Numbers. I'll probably have a post tomorrow if I can sneak one in at school. Actually, I need to have a post tomorrow, as I have to give some motivational speeches.

Oh, and p.s.: Evan Oberg? You are a beast with the puck. So glad you are a Bulldog!!!!!!!!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 9 (I really wanted to update this tonight.)
Points until we equal last season's total: 23 (Or at least update this.)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 8! (Rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin')
Jack Connolly: 4 (Tragic!)
Michael Gergen: 2 (Mathematically exciting Numbers! 2, 2^2, 2^3.)
Rob Bordson: 0 (If you had gotten a point it would be 2^0, 2^1, 2^2, 2^3.)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 7!
Jack Connolly: 4
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Jay Cascalenda
Michael Gergen
Mike Montgomery

teltnuaG ehT

Donald attempted to Gauntlet me. He did not succeed. Here are the results. Now step aside and let Mama take over.

(Extremely long wait for Donald to get to his computer)
DTP: Ok ... so should we get this over with? [Well, I waited around for forever, so could we please get on with it?]

RWD: Are you sure you're ready?

DTP: 1st question: Why do you hate Mike Connolly?

RWD: Aww, I don't hate Fuzzy. I'm pro Fuzzy. Some big bad Bronco player threw him into the boards last weekend and I about cut someone, but the REF called a PENALTY and I almost died. [Maybe the system works!]

DTP: Mike senses your overwhelming love for Jack and he isn't amused.

RWD: Oh really? Did your Spidey sense tell you that?

DTP: I'm uncharacteristically intuitive about such things

RWD: I think he's probably happy I'm not a freak over him. He sleeps better at night I'm sure. [Meanwhile, I’m sure Jack is terrified. And rightfully so. I am crazy.]

DTP: Do you agree with Hannes Alfven that in a Universe filled with Plasma that electric currents are pervasive? [Do you agree that no one other than possibly MEg is going to understand that question?]

RWD: I failed my plasma engineering course. The professor was a jackass though. [To him, “short quiz” was actually “horrendously long test.” Didn’t get THAT memo.]

DTP: Are you more or less intellectually curious than Sarah Palin?

RWD: I am a McCain supporter and will not participate in anything that mocks her, though Amy Poehler's rap was amazing.

DTP: Will Sandy give Kenny Reiter a start this weekend?

RWD: I don't know. I don't even know if Kenny is there. I am attempting to find out. Bruce is being reticent. He threatened my life. [He did finally respond but only with information that was either self-evident or irrelevant. Then later his blog had useful information. No.]

DTP: I'll handle Bruce this weekend. Was he pouty cos [stupid foreigner spelling] I didn't show up and say hi last year? [We did not go to Anchorage last year. Maybe he was upset because he donated money to your stupid Final Five fund.]

RWD: Bruce is pouty because I send him barrages of text messages about stupid stuff. [Mom and Dad cover your eyes] While I am driving.

DTP: Did it snow there yet?

RWD: No. But every customer that I talk to that finds out I am in Minnesota asks me that. Or about the Mall of America. [Or they tell me I should be in prison, that I am a criminal, that I don't want to help them, or they just say "Listen young lady..."]

DTP: Be happy that they know Minnesota is a state

RWD: It is THE state. Of hockey.

DTP: Is Sandelin's job on the line this year?

RWD: Yes. There is major talent on this team and if we don't finish better then there's no way I can defend him anymore. I will most likely usurp him.

DTP: What will tUMD fans consider "better"?

RWD: Home ice for the playoffs.

DTP: Coke or Pepsi?

RWD: Coke, definitely coke. And also Coca-Cola.

DTP: Rant on to your own satisfaction about USCHO... [meaning Ugly Stupid Crack Heads Online]

RWD: I don't really mention "that site" on my blog as I don't want to give them any undue publicity. It does give me a nice ego boost; it reminds me of how intelligent I am. It is a fruit roll-up of vulgarity, depravity, and the worst elements of the human psyche. It's like shower shoes covered in mold. I generally go on there only to offend.

DTP: As did I once upon a time

RWD: I can't say I ever read one of your posts but I know I'm much more reserved than you are. I usually forget what posts I've started things in.

