Rumble in the Jungle

tUMD 4, Teenagers 1, RWD 2

Yes! That's a correct score, folks!

So I got my first live crack at Matt McNeely, future tUMD superstar. He was voted player of the game and he certainly deserved it. 42 saves on 46 shots. Yay!

It was hard to really get into this game since it had no statistical value and our opponents were just widdle bitty boys. Biddco and I did make up some nice chants like "Obama Payroll" and "No Blood For Oil!" McNeely's fan club started chanting "USA! USA!" and we responded with "CANADA! CANADA!" and "MEXICO! MEXICO!" Meh. That was the best we could do.

So David Grun got the first Bulldog goal in the building. Not the first OFFICIAL goal as this was an exhibition game, but still, yay! Sick goal, too. MCON has the puck and the USA player falls down to try to break up the pass, MCON waits and then feeds the puck to Grunner who slams it home.

Oh, AMSoil folks? Play the rouser after a goal. Not Sweet Caroline.

I missed the second goal because a certain short person needed a pretzel and it took forever to complete the transaction, although there was no apparent reason for the slowness. Sigh. But there was a TV right there! So I could see it! My Jacky put a bouncing puck into the net. Whee!!

I missed the Teenagers' only goal too, because of another reason. It was scored by UND recruit Rocco Grimaldi, also known as the Prince of Liechtenstein. How a foreign prince is on our national team is unclear at this time.

I was, ahem, "selected" for the Subway Shoot-out in the second period and was waiting to get on the ice when the Teenagers had their goal. Biddco and Boody were also "selected." The Subway Shoot-out, in case you are unaware, is one of those competitions where contestants shoot at a board with a slot in in. One starts between the face-off dots, and gets five pucks to try to get a goal. If a goal is scored before all five pucks go in, then one moves back to the blue line, and if a goal is scored there, then one makes an attempt from center ice with any remaining pucks.

Biddco went first and missed all five. I was very nervous, because I'm not exactly Justin Faulk with his pinpoint accuracy, but I RECEIVED A SIGN FROM THE HOCKEY GODS. The stick used in the shootout? IT WAS MIKE CURRY'S! Now, that pretty much means zero goals were scored using it, but Curry's My Guy! So on my 4th shot, I got the puck in from between the face-off dots, and on the fifth one I scored from the blue line! Yay! I have four years of NCAA eligibility, BTW, coaches. Boody had to go and steal the show by scoring from center ice as well, but that was pretty cool so I can't hold a grudge.

Then something happened.

I purposefully selected my seats in AMSoil Arena at the top of a section in the upper deck so that I could stand during games, because I like to and also because I get nervous. I couldn't stand during the UND game because there were people behind me and next to me, but through the first two periods of tonight's game there weren't any people behind us.

So. Then. Some drunken man and his drunken friend showed up and decided to sit behind and to the right of us. And they didn't like us standing, although at first the drunken man asked me if we were going to stand the whole game, so they could move, and I said yes, thinking that was the end of it and they'd just move to one of the myriad other seats available. But no, Drunky McDrunkerson wanted to get into it with me, and since I'm classy like that, I made him say please before I would sit down. Which he obviously would have rather died than said. And then he yelled at me that he was 47 years old, which was hilarious, and reminded Biddco of this:



So finally some kid comes over and gets the moron to say please and I sat down, just as I said I would, and then I thought that was the end of it. But no, Drunky McDrunkerson and his stupid friend decided they would keep running their mouths. So after about three or four minutes of that I whipped around and snapped at them, and then a DECC lady intervened and I asked her to call security and they came and that shut them up. And then they went away. Yay! I win!

I think, instead of keeping a list of arenas where I have visited, I'm going to keep a list of arenas where I have had an altercation with another fan. It just so happens that list is almost identical to the list of arenas I have seen. Funny how that works.

In the third period, Keegan Flaherty and Jake Hendrickson got their first goals as Bulldogs, although for official statistical purposes they still are without a goal. Still, that just opened the floodgates, no?

The arena seems more lovely with a win, although it's not quite right yet without the students and the band.

Mush! Mush!

Bulldogs fans, fear not. tUMD has someone VERY familiar with Anchorage who just arrived to help tDogs win tonight!

The Post Before Christmas

I probably won't get around to writing another post before the vaunted Christmas Post, partially because I am lazy and partially because I am putting a crapload of work into this year's post. (One word: SCREENCAP.) For those of you who aren't aware, each year RWD has an extra special, custom-made Bulldog Christmas post.

Let's review:

In 2006, I did How the Grinch Stole Christmas

It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his skates were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his jock was two sizes too small.

In 2007, I rewrote the saucy Christmas carol Santa Baby

Santa baby, a game-worn jersey under the tree, Curry's
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Hah! Screw you Santa. I had to get that for myself!

And then in 2008, the masterpiece: Jacky's Christmas Story

At practice, I struggled for just the right hockey stick hint. "Sharpie said he saw some grizzly bears near Grandma's Sports Garden!" Sandelin looked at me like I had walleye coming out of my ears. I quickly changed directions. "Coach, I bet you can't guess what I got you for Christmas?" Coach Rohlik asked me, "Jacky, what do you want for Christmas?" I don't know what came over me, or why I blurted it out despite all my subtle scheming, but I loudly proclaimed, "I want a Red Ryder one piece 200-shot Iron Range model hockey stick with multi-rib blade construction and a Kevlar-wrapped shaft." Coach Sandelin looked at me and shook his head. "You'll shoot your eye out!"

That last one is going to be a tough one to top. I'm not giving anything away about this year's Christmas post, but I will tell you that it is dedicated to the daughter and niece of three RWD readers who I know are also huge fans of the Christmas posts. This woman is a Marine and is going to spend Christmas with her family before deploying to Afghanistan. I hope for her safe return and I know that any RWD fans will do the same.

Golden

It's my birthday, bitches!! And I'll swear if I want to!!! I'm 27 on October 27th!!!! Wow!!!

I've never been one of those people who passive-aggressively keeps their birthday a secret until 11:59:59 PM and then rages at everyone for forgetting. I have enough things to rage about, thank you. The more people know, the happier the day is! I am already having a great birthday. I got a fabulous email from one of my best friends from college, and a box waiting on the front step when I got home that came from my mom and sounds as though it is broken, and a birthday card from my grandparents addressed to the wrong name, as usual!

The last time I celebrated my birthday with any sort of celebration was... oh, wait, nm, I mean the SECOND TO LAST time, whoops, Grandma's gettin' old... ok, it was my 21st, the last I spent in Illinois. It wasn't a birthday... it was like, a birthCARNIVAL! The Brazilian kind! It lasted for days! I think there was Fighting Illini football (meaning Fighting Illini losing), and DEFINITELY Fighting Illini HOCKEY with pregaming at my favorite bar followed by the game (I had season tickets, which were $40 TOTAL!) and extreme harrassment of the visiting team and then more bar. And then on MY actual birthday... oh, a fluid mechanics test. It was a Monday. Things happen.

But that was the start of Birthday Hockey. Let's discuss the birthday hockey record!

2003: Illinois 4, Eastern Michigan 2
2004: tUMD 4, Mankato State 1, things happened
2005: tUMD 6, Tech 3, CURRY SCORES 2 GOALS IN 30 SECONDS!!!!!!!!!!!
2006: tUMD 2, DU 1, Garrison gets the GWG in OT!
2007: tUMD 4, DU 0, Sharp and Bordson have goals!
2008: tUMD 5, SCCC 1, Jacky and Sharp have 2 assists each, Drew Akins gets a goal!!!

Guys. We have to talk. Especially you, David Grun. Guys who wear 27 (Peluso, Curry) have gotten goals for me on my birthday. You must carry on the tradition. But a win is most important. I will not be at the game, which is causing me to hyperventilate (I AM NOT GOING TO SEE A GAME LIVE FOR LIKE THREE FRIGGIN WEEKS), so you guys have to help me. Just... play really really well. And take a commanding lead and never let up. BE RELENTLESS. Please do not make me worry about this game. I have enough stress!!! I KNOW you can do this. Look at the awesome record you've compiled over the last five years. And some of those teams were, like, TERRIBLE. And they STILL pulled out birthday wins for me.

It's Tuesday, four weeks into the season, and I'm already begging. Sigh.

