The Empire Strikes Back

Our young hero, Michael Gergen, has decided on the advice of his former teacher, Obi-Brett Hullobi, to seek out a Jedi Master on a remote planet. Upon arriving on the planet, he crashes his flying zamboni and is stuck in the swampy muck. He meets a strange creature who hops around wildly, stealing food from him and banging on his android companion. Michael gets frustrated and complains about being stuck on the horrible slimy mudhole of a planet. The strange creature takes offense.

Michael feels a little badly for insulting the little green fuzzy man's home. He is reminded of another little guy with fuzzy hair, Mike Connolly, and feels a little homesick for Duluth. So he sits down and has a meal with the little green guy, hoping he'll take him to the Jedi Master. Eventually he runs out of patience and demands to see the Master. The little green man's demeanor changes entirely, and he sounds weary.

Suddenly the disembodied voice of Obi-Brett Hullobi boomed out over the swamp. "Was I any different when we were teammates?" Gergy realizes that the crazy green man is actually Jedi Master Bill Watson, the very being he sought out. Watson and the voice argue for awhile and then after about 10 highballs they are reminiscing about the old days and the master agrees to take on the young Jedi Knight. He warns him, in a voice that slurs every third word, that the training will not be easy. Jedi Master Watson passes out and Michael goes and works on some statements of cash flows for his accounting class.

The days pass and the Jedi training intensifies. Jedi Master Watson passes on his wisdom, but the young knight is still full of questions, wanting to soak up all that he can of the master's knowledge and experience.

But with his growing knowledge of the force, young Michael can sense trouble for his fellow Bulldogs. The evil sith lord Motzko and his pesky little Huskies have threatened the Galactic Empire. His Bulldogs are in trouble! They need him! But he also needs to finish his training. Master Watson wants him to stay.
















"But if I leave now, they'll lose! I should sacrifice Fontaine and Jacky?"

"If you honor what they fight for, yes."

Michael decides to leave anyway, because he knows that he can use at least some of his skills to fight the evil Motzko and his vile henchmen. However, his flying zamboni is stuck in the muck and he can't get it out, no matter how much he tries to use the force. "I can't," he says, panting, "it's too big." Jedi Master Watson shakes his head. "Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the hockey stick, the puck, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the zamboni." Michael still looks skeptical, because Jedi Master Watson is very small and green and fuzzy, so the master has to put his badasssss mad skillz into effect. He lifts the zamboni out of the swamp.

Gergy fires up the jets on that bad boy, and his android hops on in the little seat that kids usually ride on and they zoom away. Master Watson yells as he flies out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!" "Strong is Motzko! Mind what you have learned! Save you it can!"

What will happen to our young hero??? And the Bulldogs??? Stay tuned for the next installment!

MC's Back!

EXCITING NEWS, PEOPLE!!!!!!

I know that I rarely post about former Bulldogs, but eeeeeeeeeeeee! Mike Curry scored his first professional goal as part of a Jean-Phillippe Lamoureaux sieve-out in Mormon Country on Friday.















Here is what the Aces' press release says:

Aces rookie Mike Curry, raised in Eagle River, Alaska, scored on a rebound in his pro debut with 6:49 remaining, but James Sanford answered with a goal off the rush three minutes later to complete the scoring.

James Sanford can go jump in a frozen lake. He is inconsequential here, though. Great job, Mike!!! Keep up the scoring flurry!

Jason Garrison also made his NHL debut last night. We definitely miss him on the blueline this year, but considering he's already been called up by his team, I'm happy for him and understand that his decision was the right one for him.

Space Oddity

Ground Control to Major Tom, your circuit's dead, there's something wrong, can you hear me Major Tom?

tUMD 1, UAA's Football Team 1

So, we fell to earth a little bit here this weekend. Or a lot. Whatever. That's not the point. The point is... well there's only one of them. And we should have had more. We really should have had at least a split out of this weekend but instead we came up against a defensive line to rival the Minnesota Vikings. Literally. I don't know if the Seawolves heard something about a "quarterback on the power play" and got a little confused, but there were only a few of them that were interested in playing hockey, and even then only sometimes.

The Seawolves played their game and didn't allow us to play ours. That's to their credit. Now, I would be pretty embarrassed if the Bulldogs considered that to be our game plan, but if that's what Shyiak wants to do then whatever. tDogs came out flying and controlled the puck for at least the first five minutes of the game, although nothing became of that. We had possession of the puck but didn't have sustained pressure. If we hadn't scored on a 5 on 3 opportunity we might have been scoreless. And if we hadn't failed on a stupid clearing attempt we would have won the game. There wasn't a whole lot of room for us to bring on last year's strategy of not scoring ever.

Obviously we aren't allowed to have anyone even *near* the poor little goalie as evidenced by last night's tomfoolery with the replay, but we need some goals to come on 2nd and 3rd efforts, and the types of plays we are executing and the types of shots we are taking just aren't giving us that many opportunities.

Our PK didn't let in any goals tonight, which is a moral victory, but I wouldn't say it was "good." It is definitely good to get in their passing lanes and break up the play, but if we don't clear the puck it is bad news.

Sooner or later UAA will fall to earth, too. With the amount of ice time certain guys are seeing and their short bench due to injury and non-smart people leaving, it'll take its toll. They're not going to have a PP at 26% in the league forever. I do hope they're able to become more competitive in this league, and there are definitely some historically good teams that are vulnerable, so this league is wide open.

This is not the post I wanted to be writing tonight. I really wanted to be exuberant about a win and use lots of exclamation points and be a lot more positive than I am. It's not the end of the world and it's just one series of many, but we are going to be facing some tough teams in the coming weeks and I just wanted a little more confidence going into November.

I'll probably have something more to write tomorrow that will be more fun; I've had something in the works for a few days here that I laughed and laughed over (but no one will find it as funny as I did). MEg will probably drunk dial me again if I stay up too much later so I need to avoid that. I can't even remember what I've written here so it's probably a sign to end transmission.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 9
Points until we equal last season's total: 22! (I hardly even want to put an exclamation point, but it's a start.)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 8 (Ok, even MacGyver can have a night off. At least he didn't play like MacGruber.)
Jack Connolly: 5! (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Michael Gergen: 2 (Good chances tonight though on the PP)
Rob Bordson: 0 (Let's go, honey. I want to see you get things going!)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 7
Jack Connolly: 5!
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Jay Cascalenda
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Cody Danberg
Michael Gergen

Must-Win

Well, all games are must-win games, because I enjoy winning, but this is the one game each year that tDogs are REQUIRED to win.

As you all have marked on your calendars already, Monday is my birthday. Another year more cougarific. tDogs have NEVER lost on my birthday in the history of RWD. And this is RWD's FIFTH SEASON. 2007: 3-0 @ DU; 2006: 2-1 vs DU; 2005: 6-3 @ MTU (Oct 28), Curry with 2 goals; 2004 4-1 W vs. MSUM (Oct 23). I wasn't blogging in 2003 but they swept the stupid Gophers. YAY!

Please, keep the tradition alive! (p.s. Gergy, Jacky, Rob: Mama wants some goals. Sharp: I know you'd get one birthday or not.)

*****************************************************************EDIT*****************************************************************
Since this game was not actually ON my birthday, I can choose to switch that game to NEXT weekend and our Xcel Energy Center game against St. Cloud. For which I got awesome seats. I guess my boys need me there to cheer them on before they can get going again. Don't worry! I won't fail you!!! I promise guys, you will hear my kind and gentle words of encouragement and praise next weekend.