DTP: Will the LHC create a black hole?

RWD: St. Cloud State will. With all the negative pressure (vacuums don't suck, people!) coming out of there.

DTP: Compare the Bulldogs defense this year to last years blueliners

RWD: They are... um... Kind of the same? Palm is still Palm. Cascalenda is still Cascalenda. Oberg is back and scoring us goals.

DTP: Garrison is gonzo. [Eeeeeee!]

RWD: Yes but I can't compare Garrison to noGarrison. Mike Montgomery has joined the blueline and is a big kid who knows how to play the offensive side of the game as well. Our penalty kill is not as strong.

DTP: What about Josh Meyers?

RWD: Josh is Josh. He is supposed to be another offensive defenceman but I just can't figure him out. He does score points. I don't know how I feel about him on the PP. I know that Scotty Kishel is going to be a great PP guy in the coming years. He is kind of in and out of the lineup.

DTP: Did you guys get whistled for boatloads of penalties so far?

RWD: Yes. But we always do. I think that we were spoiled last year with an outstanding PK.

DTP: Special Teams looks to be THE "theme" this year.

RWD: I think coaches say that every year. They are always a key element of the game and no team is very successful without good special teams. I think the big problem is if there are more penalties on both sides that more guys need to be ready to fill those roles. Many guys play on both the PP and the PK and we really don't want to kill them.

DTP: The extra-emphasis this year on stick-related offenses is an adjustment all the players will have to make.

RWD: Those Canadians sure were confused during the exhibition games. "Thaaaat's a penalty, eh?"

DTP: What would be more fun --- me coming to Final Five ... or you coming to Anchorage for a series?

RWD: You coming to the Final Five. The Final Five is Holy Week, Donald. I will at some point come to Anchorage I am sure, but the Final Five is so awesome.

DTP: I meant more fun from your perspective.

RWD: That is my perspective.

DTP: I have no doubt I'd have more fun at the Final Five than I would chauffering you around Anchorage. [Like I would get into a car with Donald. I’ve seen The Bone Collector.]

RWD: On your moose. Or your... what did you call it... snow "machine?"

DTP: You should know that if you're a McCainiac

RWD: He is my hero.

DTP: Lovely.

RWD: Are you sure you want to have that on your blog? Aren't you afraid people might be a little enlightened? [LOOK OUT, LIBERAL MEDIA!!! HERE I AM!!!! A NON-OLD, UTTERLY STUNNING AND BRILLIANT CONSERVATIVE!!!]

DTP: I'm not concerned about your political leanings on my blog. Anything I say overwhelms it. Enlightened and Sarah Palin are not three words you'd normally see together.

RWD: My word is like the word of God.

DTP: Then tell me Yahweh .... what are the final scores this weekend?

RWD: You're done already? That's IT?

DTP: What? ‘Cos I asked the final scores? [Have you not read a Gauntlet before? Freaking amateur!] Don’t assume.

RWD: Okay, then. I was concerned. [I wasn’t done basking in my own self-importance.] 4-3 tUMD, 4-0 tUMD. Jacky with a goal. Fuzzy with 2.
DTP: LOL [Not sure what’s funny.]

RWD: I went above and beyond there.

DTP: Will you be watching on the web?

RWD: Probably. Is that naughty Santa going to be on?

DTP: I don't know who is advertising this year. I don't watch it much ya know. [Oh yah you betcha!]

DTP: How is UAA's stream compared to others?

RWD: It is great compared to any of the crap I see on B2. Like CC's floating tiger head, for example.

DTP: That thing is psychologically damaging I fear. When was the last time you and Bethlyn were stumble-down drunk together?

RWD: We never have been. I don't think I've ever been drunk in her presence.

DTP: Sigh ... boring. [This is not Penthouse Forum, Donald.]

RWD: I know. When I visited her I came down with bronchitis almost immediately upon arrival. So I didn't drink very much. I had like I sip of something. I do not need to drink to have a good time.

DTP: But you're more fun when you do.

RWD: Eh. Possibly. I'm a really mean drunk.

DTP: It's from a Holiday Inn commercial.

RWD: I have a DVR. I don't watch commercials.