Tool Academy

tUMD 2, Recipients of tUMD's Charity 4

(Sorry this was late, I had an exam this afternoon.)

Well, to borrow an eastern term, that was a wicked pissah. I should have known better than to drive to St. Cloud, but I just love seeing my Bulldogs and can't stay away.

So, the refs were crackerjack as usual, making only correct calls, according to St. Cloud fans. People who do not understand the rules of hockey because their team dives so much they think a check is interference and skating hard for the puck is taboo.

Aaaaaaaand of course, the fans did not disappoint. And by fans, I specifically mean Bruce Raboin, father of Husky captain Garrett Raboin, and also a sad, pathetic man who felt the need to harass tUMD fans both last year and this year by threatening them in front of the police, making obscene gestures, taunting them, and getting in their faces. This man is representing his son and St. Cloud State University (of which he is a guest) in an embarrassing manner. (Similar to how Brad Shepherd embarrassed his father this weekend.) Now, Bruce, I know that you were selected in the 8th round of the 1980 NHL draft by Washington but never made it to the NHL, and that must really burn, but must you really pretend you are still in college? You're an elementary school teacher at Roosevelt Elementary School in Detroit Lakes. What would the parents of your students say if they saw how you behaved at your son's hockey games?

Enough about them! Let's talk about us! We need to have a little huddle here. Justin... honey, I know the other week on the Penalty Box we were talking about fundamentals rather than flashy stuff... but that penalty shot was weak sauce. It would have been a game changer. It would have turned the tide from those shorthanded goals that the power play gave up, and the dumb penalties, and the phantom penalties, and the missed chances. However, it wasn't the only chance... so really I'm just disappointed that you didn't have a nifty move to show us!

I'm superstitious about my jerseys, so maybe it was my Curry jersey bringing bad luck. Or maybe it was having the ACTUAL Curry stalker in the building!!! (No, people, I'm not the shoe-stealer/letter-writer Viking chick.) Or maybe they didn't get the memo that Tuesday is my birthday (I keep forgetting, too) since I didn't declare it my Birthday Game (meaning now the first Clarkson game is a MUST WIN!) and they weren't properly motivated. I don't know. Whatever. Losses happen. Especially at the National Center for the Weak On Their Skates.

Numbers
Wins until we reach last season's total: 8 (Ugh)
Points until we reach last season's total: 22 (Uber-ugh)

My Guys
Jack Connolly: 10!
Brady Lamb: 1
Mike Seidel: 0

Freshmen
Dylan Olsen: 2 (Sick tonight)
Dan Delisle: 1
Keegan Flaherty: 1 (W000t! Keegs!)
Jake Hendrickson: 1
Others: 0

Connollys
Jacky: 10
Mikey: 5

Olsen/Olson
Drew: 0
Dylan: 2

Drews
Olson: 4
Akins: 4

On Notice (Uh-oh...)
Cody Danberg
Jordan Fulton
David Grun
Jake Hendrickson
Chad Huttel
Drew Olson

Goals Only (not so bad)
Dan Delisle
Keegan Flaherty
Dylan Olsen

Idiots Do Stupid Thing

Ok, not really the title of the article. But, the Anaheim Ducks have reassigned MacGregor Sharp to the AHL. I'm sure it's only temporary.

In other news, today is Mike Curry's birthday. Mike, I may not have made any t-shirts for you or used Photoshop to humiliate you, but you'll always be one of my guys, and I hope you had a great birthday!

Oops! I Did It Again

I started this blog on 2 September 2004. I always forget that and think that I started it mid-September. Not quite sure why.

In 2005, I forgot the first anniversary (btw, ANNIVERSARIES by definition happen on a yearly basis. Never on a monthly basis. Just a PSA for my sickeningly sweet friends out there.) because apparently I was too mad about Steve Czech being elected captain.

In 2006, I forgot about the second anniversary because I was too busy hating Anthony LaPanta. A noble pursuit. I hate that Robby Inchwormakoski person, too. Then 4 days later I was really excited that 10,000 people had read RWD, and then I had to edit that post to finally recognize I'd been doing it for 2 years. It was fun, we sang Harry Chapin. Good times.

In 2007, I forgot about the third anniversary (does this feel like The Twelve Days of Christmas to you?) because I was suffering from crippling road rage. I finally acknowledged it 8 days later, but I was really too stressed about losing Mike Curry to care.

In 2008, I didn't even acknowledge the fourth anniversary. Probably in anger management counseling. Never was there a greater waste of money.

I love love love love love love love writing RWD. Thank you so much for reading.

Sharp News

I love it when the Friends of RWD make it easy to post.

RWD reader and fellow MacG S fan Vizoroo sent me this link this morning. The article is from April, but it's still relevant. Some Anaheim fan (I'm having trouble forgiving him/her for being an Anaheim fan, but s/he is a MacG S fan, which supercedes all) really likes MacG. And what's not to adore and worship about him, anyway? He is talented, hard-working, handsome, and so very very very clutch. Which is not the proper usage of the word, but whatevs.

Let's see the highlight reel from the article:

In many ways, the story of MacGregor Sharp is the story of Mason Raymond. The Alberta natives played together for four years, two years on the same junior hockey team and two years at Minnesota-Duluth. At both programs, the same pattern played out: Sharp and Raymond would post similar numbers in their first year together, only to have Raymond pull away as the superstar in the second year. Though identical in size and age, their styles were different: Mason, the speedster with great hands and MacGregor, the relentless grinding puckhound.

I'm so glad we had MacG for 4 years. Sorry Mase, but I'm sure you're not surprised. Nor do I think you care. (Though I'm sure MacGregor Sharp doesn't care either, but that's not the point. I care enough for both of us!)

Sharp followed up a shot on Gophers goaltender Alex Kangas, potting the rebound and knocking the flu-ridden Kangas out of the game. MacGregor opened scoring again the next night when he chased down a misplay by Sioux goalie Brad Eidsness, depositing the shorthanded puck in the net before the tender could return to his crease. Then, in the championship game, Sharp made a sweet pass on a 2-on-2 break on the power play, only to slide the return feed under Pioneers backstop Marc Cheverie. It was the first of Sharp's three goals that night, and the Bulldogs became the first Play-In winner to ever take the WCHA championship.

How did he pick from so many different choices? I can not WAIT until the UMD Hockey Facebook Fan Page comes out with the 3rd installment of its highlight series.

His performance in both the WCHA and NCAA tournaments shows he's developed poise. He has great two-way hockey sense: a grinding backcheck, but equally skilled at sniffing out rebounds and anticipating bad plays. He can create relentless first man pressure, but he's also played a lot of time as the second forechecker. He plays a solid penalty kill, but his impressive passing and his ability to dangle on the halfboards made him an indispensible center on the best power play in the WCHA. If I had to pinpoint the part of his game that caught McNab's attention, I'd say it was his play in the NHL sized rink. The Final Five was played at Xcel Energy in St. Paul, and the smaller but longer zones seemed to benefit Sharp on both sides of the puck.

He forgot to mention: he's dreamy. Anaheim better not try to make him mean and cheap. I mean, seriously, you've got enough cheap goons. Mitts off my Sharpie.

Huh. I copied like, 3/4 of the article. Oh well, there's still other a few other things on there.

Speaking of dreamy, WCH listed Mike Seidel as the 24th best prospect in the west. MacGregor Sharp is mentioned. But sorry, Chris. No one will replace MacGregor to me. Just like no one will replace Mike Curry or Evan Schwabe.

Blowing Sunshine

All right. So I've been accused (and rightly so) of being a little too optimistic about this coming season. But I think that's okay. We've got to have extremes, and if an extremist is gonna blog about the team, it should be one who says nice things and has high hopes.

Remember, if one expects a team to lose and they do, one's expectations have been met. It's a pretty hollow victory; who wants to thump their chest and say "See? I was right, they do suck!" But it's a pretty safe bet. If they win, then great!!! But if they lose, then one doesn't risk looking "stupid." (This is the same reason why people never ask questions in classes or at meetings, and why many are no fun: they don't want to look stupid. Whereas I've made a second career out of it.) It's why people invest in t-bills: little ventured, little gained. And then we've got folks who want to win big, like me. I know I can lose big, and I know that people think I'm either an idiot or on hallucinogenic drugs (or both!!!), but that's fine. I'm hoping my positive attitude will spread like herpes through the Northern Michigan Pep Band. Fun times!