Starwipe

tUMD 3, Seawolves 4, replay -1

I don't really have a lot to say about this game. Things did not start out well. And I'm not even talking about the 2-0 lead that we spotted the Seawolves. I'm talking about the radio feed. The Hog decided they would like to replace Bruce with Alvin and the Chipmunks, and Alvin was not coming through so well. I listened to the choppy, chirpy feed through most of the first period while trying to get the UAA television feed to stop crashing my browser and freezing my computer. I was lucky enough to hear both goal calls. I started knotting up a noose for myself.

So by the 2nd period I had Brucie back on the air and the video feed was working. However, it was not very useful. For example, we scored 4 goals in this game. I was not aware that the puck was in the net on any of them. This is because the video had a tight shot of the goaltender and I could not see the net, the goal light, or any Bulldog players celebrating. Okay no, that is a lie. I saw one goal and I about cried from its beauty. It was a play where on some teams of the past, we would have just lost the puck (and there were many of those tonight, thanks to UAA's 5-car pile-up style of playing) but somehow Akins was in front of the net and reached out and got the puck to Fontaine and he just slammed it home. It was just so lovely. Oh Justin, you have such great hands. And you dress very nicely.

In addition to not being able to tell when a goal was scored, I was also often not able to tell where the puck was. This is because I was silly and assumed that we would be zooming in on the player who was carrying the puck. Instead we were zooming in on patches of ice, or some random defenceman not even in the play, or the UAA goalie when the puck was at center ice. I really don't like people telling me what I should and should not be seeing in a hockey game. Or in life. Censorship is whack, yo.

Dirty watched along with me and we were IMing back and forth. Thank you, Dirty (and BB to a lesser extent) for attempting to keep me from going off the rails. I only did a little bit. Dirty kept up a steady stream of distractions like the UAA commercials and techno mexican hat dances and NCAA Basketball pool horror stories and that man that wears the question mark suits. I actually laughed at one point, and for kind of a bad reason: MEg has Stalock on her WCHA fantasy team. Sorry MEg! But Arthur Fonzarelli got 2 goals for you!!

I can't be upset about the replay, as #1 because of the crappy camera work I could not see what actually transpired and #2 it didn't decide the game. A game is 60 minutes and waived off goal probably only took a minute of the game to set up. There were 59 other minutes with which to get our game on and score some goals. That "goal" was supposed to be a tide-turner for us, and I have no doubt that if that goal had stood, we would have won the game. I know there was at least another goal there inside someone. But that replay just killed it. ADAM, YOU MURDERER!!!

Two people in the course of me writing this post have come on my site wondering about the disallowed goal. I DO NOT KNOW, PEOPLE. PLEASE. THIS IS VERY HARD FOR ME ALREADY. And as I stated before, the camera work was so poor that a replay probably would have shown Donald eating a hot dog in the stands. I would have screen-capped that so fast it would be all over the net. But it would not have solved the mystery of why some magical "man in the crease" was called. I am curious as to what footage was shown on that screen. Perhaps this. If only. A late-breaking report from a reliable source tells me that Fuzzy was not in the crease and there is no justification on earth for that wave-off.

I'm not really mad about the loss. I know others may say it was because of this, or possibly that, but whatever. I'm not here to blame. I am here to whine about things unrelated to the game. I was pretty furious during the game and committed violent acts toward my computer that would have been felonious had I done them to a human. But I really can't get on here and criticize guys, My Guys or not. I'm always proud of them if they try and play hard and keep themselves in the game. We're not going to win every game and I guess I'd rather lose on a tough road trip if we have to lose some time. I can't stay too upset in games that I know we could have won. If we can play every game with the potential to win then we will win a lot of games.

It's kind of late but I've been stalling for time trying to get the final stats on the game so I can update The Numbers. I'll probably have a post tomorrow if I can sneak one in at school. Actually, I need to have a post tomorrow, as I have to give some motivational speeches.

Oh, and p.s.: Evan Oberg? You are a beast with the puck. So glad you are a Bulldog!!!!!!!!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 9 (I really wanted to update this tonight.)
Points until we equal last season's total: 23 (Or at least update this.)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 8! (Rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin')
Jack Connolly: 4 (Tragic!)
Michael Gergen: 2 (Mathematically exciting Numbers! 2, 2^2, 2^3.)
Rob Bordson: 0 (If you had gotten a point it would be 2^0, 2^1, 2^2, 2^3.)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 7!
Jack Connolly: 4
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0

On Notice:
Rob Bordson
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Jay Cascalenda
Michael Gergen
Mike Montgomery

teltnuaG ehT

Donald attempted to Gauntlet me. He did not succeed. Here are the results. Now step aside and let Mama take over.

(Extremely long wait for Donald to get to his computer)
DTP: Ok ... so should we get this over with? [Well, I waited around for forever, so could we please get on with it?]

RWD: Are you sure you're ready?

DTP: 1st question: Why do you hate Mike Connolly?

RWD: Aww, I don't hate Fuzzy. I'm pro Fuzzy. Some big bad Bronco player threw him into the boards last weekend and I about cut someone, but the REF called a PENALTY and I almost died. [Maybe the system works!]

DTP: Mike senses your overwhelming love for Jack and he isn't amused.

RWD: Oh really? Did your Spidey sense tell you that?

DTP: I'm uncharacteristically intuitive about such things

RWD: I think he's probably happy I'm not a freak over him. He sleeps better at night I'm sure. [Meanwhile, I’m sure Jack is terrified. And rightfully so. I am crazy.]

DTP: Do you agree with Hannes Alfven that in a Universe filled with Plasma that electric currents are pervasive? [Do you agree that no one other than possibly MEg is going to understand that question?]

RWD: I failed my plasma engineering course. The professor was a jackass though. [To him, “short quiz” was actually “horrendously long test.” Didn’t get THAT memo.]

DTP: Are you more or less intellectually curious than Sarah Palin?

RWD: I am a McCain supporter and will not participate in anything that mocks her, though Amy Poehler's rap was amazing.

DTP: Will Sandy give Kenny Reiter a start this weekend?

RWD: I don't know. I don't even know if Kenny is there. I am attempting to find out. Bruce is being reticent. He threatened my life. [He did finally respond but only with information that was either self-evident or irrelevant. Then later his blog had useful information. No.]

DTP: I'll handle Bruce this weekend. Was he pouty cos [stupid foreigner spelling] I didn't show up and say hi last year? [We did not go to Anchorage last year. Maybe he was upset because he donated money to your stupid Final Five fund.]

RWD: Bruce is pouty because I send him barrages of text messages about stupid stuff. [Mom and Dad cover your eyes] While I am driving.

DTP: Did it snow there yet?

RWD: No. But every customer that I talk to that finds out I am in Minnesota asks me that. Or about the Mall of America. [Or they tell me I should be in prison, that I am a criminal, that I don't want to help them, or they just say "Listen young lady..."]

DTP: Be happy that they know Minnesota is a state

RWD: It is THE state. Of hockey.

DTP: Is Sandelin's job on the line this year?

RWD: Yes. There is major talent on this team and if we don't finish better then there's no way I can defend him anymore. I will most likely usurp him.

DTP: What will tUMD fans consider "better"?

RWD: Home ice for the playoffs.

DTP: Coke or Pepsi?

RWD: Coke, definitely coke. And also Coca-Cola.

DTP: Rant on to your own satisfaction about USCHO... [meaning Ugly Stupid Crack Heads Online]

RWD: I don't really mention "that site" on my blog as I don't want to give them any undue publicity. It does give me a nice ego boost; it reminds me of how intelligent I am. It is a fruit roll-up of vulgarity, depravity, and the worst elements of the human psyche. It's like shower shoes covered in mold. I generally go on there only to offend.

DTP: As did I once upon a time

RWD: I can't say I ever read one of your posts but I know I'm much more reserved than you are. I usually forget what posts I've started things in.