DTP: Naturally. Can I ask an Entourage question?

RWD: I don't watch that either. [I think I’d prefer a commercial.]

DTP: Of course. Shouldn't you really just turn into a Gopher fan? I mean ... isn't that how it works down there?

RWD: I don't see the point. I cannot WAIT to see tDogs win their first NC. No Gopher fan can say that. The[ Gophers] are not the Borg. Resistance is not futile. Not as many people in Minneapolis are Gopher hockey fans as you might think. I mean, Donald, if I was going to be a Gopher fan, I would be. I was born (technically) on campus at the UMTC medical center. You can't get any more into the heart of Gopher country than that.

DTP: Hence my question.

RWD: But I grew up a Dogs fan. It's hereditary. I'd be disowned. Also I went to another big 10 school. [MICHIGAN SUCKS!!!!]

DTP: What team do you dislike (hate) most?

RWD: St. Cloud.

DTP: Are you as apathetic as me about Mankato?

RWD: No. I'm semi-pro Mankato. I have a lot of family there. But I can see how someone might be that way.

DTP: I'm trying to work up more hatred for them but I find them boring.

RWD: Juttz sucks. His wife is my idol though. [The mother of all cougars!!!]

DTP: What about UND? Where are they on your list?

RWD: I could not possibly care less about UND. They bore me.

DTP: Denver?

RWD: Denver is a force to be reckoned with this year.

DTP: Colorado College?

RWD: CC had better get on their horse and figure out if they're going to be a great team. Because, um, 1-0 against UAH?

DTP: UAH's goalie stood on his head.

RWD: They will be on the top 3 in the league but they need to transcend to the macrocosm if they're going to go anywhere. Great teams win those games by lots of goals. I am overly critical, but whatever. [What the heck do I care? We will take them down.]

DTP: Are you happy to get a new rink before UAA?

RWD: I am happy to get a new rink sooner rather than later. It would be nice if UAA got one, too, but I didn't feel any competitive vibes.

DTP: I recall you expressing suicide as an alternative if UAA were to get a rink before you guys

RWD: I am prone to hyperbole. And poor memory.

DTP: Ever had chicken-pox?

RWD: Yes, on Christmas. I gave it to my mom, too.

DTP: Ouch... you [female dog].

DTP: Did you cut your bangs to match Sarah's "do"?

RWD: My hair is curly and so it wouldn't really look the same. I'm actually growing it out. I got it cut kind of short when Bethlyn was here in March and felt regret. I'm actually thinking of maybe dying it white like McCain [I would look hot] for solidarity.

DTP: Make sure you use the same dye he does.

RWD: I'm sorry, is this a hockey interview? You're making it seem like I care about politics. This is not an impression I like to give.

DTP: Compare this year’s Bulldog offense to last year’s.

RWD: This year >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> last year. What else can I say? I mean... last year was just sort of a mess.

DTP: Just trying to steer it back to hockey after your politics meltdown. Are the t'dogs a 2 line or 3 line team?
RWD: Right now they are a 2 line team but they will probably become a 3 line team.

DTP: How many games do you think Stalock will play this year?

RWD: Almost all of them. I'm thinking like 40.

DTP: Do you think that will leave the team in a bit of a spot next year if Stalock doesn't return?

RWD: No, I think Brady is going to be a great goalie for us.

DTP: But Sandy won't play him much this year? Wouldn't it be a good idea to play the backup versus UAA this weekend?

RWD: I think Stalock is the horse that Sandy is going to ride. I would have thought we would see Brady last weekend. I wonder what would have happened if we had... [Love you Al, but for reals homey, that was not your best game.]

DTP: UAA goes to UMD to play on the last WCHA weekend this season. Will you be at those games?

RWD: I might. If I have school I won't.

DTP: What is your earliest memory of a Seawolf?

RWD: It's fairly vague. When I was young we would sometimes go up to my grandparents’ cabin on weekends in the winter and we would watch tUMD games on a super old tv. And sometimes those games would involve UAA. Now a whole generation of children will be deprived of that because tUMD is no longer on TV.

DTP: Do you miss Sertie?

RWD: I don't, I think it's great for him to enjoy retirement.

