A Midsummer Night's Post

Oh comrades, I know it's been awhile since I said anything, but I don't think anyone's really sad about that. And if you are, well, I suggest medication.

The season is still a little over a month away, but I'm started to really get excited. Something about the Twins playing infuriatingly inconsistent baseball makes me think of my wonderful Bulldogs. Hmm...

Really the only purpose of this post is to relay a very odd and obscure incident that happened to me last week. I was at work at Spacely's Space Sprockets* in a training and anyone who works at a job anywhere that has trainings knows that the first order of business is for everyone to introduce themselves in a cheesy way. You know, like "Two Truths and a Lie" or "Adjective That Starts With the First Letter of Your Name." In this case it was "Something Interesting About Yourself," which seems vague and indeed, some people had a lot of trouble with it, as they often do (Space Sprocketeers aren't exactly known for their creativity), and said dumb stuff like "I'm from South Dakota" or "I'm pregnant" (those are actually boring facts). I usually say something about hockey (My "lie" on two truths and a lie is usually "I'm a die-hard Gophers fan") and the facillitator said "Oh wow, well my family is into hockey etc etc etc, and my brother in law is a college hockey ref."

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookay.

I looked at her name tag again and realized the last name made sense, and yes, he is indeed a WCHA assistant referee. Because I can recall the names of many of the ARs, and that makes me a sad individual.

What makes me an even sadder person is that I went online to College Hockey Stats during my break and looked through some games to see if he had reffed any tUMD games recently, and I found some. What makes it such a big deal is that he happened to be an AR in a series in which two mistakes, one a too many men on the ice call and one an offsides call, the only calls ARs are supposed to be making, cost tDogs 2 games. And I relayed this to the trainer and she laughed and said "Donna, you're talking about games that happened almost a year ago, you need to get over it," and I said "No, the games happened two years ago," and everyone laughed a little uncomfortably like they realized they were in a room with the hockey equivalent of David Helfgott (the guy from the movie Shine, also known as Shiney McShine). Then we all watched a YouTube video of one of the other guys in the room motorcycle racing in Brainerd and everyone forgot about the weird hockey savant.

The next post will be more interesting. I'm just waiting for them to post the new roster pics so we can all drool over them. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm....

*I don't actually work for Spacely's Space Sprockets. However, MEg does.

Hits from the Blog

Pick it, pack it, fire it up, come along and read some hits from the blog...

I know, it's lazy, but it's entertaining to me at least. One of the things I love about this blog is, even though no one reads it, I still get hits. Judging from some of these keywords, most of the people coming here are sociopaths, but I'm pleased with that.

(Also, folks, what did we learn from last week's MVP??? That if a player is a healthy scratch or isn't playing to his potential, it is most likely because he was left handcuffed to a bed by a crazy skank with a dollhouse who falsely accused him of rape and wears crazy wigs. Also, midgets are evil and will stab you in the back, and there's no point in quitting drinking because life will suck anyway. I haven't watched this week's ep. yet, but I KNOW it's going to be AMAZING.)

Anyway, here. Here is what the once and future mass murderers of the world are using as keywords for their desperate searches:

Hockey-related

grawler for checking amateurs because our grawler is a checking professional

scsu bulldog blog gonna be searching for that for a long time, buddy

umd brooms hockey decc gopher ahh, sweet memories

jordan parise naked gouge my eyes out with a rusty nail!

brian salcido kiss possible cause of the mono?

does tj oshie have have a girlfriend? 2nd most popular hit on this blog, after david james elliott shirtless.

rob bordson loves michael gergen i love him, too. i also love rob bordson.

what does the t in tumd mean ask the expert!

minnesota state mankato nick kemp blog people need to read the media guide more closely.

colby genoway in bed ok, seriously. someone is messing with me. that's the grossest thought ever conceived.

taylor chorney's girlfriend ...is me.

mike curry muscular agreed

how good is stalock he's like buttah.

jason garrison brown bear kill kodiak alaska he is SO badasssssss.

robbie earl engaged even a blind squirrel finds a nut.

Semi-hockey-related

duluth, party, football, crazy, bulldogs consider this my rsvp

marney gellner big ass screw you, she just had a baby!

stearns county syndrome, examples see uscho for a plethora

proper way to wear a toga get advice from the godfather

deer fhg yeah, probably not going to happen once he gets into the yukon.

maroon fire helmet needs redecoration!

check me from behind ohhh yeah baby

marney gellner husband yes, she has one, despite speculation to the contrary

minnesota gophers plastic cup 1986 i'm sure you'll find one in mint condition, cardinal.

fatass fhg possible typo?