I know there's not a lot of empirical data to suggest UMD will finish anywhere near first place. I fully expect DU to win the league and I imagine the coaches' poll will reflect that. I'm a genius prognosticator, I know. I just get so mad at the folks who want to complain about the coaching, or moan about our departures or rail against the "outrageous" spending on our coach's salary (he's a bargain, folks. A bargain. I'll show it mathematically some day.) At the end of the day, being a Bulldog fan is a choice. An insane choice, yes, because they drive us crazy, but we can walk away. Unlike with our families, for example, where even when your mom joins Facebook and cluelessly blunders her way through the site, or your dad calls you to tell you about major road construction AFTER YOU ARE ALREADY STUCK IN IT and then calls back to tell you what shortcut to take AFTER YOU HAVE ALREADY MIRACULOUSLY FIGURED IT OUT ON YOUR OWN, you have to love them anyway. This is a major theme within the collective unconscious, I know. Karl Jung wrote about it extensively.

We can walk away at any time. It's not easy. Minnesota sports fans suffer a lot. We cheer for underdogs. (This is a kind of sick obsession with me. Here is a partial list of underdogs I have championed: Greg Gagne*, Tommy Kramer, Henry Blanco, and Mike Curry. So you can take this for what it's worth.) But seriously, folks. Or, as serious as we can get around here. It's more fun to think positively about the season in July, months before practice even starts, when zero games have been played. We are all on the same side here, and it would be nice if we were on the same side as our team, for crying out loud.

So, as Beard says, "Let's support the team and enjoy not being from Wisconsin." (It's T.S. for Larry R. and Bruce.)

*Gags can't be that much of an underdog, as he was voted to the All-Metrodome team! Yeah! Way to beat out Cristian Guzman and Pat Meares!

About Face

tUMD 4, Angrywolves 5

Oh man, guys. You are sosososososososososo lucky that the Aaaahj made me change the television away from the Golden Girls marathon. Because the post I was going to write... well, it wasn't very nice.

Instead, I was inspired by this:


Win tomorrow. Please. I'll be there, ready to be loud and proud for my seniors, whatever happens.

Also, thanks to everyone who pointed out there was a Mike Curry game-worn up for auction! If it hasn't closed, I'll probably bid. I'm sure it's not up to more than $10.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: -1 (Puke)
Points until we equal last season's total: -4 (Vom)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 36!
Jack Connolly: 23!
Michael Gergen: 14
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 31!
Jack Connolly: 23! (Needs a touchdown and a 2 point conversion!)
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

On Notice (TECHNICALLY EVERYONE PLAYING IS ON NOTICE because of my unhappiness)
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Andrew Carroll
Jack Connolly
Justin Fontaine
Mike Montgomery
Evan Oberg

The Gauntlet: Insane Tubers Edition

The Gauntlet started off as such a great project, until I ran out of people to Gauntlet for long periods of time. FINALLY I found someone worthy of my witticisms: Crazy Potatoes (I know, stupid name! But I didn't make it up), the Vice President of Michigan Tech's "Mitch's Misfits."

RWD: First off, I just have to ask you: Why are you a Tech hockey fan?

VP: Well, for one I go to Tech, but I don't think that's the answer you're looking for. [Way to end a sentence with a preposition!]

RWD: Another Tech fan submitted that question. S/he doesn't understand why. [Specifically, s/he said VP didn’t have an “18 October 2003.”]

VP: Well, mostly because I love hockey, and I love Tech, so it's natural for me to be a Tech fan.

RWD: I feel like those are two mutually exclusive principles.

VP: But, it also doesn't hurt that my first college hockey experiences were the GLI tournaments [aka the Beat Up On Tech Invitational] while visiting relatives in Detroit, or that my dad is a Tech alum, along with two of my uncles.

RWD: Oh, people who might actually remember when Tech was good?

VP: Yeah, exactly.

RWD: How did a sophomore become Vice President of Mitch's Misfits? [Naivete, I think.]

VP: Well, MEg started noticing I was on all the road trips last year (I think I only missed out on UAA and Mercyhurst last year, so I was at all but 4 games), and so we became friends and it just kinda went from there.

RWD: Hah. I didn't notice you on road trips. [Evidently the VP was at the UMD, SCSU, and UMTC Tech games I attended as well as the Final Five and I never noticed. How sad. For him.]

VP: I don't know what she saw in me though, I'm a terrible person. [Hear that? That’s the sound of NO ONE ARGUING.]

RWD: You even spawned a new term in the college hockey lexicon. What exactly does it mean to "VP?"

VP: Heh. I wouldn't quite say it's in the college hockey lexicon; maybe the MTU college hockey lexicon.

RWD: Well, it's no "MNS." [In case you were unaware, “MNSing” it is “not knowing what you were supposed to do.”]

VP: Yeah, exactly.

RWD: But, continue.

VP: Anyway, you know how when you put your thumb over the nozzle of a hose and it sprays with a greater force? (Yay fluid dynamics!) [Yay continuity equation! vA = constant for an incompressible fluid!!!] Just apply that concept to puking and you get VPing.

RWD: There will be no VPing anywhere near me this weekend. While we're playing dictionary, what does "Tech hot" mean? [Extremely long pause.] Are you looking it up or what?

VP: Well if we're talking about the hockey team this year [which I am not], it would probably mean consecutive non-losses [Has that even occurred? Oh, yeah, when they tied tUMD {ugh} and swept NMU], but the actual usage is an average- to slightly-above-average-looking girl that is considered "hot" since there are not that many girls up here.

RWD: Would you consider RWD "Tech hot?"

VP: Sure, why not? [Oh, I can think of a few reasons. The giant warts on my face, for starters.]

RWD: What about regular hot?

VP: That might be pushing it.

RWD: Ouch. [Not into warts, I see.]

VP: Just be glad I didn't say that to the Tech hot question.

RWD: I almost blasted you for not speaking in the 3rd person there. [This is some sort of weird tradition on USCHO started to make fun of some person who hasn’t posted on USCHO in like 3 years.] MEg thinks I'm regular hot.

VP: That's because you'll make out with her.

RWD: I see. So why has Mitch's Misfits [a Tech student section, named after Mitch Lake, professional creeper] fallen apart under your watch?

VP: Well, Tech's record hasn't exactly helped. It's hard to get the fair-weather fans into the game when you're down 3-0 in the first, but it's also due to the free student tickets that came as a result of the Tech Experience initiative they passed. People have no real investment in the games since they get in free, so they just kinda take up space, don't bother learning the cheers, and end up walking out early. There's also a decrease in the willingness of the e-board to drop everything to focus on the Misfits; Bill's a CC, Z's never around [Do I even know that person?], I have a double-major to work on along with (playing) hockey, broomball and skiing, and Alaska is in a frat. [So what he’s saying is, he sucks and so do all of the other MM officers.] MEg's [slavish] dedication to the Misfits, beyond just being a fan, is hard to match, especially with a completely fresh e-board. [I like how the lesson here is “Never try.”]

RWD: MEg is certainly dedicated. So is [was?] Shirtless Guy. Have you ever been hypnotized by the rhythmic jiggling of Shirtless Guy's stomach?

VP: I tend to try and not look at it, but it does remind me of the Goonies.

RWD: Fascinating. So why aren't you dedicated to the Misfits?

VP: Because I'm busy with school, work, hockey, broomball, skiing and... not consuming alcohol... [That last one generally helps with dedication and commitment.]

RWD: That's tragic. How many days til you're 21?

VP: Still on months (exactly 7 months from Thursday.) [Guess what? There are days in months!]

RWD: Then you'll have more fun on road trips. [And we will not ditch you! Maybe.] What has been your favorite road trip this year?

VP: Well it's kinda hard to beat Alaska.

RWD: You could beat him with a sack of doorknobs.

VP: Yes, but I don't think he'd let us stay at his house in Alaska then...

RWD: I see. [You can always shack up with Donald! I just hope you like putting lotion on your skin.] So, other than hockey, what is there to do in Houghton?