DTP: Does Sertie attend games at the DECC?

RWD: I don't know. Maybe? We're not BFFs.

DTP: Shouldn't that be BFsF?

RWD: No. It's just like when people say RsBI in baseball. I mean, I guess technically I should say BFF.

DTP: lol

RWD: But a "BFF" is kind of a noun, so it's pluralized as is.

DTP: You take the dumb questions so seriously. [If I didn’t take the dumb questions seriously, there would be none to take seriously.]

RWD: I feel strongly about this subject, actually. I can't stand when people type RsBI. Or "ribbies."

DTP: You are truly the Acronym Queen.

RWD: I love them. The Gophers Invite Cupcakes So We Don't Get Embarrassed At Our Own Tournament is just too long to type. GICSWEDGEAOOT is better. It almost says "Swede" in the middle. Damn that's not right.

DTP: Ultra-cool almost.

RWD: GICSWDGEAOOT. There we go.

DTP: I pay "homage" [Why is homage in quotations? I’m sure because Donald is probably pronouncing it in some foreign way.] to your love of acronyms when I can on my blog ... ever notice?

RWD: You have a blog? It's hard to tell what you're writing. You need more white space.

DTP: Yeah I know... all those words are a problem

RWD: The problem is, they are boring. No offense. [Hee]

DTP: None taken. But they aren't boring.

RWD: I'm sure to a Seawolf fan, they might not be.

DTP: They are each useful and important to make the necessary point. I'm all out of prewritten questions.

RWD: Those were prepared in advance???

DTP: A few were.

RWD: Not as easy as it looks, is it? Bow to the master.

DTP: Let me find a mirror. [Gotta look nice when you genuflect!]

RWD: So are you going to continue this interview or what?

DTP: I thought I'd just let you dangle there and decide.

RWD: Man did I ever get off easy.

DTP: Your offense at certain lines of questions kept it short.

RWD: I'm just not overly political. Also, the Gauntlet's main purpose is offense.

DTP: This isn't the Gauntlet. [No you-know-what, Sherlock.] It's a Gauntlet rip-off

RWD: It is.

DTP: It walks like the Gauntlet, it talks like the Gauntlet, but it is not the Gauntlet. Typing Gauntlet three times is hard. [But four is comparatively easier.]

RWD: It doesn't really talk like the Gauntlet.

DTP: More evidence that it is not the gauntlet then eh? [Friggin’ Canadian.] I gots to run to pick up dinner. [Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, foo!]

RWD: Oh, did someone drive by your house and hit a rodent?

And… scene!

Tougher in Alaska

Well, folks, I know that we've got our first WCHA series coming up next weekend. It's at UAA, where we often struggle. This is going to be a real test.

Now, I know I've said that this year is going to be different in so many ways. And I got advanced copy of some video that shows me just how serious our guys are about making this the best season we've had in years. They've been training all summer to get prepped for this series so we can start out 2-0 in the WCHA.

No one was more serious than tUMD's resident badass, Drew Akins.














This will give you an idea of some of the training measures Drew undertook in order to be prepared for what will be his breakout season.












Here, Drew is setting out to do what we call the Duluth Rodeo, which involves lassoing ships anchored off-shore and hauling them into port.




















Here he is preparing to gnaw through a telephone pole. This way if someone knocks off his helmet his teeth will be tough enough to chew through bone. I wish he'd wear more safety gear, though.














This is Drew's haul from the Duluth Rodeo. These boats were full of salmon and he ate it all.














After singlehandedly building and erecting this oil derrick, Drew has tapped an oil deposit rich enough to fuel the entire country until we can figure out how to wean ourselves off of petroleum products. He's about to do some pullups, or maybe bend some of the girders with his bare hands. I won't say which.

Not everything about this training exercise has been grunt work. Drew also honed his concentration and finishing skills by making this nice boat.













Here he is with Jordan Fulton testing out his new creation in the icy waters off the Alaskan coast.

Some of his teammates joined him on his quest to prove himself more efficient than a steam-powered drill. Drew Akins is a steel-drivin' man. I should mention that being on television adds 10 pounds, but in their case it was added exclusively to their heads. First person to guess correctly all 6 of the guys in the background gets a free beer of their choice at the Curling Club during the Wisconsin series in November.