What the???

depantsing from behind the only way to do it!
jordan dancer at mettlers that hit probably came from brooklyn center.
s i am so amazing, one can get to my site with a mere letter.
dogs eat man, but don't quite finish i hope they have tupperware.
rhino lined bong would probably harsh the buzz
picture of bad hair on ugly man that would be like 95% of the WCHA player photos.
why do dogs hypervenilate well, rob green, it cools them.
journalism useless major word.
how will wolves be in a hundred years mean as f***, evolution isn't that efficient.
snowmobile gauntlet alternate title for my interview with skeeterman
mankato hotties sex for free also probably came from brooklyn center
dying puppies in saint cloud i didn't think their season was that bad.
sexy mitosis technically correct
do dogs know when you look at them ugly? yes, why are you so mean?
deer attacks dog in hermantown preferrably a dachsund
bleeding from ears get off the internet and CALL 911!
what would worf do probably live in his mom's basement and get a job as a computer programmer. are you happy?
sweatpants for dogs conspicuous consumption
what happened to curly headed guy on alltel commercial? i'm hoping for "he died a painful death." or "prison bitch."
cougar bars in minnesota i would buy that in pamphlet form!
what means if boy holds your hair you've probably had too much tequila.
i has blog i shove i does!
bootcamp haircut bleeding maybe you shouldn't have mouthed off to the DI, private joker.
mile high club penalties possibly checking from behind, or spearing.
bed and breakfasts that except tdogs i would assume all. at least i would hope, for my honeymoon with Evan S.
photo of jason giambi drinking jack daniels from a bottle glad it's not "photos of RWD" doing the same thing

Summer Nights

Okay, I know, I haven't written in a long time. 72 days, if you want a little precision. Which, let's face it, you don't, because it's not like you were wondering "Dang, when is she going to post again?"

Well, maybe one or two people were wondering. And they're not going to like this post anyway. So ha ha.

Things have occurred, like tUMD has a new coach, and Drew Olson was taken in the draft, and Carroll, Greer and Meyers were selected as the three captains of the 2009 NCAA Men's Ice Hockey Champions. You heard it here first. I also went to a game of the MN 4 on 4 Hockey League with MEg and was burned again (you may recall my first encounter with this sham of a league) by a lack of consistency between the online roster and the players present. We were, of course, looking for Casey Borer, MEg's ex-fiance. He's a member of the All-St. Cloud All-Night Competitive Eating team, but yet the only guy there we even remotely recognized was Brent Borgen, and who cares about him? There was another team playing, and they did have another notable player in Derrick LaPoint, but I don't really care about UND players other than Chris Porter. MEg had even brought a sign and we were going to reminisce with Casey about the old days. If the games weren't free to attend I'd definitely be contacting the BBB about this bait and switch operation. I'm never going back there again, even if they are trying to tempt me by setting up the Primerica team with FOUR current Bulldogs, a Bulldog alumnus, AND Ryan Carter. I'm sure they'll end up substituting in the Pee-Wee C Team from Brooklyn Center, and I'll have to wear a bullet-proof vest and pack heat.

What's INTERESTING and FABULOUS is this amazing new television show on Comcast Channel 120, otherwise known as SOAPNET. Just like General Hospital is an insight into what it's really like to work in a hospital, or The Young and the Restless is a snapshot of the lifestyle of a cosmetics executive, or Days of Our Lives showing us the day to day existence of the demonically possessed, MVP: He Shoots, She Scores is a gripping, true-to-life (I can only assume) serial drama about the lives and loves of professional hockey players. I think it's good for all of us to watch it so we can understand what happens to our superstars after they leave the college ranks and go pro. I'm wondering who from the WCHA was voted Most Likely to Stand Trial for Sexual Assault After Being Caught Videotaping His Sexual Encounter With a Girl He Had Previously Had a 3-way With While Being Haunted by the Ghost of the Wife and Daughter He Killed in a Car Wreck When He Was Driving High on Cocaine? Maybe Bickel? Or perhaps Brock Trotter? And which player is going to leave his weird trailer-park crimped-hair girlfriend and her senile grandmother back in Canada to pose in his underwear for some photo shoot and do ballet with the possibly underage daughter of the team's now-dead captain in her home which he bought and moved into while her mother works at a convenience store and sells weird apple juice smoothie drinks with her dead husband's hockey card on them? The smart money is on Wheeler there. And either Gabe Guentzel or Tony Lucia could end up as the sex maniac attempting to reform himself so he can sleep with a virgin preschool teacher while testifying that he was the guest star in the aforementioned 3-way and trying to fill the skates of the dead captain while preventing his dad/head coach from falling off the wagon (hint: it's too late!) and preventing the slutty reporter from finding out AND from getting into bed with him.