VP: [copying and pasting] (10:48:38 PM) [why the heck do people have the time stamp in their AIM windows? It’s as weird as keeping AIM logs saved on one’s hard drive] me: Because I'm busy with school, work, hockey, broomball, skiing and... not consuming alcohol... [end copy and paste] That stuff. /lame cop out. [God. CS nerds.]

RWD: I can't do many of those things. I was thinking more about visitors to the region. YOU SHOULD BE AN AMBASSADOR FOR YOUR TOWN.

VP: I can't really comment on the bar scene, so I'm gonna say go skiing [There are only two choices?], especially at Mt. Bohemia, which is about 40 minutes north of Houghton. Best skiing in the Midwest. [Uh, that’s like saying the coldest spot in Death Valley!]

RWD: That is far.

VP: Not relative to the distance most people travel to get to Houghton.

RWD: I suppose. In the warmer months there's golfing, I hear.

VP: Yes, MTU's course is very nice. And very free for students.

RWD: Which Husky is the best golfer?

VP: The BLC golf outing was last August so I don't really remember. [And you say you aren’t drinking.] Lickteig was pretty good though.

RWD: Can't really say anything about his hockey skillz.

VP: Yeah, he went down for the season in practice before the season started. He played decent in the one exhibition game though...

RWD: So who are your favorite Huskies? I usually ask current and all-time, but your fandom isn't very lengthy. [VP’s like “All time? JORDAN FOOTE!”]

VP: I'd have to say Baker, BUNGER!, and Cousens. Or Dobson. Actually yeah, Dobson not Cousens. I get them confused sometimes.

RWD: I see. Not Little Peter? [Rohn]

VP: He's good, but I wouldn't call him a favorite.

RWD: What about Bennett? [Royer]

VP: If he could finish more often, he'd probably be a favorite. Same with Lord.

RWD: I... will not make the comment I am thinking of making. What about Robby?

VP: Nolan? [No, Krieger.] Too inconsistent.

RWD: What about JSL? [Justin St. Louis. Not pronounced Sant Loo-ee.]

VP: He doesn't play much, so no.

RWD: Mike Curry didn't play much. Even when he was on the ice. You don't like any of my Tech faves.

VP: I'm sorry. I judge on how they play.

RWD: Um. Relative to each other, I'm assuming. Since, uh...

VP: Style of play, not necessarily their success as a player.

RWD: What about their hottness? Who is the hottest Husky?

VP: I barely recognize most of them, so I can't really say. [Just look up at the poster you have on your ceiling that you make kissy-faces at every night.]

RWD: You have to answer.

VP: Well I guess I'll go with the answer you want to hear then and say Robby Nolan.

RWD: It's not about what I want to hear. [It happens to be the right answer. There is no room for difference of opinion on this matter.] It's about what's in your heart.

VP: I don't have hockey players in my heart.

RWD: That's sad. [And harsh.] What about Jamie? Is he in your heart?

VP: I'm a fan of the game, not a stalker of players. [To the VP, stalking = loving. Hmm… sounds like the future recipient of a restraining order to me!] Same applies to coaches.

RWD: You can still care. So how is Michigan Tech going to win this weekend?

VP: It's quite possible. I wouldn't be surprised if we managed to pull out a split.

RWD: That isn’t the question. [Sigh.]

VP: Win/Tie Friday, loss Saturday. [He claims to be a sophomore, but he’s acting like a freshman.]

RWD: Still not understanding the question. Do you need a lifeline?

VP: Yes? I'm optimistic with realistic expectations. Yes to the original question. [My brain is bleeding at this point.]

RWD: VP. It's not a yes or no question. My god. Let me rephrase.

VP: Oh wow. [CAN YOU SEE THE LIGHTBULB GOING ON OVER HIS HEAD?]

RWD: What strategy is Michigan Tech going to have to employ in order to be successful this weekend? THAT IS THE QUESTION.

VP: Yes, I see that now. Passing and an aggressive forecheck. [I like how scoring goals is not in the plan. Seems like he’s been drinking the Jamie Russell Kool-Aid.] Also, not skipping the second period would be good too.

RWD: And how will they lose?

VP: Bad passing, dump and watching and skipping the second period. Same way they've managed to lose and tie their way through this season so far.

RWD: Dump and watch. Do you think they do drills on that?

VP: I doubt it, just a lack of effort on the parts of the forwards.

RWD: Who will be in goal? A rotation? Robby? Robo? Robot Chicken?

VP: I'd probably say Robinson since he played pretty well in St. Cloud.

RWD: Does it even matter?

VP: Probably not.

RWD: You could play. You did get some experience with North Dakota last year. [Extremely long pause.] ... [another extremely long pause] ...

VP: I don't believe I played.

RWD: You helped in practice though. [The VP bears an uncanny resemblance to UND’s former 3rd stringer, Landon Snider.] I notice you were not asked back.

VP: Yeah.

RWD: Tragedy.

VP: Indeed.

RWD: So do you see the players around campus a lot?

VP: Every once in a while I'll walk past one, but not all that often.

RWD: So none of them are in any of your classes?

VP: Nope.

VP: CS and Physics aren't exactly popular majors for D1 hockey players. [I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t be. PHYSICS!!!!!!! is amazing!!!]

RWD: Maybe they would play better if they understood physics more thoroughly.

VP: I doubt it; you shouldn't be thinking that much on the ice.

RWD: If you understand physics well you don't really have to think.

VP: I think they've picked up on the necessary intuitive physics by the time they reach NCAA hockey.

RWD: And yet... 1-17-6.

VP: They should brush up on their chemistry; that would help the passing a lot more. A pool player can study geometry as much as he wants [and some physics, too! PHYSICS!!!!], but in the end it all depends on how well he can control how he hits the ball.

RWD: Speaking of balls: when did you grow some?

VP: They've been hanging around for a while. [Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww.]

RWD: Dormant.

VP: Perhaps.

RWD: Do you think it'll drive you crazy when your housemate and your sister start dating?

VP: My sister's previous boyfriend of 2 ½ years was a friend of mine before they met, so probably not too much. I doubt it will happen though.

RWD: What about when your mom and your housemate hook up?

VP: Really? A sister joke followed by a mom joke? You can do better than that. [He seemed prepared for this line of questioning. It must happen a lot.]

RWD: Who is joking?

VP: The implied housemate. My mom and my sister are way out of his league

RWD: I didn't ask who is a joke. So, any last words before we wrap things up?

VP: Nope.

RWD: How about a weekend prediction?

VP: Didn't we go over that when my reading comprehension took a dive? [NO.]

RWD: You have to give scores.

VP: 2-2, 4-2 UMD. [Close, but there will be no tie. tUMD SWEEPS!]

Ordinary People

tUMD 3, tUMD's PK 4

Ok, the Curry game-worn needs to take a breather, as its mojo is gone. This is unfortunate, because I really wanted to wear it tomorrow: not only is it very cool and beaten up by all the fun and wacky elbows and hip checks MC would throw around, but it also makes wearing pants pretty much unncessary. I mean, I still planned on wearing pants with it, because though it has warmed up this weekend it would still be rather drafty, but it's incredibly large on me and I think that's fun. One of these (October) days I'm going to wear hotpants and fishnets underneath it and really mess with people. Plus I can totally head right over to some Rocky Horror Picture Show viewing without changing!

I was driving home today in a panic because I got out of work slightly late and I was afraid I'd miss part of the game (I did, but it was an inconsequential part). I was thinking about how I was enjoying this whole semi-successful season thing, but that I missed the old crappy Bulldogs because I knew I could pretty much get a ticket for any game by just walking up to the ticket window when I arrived. Now I have NO PLAN for getting into the game tomorrow and if I don't get a friggin' ticket I am going to be UNBELIEVABLY p.o.ed because I just frantically drove 2 hours after spending 8 1/2 hours speaking to the most idiotic people in the whole world. Don't be surprised if you don't see me (with our without pants!) because I might have choked myself on my own headset or hung myself with a phone cord.

What? Oh, the game. Do I really have to talk about it? Well, no, I don't have to, no one is holding a gun to my head. And if anyone was holding a gun to my head, it would probably just be me. I know it was only 4-3 and not some horrendous blow-out, but really. There was some horsecrap officiating tonight, but that's not the point. So what if the referees FORGOT they need to BLOW THE WHISTLE when there's a penalty on the Bulldogs and they have POSSESSION of the PUCK and then ANDREW CARROLL scored a SHORTHANDED GOAL? That was really annoying, but what was more annoying is our Ordinary Teams going 2 for 6 on the PK and 1 for 9 on the PP including a GIFT of a PP with 1:17 remaining which gave tDogs a 6 on 4 opportunity and STILL couldn't net a game-tying goal. OH THE HUMANITY.