DTP: Will the LHC create a black hole?

RWD: St. Cloud State will. With all the negative pressure (vacuums don't suck, people!) coming out of there.

DTP: Compare the Bulldogs defense this year to last years blueliners

RWD: They are... um... Kind of the same? Palm is still Palm. Cascalenda is still Cascalenda. Oberg is back and scoring us goals.

DTP: Garrison is gonzo. [Eeeeeee!]

RWD: Yes but I can't compare Garrison to noGarrison. Mike Montgomery has joined the blueline and is a big kid who knows how to play the offensive side of the game as well. Our penalty kill is not as strong.

DTP: What about Josh Meyers?

RWD: Josh is Josh. He is supposed to be another offensive defenceman but I just can't figure him out. He does score points. I don't know how I feel about him on the PP. I know that Scotty Kishel is going to be a great PP guy in the coming years. He is kind of in and out of the lineup.

DTP: Did you guys get whistled for boatloads of penalties so far?

RWD: Yes. But we always do. I think that we were spoiled last year with an outstanding PK.

DTP: Special Teams looks to be THE "theme" this year.

RWD: I think coaches say that every year. They are always a key element of the game and no team is very successful without good special teams. I think the big problem is if there are more penalties on both sides that more guys need to be ready to fill those roles. Many guys play on both the PP and the PK and we really don't want to kill them.

DTP: The extra-emphasis this year on stick-related offenses is an adjustment all the players will have to make.

RWD: Those Canadians sure were confused during the exhibition games. "Thaaaat's a penalty, eh?"

DTP: What would be more fun --- me coming to Final Five ... or you coming to Anchorage for a series?

RWD: You coming to the Final Five. The Final Five is Holy Week, Donald. I will at some point come to Anchorage I am sure, but the Final Five is so awesome.

DTP: I meant more fun from your perspective.

RWD: That is my perspective.

DTP: I have no doubt I'd have more fun at the Final Five than I would chauffering you around Anchorage. [Like I would get into a car with Donald. I’ve seen The Bone Collector.]

RWD: On your moose. Or your... what did you call it... snow "machine?"

DTP: You should know that if you're a McCainiac

RWD: He is my hero.

DTP: Lovely.

RWD: Are you sure you want to have that on your blog? Aren't you afraid people might be a little enlightened? [LOOK OUT, LIBERAL MEDIA!!! HERE I AM!!!! A NON-OLD, UTTERLY STUNNING AND BRILLIANT CONSERVATIVE!!!]

DTP: I'm not concerned about your political leanings on my blog. Anything I say overwhelms it. Enlightened and Sarah Palin are not three words you'd normally see together.

RWD: My word is like the word of God.

DTP: Then tell me Yahweh .... what are the final scores this weekend?

RWD: You're done already? That's IT?

DTP: What? ‘Cos I asked the final scores? [Have you not read a Gauntlet before? Freaking amateur!] Don’t assume.

RWD: Okay, then. I was concerned. [I wasn’t done basking in my own self-importance.] 4-3 tUMD, 4-0 tUMD. Jacky with a goal. Fuzzy with 2.
DTP: LOL [Not sure what’s funny.]

RWD: I went above and beyond there.

DTP: Will you be watching on the web?

RWD: Probably. Is that naughty Santa going to be on?

DTP: I don't know who is advertising this year. I don't watch it much ya know. [Oh yah you betcha!]

DTP: How is UAA's stream compared to others?

RWD: It is great compared to any of the crap I see on B2. Like CC's floating tiger head, for example.

DTP: That thing is psychologically damaging I fear. When was the last time you and Bethlyn were stumble-down drunk together?

RWD: We never have been. I don't think I've ever been drunk in her presence.

DTP: Sigh ... boring. [This is not Penthouse Forum, Donald.]

RWD: I know. When I visited her I came down with bronchitis almost immediately upon arrival. So I didn't drink very much. I had like I sip of something. I do not need to drink to have a good time.

DTP: But you're more fun when you do.

RWD: Eh. Possibly. I'm a really mean drunk.

DTP: It's from a Holiday Inn commercial.

RWD: I have a DVR. I don't watch commercials.

DTP: Naturally. Can I ask an Entourage question?

RWD: I don't watch that either. [I think I’d prefer a commercial.]

DTP: Of course. Shouldn't you really just turn into a Gopher fan? I mean ... isn't that how it works down there?

RWD: I don't see the point. I cannot WAIT to see tDogs win their first NC. No Gopher fan can say that. The[ Gophers] are not the Borg. Resistance is not futile. Not as many people in Minneapolis are Gopher hockey fans as you might think. I mean, Donald, if I was going to be a Gopher fan, I would be. I was born (technically) on campus at the UMTC medical center. You can't get any more into the heart of Gopher country than that.

DTP: Hence my question.

RWD: But I grew up a Dogs fan. It's hereditary. I'd be disowned. Also I went to another big 10 school. [MICHIGAN SUCKS!!!!]

DTP: What team do you dislike (hate) most?

RWD: St. Cloud.

DTP: Are you as apathetic as me about Mankato?

RWD: No. I'm semi-pro Mankato. I have a lot of family there. But I can see how someone might be that way.

DTP: I'm trying to work up more hatred for them but I find them boring.

RWD: Juttz sucks. His wife is my idol though. [The mother of all cougars!!!]

DTP: What about UND? Where are they on your list?

RWD: I could not possibly care less about UND. They bore me.

DTP: Denver?

RWD: Denver is a force to be reckoned with this year.

DTP: Colorado College?

RWD: CC had better get on their horse and figure out if they're going to be a great team. Because, um, 1-0 against UAH?

DTP: UAH's goalie stood on his head.

RWD: They will be on the top 3 in the league but they need to transcend to the macrocosm if they're going to go anywhere. Great teams win those games by lots of goals. I am overly critical, but whatever. [What the heck do I care? We will take them down.]

DTP: Are you happy to get a new rink before UAA?

RWD: I am happy to get a new rink sooner rather than later. It would be nice if UAA got one, too, but I didn't feel any competitive vibes.

DTP: I recall you expressing suicide as an alternative if UAA were to get a rink before you guys

RWD: I am prone to hyperbole. And poor memory.

DTP: Ever had chicken-pox?

RWD: Yes, on Christmas. I gave it to my mom, too.

DTP: Ouch... you [female dog].

DTP: Did you cut your bangs to match Sarah's "do"?

RWD: My hair is curly and so it wouldn't really look the same. I'm actually growing it out. I got it cut kind of short when Bethlyn was here in March and felt regret. I'm actually thinking of maybe dying it white like McCain [I would look hot] for solidarity.

DTP: Make sure you use the same dye he does.

RWD: I'm sorry, is this a hockey interview? You're making it seem like I care about politics. This is not an impression I like to give.

DTP: Compare this year’s Bulldog offense to last year’s.

RWD: This year >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> last year. What else can I say? I mean... last year was just sort of a mess.

DTP: Just trying to steer it back to hockey after your politics meltdown. Are the t'dogs a 2 line or 3 line team?
RWD: Right now they are a 2 line team but they will probably become a 3 line team.

DTP: How many games do you think Stalock will play this year?

RWD: Almost all of them. I'm thinking like 40.

DTP: Do you think that will leave the team in a bit of a spot next year if Stalock doesn't return?

RWD: No, I think Brady is going to be a great goalie for us.

DTP: But Sandy won't play him much this year? Wouldn't it be a good idea to play the backup versus UAA this weekend?

RWD: I think Stalock is the horse that Sandy is going to ride. I would have thought we would see Brady last weekend. I wonder what would have happened if we had... [Love you Al, but for reals homey, that was not your best game.]