Based on all the hard work Drew's been putting in, plus his new role on the power play and his general badass characteristics, I foresee great things this coming weekend. 4 points, boys!

The Barn Burner

tUMD 6, WMU 5

My friends, I'm really struggling tonight. I know that I say this every time, but I'm very tired and yet my night is still not over. I am venturing over to Suptown for a night of debauchery... if my temporary roommates ever come home.

I am tired for numerous reasons, partly because I slept like crap last night and was hung over all day today (I've turned into a lightweight again, all my years of training down the drain!), but mostly because that game was emotionally draining. And physically, because anyone who has ever watched a game with me knows that 1. I scream and 2. I am always flailing or jumping or writhing.

I sat in the same seats I did last night, only DHG et. al. were not present as they all had other commitments. I had plans to sit with a few other tPBers who have their tickets in the same area, BUT I spent the first 10 minutes of the game alone, nearly surrounded by teenagers. Evidently Section 25 is the teenager section? USAFA Bulldog kindly came and sat with me for the first period, which was necessary for certain reasons which I will outline below. Eventually the stragglers showed up during the 2nd period, and all was well. I was concerned that maybe there was a pumpkin-carving emergency, as that had kept them away from the game the previous evening.

I got to the game really early because I had nothing else to do. I'd driven back from Gooseberry and it was already 5:50 so I just headed over to the game. I read my program and texted and took 800000000 photos of Jack Connolly during warm ups. I wonder if he sensed it. He has kind of a neat little way of shooting the puck during warm-ups, with a funny stick lift and glide combo after he sends it to the net.

As an aside, I wish the program was a little more interesting. I don't know exactly how that would be accomplished, but it would be nice. Maybe they could ask me to write something. But, while it would be gloriously entertaining for you all, it would still be boring for me, since I would already know the content.

I know that B2 was crappity crap and not available and the radio feed is all kinds of jacked up, so why don't I walk you through all the scoring? This will be fun for me. At the Curling Club tonight someone was asking me how I remember all the stuff to blog about, and I had to inform him that my blog isn't very factual, rather it is more anecdotal. Sometimes I think I should change that, but really, that's my niche. I will leave all that boring stuff to Kevin Pates while I have all the fun. Something tells me he wouldn't be interested in talking about hotties, but then again who am I to assume anything? Maybe he'd be into it.

This might take awhile.

WMU 1 - 0 6x5 PP Greg Squires (2) (Kevin Connauton, Tyler Ludwig)
This goal came after Nick Kemp took a very unsmart penalty. We've had a lot of 5x3s to kill lately and it was only a matter of time before we gave one up. Our PK has really been struggling lately. Partially because we're taking penalties while we're on the power play!

MND 1 - 1 6x6 Jack Connolly (1) (Michael Gergen, Justin Fontaine)
Thank goodness that USAFA Bulldog was sitting with me. If my sweet Jacky had scored a goal and I'd been sitting alone, I wouldn't have been able to celebrate. I already looked like some kind of a crazy person sitting alone at a game. It was a great goal that almost looked like it wasn't going to happen. Brad was like "I didn't think he was going to get to that puck." I was 100% certain it was Jacky who scored until he wasn't the guy who led the celebratory high five line so I was confused and I was screaming "WAS IT JACK? WAS IT JACK?" and jumping around and hugging Brad.

WMU 2 - 1 6x5 PP Derek Roehl (1) (Tyler Ludwig, Patrick Galivan)
This goal depressed me because Jacky was in the penalty box when it was scored. Like he would ever commit a penalty!!!

WMU 3 - 1 6x6 Derek Roehl (2) (unassisted) 10:47
I missed this goal because the students were chanting "Beer Song! Beer Song!" and the idiot high school children behind us were chanting (not loudly) "Beer Sucks! Beer Sucks!" and Sando and I were both turned around staring at them in bewilderment.

MND 2 - 3 6x4 PP Evan Oberg (1) (Justin Fontaine) 0:45
We missed this goal because we were in the Curling Club and I miscalculated by like 5 minutes how much time we had left. I would have been depressed if we'd come back and it had been still 3-1.