After that scintillating plot recap, I expect you all to be watching. Thursday nights at 10 p.m. central time.

Houghton, Day Three: Revenge of the Sith

Since I'm still convalescing at home (yes, I'm really that sick and miserable!), I'm going to round up the weekend before my fever boils my brain. Exciting!

Sunday morning was a lot better than you think. After I was able to pry myself out of bed, I went downstairs to survey the damage, and found it minimal. Even though the "no shoes" rule was broken by the team when they arrived (though some of them kindly did obey the "no pants" rule), the floor was fortunately free of puddles of vomit. There was an unholy stench coming from the laundry room, but we got to the bottom of that pretty quickly (well, all of us except Angela).

MEg, the VP, Covert Brian and I attempted a repeat breakfast at Suomi, but it was already closed. Then we walked down to tAmbassador to have some pizza, and it wasn't open yet. MEg said this was revenge for Grandma's being closed, which is hardly my fault, though I did laugh really hard at her misfortune. We finally ended up at a Chinese restaurant, which had tasty food but rather odd service. The young man who was helping us must have been in training, because the couple who I assume owned the restaurant felt the need to correct every single move he made, from pouring the water to trying to steal my sweet and sour soup before I was done with it, to making sure we all got lemons in our water, including the VP, who had previously removed his lemon and dropped it in MEg's water. I guess lemons are just too metrosexual for the VP.

Sadly, I had to hit the road and return to the real world, where I am not a full-time college student and I don't live in an absolutely gorgeous town in Almost Canada, MI. A world where I had a long, lonely drive ahead of me. I rolled with the windows down for most of the drive, excepting a stretch of Wisconsin that got foggy and cold. Toward the end of the drive, I started to get pretty freaking tired, but I made it.

And now you know the rest of the story.

Houghton, Day Two: The Temple of Doom

Okay, okay, okay. You've begged and begged, and finally I'm going to relent. I'll get on with it and post what happened the second day of my trip to the U.P., before it fades into a blur and I can't remember what really happened and what I dreamed happened.

I meant to post this little ditty on Sunday, since I posted my Friday article on Saturday, but as you may have guessed from my clever foreshadowing from the last post, I woke up on Saturday SICK. I don't mean like a little sniffle or anything, I mean full-on SICK. I'm dead tired, I can barely breathe, and I have a cough that sounds like a foghorn. Woo freaking hoo.

But, I figured, I'm here for the weekend, there's a big party tonight, and I can choose to be lame or I can just grit my teeth and pretend I'm not sick. Well, I did sort of a combination of the two. MEg, the VP and I went to breakfast at Suomi, which means Finland for those of you who are braindead hicks. It is a very tasty diner with superb breakfast food. I ate a lot: a giant pancake (mostly without syrup, which blew MEg's mind), two eggs, some toast, and bacon. Glorious, glorious bacon. MEg had a giant pancake with molto syrup and more glorious, glorious bacon. The VP ate, like, two biscuits with gravy. He was finished eating before I had even finished buttering my pancake, which was seriously the size of a small country. Maybe Liechtenstein. I suppose this is why he is a string bean and I am not.

I got to go to the John MacInnes Student Ice Arena (JMSIA) and got the grand tour. When I say grand tour, I mean we just walked in. There were some Boy Scouts there doing something, too. There wasn't any ice on the rink because they were setting up for graduation, so it wasn't quite the same, but it was still cool to see it in person. We went down to tour the facilities: I got to see the coaches' offices (no JR... SO depressing! Didn't he get the memo?), the weight room (okay, we peeked down the hall at it, as there were people in there), and the den of iniquity skating treadmill. That thing is... interesting. Lots of harnesses and such. Rrar. I bought a MTU Hockey sweatshirt. It was the only freaking small sweatshirt in the whole place. I don't know why they think only XXXXL people like hockey. S people are people, too!

After that, we had to run party errands. Or alleged party errands, like buying lightbulbs for people under the guise of needing them for the laser light show. We went to weird stores, like "Shopko" and "Econofoods." I wonder if they have a "Pamida" up there, too. They had one of those in Cloquet. Well, for all I know, they could still have one. I bought some medication and we picked up some soda and ice. I got excited at my very first player sighting. Silly me, little did I know... The VP had the brilliant idea to just chuck the soda in the back of MEg's car. That ended badly. MEg and I got sprayed with Coke.