DTP: UAA goes to UMD to play on the last WCHA weekend this season. Will you be at those games?

RWD: I might. If I have school I won't.

DTP: What is your earliest memory of a Seawolf?

RWD: It's fairly vague. When I was young we would sometimes go up to my grandparents’ cabin on weekends in the winter and we would watch tUMD games on a super old tv. And sometimes those games would involve UAA. Now a whole generation of children will be deprived of that because tUMD is no longer on TV.

DTP: Do you miss Sertie?

RWD: I don't, I think it's great for him to enjoy retirement.

DTP: Does Sertie attend games at the DECC?

RWD: I don't know. Maybe? We're not BFFs.

DTP: Shouldn't that be BFsF?

RWD: No. It's just like when people say RsBI in baseball. I mean, I guess technically I should say BFF.

DTP: lol

RWD: But a "BFF" is kind of a noun, so it's pluralized as is.

DTP: You take the dumb questions so seriously. [If I didn’t take the dumb questions seriously, there would be none to take seriously.]

RWD: I feel strongly about this subject, actually. I can't stand when people type RsBI. Or "ribbies."

DTP: You are truly the Acronym Queen.

RWD: I love them. The Gophers Invite Cupcakes So We Don't Get Embarrassed At Our Own Tournament is just too long to type. GICSWEDGEAOOT is better. It almost says "Swede" in the middle. Damn that's not right.

DTP: Ultra-cool almost.

RWD: GICSWDGEAOOT. There we go.

DTP: I pay "homage" [Why is homage in quotations? I’m sure because Donald is probably pronouncing it in some foreign way.] to your love of acronyms when I can on my blog ... ever notice?

RWD: You have a blog? It's hard to tell what you're writing. You need more white space.

DTP: Yeah I know... all those words are a problem

RWD: The problem is, they are boring. No offense. [Hee]

DTP: None taken. But they aren't boring.

RWD: I'm sure to a Seawolf fan, they might not be.

DTP: They are each useful and important to make the necessary point. I'm all out of prewritten questions.

RWD: Those were prepared in advance???

DTP: A few were.

RWD: Not as easy as it looks, is it? Bow to the master.

DTP: Let me find a mirror. [Gotta look nice when you genuflect!]

RWD: So are you going to continue this interview or what?

DTP: I thought I'd just let you dangle there and decide.

RWD: Man did I ever get off easy.

DTP: Your offense at certain lines of questions kept it short.

RWD: I'm just not overly political. Also, the Gauntlet's main purpose is offense.

DTP: This isn't the Gauntlet. [No you-know-what, Sherlock.] It's a Gauntlet rip-off

RWD: It is.

DTP: It walks like the Gauntlet, it talks like the Gauntlet, but it is not the Gauntlet. Typing Gauntlet three times is hard. [But four is comparatively easier.]

RWD: It doesn't really talk like the Gauntlet.

DTP: More evidence that it is not the gauntlet then eh? [Friggin’ Canadian.] I gots to run to pick up dinner. [Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, foo!]

RWD: Oh, did someone drive by your house and hit a rodent?

And… scene!

Tougher in Alaska

Well, folks, I know that we've got our first WCHA series coming up next weekend. It's at UAA, where we often struggle. This is going to be a real test.

Now, I know I've said that this year is going to be different in so many ways. And I got advanced copy of some video that shows me just how serious our guys are about making this the best season we've had in years. They've been training all summer to get prepped for this series so we can start out 2-0 in the WCHA.

No one was more serious than tUMD's resident badass, Drew Akins.














This will give you an idea of some of the training measures Drew undertook in order to be prepared for what will be his breakout season.












Here, Drew is setting out to do what we call the Duluth Rodeo, which involves lassoing ships anchored off-shore and hauling them into port.




















Here he is preparing to gnaw through a telephone pole. This way if someone knocks off his helmet his teeth will be tough enough to chew through bone. I wish he'd wear more safety gear, though.














This is Drew's haul from the Duluth Rodeo. These boats were full of salmon and he ate it all.














After singlehandedly building and erecting this oil derrick, Drew has tapped an oil deposit rich enough to fuel the entire country until we can figure out how to wean ourselves off of petroleum products. He's about to do some pullups, or maybe bend some of the girders with his bare hands. I won't say which.

Not everything about this training exercise has been grunt work. Drew also honed his concentration and finishing skills by making this nice boat.













Here he is with Jordan Fulton testing out his new creation in the icy waters off the Alaskan coast.

Some of his teammates joined him on his quest to prove himself more efficient than a steam-powered drill. Drew Akins is a steel-drivin' man. I should mention that being on television adds 10 pounds, but in their case it was added exclusively to their heads. First person to guess correctly all 6 of the guys in the background gets a free beer of their choice at the Curling Club during the Wisconsin series in November.

Based on all the hard work Drew's been putting in, plus his new role on the power play and his general badass characteristics, I foresee great things this coming weekend. 4 points, boys!

The Barn Burner

tUMD 6, WMU 5

My friends, I'm really struggling tonight. I know that I say this every time, but I'm very tired and yet my night is still not over. I am venturing over to Suptown for a night of debauchery... if my temporary roommates ever come home.

I am tired for numerous reasons, partly because I slept like crap last night and was hung over all day today (I've turned into a lightweight again, all my years of training down the drain!), but mostly because that game was emotionally draining. And physically, because anyone who has ever watched a game with me knows that 1. I scream and 2. I am always flailing or jumping or writhing.

I sat in the same seats I did last night, only DHG et. al. were not present as they all had other commitments. I had plans to sit with a few other tPBers who have their tickets in the same area, BUT I spent the first 10 minutes of the game alone, nearly surrounded by teenagers. Evidently Section 25 is the teenager section? USAFA Bulldog kindly came and sat with me for the first period, which was necessary for certain reasons which I will outline below. Eventually the stragglers showed up during the 2nd period, and all was well. I was concerned that maybe there was a pumpkin-carving emergency, as that had kept them away from the game the previous evening.

I got to the game really early because I had nothing else to do. I'd driven back from Gooseberry and it was already 5:50 so I just headed over to the game. I read my program and texted and took 800000000 photos of Jack Connolly during warm ups. I wonder if he sensed it. He has kind of a neat little way of shooting the puck during warm-ups, with a funny stick lift and glide combo after he sends it to the net.

As an aside, I wish the program was a little more interesting. I don't know exactly how that would be accomplished, but it would be nice. Maybe they could ask me to write something. But, while it would be gloriously entertaining for you all, it would still be boring for me, since I would already know the content.

I know that B2 was crappity crap and not available and the radio feed is all kinds of jacked up, so why don't I walk you through all the scoring? This will be fun for me. At the Curling Club tonight someone was asking me how I remember all the stuff to blog about, and I had to inform him that my blog isn't very factual, rather it is more anecdotal. Sometimes I think I should change that, but really, that's my niche. I will leave all that boring stuff to Kevin Pates while I have all the fun. Something tells me he wouldn't be interested in talking about hotties, but then again who am I to assume anything? Maybe he'd be into it.

This might take awhile.

WMU 1 - 0 6x5 PP Greg Squires (2) (Kevin Connauton, Tyler Ludwig)
This goal came after Nick Kemp took a very unsmart penalty. We've had a lot of 5x3s to kill lately and it was only a matter of time before we gave one up. Our PK has really been struggling lately. Partially because we're taking penalties while we're on the power play!