MND 3 - 3 5x6 SH Andrew Carroll (1) (Evan Oberg, Cody Danberg) 5:05
GLORIOUSLY AMAZING! We were jubilant at this goal. It was such a random combination of people, too. Carroll from Oberg? What? It's like McFarland from Curry or something, back in the day. Although not quite to that extent.

MND 4 - 3 6x5 PP Mike Connolly (2) (MacGregor Sharp, Jordan Fulton) 8:23
The guy next to me said "There it is" about a second before the goal went it. Mike Connolly is SUCH a PLAYMAKER.

WMU 4 - 4 5x6 SH Ryan Watson (1) (unassisted) 17:27
This goal had me practically slitting my wrists. Stalock just gave the guy the puck and was like "Here, please score on me." I mean, that was how bad it was. Stalock was in the corner and passed it right behind the net to this Ryan Watson character.

MND 5 - 4 6x6 Jordan Fulton (2) (Andrew Carroll) 18:30
I don't remember what actually occurred on this goal, but I just remember rejoicing and thinking *boom* we've got this in the bag.

WMU 5 - 5 6x6 EA Patrick Galivan (2) (unassisted)
tDogs were in the Broncos's zone trying for the empty-netter, but it wasn't a clean breakaway like the night before. Somebody missed the net and then someone else missed the puck and this Galivan fellow took the puck up ice and put it in the net somehow. I don't mean somehow as in it was a miracle, I mean somehow as in it was at the far end of the net and I didn't see.

MND 6 - 5 6x6 GW LL MacGregor Sharp (4) (Evan Oberg)
I didn't even know it was Sharpy who scored the goal, I just know it went in and the goal light went on and my life was complete.

We played well at times and we played poorly at times, but don't think that this game was 6-5 because we're bad. The Broncos came to play and they did not let up. They made some great plays, especially their 5th I wish them ALL THE BEST in the CCHA because we need their help in the pairwise.

WE SCORED 11 GOALS THIS WEEKEND, PEOPLE. Last year, down 3-1 going into the 3rd period, I wouldn't have had much faith (we did win 4-3 OT against Kato that one time though), but we just kept coming at them and we were RELENTLESS. Congratulations on the sweep guys! I'm so thrilled!!!!

One of my temporary roommates just said he didn't trust someone whose teeth were too white and too chiseled, that she doesn't eat food, she eats souls. I said I didn't think someone who ate souls would have white teeth, but that I'd never contemplated that. He said "You should blog about that!" and here we are.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 9 (STILL non-conference)
Points until we equal last season's total: 23 (STILL ditto)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 7! (OTGWG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU MACGREGOR!!!!!)
Jack Connolly: 4! (JACKY SCORED A GOAL!!! I WAS SO EXCITED!!!)
Michael Gergen: 2! (ANOTHER ASSIST!)
Rob Bordson: 0 (Come on, sweetie, I want to see a goal! I know you'll do it soon.)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 6!
Jack Connolly: 4!
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0 (But played in his first game! And he's wearing a great number, too.)

On Notice (first time I've had to do it all year):
Rob Bordson
Trent Palm

Goals Only
Jay Cascalenda
Michael Gergen

It's so short! Last year my first On Notice had 7 guys and Goals Only had 2 guys. What this means is Balanced Scoring and LOTS OF IT.

Debut

tUMD 5, WMU 2

I'm in Duluth! Hooray! And actually connected to the internet! Which is a plus! Although, I can't connect on my own computer, which is depressing. I can't update my glorious spreadsheet of numbers.

I had some struggles on the way up. I was pretty excited to get on the road (once I finally got my gear in order... it took awhile, but it didn't really matter since without the Grandma's luncheon, it didn't matter so much what time I arrived), and when I drive by myself, I usually rock out pretty hard to some music. If you were to drive alongside of me, you would probably do a double take, or at least laugh. Yes, I really am screaming along to the songs. Anyway, as soon as I got on 169, I turned on an 80s rock mix I had made to get myself pumped up for the games! As if I needed any assistance, but still. The first song on was "Eye of the Tiger" which is a fairly moto song... Well, I was so excited to get on the road that I missed my usual exit at 694 (I was just so excited to go north I forgot I needed to go east, too) and didn't realize it until I was at a really long stoplight and couldn't figure out why. Oops. I called around trying to find someone to help me get back on track, and who comes to my rescue? Well, the guy who rescues people on a fairly regular basis: Fire Helmet Guy. Of course, by the time he got back to me, I had already implemented a plan (find a major road that runs east-west and get on it), but it was still nice of him to help me out. I can't believe I actually said something nice that didn't have some hidden insult to it. I'm growing as a person right before your eyes.