Weird stat: all of tUMD's players are either even, +1, or oddly +2 in the case of Jay Cascalenda, while DU's players are all either even or -1.

Okay, GOODNIGHT.

Wait, one more thing. MCON? Great game. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 1 (Ready for tomorrow night!)
Points until we equal last season's total: 2 (Sigh, would have been nice to update this one, at least)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 27!
Jack Connolly: 22
Michael Gergen: 12!
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen

Mike Connolly: 24!
Jack Connolly: 22
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

On Notice
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Nick Kemp
Evan Oberg
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Justin Fontaine (Whaa?)
Michael Gergen
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt

Inside Job

This weekend, I wasn't able to get to Madison. This is probably a good thing since it seems every time I drive to Wisconsin, something bad happens. Specifically something vehicular.

HOWEVER, I'm always thinking about my reader. Er, readers, I suppose. Still can't get used to that. I had SEVERAL sources in Mad-town for this game covering it from all angles: from skyboxes to dive bars. And Simmerdown, once-and-future? author of the Penalty Box's Maroon Lampoon, agreed to give me a recap. This is great, because it means original content with zippo effort from your #1 gal.

Note: all of the opinions in this article are Simmerdown's own, and are not necessarily the opinions of RWD. Especially those on My Guy Gergzilla.

Hey all RWD readers, Simmerdown here. I was asked to give a recap of the past weekend here by your wonderful host since I made the trip into Sconnie for the games, so here goes:

Friday Night – Can I get some Spotted Cow?

First of all, the drive through Wisconsin on 94 is quite possibly the most boring drive, second only to Nebraska. Nothing to look at but open land, cows, and second cousins riding in pickup trucks [How does open land fit in a pickup truck?]. We got into town around 5:30 and made our way to my buddy’s house (Bulldoginbadgerland over at tPB). Once we got to the Kohl Center I thought I had entered Stalingrad [now known as Volgograd, in case you're in a geography bee]. Everyone was in red, and they all thought alike. Obviously a group of people wearing the opposing team’s jersey are automatic [sphincters]. It wasn’t so bad the first couple of times but my god, think of something original to say. McCarthy is gone, you can think on your own once again. I had one [donkey] tell me that I could look forward to serving his kids french fries since I go to UMD. Nevermind the fact that I have already graduated and go to law school. Whatever, he was a communication major and was wearing a red Polaris jacket [god, they're everywhere]. I didn’t know UW accepted St. Cloud transfers…

The Kohl Center is an impressive building, for a basketball arena. The sea of red idiots jumping around on cue is enough to make you vomit. The same chants, the same cheers, the same strange badger mating ritual every night. I guess repetition is the goal of any brainwashing cult. [Oh yeah!] The game itself was very boring, with ugly goals scored by both teams. J-Con (RWD required me to mention him at least once per night) [Yes, but to be fair, I also said "No need for any sort of Jacky quota... he'll just be so awesome you'll have to mention him. Double points for Mike Curry references." AND I DON'T SEE ANY OF THOSE!!!!] scored first off a big rebound given up by Connelly. Later in the first Kishel took a hooking penalty and the BADgers tied it up with the ensuing PP. Davies took a rink wide pass on the near side about 8 feet out and beat Stalock through the five-hole as he slid over. [See, you never get this kind of analysis from RWD. I'm too busy trying to find a damn spoon for Bruce's kid's freaking Dippin' Dots before the world ends to like, pay attention to games and stuff.] It was the only goal all weekend that was remotely on Al. Of course, it was only 1 of 2 that he let in. Later in the second period the Communists scored again after a scrum in front left Al laying helpless in front and the defence [EARTH TO MEYERS!!! COME IN, MEYERS!!!] couldn’t find the strength to MOVE SOME FRICKIN' BODIES from the front of the net. The Bulldogs played a much better third period, and got some decent chances from their first and second lines. Bucky sealed the game with an empty net goal by Gorowsky (how ironic) [this is the literary device known as foreshadowing, folks] in the third and our beloved Bulldogs fell 3-1.

After the game we made our way over to the Echo Tap to drown our sorrows. That place was awesome to us. Both bartenders knew their hockey, and although there was the usual good natured ribbing, both in person and over the loudspeaker, they also hooked us up with free “pity shots.” I even got a free shot just for closing my tab. [Is this some sort of miracle? Although Stacy seemed to have trouble remembering at the CC last weekend...] I later filled my belly at Ian’s Pizza (they seriously need one of these in Duluth. Luce doesn’t have a mac n cheese pizza, but they should) where we met more dumbass fans that obviously didn’t watch the game, or know anything about hockey. One guy told me that I should go home before the Badgers blank the Bulldogs again. I was quick to tell him that the Bulldogs scored first, which he replied “whatever, you still suck.” Is there something in the water that removes all logic and thought from Badger fan’s brains? [Hah! The same thing happened to me! tUMD had a delayed penalty and pulled the goalie and this girl started screaming. I explained the rule kindly and she yelled back "Well, you're still losing!" Well I'd rather see tUMD lose every once in awhile than be a brainless jersey chaser.] We decided to make it a short night, go home and play some Rock Band, and make Saturday night the night we hit the town hard.

Saturday Night – Beer, Heart Attack, Beer. In that order.

On Saturday we made our way over to the New Glarus Brewery about 30 minutes outside of Madison. They make the famed Spotted Cow wheat beer and Fat Squirrel nut brown ale that you can only find in Wisconsin. The tour wasn’t that great, but the beer is amazing. They need to distribute to Minnesota because I can’t keep making runs to Hudson for this stuff [Word. Who wants to go there?]. After sampling their brew and buying 5 cases of beer to bring back with us we made our way back to the Red Shed for redemption. [I was confused. I was thinking of Fred's Red Shed! Yay!]

In the first, I had what I can only speculate to be the first heart attack of my young life. Al played the puck but centered it to Gorowsky, while another Badger gave a pretty decent body check to Stalock. Gorowsky missed the net entirely, wide right from about 15 feet out. The refs even had to do a replay just to be sure it didn’t go through a hole in the net. Apparently they couldn’t believe that a
player could be that bad; Gorowsky proved them wrong. Al played solid the rest of the night, including a great toe save after making 3 others just before it. The game got chippy in the second, with both teams playing some great defensive hockey. I have to give credit to Wisconsin for blocking as many shots as they did. Our powerplay was stifled the whole night because they never moved the box, they just stayed in position and let us move around them, but when we tried to make a move they closed in. It was a great penalty kill against a mediocre powerplay. [I have issues with who is on what power play but that is for another day.]

The third period started with some controversy. Sharp lined up with Geoffrion to take the draw, but Geoffrion made a move and Sharp tried to sweep his feet out, both players threw their hands up but the ref threw Geoffrion out. He lined up on the left wing against Kemp, but made a move in before the puck dropped. That got him an unsportsmanlike penalty which was met by a sea of boos from the Kohl Center. It didn’t matter, because our powerplay was atrocious all weekend. The Dogs finally scored when J-Con (there he is again) [Check] made a great play in the Wisconsin end by forcing the turnover, cutting in, and hitting Fulton with a great saucer pass right on the stick. [Eee!] All Fulton had to do was tap it in and it was 1-0 Dogs. After that goal, it was all defense for Duluth. They only used one forechecker, and really played good defensive hockey, especially during the last 3 minutes of the game. Stalock hung up the goose egg on the Sea of Lenin, and our boys took 2 points on the road.