MND 1 - 1 6x6 Jack Connolly (1) (Michael Gergen, Justin Fontaine)
Thank goodness that USAFA Bulldog was sitting with me. If my sweet Jacky had scored a goal and I'd been sitting alone, I wouldn't have been able to celebrate. I already looked like some kind of a crazy person sitting alone at a game. It was a great goal that almost looked like it wasn't going to happen. Brad was like "I didn't think he was going to get to that puck." I was 100% certain it was Jacky who scored until he wasn't the guy who led the celebratory high five line so I was confused and I was screaming "WAS IT JACK? WAS IT JACK?" and jumping around and hugging Brad.

WMU 2 - 1 6x5 PP Derek Roehl (1) (Tyler Ludwig, Patrick Galivan)
This goal depressed me because Jacky was in the penalty box when it was scored. Like he would ever commit a penalty!!!

WMU 3 - 1 6x6 Derek Roehl (2) (unassisted) 10:47
I missed this goal because the students were chanting "Beer Song! Beer Song!" and the idiot high school children behind us were chanting (not loudly) "Beer Sucks! Beer Sucks!" and Sando and I were both turned around staring at them in bewilderment.

MND 2 - 3 6x4 PP Evan Oberg (1) (Justin Fontaine) 0:45
We missed this goal because we were in the Curling Club and I miscalculated by like 5 minutes how much time we had left. I would have been depressed if we'd come back and it had been still 3-1.

MND 3 - 3 5x6 SH Andrew Carroll (1) (Evan Oberg, Cody Danberg) 5:05
GLORIOUSLY AMAZING! We were jubilant at this goal. It was such a random combination of people, too. Carroll from Oberg? What? It's like McFarland from Curry or something, back in the day. Although not quite to that extent.

MND 4 - 3 6x5 PP Mike Connolly (2) (MacGregor Sharp, Jordan Fulton) 8:23
The guy next to me said "There it is" about a second before the goal went it. Mike Connolly is SUCH a PLAYMAKER.

WMU 4 - 4 5x6 SH Ryan Watson (1) (unassisted) 17:27
This goal had me practically slitting my wrists. Stalock just gave the guy the puck and was like "Here, please score on me." I mean, that was how bad it was. Stalock was in the corner and passed it right behind the net to this Ryan Watson character.

MND 5 - 4 6x6 Jordan Fulton (2) (Andrew Carroll) 18:30
I don't remember what actually occurred on this goal, but I just remember rejoicing and thinking *boom* we've got this in the bag.

WMU 5 - 5 6x6 EA Patrick Galivan (2) (unassisted)
tDogs were in the Broncos's zone trying for the empty-netter, but it wasn't a clean breakaway like the night before. Somebody missed the net and then someone else missed the puck and this Galivan fellow took the puck up ice and put it in the net somehow. I don't mean somehow as in it was a miracle, I mean somehow as in it was at the far end of the net and I didn't see.

MND 6 - 5 6x6 GW LL MacGregor Sharp (4) (Evan Oberg)
I didn't even know it was Sharpy who scored the goal, I just know it went in and the goal light went on and my life was complete.

We played well at times and we played poorly at times, but don't think that this game was 6-5 because we're bad. The Broncos came to play and they did not let up. They made some great plays, especially their 5th I wish them ALL THE BEST in the CCHA because we need their help in the pairwise.

WE SCORED 11 GOALS THIS WEEKEND, PEOPLE. Last year, down 3-1 going into the 3rd period, I wouldn't have had much faith (we did win 4-3 OT against Kato that one time though), but we just kept coming at them and we were RELENTLESS. Congratulations on the sweep guys! I'm so thrilled!!!!

One of my temporary roommates just said he didn't trust someone whose teeth were too white and too chiseled, that she doesn't eat food, she eats souls. I said I didn't think someone who ate souls would have white teeth, but that I'd never contemplated that. He said "You should blog about that!" and here we are.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 9 (STILL non-conference)
Points until we equal last season's total: 23 (STILL ditto)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 7! (OTGWG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU MACGREGOR!!!!!)
Jack Connolly: 4! (JACKY SCORED A GOAL!!! I WAS SO EXCITED!!!)
Michael Gergen: 2! (ANOTHER ASSIST!)
Rob Bordson: 0 (Come on, sweetie, I want to see a goal! I know you'll do it soon.)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 6!
Jack Connolly: 4!
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: 0 (But played in his first game! And he's wearing a great number, too.)

On Notice (first time I've had to do it all year):
Rob Bordson
Trent Palm

Goals Only
Jay Cascalenda
Michael Gergen

It's so short! Last year my first On Notice had 7 guys and Goals Only had 2 guys. What this means is Balanced Scoring and LOTS OF IT.

Debut

tUMD 5, WMU 2

I'm in Duluth! Hooray! And actually connected to the internet! Which is a plus! Although, I can't connect on my own computer, which is depressing. I can't update my glorious spreadsheet of numbers.

I had some struggles on the way up. I was pretty excited to get on the road (once I finally got my gear in order... it took awhile, but it didn't really matter since without the Grandma's luncheon, it didn't matter so much what time I arrived), and when I drive by myself, I usually rock out pretty hard to some music. If you were to drive alongside of me, you would probably do a double take, or at least laugh. Yes, I really am screaming along to the songs. Anyway, as soon as I got on 169, I turned on an 80s rock mix I had made to get myself pumped up for the games! As if I needed any assistance, but still. The first song on was "Eye of the Tiger" which is a fairly moto song... Well, I was so excited to get on the road that I missed my usual exit at 694 (I was just so excited to go north I forgot I needed to go east, too) and didn't realize it until I was at a really long stoplight and couldn't figure out why. Oops. I called around trying to find someone to help me get back on track, and who comes to my rescue? Well, the guy who rescues people on a fairly regular basis: Fire Helmet Guy. Of course, by the time he got back to me, I had already implemented a plan (find a major road that runs east-west and get on it), but it was still nice of him to help me out. I can't believe I actually said something nice that didn't have some hidden insult to it. I'm growing as a person right before your eyes.

FHG also filled me in on the Dubay situation. My initial reaction was a laugh but really, it's more sad than anything. I won't discuss it here, as it really has nothing to do with tUMD other than when he said we were terrible and I yelled at him about it and then made him pose with me for a picture. I look totally deranged in that photo.

I talked to DA as well and he mentioned the polls and their utter failure. We freaking smoked Northern and we're not even ranked yet? He seemed appalled. I commented that we get no respect, no regard neither. tDogs are the Rodney Dangerfield of the hockey world.

Once I got to Duluth I was welcomed by a huge ship going out, which was nice. I don't usually go out of my way to try to catch a ship coming in or anything, but if it's there, yeah I'm going to watch it and take photos. I forgot to take photos at the game, sadly. Whoopsie. Then I went over to tDECC to buy my tickets (which took forever since I was buying for tonight, tomorrow night, and the Wisconsin games, and in different quantities) and saw the guys running their laps around the concourse. Some cute little kid that was probably playing in the Little Chippers game saw them and was like "Is that the team?" and he was all atwitter. Well, so was I, but I was more discreet. See, I have restraint. You were all thinking I'd be over there with my nose pressed against the glass slobbering over them. Well HA! I wasn't. I couldn't really tell who anyone was except Bordson because he has that terrible bleached hair. I think I recognized Josh Meyers too. Maybe. Who cares. I know you all don't.

OF COURSE I pregamed at the Curling Club, which involved a dice game, Jag Bombs, and loudness. Lots of loudness. The good thing about DHG is he is louder than me. I know most people would say that's not a good quality, but I'm sometimes self-conscious about my loudness, especially if I am loud near a bunch of quiet people, so it was nice to be around someone else loud. I had to buy a shot for this drinking game and the bartender did not know how to make it. I had to use a lifeline.