FHG also filled me in on the Dubay situation. My initial reaction was a laugh but really, it's more sad than anything. I won't discuss it here, as it really has nothing to do with tUMD other than when he said we were terrible and I yelled at him about it and then made him pose with me for a picture. I look totally deranged in that photo.

I talked to DA as well and he mentioned the polls and their utter failure. We freaking smoked Northern and we're not even ranked yet? He seemed appalled. I commented that we get no respect, no regard neither. tDogs are the Rodney Dangerfield of the hockey world.

Once I got to Duluth I was welcomed by a huge ship going out, which was nice. I don't usually go out of my way to try to catch a ship coming in or anything, but if it's there, yeah I'm going to watch it and take photos. I forgot to take photos at the game, sadly. Whoopsie. Then I went over to tDECC to buy my tickets (which took forever since I was buying for tonight, tomorrow night, and the Wisconsin games, and in different quantities) and saw the guys running their laps around the concourse. Some cute little kid that was probably playing in the Little Chippers game saw them and was like "Is that the team?" and he was all atwitter. Well, so was I, but I was more discreet. See, I have restraint. You were all thinking I'd be over there with my nose pressed against the glass slobbering over them. Well HA! I wasn't. I couldn't really tell who anyone was except Bordson because he has that terrible bleached hair. I think I recognized Josh Meyers too. Maybe. Who cares. I know you all don't.

OF COURSE I pregamed at the Curling Club, which involved a dice game, Jag Bombs, and loudness. Lots of loudness. The good thing about DHG is he is louder than me. I know most people would say that's not a good quality, but I'm sometimes self-conscious about my loudness, especially if I am loud near a bunch of quiet people, so it was nice to be around someone else loud. I had to buy a shot for this drinking game and the bartender did not know how to make it. I had to use a lifeline.

We made it to the game just in time for the puck drop, which is fine with me. It was just so great to see my 'Dogs back in action!!! Of course I was getting all hot and bothered every time JCON touched the puck because I soooo want to see him score a goal, but he is such a great set-up man that if he never scored a goal but got an assist in every game I would not put him on notice. THREE ASSISTS!! THREE!!! AMAZING!!! I thought someone had injured him at one point and was ready to cut a bitch, but he ended up being ok. I'm already hearing comparisons between Evan Schwabe and him, and we all know how I feel about Evan...

As for the game winning goal... well, I know that B2 wasn't working nor was the audio feed online, but oh baby, it was a highlight reel goal... if there were actually highlights one could reel. But NO. The only hockey on TV in Duluth tonight was some stupid game in some hick town in Western MN. Mike Connolly made an absolutely sick move to the net and beat the goalie, plain and simple. I was so depressed that it was in the second period because it was at the other end of the rink so I didn't have a close-up view, but I could watch that play over and over and over and over again and love it more each time.

Justin Fontaine continues to bring the amazingness I knew he'd be bringing. That's all I have to say on that. 2 goals, the first one not even two minutes into the game (Remember when that used to be us, giving up early goals? Well, not anymore!) and the second on the power play.

When the game ticked down to its final minutes, the Broncos decided to pull their goalie. I happen to think it was a futile effort (we just rock too hard to let them come back) but it also showed a lot of character on their team's part. They weren't just going to roll over and die, and I think it's difficult to keep that focus when you lose a lot of games. Granted it is early in the season but it's not like last year they were tearing it up in the CCHA. We took a timeout shortly after that and DHG and Boody decided that it was to set up Stalock for a goal. We were pretty excited and started screaming at him that we wanted a goal. The three of us are pretty loud and the DECC isn't all that big so I know that he heard us. I mean, we were practically the only people left in tDECC anyway. Which is another issue altogether. When we're losing, I guess I can kind of see leaving early, but when we win, we should be cheering at the end!! A win is a beautiful thing and should be basked in!!!