After the game we made an appearance back at the Echo Tap since they were so cool the night before. The same two bartenders were working, only this time we got them “pity shots.” After a few rounds, I made my way behind the bar and even started pouring Jag for the two of them (pretty sure some of the football players that were there were ready to kick my [badonkadonk] for going behind the bar but let it go once they realized that the other bartender told me to.) We then went over to Waldo’s to get some fishbowls. The crowd at Waldo’s are basically all drunk undergrads who have no clue about anything outside their little world. Some of them had the deer in headlights look when I came up the stairs with a Bulldog jersey on. Strangers from the outside world, my parents warned me about this… A d-bag who was waiting in line to go to the next level of the club started talking trash. Let me say that again, this guy was waiting in line to go to another level of the bar he was already in, and was leaning over talking [feces]. My buddy pointed that out to him and the bouncer watching the door laughed so hard at it that he even gave my buddy a high five. Burn. Maybe I’m getting old and like quieter places with good beer, maybe the fish bowl had way too much alcohol in it for one person [I always thought fishbowls were pretty light on the booze; there was this bar called R and Rs at the U of I and I drank a whole one myself and nothing horrible happened. Maybe I'm just a sad sad drunk], or maybe I just don’t like amateur night at the local frat bar, but Waldo’s made me want to fight everyone I saw. [I feel like that pretty much constantly.] At closing time we left our remaining fishbowls with a very confused Asian guy and his date and made our way home. I remember thinking to myself as I fell asleep that road trips are the greatest thing about sports. [Eee! Houghton soon!]

Weekend Notes:
- Our powerplay has to get better. Wisconsin played a great PK, but 0-8 is simply unacceptable. [Unless you're from St. Cloud!!!]
- Sandelin used Kishel on Friday night, and Lamb on Saturday. Lamb looked much more in control and confident than Kishel. [I heart Super Sexy Shirtless Brady Lamb!]
- I am amazed at the speed of Cascalenda, only noticed him once or twice but when I did I was like “Who is that speedster?”
- Palm needs to learn how to handle a bouncing/fast puck. Soft hands, get out the eggs.
- Gergen still doesn’t realize there are teammates out there with him. The only time he passed the puck in the offensive zone was when he had no other option but pass, and it was a terrible one.
- Solid games from Sharp, Akins [What??? I love you Drew, but OMFG your penalty], and Fulton. Kemp is one of the most underrated players on our team in my opinion.
- Andrew Carroll should have a monument put up in remembrance of his work ethic.
- The student section at Wisconsin just plain sucks. The only original cheer they had was “where’s your water bottle” toward Stalock. How is supposed to get a guy off his game? You’re so good you don’t need water during the game, you suck!
- Fontaine is his usual fast self; I was impressed by his puck work through 2 and sometimes 3 Badgers.
- J-Con [check] was the same way but needs more size to him [What are we supposed to do? Tie his arms and legs to a team of horses and let them pull? Don't think JMay hasn't thought of it] or learn to duck the bigger hits. M-Con had an off weekend and really looked small compared to the Badgers when he was in the corners.
- Shane Connelly has a superman logo on his helmet. What a tool.

Next weekend is critical for the Dogs. They need at least 2 points but a stick salute would be better. [Me likey!] Good luck and go Dogs!

-Simmerdown

Thanks for the FANTASTIC recap of the weekend and a fresh perspective on the game.

The Gauntlet: Hooked on Phonics Edition

Next up to run the Gauntlet: the grammatically challenged Goon of Goon's World.

RWD: When did you become a Sioux fan?

Goon: 1992 when I was over visiting a friend of mine that was going to school at Mayville State and we went to a Sioux game. I was hooked.

RWD: Geez. You're like 100 years older than me and I've been a Bulldog fan longer than you've been a Sioux fan. [Almost everyone I Gauntlet is way older than me, with the exception of MEg.]

Goon: It was against NMU, MEg's favorite team.

RWD: Were they in tWCHA then?

Goon: Yes they were in the WCHA. Living in International Falls, MN, I was actually a Bulldog fan before I was a Sioux fan. [Hockey Fandom: You’re doing it wrong.] I had a Tom Herzig Jersey. It was the mid-1980's. [What is this, blog noir?]

RWD: And then came The Fall. [How existential of me.]

Goon: I turned to the Dark Side, as some would say, after I returned from the service. [Do people even say that anymore? I mean, non-grandparents?]

RWD: Brady Hjelle is from International Falls.

Goon: I didn't know that, and I am not familiar with his family name.

RWD: How do you feel about our backup goalie being better than all 3 of your goalies if they were in net at the same time?

Goon: If he is better than Stalock then he is a really good goalie. [Is this a clever misdirection? Or just Goon missing the point?]

RWD: What about the Sioux? Are you a fan of them? I mean the real humans of the Sioux tribe.

Goon: I spent a lot of time at Spirit Lake when I worked as a recruiter for Job Corps, so I have met a lot of people from the Sioux nation, and yeah I am a fan. I also have known a good number of people that are of Chippewa descent.

RWD: Do you go to Spirit Lake and sit on a bench and yell "Let's Go Sioux!" as people walk down the street and stuff?

Goon: Nah, they walk down the street like you and I and they don't do chants like Let’s Go Sioux... [Ok, I’m pretty sure that Goon was missing the point before, because he certainly is now.]

RWD: I meant, do you cheer them on? Like, "Way to drive that car!!!"

Goon: Noooo, how silly. [Really? Ya think?]

RWD: And if someone from Wisconsin rear-ended them would you raise your arm in the air and call for a penalty?

Goon: No, I would give them the one finger salute.

RWD: Oh, you'd pull a Hakstol?

Goon: Yeah, I can't fault Hak for giving someone the bird. It is like the Grand Forks wave. [God, sounds like GF is full of jerks.] It is quite common here. In defense of Hak, Adam was calling a horrible game and I would have done more than give him the bird; I would have been ushered out of the rink after the calls in the first two periods. I would have probably been throwing water bottles and towels and yelling really loud... [I can’t imagine what it would be like to be around someone like that.]

RWD: Is it ever not the ref's fault? I mean, aren't the Sioux players just sometimes hacking goons without skill? [Sometimes? What am I saying? Always!]

Goon: Well, if you listen to a few of my blogger buddies, you would think that UND are a bunch of hacks and goons and start every fight and wherever there are high penalty minutes, the Sioux are involved. [I see nothing wrong with this assessment.]

RWD: I don't think that. I know it.

Goon: You told me that the Sioux were the kings of clutching [I changed the spelling of this… among MANY OTHER words.] and grabbing last March at the Final Five.

RWD: I am wise.

Goon: Oops clutching... I affraid to miss spell a words. See I am scared. Afraid. Sorry

RWD: I'll edit it. [Except for that part. Now you have a taste of how hard I work for you people.]

Goon: Good.

RWD: Trust me. I can't have this [feces] on my site. People will be impressed [with Goon’s seemingly stellar spelling].

Goon: That is part of the schtick. [God! He’d even spelled “schtick” wrong! “Stick???”]

RWD: Do you think all the ads on your site might pay for a copy editor?

Goon: Nah I haven't got a dime. I did get 300.00 from the Ticket Liquidator and 75.00 bucks [???] from another person for putting up 8 links [What person was that? Geist the Blog Whore?], but nothing from Yard Barker yet. Versus game me a hat as well. [Noticing his error] Ah crap gave, I can't type on my new computer.

RWD: Uh, sure. It's the refs fault; it's the computer's fault. Typical UND fan. Another typical UND fan behavior is whining about the polls. Who even cares? [Seriously, they have no bearing on anything.]

Goon: I think polls are great reading in the morning when you’re eating breakfast. Then you can line the bird cage with them. Only thing is I don't have a bird. Dog would eat it... because he is a bird dog... [Well, you could train him.]

RWD: I wish I could vote in polls. [I should vote. I am a legitimate member of the media.] I would vote so annoyingly. You would die.

Goon: I don't want the responsibility. I don't find you annoying; I find you to be funny and thought provoking. [There’s a first time for everything. Usually I’m just provoking.]

RWD: #1 Air Force. #2 Princeton.

Goon: That would drive me nuts. And Miami number three, right?

RWD: Your favorite team!

Goon: I actually think they are a nice story. Ryan Jones was a monster [Frankenstein or Gamera?]; I just like arguing with Redhawk from USCHO. I called him Red Hack.

RWD: You know how you feel about polls? Well, I feel that way about Sioux7. I could use him to line my cat's litter box. [If he ever used his litter box…]

Goon: Sioux7 is my old college roommate. We emptied many of beer cans and whiskey bottles when I was in college. [That explains a lot.]

RWD: Well he is solely to blame for my Dogs’ season.

Goon: Team effort.