We made it to the game just in time for the puck drop, which is fine with me. It was just so great to see my 'Dogs back in action!!! Of course I was getting all hot and bothered every time JCON touched the puck because I soooo want to see him score a goal, but he is such a great set-up man that if he never scored a goal but got an assist in every game I would not put him on notice. THREE ASSISTS!! THREE!!! AMAZING!!! I thought someone had injured him at one point and was ready to cut a bitch, but he ended up being ok. I'm already hearing comparisons between Evan Schwabe and him, and we all know how I feel about Evan...

As for the game winning goal... well, I know that B2 wasn't working nor was the audio feed online, but oh baby, it was a highlight reel goal... if there were actually highlights one could reel. But NO. The only hockey on TV in Duluth tonight was some stupid game in some hick town in Western MN. Mike Connolly made an absolutely sick move to the net and beat the goalie, plain and simple. I was so depressed that it was in the second period because it was at the other end of the rink so I didn't have a close-up view, but I could watch that play over and over and over and over again and love it more each time.

Justin Fontaine continues to bring the amazingness I knew he'd be bringing. That's all I have to say on that. 2 goals, the first one not even two minutes into the game (Remember when that used to be us, giving up early goals? Well, not anymore!) and the second on the power play.

When the game ticked down to its final minutes, the Broncos decided to pull their goalie. I happen to think it was a futile effort (we just rock too hard to let them come back) but it also showed a lot of character on their team's part. They weren't just going to roll over and die, and I think it's difficult to keep that focus when you lose a lot of games. Granted it is early in the season but it's not like last year they were tearing it up in the CCHA. We took a timeout shortly after that and DHG and Boody decided that it was to set up Stalock for a goal. We were pretty excited and started screaming at him that we wanted a goal. The three of us are pretty loud and the DECC isn't all that big so I know that he heard us. I mean, we were practically the only people left in tDECC anyway. Which is another issue altogether. When we're losing, I guess I can kind of see leaving early, but when we win, we should be cheering at the end!! A win is a beautiful thing and should be basked in!!!

Anyway, Stalock didn't get a chance to score because Nick Kemp had to go and ruin everything and get the empty netter instead. My companions were not pleased. I do think it would be totally amazing for Stalock to get a goal. We gave Nick a little razzing. But Nick! We kid because we love!!

My main criticism of tonight's effort is the 3rd period. A TWO GOAL LEAD IS NOT A SAFE LEAD! IT IS NOT. AT ALL. EVER. I've made every formatting change I could to try to emphasize this point. The boys seemed to sit back on their heels a bit (not all of them, I still saw some guys out there hustling) and seemed content with the game as it was. Our defense seemed to break down toward the end. WMU had 11 SOG through two periods and we let them get 12 in the 3rd. That should not have happened. We should have continued to attack. We may be Bulldogs but we need to behave like pit bulls some times. Rabid pit bulls. Both of Western's goals were on the power play, which is a bummer because usually our PK is so good, but sometimes if a team has a strong PK it makes them a little less concerned about taking penalties, and if a team takes a lot of penalties, eventually they're going to give up some PPGs. We did survive a 2-man advantage unscathed, though.

For tomorrow night, I'm hoping adjustments are made and we see a much tighter game, similar to the differences between the Lake State game and the Northern game. The guys played so-so against Lake State, made adjustments, and came out flying against the Wildcats. I'm thinking maybe another shut-out? Or is that too much to ask?

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 9 (STILL non-conference)
Points until we equal last season's total: 23 (STILL ditto)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 5! (Assisted on the AMAZING GWG and the ENG)
Jack Connolly: 3! (Hat trick of assists!!! SO HOTTT!!!!)
Michael Gergen: 1! (And it was an assist, Chris. An ASSIST!)
Rob Bordson: 0 (Looked so cute running around the DECC for warmups, though!)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 5!
Jack Connolly: 3!
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: ###

On Notice:
Still nobody, but some guys had better kick it into gear or they will be!

Mustang Sallies

I realize that we are actually playing a team called the Broncos this weekend, but I got confused/didn't care and thought that Western Michigan were the Mustangs, and I refused to waste a so-so joke.

I'm excited for this weekend. I'll be heading up to Duluth at some point on Friday. The main problem with this is I'll be staying with a friend who I don't think even knows how to use the internet. It'll be like staying in a cave in the woods. I can't wait. I'll have to go to a coffee shop or something and bogart some wireless.

DISAPPOINTINGLY, there doesn't appear to be a Bulldog Club luncheon this weekend, so how will I get to Ask A Question??? Last year I had nothing to ask/chickened out/realized no one cared because they were all there to talk about tUMD football. I went up to the buffet table three times though. Yum.

Sweep this weekend or else, guys.

Additionally, I'm sure some of you are noticing there's something different about this site. The rest of you are like "No habla ingles," or "I was looking for a diagram of the bones of the human leg," which is the most common reason for people to come to this site. I changed a few things around, most notably I added a few links: first, you can get information on this site, then you can easily access all The Gauntlet interviews, and you can view all of the All-WCHA Hottie Teams. I also added a link to Puck Swami's new blog, Know Your Foe, although if you are not a DU fan, I must warn you that the subjects of his blog are not your foes.

The other thing I added is the lovely banner at the top of the site. I made it myself using photos I did not obtain permission to use. So please, start the lawsuits, I dare you. From left to right, the photos are: Jack Connolly; Huffer et. al.; MEg, Justin St. Louis, me, and a cup of beer; a ship and lighthouse; Evan Schwabe; Curry and some other guys celebrating a goal; FireHelmetGuy and me (he complained that the words were covering most of the photos but in his case it's a public service); tDECC; Mike Curry; and Raymond, Sharpy, Knighter and Gors from a few years ago. I thought the site could use a little color.

To wrap things up, I hope to see you all at either Grandma's or the Curling Club, and please, someone be on alert to bail me out of jail. BTW, my birthday's coming up soon, and if you all wanted to go in on a gift, a radar detector would be amazing.

The Odd Couple

tUMD 5, Mildcats zip-a-di-doo-dah

It's been a few hours since the game and the ecstasy has not worn off. How glorious we were in victory tonight! Our offense was sublime, our power play got 2 goals, our penalty kill was perfection, the defence was divine, and the goaltending was simply SPECTACULAR.

Today has been a long day for me. I watched the sunrise in Duluth... over the internet, that is. Every time I'm in Duluth I mean to get up early enough to watch the sunrise because it's really lovely. I have a vague memory from when I was very young and I was visiting my great-grandmother for the weekend, and I saw the sunrise from her house. Or maybe that was a dream.

Anyway, totally off the point here. I was on my own today after getting home from school. As the song goes, what good it sitting alone in a room? Life is a hockey game, old chum, life is a hockey game.

Wow, again, totally strayed from the subject. I am really tired. That is not the point. THE POINT IS THE GAME. AND ITS AMAZINGNESS. And how I decided to go over to MeanEgirl's to watch the game with her. Although I shouldn't say I watched my game with her. What actually occurred is that we both whipped out our laptops, plugged in our earphones, turned the muted TV to college football/the Wild game, and zoned in. Two minutes and seventeen seconds into the Bulldogs's game, I started screaming and shrieking and stomping as My Guy MacGregor Sharp went top shelf on Brian "The Flopper" Stewart. And yet, I was nervous. Then Tech scored a goal and MEg started her own scream/shriek/stomp routine and knocked her laptop over. That's really the only way we knew what was going on in each other's games. That and the USCHO game threads. I was hyperventilating during the 5x3 chances that NMU had. MEg was tearing up when she found out Geoff Kinrade had been injured. By the end of the game, she was sitting on the floor and I was on my hands and knees practically pounding the carpet. I imagine an eviction notice will be on the door by tomorrow. Folks, have you ever heard of two women with more dedication and zeal for their respective sports teams?