Anyway, Stalock didn't get a chance to score because Nick Kemp had to go and ruin everything and get the empty netter instead. My companions were not pleased. I do think it would be totally amazing for Stalock to get a goal. We gave Nick a little razzing. But Nick! We kid because we love!!

My main criticism of tonight's effort is the 3rd period. A TWO GOAL LEAD IS NOT A SAFE LEAD! IT IS NOT. AT ALL. EVER. I've made every formatting change I could to try to emphasize this point. The boys seemed to sit back on their heels a bit (not all of them, I still saw some guys out there hustling) and seemed content with the game as it was. Our defense seemed to break down toward the end. WMU had 11 SOG through two periods and we let them get 12 in the 3rd. That should not have happened. We should have continued to attack. We may be Bulldogs but we need to behave like pit bulls some times. Rabid pit bulls. Both of Western's goals were on the power play, which is a bummer because usually our PK is so good, but sometimes if a team has a strong PK it makes them a little less concerned about taking penalties, and if a team takes a lot of penalties, eventually they're going to give up some PPGs. We did survive a 2-man advantage unscathed, though.

For tomorrow night, I'm hoping adjustments are made and we see a much tighter game, similar to the differences between the Lake State game and the Northern game. The guys played so-so against Lake State, made adjustments, and came out flying against the Wildcats. I'm thinking maybe another shut-out? Or is that too much to ask?

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 9 (STILL non-conference)
Points until we equal last season's total: 23 (STILL ditto)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 5! (Assisted on the AMAZING GWG and the ENG)
Jack Connolly: 3! (Hat trick of assists!!! SO HOTTT!!!!)
Michael Gergen: 1! (And it was an assist, Chris. An ASSIST!)
Rob Bordson: 0 (Looked so cute running around the DECC for warmups, though!)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 5!
Jack Connolly: 3!
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: ###

On Notice:
Still nobody, but some guys had better kick it into gear or they will be!

Mustang Sallies

I realize that we are actually playing a team called the Broncos this weekend, but I got confused/didn't care and thought that Western Michigan were the Mustangs, and I refused to waste a so-so joke.

I'm excited for this weekend. I'll be heading up to Duluth at some point on Friday. The main problem with this is I'll be staying with a friend who I don't think even knows how to use the internet. It'll be like staying in a cave in the woods. I can't wait. I'll have to go to a coffee shop or something and bogart some wireless.

DISAPPOINTINGLY, there doesn't appear to be a Bulldog Club luncheon this weekend, so how will I get to Ask A Question??? Last year I had nothing to ask/chickened out/realized no one cared because they were all there to talk about tUMD football. I went up to the buffet table three times though. Yum.

Sweep this weekend or else, guys.

Additionally, I'm sure some of you are noticing there's something different about this site. The rest of you are like "No habla ingles," or "I was looking for a diagram of the bones of the human leg," which is the most common reason for people to come to this site. I changed a few things around, most notably I added a few links: first, you can get information on this site, then you can easily access all The Gauntlet interviews, and you can view all of the All-WCHA Hottie Teams. I also added a link to Puck Swami's new blog, Know Your Foe, although if you are not a DU fan, I must warn you that the subjects of his blog are not your foes.

The other thing I added is the lovely banner at the top of the site. I made it myself using photos I did not obtain permission to use. So please, start the lawsuits, I dare you. From left to right, the photos are: Jack Connolly; Huffer et. al.; MEg, Justin St. Louis, me, and a cup of beer; a ship and lighthouse; Evan Schwabe; Curry and some other guys celebrating a goal; FireHelmetGuy and me (he complained that the words were covering most of the photos but in his case it's a public service); tDECC; Mike Curry; and Raymond, Sharpy, Knighter and Gors from a few years ago. I thought the site could use a little color.

To wrap things up, I hope to see you all at either Grandma's or the Curling Club, and please, someone be on alert to bail me out of jail. BTW, my birthday's coming up soon, and if you all wanted to go in on a gift, a radar detector would be amazing.