RWD: No. I won't let you take the blame too. [What a gallant gesture!] ALL SIOUX7.

Goon: Um, the Gandalf the Red likes Donn's predictions because the more he predicts wrong, the more the Badgers win. I don't do predictions. I won't say Sioux sweep like Dirty. Bad mojo.

RWD: Gandalf the Red lives in his mom's basement and has an awful blog. [To be fair, he’s not the only person who sucks on it. There are other sucky people too.]

Goon: I actually like his blog he said that Stalock was a sieve. [I wonder if he understands the meaning of the word.] I don't believe it though...

RWD: He thought that Wisconsin should have won on Friday night. Must have been some bad reception in mom's basement. [More tinfoil for the rabbit ears next time.] Or he was distracted by his Dungeons and Dragons game.

Goon: I think they are an enigma. Connelly is not very good [but Connollys are very good!], but they played well when the BADgers played UND and they went on a run after playing the Sioux [against the WCHA powerhouses of tUMD and MTU!]. Mom's basement, yikes... That is harsh.

RWD: Please. Lord of the Rings fan + Wisconsin loser = Basement dweller. [Like Aaron Neville, I’m tellin’ it like it is.]

Goon: I am a Harry Potter fan myself, I have never watched Lord of the Rings.

RWD: And you live above ground! Shot and a goal!

Goon: Yep, and the wind blows a lot here in God's Country...

RWD: I thought that was Montana.

Goon: I know, Montana sucks and Minnesota blows right?

RWD: Minnesota rocks. We've got trees.

Goon: And we have tree belts. [What?] I like Minnesota and I would move back, but I like North Dakota.

RWD: How do you even have a deer stand in ND if you don't have a tree to build it in?

Goon: Duck hunting... [That is not an answer.] We don't do tree stands; we walk and push sloughs for deer. We also do some road hunting as well...

RWD: When I was driving to Houghton, I drove by a deer on the side of the road with its head cut off and a bird eating its carcass. [Glorious nature!] Do you do that? Take the heads off of roadkill deer and mount them on your wall? [I think that's what he means by "road hunting."]

Goon: Road Kill. There is a town on Hwy 2 on the way to the UP in Michigan that’s named Spread Eagle. [I think FHG is moving there.] That isn't really the question, but you are right there are a lot of deer in Michigan [I don’t recall saying that] and you probably will see a lot of road kill. It is the same in ND as well. I feel that there are way too many deer in the upper Midwest. [What a civic minded man! He should have a key to the city of Grand Forks!] I have a rack I got off a deer I shot three years ago that I still haven't hung on the wall...

RWD: I have a rack too but it's not off no deer. [Hi Dad!] Do you think the animals you kill have souls?

Goon: A deep question. [Okay, if that’s the way you want to play it.] Yeah, I think so. I don't see them in my sleep.

RWD: Does that mean that maybe you have no soul?

Goon: Philosophy! I didn't know we were going to get into a deep conversation; I would have drunk a few Miller Lites in preparation. [Why? Do you crave gut rot from glorified water?] I have a soul but my wife says that I am kind of shallow. Kind of like the guy in big daddy where the kid pees on the bed and he covers it up with a news paper. I guess I have been labeled to be that guy... [WHAT?]

RWD: I... am... speechless. [Seriously. I mean, how am I supposed to respond?] MOVING ON! Let's talk about the Sioux!

Goon: Uh oh...

RWD: I heard Vandevelde's tearing it up! He got an empty netter against CC!

Goon: Yep into our own net. I have never seen that before. (I heard it on the radio). [Tragically not on YouTube yet!]

RWD: It happens. [Poor Nisky.]

Goon: I was a football player so I don't know about that.

RWD: What about that guy that ran the wrong way for the Vikings?

Goon: Yep he was a Vikings player, and I was kind of young when that happened.

RWD: So it happens.

Goon: Yep.

RWD: Ryan Duncan: overrated or extremely overrated?

Goon: Duncan is awesome, not over rated. You would think the guy is an absolute hack thought.

RWD: I would think that. He also lies.

Goon: I am pretty sure Ryan is very Hobey Baker-like. [Mike Curry was robbed!] I don't know about lying.

RWD: He said he is 5'6".

Goon: He might not be that tall.

RWD: See! LIAR!

Goon: I am not going to measure him.

RWD: Are you going to go to Duluth this weekend?

Goon: Nope I have to work this weekend and Mrs. Goon is working overnights so I won't be making the trip. One of my friends wanted me to go, but I don't want to drive that far either.

RWD: It's not on Mars. It's not that far.

Goon: I have been down Hwy 2 to Duluth a lot lately. My boss probably wouldn't let me take the time off. It’s 260 miles.

RWD: Why did you tell people they should go to Little Angie's?

Goon: They have killer food. I ate there a couple of weeks ago when we took Abby [the Spawn of Goon] to the doctor. Their margaritas are awesome. [Get one in a rocks glass!] One of them will give you a great buzz.

RWD: Barf. Killer. You said it. [Little Angie’s is disgusting.]

Goon: I was impressed with your drink gauntlet.

RWD: FHG was not impressed. [Nor was he present, he was sitting on his butt in tGarden watching the Golden Chokers.]

Goon: That guy is funny.

RWD: -looking. God, I'm really mean. [I can’t write a post without taking a shot at FHG! Sorry hon!]

Goon: The whole hat thing is cool; he should paint it Green and White...

RWD: No. It has the right colors.

Goon: Maroon and Gold aren't my colors.

RWD: Wrong emblem. Do you miss T.J. Oshie?

Goon: Yes I do, the kid was a monster player. T.J. Oshie kicked some serious [badonkadonk] while he was here. Gave his all. [All over the elevator floor!]

RWD: And you posted his dad's "public statement."

Goon: Yes I did. You remember that?

RWD: Yes. I rudely commented on it. [It was basically Papa Osh kissing up to all the people helping with his celebrity golf tourney thinly disguised as a “thank you” letter from “T.J.”]

Goon: Now I remember that conversation. It was last summer after Oshie signed with the Blues.

RWD: I recall. What should we expect to see this weekend? Who's going to be in goal? [Does it even matter?]

Goon: Brad Eidsness will be in goal and I don't know what to expect.

RWD: If you wanted to give Walski a confidence boost you could play him. [Eeee! Sorry guys! I didn’t mean it! You are awesome!! Mama loves you!!!]

Goon: I think UND is starting to get it going and actually the forwards are more talented this year. If I was the coach Walski would never touch the ice again. We do not benefit from playing a kid that is a senior when we have two freshmen that need experience. Eidsness is a way better goalie than Walski. I am sure some the ND state high school hockey homer will not like this, but that is how I feel. [First Ziggy, then Walski. ND is producing some goalies with great credentials!]

RWD: Don't hold back now.

Goon: I call it the Walski experiment. LGM aka Amy likes it but I don't.

RWD: I like it too. We need some goals.

Goon: I am sure you do. Heck UMD has scored more goals that UND. [Miracle of miracles.] I can't make any predictions because I don't know what to expect. [Cop out!] The games are on TV so I can watch them both.

RWD: How will UND win this weekend? [As if.]

Goon: They will win by making the Bulldogs pay for defensive zone break downs, solid defense and hitting and hustling.

RWD: And how will they lose? [Now we’re talkin’.]

Goon: They lose if they don't respect the ‘Dogs. They have to hit them [very respectful] and protect the puck. Transition and stay out of the box. No selfish penalties. [How is a penalty “selfish?” I would more say “stupid.” But stupidity can’t be helped.] They must not let Stalock get comfortable and see the puck, screen the goalie and let Hextall get in the Bulldogs' kitchen. [Make Mama a sandwich while you’re in there, honey!] If they don't play smart they will lose.

RWD: Hextall is going to win the Hobey Baker this year.

Goon: Nope but I love the way that kid plays. [Really? A genius came on here and left that prognostication!] I told Sioux7 he was like Prpich Lite. Only with more offensive skill. [No one is more offensive than Prp.]

RWD: Bleccch. Drew Akins will wipe the ice with him. [He will jump on him and use his stick to row, row, row the Brett gently around the rink.]

Goon: I am not familiar with Drew Akins.

RWD: Are you familiar with anyone? [He’s a freaking junior!]