When the dust settled and the smoke cleared, Tech had prevailed over Lake State 3-2, and tUMD had shut out Northern. We avenged each other's loss/tie from the night before.

I'm so happy tonight. I'm happy our upperclassmen are leading and I'm happy our freshmen are making their collective presence known. I am beyond ecstatic that they were unsatisfied with their performance last night and made the adjustments. Those are some motivated guys. We've got more guys who want to play than there are spots available, and they know that if they give 99%, they'll make Sandelin's decisions that much easier. Like Herb Brooks said, ya know. I know that there have been some comments made about how our senior class could have looked, but I have no doubt that, though they started a few years ago with a few more guys, the ones remaining are tough, smart, scrappy, dedicated guys, who are going to step up and lead this team out of the darkness of the past few seasons.

Saddle up, folks. It's gonna be a wild ride; just try to hang on.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season's total: 9 (still non-conference)
Points until we equal last season's total: 23 (still ditto)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 3! (And many chances for a hatty!)
Rob Bordson: 0 (Only a matter of time!)
Jack Connolly: 0 (Keeps getting sooo close! It's gonna happen!)
Michael Gergen: 0 (Back at it!)

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 3!
Jack Connolly: 0
Scott Kishel: 0
Brady Lamb: 0
Travis Oleksuk: 0
David Grun: ###

On Notice:

NOBODY!!!

Perspectives

tUMD 2, Weird Bird Mascots 2

The funny thing about ties is, I'm THRILLED with a tie if we were losing, and PISSED if we were winning. Tonight is a bit of an anomaly, as we had a charitable donation from the umpires in overtime. A FIVE ON THREE IN OVERTIME is like HALLEY'S COMET. We wasted it, and I will be dead in 75 years when it comes around next. Well, maybe not. That would be amazing. I would be the oldest tUMD fan in the DECC. I'm sure I'd have awesome seats (since who else would have seniority on me?) and I'd have a crocheted blanket over my knees and crazy horn-rimmed glasses and a megaphone to make sure those blankety-blank referees can still hear me. Except you can better believe that at 100 years old, I will not be saying blankety-blank. It will be the real deal. Who's going to stop me? I will cut them.

The 5x3 in question was the second 5x3 of the game, and as Josh Meyers and Evan Oberg teamed up to put the puck in the net a few minutes into the 3rd period, it was too much to ask that we score TWICE on a 5x3 in one game. I mean, it was miraculous that we even scored ONCE on a 5x3. In fact, considering the beginning of the game, it was miraculous that we SCORED a GOAL. We seemed a bit... discombobulated. Twiterpated. Bamboozled. I was stressed. And also not wearing pants.

I know that Donald probably died a thousand deaths at the idea that we had a shootout tonight. I'm fine with it, as it didn't decide the game, although it would have been awesome if it had, since Justin Fontaine and Alex Stalock combined to rock the shoot-out. Such as it was. But we would have won! It was a moral victory, I suppose.

I'm sure Northern Michigan is going to be all tired out by their excessive scoring in their game against Tech (sorry MEg) and we will be wiping the ice with them. I have 2 exams tomorrow so we need to win or I'll probably explode.

Also, weirdly, my mathematical post was quite prophetic. Except we both scored exactly 2 goals.

The Numbers (for reals now!)
Wins until we equal last season's total: 9 (non-conference)
Points until we equal last season's total: 23 (ditto)

My Guys

MacGregor Sharp: 1! (Got us on the board! On the PP!)

Rob Bordson: 0 (Not even in the shootout.)
Jack Connolly: 0
Michael Gergen: 0 (Sadly injured and not playing; would most certainly have scored had he been in the game!)

Freshmen

Mike Connolly: 1!
Jack Connolly: 0

Brady Lamb: 0

David Grun: DNP
Scott Kishel: DNP

Travis Oleksuk: DNP

Logic

My friends, are you ready? Because the season is here. The real games that count, I mean. These games are going to set the tone for the season. Which means, for those of you who have maybe had a few too many concussions, WIN. Do I make myself clear?

I expect us to score no less than 2 goals per game. I'm trying to be a little bit lenient here since we can't really judge our offensive firepower by one game against some geezers from Canada playing their 3rd game in as many days. I also expect our Crappy Chokers Hockey Association to score no more than 2 goals per game. And, as Dick Bremer says, by my Minnesota high school math (or my University of Illinois College of Engineering math):

If: OurGoals > 2 & TheirGoals < 2 Then: OurGoals > TheirGoals, which == WE WIN.

Off and Running

tUMD 6, Thundercats 0

Wowza. Do I ever wish that I was at this game. Bruce and Rik were saying that most of it was "boring," but really, it's been too long. 204 days without my Bulldogs. That's too long. Boys, I missed you. I'm sure you didn't miss me, but I've come to terms with that.

I liked what I heard tonight. I mean, once they finally flipped the switch to turn the internet feed on. I was concerned it wasn't going to work and was pacing around my apartment in a panic. Then I said forget about it and went to take a quick shower and of course then it turned on. We scored 6 goals, which is more than we scored in any games last year, as pointed out to me by closeted tUMD fan FireHelmetGuy. I listened to Coach Sandelin's comments during the first intermission and I liked what I heard. He pointed out that each night, good players are going to be sitting, which is going to keep a fire going under some guys's breezers.

Al played 40 minutes and Brady played 20 and they combined for the shutout. Brady probably faced more challenges than Al and he rose to the occasion. In a league with increasingly more talented goaltenders, it's wonderful to see that we're keeping pace. Most of the other WCHA teams that played overage Canadians struggled, and we had by far the biggest win of all.

Only 50% of our Connollys were playing (according to Sandy, MConnolly had some sort of injury) but from what I heard, it was like having an entire team of Connollys out there, as JC played like... well, I heard either Bruce or Rik compare him to Mark Pavelich, which will make my mom happy. As you see from this SAT question: Mike Curry : Me :: Mark Pavelich : my mom.

Speaking of SAT questions, here's another one:

Mike Curry : my obsession from 2004-2008 :: ____________ : my obsession for 2008-2012

A. Jack Connolly

B. Jack Connolly

C. Jack Connolly

D. JACK CONNOLLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The answer is D. And I know I already announced My Guys for the year, and I don't generally pick My Guys without getting to "know" them for a year, but just like Evan Schwabe and Mike Curry before him, I just couldn't help myself. And 3 My Guys didn't seem like enough.

Anyway, I'm SO EXCITED for next weekend and EVEN MORE EXCITED for the weekend after that, as my midterms will be over and I WILL BE IN DULUTH, GLORY HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! However, right now the Oversized Textbook of Death and Destruction is calling my name.

As an aside, congrats to the only Wisconsin blogger I ever read, BadgerBacker, on his performance in the Twin Cities Marathon today!

The Numbers (practice)

Wins until we equal last season's total: 9

Points until we equal last season's total: 23

My Guys

Jack Connolly: 2! (By all rights, probably should have been 5 or 6!)

Michael Gergen: 2! (A goal and an assist! Now I can dream about it!)

Rob Bordson: 1! (First goal of the game! And on the power play!)

MacGregor Sharp: 0 (Come on, Sharpy, you're the only one of My Guys who didn't score!)

Freshmen

Jack Connolly: 2!

Scott Kishel: 1!

Brady Lamb: 1!