The party officially started at 6, but we were ready long before that. Covert Brian had set up a great sound and light show, setting up the lights so they changed with the rhythm of the music. The Bruins-Canadiens game was on, and then... well, things started to deteriorate fast. And by deteriorate, I mean become very fun and crazy. Angela screamed at the top of her lungs that the Wild were a bunch of... something I won't type here. But it was so funny MEg fell onto the floor laughing. Obviously, I don't want to hear that about my Wild, but I smiled a little from my lofty perch on the upper deck couch. Then people started playing a card game that had one rule: the person who draws the highest card gets hit by everyone else. If MEg ever asks you to play cards, Just Say No.

I was pretty much down for the count at this point, which is really sad because all I was doing was sitting there drinking Mountain Dew, which shows just how desperate I was to stay awake and alert for this party. I hadn't even had any booze at all, which is a tragedy. I did have a few test sips of the rum punch, which we deemed extremely dangerous, as it 1. had tons of booze in it 2. said booze was cheap, plastic bottle booze and 3. did not taste like it had any booze in it. Unsafe at any speed. I ended up lying down upstairs, but I didn't mind because plenty of people came to keep me company. Some people I didn't even know came upstairs to chat with me, watch TV, or climb into bed and snuggle. I went back downstairs for a little bit to watch some of the (horrific) Wild game and sing along to Don't Stop Believin', but then I ended up right back upstairs, until...

Steve comes flying into the room and shouts that the hockey team just pulled up in a bus. An actual bus. I came about halfway down the staircase and there were people just pouring in the door. It wasn't the whole team, but it was about 2/3 of them, plus girlfriends/friends. They were all dressed very strangely, although many of them were Canadian, so perhaps people just wear Spandex pants, nipple-baring tank tops, and cropped Michigan State jerseys in Canada every day. It is strange up there. I guess all the guys hate tUMD, too. I know this because I asked, and they all said they hated Duluth, except for one person who is friends with Grawler and demonstrated this by whipping out his cell phone and showing me he was programmed in there (no, I wasn't psycho enough to write it down! I didn't even see anything except the area code), and one person who said "What's UMD?" I also learned that they don't like the skating treadmill, that they think MTU and UAA have the worst facilities in the league (Hear that? We don't need a new DECC after all), and that some of the guys are very good at dancing... with each other. I chatted with quite a few of them, which is totally opposite of my normal m.o., DUCK AND COVER, but then MEg made me her personal photographer and I had to take photos of her with various guys. If I were to make my All-Hottie Team over again, there'd be a lot more Techies on there. Rrar.

It was a really bad day for the state of Wisconsin. During the punching card game, the one guy from Wisconsin received several severe beatings and many disparaging remarks about the state. During our photo-ops with some of the players, they yelled "F Duluth! And WISCONSIN!" I can only get behind 50% of that sentiment. Additionally, after I went upstairs to lay down again for awhile, I heard a very loud, very long "remix" of Jesus Hates Wisconsin, which involved the lyrics "Futher muckers." It was recorded for posterity and will likely be the next YouTube sensation. I suggested we caption it and have one of those bouncing balls so people can sing along at home. It will unite the country. Except Wisconsin.

Hilarity. Utter hilarity. Even though I was sick, I didn't regret the trip. I'm not posting any photos because I need to protect the guilty. There were no innocents.

Houghton, Day One

An opera in three acts.

You folks will be getting this post an hour earlier than normal because I am in the Eastern time zone now!

Yesterday afternoon I headed out for Houghton, with a quick stopover in Duluth to gloat to FHG and to have lunch at the Lakeview Castle. I had some sort of roast beef and mashed potato sandwich that was $5 and delicious. I ate it all because I am a giant pig.

The trouble began immediately after I crossed the Richard I. Bong memorial bridge into Sup-town. I know people make fun of Superior all the time, but I figured that was just the usually Wisconsin mockery. NO. It is depressing to look at. So I decided to send Bruce a text message with this discovery. (If it makes you sleep better at night, you can pretend that I pulled over to type it.) I also sent my dad a text message asking if he saw the irony in a Mother's Day Buffet at Glensheen Mansion. Anyone?

I have no idea what the responses to those texts would be, because shortly after I got outside of the Superior city limits (I think, who can tell?) I suddenly had no service. As far as cell phones go, that brings you up to speed. Stupid northern Wisconsin and UP Michigan, not having Sprint service. Garbage. However, not a big deal. So I can't take any calls this weekend. No one calls me anyway, and I don't really need to call anyone.

Remember that last sentence for later. You won't have to remember that long.