Goon: I have not watched your team play this season. I am familiar with teams we have played, but I haven't had the opportunity to see the Dogs. I know your goalie is awesome.

RWD: That's tragic. Stalock is [awesome, I mean].

Goon: Yep Alex, LGM's favorite goalie... [Brady Lamb worked diligently to try to change her mind. With his smooth Barry White voice, I think he might have gotten through to her.] If you have some film on the Bulldogs I will watch it.

RWD: Nothing you want to see... [Restraining order #330] Speaking of that: Who is the hottest Sioux player?

Goon: On the women's team?

RWD: Are we talking about the women's team here? NO.

Goon: I don't know. I don't swing that way.

RWD: You can appreciate the attractiveness of people without being a homosexual. Like me and MEg.

Goon: Hey what people do behind closed door is fine with me as long as I don't have to see visual evidence. I don't know how to judge men for attractiveness. That is a loaded question that LGM asked me as well and I haven't fallen for the trick so far... I am too quick... [It’s too easy. I won’t do it.]

RWD: It's not a trick. It's been a standard of the Gauntlet since its inception.

Goon: Ok, do I have to answer that question?

RWD: YES! [Why would I asked otherwise?] Ladies need to know! [I provide a public service.]

Goon: Hextall.

RWD: Let me see. [Pause while I look him up] Well, I didn't vomit at his photo.

Goon: Wow, that's good to know.

RWD: But he's no Darcy Zajac. [Mmmmm]

Goon: I will take your word for it.

RWD: If you'd said Joe Finley I would have died. And you would be arrested. [For murder.]

Goon: That was my next choice.

RWD: So you think Bert from Sesame Street is good-looking?

Goon: Nope...

RWD: Because he and Joe are one and the same. Same eyebrows. Same consuming rage.

Goon: Yes I do, I have an eyebrow. No rage, I am a very happy person...

RWD: What?

Goon: vhat?

RWD: I said Bert and Joe Finley were the same. Not you and Joe Finley. Or you and Bert.

Goon: oh, miss that one. No, duh, woopppsss. [I left this in to prove a point.]

RWD: So, let's see if you can get through one more question without a glaring error. Weekend prediction? (And you MUST make one!)

Goon: split. Sioux Friday, Dogs win Saturday.

RWD: Wow, you even managed to mess that up! DOGS SWEEP!

Walk of Shame

tUMD 1, Commies 4

Oh god. I really don't want to write this. Not just because I'm dead tired and still fuzzy from all the, um, excitement of yesterday, but also because... well, the game.

But let's talk about the real winners from yesterday. No, not the Sons of Stalin, but the hard-drinking boys and girls of the Penalty Box, who presciently drank away what I can only describe as a day that should otherwise be forgotten.

Let's have a little play-by-play.

2:00 - Grandmas Saloon
I was a little late, and there weren't that many people there, mainly the organizers, Sando and C...C...C..., and a few others. Some of the group had started drinking at 10 even after a rough night before. Ooh-rah hard-chargers! Quote of the bar: "I cracked open my first beer while I was on the phone with my mom." I'm sure she's proud.
I drank: a shot of Jack Daniels

2:22 - Bellisios
The point of doing Bellisio's early is to ensure we are not unbelievably drunk by the time we arrive there. I think in the future it could be skipped without any great loss to tDHW, but it does have a bar and is in Canal Park. It's just expensive. And we are obvs. way too classy for it. A few more joined our group. Quote of the bar: "Next time I'll order their second cheapest wine."
I drank: nothing

2:44 - Little Angie's
Slowest service ever! How long does it take to make a Mojito? Correction: how long does it take to START a Mojito? Also, Sando asked for a margarita in a "rocks glass" because he didn't want a whole giant margarita. He received it in practically a pint glass. Quote of the bar: "Give me some of that pineapple crap." I meant the pineapple-infused rum. Which was good.
I drank: a shot of the aforementioned "pineapple crap."

3:06 - Club Saratoga
We left Little Angie's a bit early, so we were at tToga for a long time. Listening to boring jazz music. The Gopher game was on TV and they showed MEg. I called her and told her I loved her. Quote of the bar: "I tried to lick the pole. It tasted good."
I drank: nothing

3:28 - Red Lobster
Red Lobster was a pretty uneventful bar--until the end. They were really nice and gave us complimentary biscuits, which were very well received. For a lot of us, that was our dinner. As we were leaving, someone was talking about how they wished they had a big fish to throw on the ice that night. Someone else pointed out there was a tank of lobsters and we could use one of them. Quote of the bar: "Thank you!" That was the hostess at Red Lobster as we went out the door; she was completely oblivious to the hijinks behind her. C...C...C... had just stuck his hand in the lobster tank and pulled one out, posing for a few photos.
I drank: a shot of Crown Royal, aka C. Royale, Attorney-at-law

3:50 - Hell's Kitchen
Things really picked up here as tAnchor crew showed up and rounded out the group. I wouldn't say anything really exciting happened here though. Tragic. No quote of the bar.
I drank: nothing, I think.

4:12 - Timberlodge
Monte and Tom showed up, which was very exciting. Timberlodge was also the only place that had happy hour specials! On a Saturday! Way to go, Timberlodge! It was something like $3 beers and $4 rail drinks? I would have a "Quote of the bar" but I can't remember what the bartender's response was when I asked him what the rail whiskey was. I decided to pay extra rather than drink turpentine or whatever it was.
I drank: a shot of Windsor

4:34 - Old Chicago
O.C. was supposed to be our food stop, but it was pretty packed so the organizers called an audible and decided to eat at Green Mill instead. People got very into the puzzle game at the bar. Quote of the bar: "WISCONSIN SUCKS!!!" "Nice to meet you, too." Yeah, I kind of ambushed a girl. But, seriously. They suck.
I drank: a Scooby Snack

4:56 - Green Mill
I didn't eat anything here but quite a few people did. I spent most of my time yelling at the top of my lungs, which is how I usually converse with people. Evidently, after we left for Famous Dave's, some of the crew that stayed behind got kicked out for some inventive spelling. Quote of the bar: "I was surprised to hear you were married after all the things you said about Mike Curry."
I drank: nothing

5:37 - Famous Dave's
Famous Dave's does not have a bar. All it has is a walk-up window where we ordered booze. If you looked in the kitchen, there was a shelf with like 10 bottles of alcohol. That was their bar. Amazing. Beers were really cheap there.
I drank: nothing

5:59 - Sports Garden
Upon entering tGarden, I ambushed poor FHG and harrassed him until he agreed to buy me a drink. What a good guy. (SEE. I SAID SOMETHING NICE ABOUT YOU, AND IT WASN'T A BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT.) Then I assaulted a poor, unsuspecting Bulldog fan simply because he would not tell me why he had a purple pass to get into games. But seriously, Mike, if you had just told me then there would have been no need for violence.
I drank: a shot of Jack Daniels

6:30 - Curling Club
Everyone sort of splintered off at this point. I didn't stay there too long because I wanted to get into my seat. I think... yeah, I made it to my seat for introductions.
I drank: nothing

And then... the game. Which was not fun. Gergy had an assist, which was very exciting, and we certainly had some chances, but all in all it was a rotten game. I am rarely critical on here because I don't feel it's necessary (the commenters on Pates's blog have got that taken care of!) nor am I enough of a great hockey mind to really break down the game. But there wasn't a single aspect of the game that went well for tDogs last night, and we were never really in the game. It was unfortunate, and I don't expect to see it happen again. It shouldn't happen again. There is enough talent and sense on this team to respond with fire and intensity against probably the most vulnerable North Dakota team in years. I expect 4 points this weekend, or an effort worthy of 4 points, at the very least. We will lose some games; it's just part of the season. But I expected those losses to be games where the team fights the whole time. And I don't mean by hurting people, I mean by making smart plays and hustling. I know we've got some fast guys on the team, so SKATE. SERIOUSLY.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 8
Points until we equal last season's total: 19

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 12
Jack Connolly: 7
Michael Gergen: 5!
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 10 (Obviously would have had a hatty if McBain had not been such a little baby!)
Jack Connolly: 7
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0

On Notice (Getting too long boys! Come on!):
Drew Akins
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Jack Connolly
Jordan Fulton
Matt Greer
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Andrew Carroll
Cody Danberg
Nick Kemp
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm
MacGregor Sharp