Travis Oleksuk: 0

Mike Connolly: DNP

David Grun: DNP

Better Days*

And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find
Better days

Cause I don't need lots of shiny things
Like Broadmoor Cups and championship rings
Just a chance that maybe we'll find
Better days

So take the ice
And dig deep down
Play to win
Cause you're a Bulldog now

Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I need someone strong to lead this team
And play full games with lots of steam
And to pass and score and play from end to end

And the one poor goalie who plays each night
Could stop every shot and start some fights
If you all stood up and played some good defence

So take the ice
And dig deep down
Play to win
Cause you're a Bulldog now

Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone could score tonight
And burn out the bulb on the goal light
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take the ice
And dig deep down
Play to win
Cause you're a Bulldog now

Cause tonight's the night the world begins again.



*stealing from the GooGoo Dolls now, in case you hadn't heard the song. Which is great. And also sort of a Christmas song, but that's not important.

Nightmare on Nathan Lane

I really, really must be hockey-deprived. This is probably a reaction to not winning the drawing for Wild tickets at my work the other night. The person who won the tickets left early! And he didn't know who anyone on the ice was! I mean, really! I feel there should have been a test. Possibly a written test, or maybe feats of strength. I would have won either way. You know that freakish strength that causes ordinary people to do extraordinary things in the right circumstances? For example, mothers lifting cars off of children, sawing off your own arm to save your life, etc. Well, a word of warning. Don't get between me and hockey tickets. I will cut you.

Anyway, I had a dream last night about hockey. No, not that kind of dream, you freaks. It was about the Minnesota Hockey Showcase, or whatever it's called. I'm not interested in paying TicketBastard fees if I don't have to, so I mailed in an order form to the UMD ticket office. (This is not part of the dream, this is real. I'll tell you when we're at the dream part.) My lower bowl tickets have been paid for, I'm certain of that, but I have no confirmation I am actually going to get them. I've been a little concerned about this lately, and I guess my dreams are now reflecting this fear.

In the dream, I was at the games at the Xcel, but it wasn't the Xcel in its normal form. It had two rinks, which is weird. One was lower than the other, and in between, there was a section of seating that had an ok view of the lower rink and a crappy view of the upper rink, as the seats were facing a wall with the rinks to either side. I know, it doesn't make sense, and it's hard to picture, but whatever. I was confused that those were the best seats I could get, but I figured, well, they had to give the season ticket holders first priority (which is true in real life), I guess this is the best I can get. And DHG and Stacy were in my section so I figured ok, I'm still with the Bulldogs fans. Well, FALSE. Because who shows up to sit next to me? The three most annoying fans in St. Cloud, which is a true accomplishment, as everyone from St. Cloud except for the hottie I work with who is Robby Nolan's doppelganger and hot RJ are totally obnoxious. I think we all know who I'm talking about. Donald certainly does. Do you all understand what a true nightmare it was for those people to show up in my dream? God. I digress. I'm thinking WTF, why are these people here? And then I realize I can't really see unless I peek over the side. And we were losing, too, which was distressing enough, without having to sit next to the stupid people. The score was 2-0, and really, the only thing I remember seeing of the game was some shot that one of our guys took that missed, but the rebound came out to the faceoff circles in the zone and Michael Gergen came flying in and I was really excited but then he missed. (Sorry, honey, but it's really been a long time since I remember you actually scoring a goal. So please, get right on that and don't ever let me forget again.) Somehow we did end up tying and we won 4-3 in OT, but I didn't get to see any of the game. And I was crying. I mean, sobbing. I was so angry that I had gotten crappy tickets, and I was trying to find an usher to complain to (which makes no sense, because what are they going to do) and no one seemed to care. And then some things I'm vague on happened, and I appeared to be whining at Wrigley Field, and then I woke up. At 6 a.m. On my day off.

(I did call the Xcel box office today and was reassured. Tickets are being mailed next week.)

Myths and Legends

Gather round, me hearties, as I tell ye a bone-chilling tale of the Great White North, home to some of the most dangerous creatures known to man. The trampling caribou, the abominable snowman, the ice road trucker, and the ancient beast the natives call loup de tonnerre, or the thunder wolf. The canis tonitrus lives on the icy northern shores of Gitcheegumee and feasts on the carcasses of small rodents, such as the gopher.

Our mighty Bulldogs have met these creatures in battle before, and well met, indeed. The blood of our enemies was mixed into the paint of the visitors's locker room in the DECC, and their bodies piled onto a ship, lit afire, and shoved off into the sea. Ahem, lake.

Okay. All crazy hermit tales aside, Dirty wrote about the Sioux and the Bisons and their tendency to have overage goons, but for reals, the Thunderwolves have a player who is THIRTY YEARS OLD. I mean, someone who probably drank his first beer before Scott Kishel was even BORN. I do hear that UND is looking at recruiting him for the Class of 2010.

The Superior Showdown starts early this year, boys. Let's do this.

Quick and Dirty

My friends, I know it's been a really really really really really really really really really really really really really really long time since I had ANY sort of communication. And this isn't going to be much better. But SOON, VERY SOON, THIS WEEKEND SOON, we have ACTUAL HOCKEY.

(Oh, maybe it's only been 2 weeks. But that's really a long time when there's impending hockey.)

I can't go because I have an underwater basketweaving class I can't possibly miss, but I find it very distressing. I want the opportunity to see some of the freshmen that I won't be seeing all that often on OCTOBER 17TH AND 18TH when I am IN DULUTH for the REAL GAME HOME OPENER. W0000000000000000000t!!!!

Anyway, I do have to take this moment to announce My Guys for this year. I don't think anyone will die of shock at who I picked/renewed:
Rob Bordson
Michael Gergen
MacGregor Sharp

5 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, can you believe the seniors?? God, it seems like they were freshmen just a few years ago!

Going Postal

I'm not going to lie to you people. I never do, unless it's obvious, like when I'm saying the entire team doesn't have a restraining order against me, or I'm pleased with our performance last season.

Anyway, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not exactly sober. My softball team won the fall league and went UNDEFEATED and we beat this team that brought in a RINGER who pitched too fast and hit 2 homeruns that accounted for 6 of their 9 runs and WE WON 10-9 IN THE BOTTOM OF THE SIXTH. HOORAY. And I tagged a girl (well, mature woman) out at home and made a surprising catch in right field. So, beers were needed. On a school night. But, I'm a grown up.

Chris from WCH recently pretended that he had fan mail, and so I would like to rip off his post call attention to my legions of fans that email me at RWD.

I know that the sun never sets on the RWD empire, which is why I'm always getting email from Anglo-Saxons like "Justin Morris Douglas" and Middle Easterners like "Jubril Hassan" and "Abubarkar Uswan." Hello, folks. So glad you felt the need to drop me a line, and I certainly will respond to your "PLEASE URGENT REPLY" as soon as possible. And all these CONFIDENTIAL emails keep popping up in my box, which I'm assuming contain scouting reports on the new freshmen and phone numbers and addresses for all the players. I'm assuming some of you are secretaries for the interested parties, as you are often sending me email "from the desk of Ibrahim Alpha" or "from Dr. Mustafa Bello." Dr. Bello, are you reporting an injury to one of My Guys? Distressing. Also, Dr. Abraham Kwesi, about that "Transfer of Funds" you're requesting, I'll have to look up my exact bank account number and get back to you. I think what's most exciting is how many prizes I've racked up. The UK Claims Requirements department, I assume part of the British government, has declared me the 2008 Winner!!! which seems a little premature, as what if someone else outperforms me in the coming months? We're only 2/3 of the way through the year! I also won some online promo, PLUS the Irish National Lottery AND the Lotteria Naccional Lottery, the origin of which remains uncertain at this time. I can quit my job!!! Take THAT, Mr. Spacely!

Anyway, I know your sides are aching from laughter at this point, but trust me, once I start writing about the team, you'll be begging for mercy. Because of the hysterics you'll be in.