Okay, so another reason Wisconsin sucks, aside from aesthetic and technological reasons, is no one told me the 2 in Highway 2 means TWO FREAKING LANES. My car was very upset, as it was all excited to be unleashed across the wilderness of the northern Midwest. Instead, I was stuck behind some EXTREMELY SLOW DRIVERS. I mean, wow. I'd rather drive in freaking Florida. Every time I hit a passing lane, I'd blow by whoever I was tailing, only to catch up with yet another slowpoke just as the passing lane ended. ANNOYING. Once the traffic thinned out, I was able to make use of the passing zones, but it was pretty terrifying to drive on the wrong side of the road when an oncoming car could obliterate me at any moment if I didn't get past the slowpokes. The other annoying thing was driving through a stupid tiny town that made me slow down to drive through them. ESPECIALLY the dumb town that made me slow down to freaking 25. It felt like I was not even moving. I will never patronize that town ever. I will go down the road to the town that sets its limit at a civilized 45.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I passed out of Wisconsin into Michigan. Though the roads were still teeny two-lanes, no one was driving on them, so I was able to roll through the hills and valleys unrestrained. For awhile. Then the stupid deer came out. I don't understand them. Why wouldn't you wait until I've driven by before crossing the road? It makes so much sense! But yet, no. Stupid deer flirting with danger. I did see one dead one on the side of the road. Some sort of scavenging bird was eating it, and it did not have a head. Some moron probably has it mounted on his wall. Way to go, cool guy.

I finally rolled into Houghton at... well, I'm not sure what time. Because my MapQuest directions failed me at the very end, and I ended up on the horribly named "Yooper Loop" in "Hancock" rather than Houghton. I didn't immediately realize there was a problem, as there is a street in this "Hancock" that has the same name as the street MEg lives in in Houghton. So I must have crossed this insidious Loop about ten times before I realized I had no idea where I was, stopped at a gas station, and used a PAY PHONE because of course my cell phone wasn't functional. MEg refused to come get me until the Wings game ended, but then they ended up calling a time out and I whined enough that she came to pick me up.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. We watched the end of the Ducks-Stars game and ate some pizza. The last thing I thought before I went to bed was, I hope I get a good night's sleep and this cough doesn't get worse. We'll see if that comes into play in Episode II.

Let's Talk About DECCs, Baby!

Let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that will be...

Er... yeah. I had a flashback there. Anyway, I'm SO EXCITED!! I can't believe we are going to have an amazing new arena in just a few years!!! Of course, by that time, I plan on living in Duluth and becoming a season ticket holder. Then my "encouragement" can be heard at ALL HOME GAMES. We will win many games. I know how to motivate people; I learned from some of the best gunnery sergeants in the Marine Corps.

I found a nice little clip from the news up in Duluth about the new DECC, with some reactions and comments from Sandy, Chad Huttel, and Justin Fontaine. Chad Huttel reminisces about the current rink's history, and luminaries that graced the ice like Derek Plante and Brett Hull. I call b.s. on that, since Chad Huttel was, like, -4 years old when Brett Hull came to tUMD. Justin Fontaine says what we're all thinking: we're going to get better recruits now, and players like him will have to go to Bermidji. (Just kidding Justin! I heart you!) Not that our current crop of recruits is anything to turn your nose up at. Justin also pronounces "hockey" so cute, with his Canadian twang. The clip also made me want to buy a car from Sonju Superstore in Two Harbors. Maybe one with a transmission that doesn't make me nervous. Then I can safely go visit MEg this weekend.

This is HUGE for the city of Duluth and for tDogs. First of all, this will create non-waitressing jobs for people in Duluth, which is great for the city's economy. Second of all, the venue will be able to host a lot more great events, so they'll be able to pack a lot more people into Star Trek conventions or Gordon Lightfoot concerts. Word on the street is that Gordon Lightfoot kind of sucks in concert, but my source on that is pretty old. As for relevance to this site, it means more people will come to the games. Terrence Mann told me so. Maybe they won't be lifelong fans, but hey, it's revenue. I just hope ticket prices won't be prohibitively expensive. I mean, when you make as much money as I do, you don't write checks, straight cash, homey, but that doesn't mean that I want to get gouged like a root canal patient at Dr. Parkinson's Dental Clinic of Death.

I would like to thank all the folks who worked so hard on the Arena YES! push, as well as those who lobbied to get this passed through the legislature, and for the state legislators and the Governor for listening to the people of Duluth and FINALLY making this mofo a reality. Word to your mothers.

The All-WCHA Hottie Teams

Coach: Jamie Russell***, MTU
Blogger: Dirty of Dirty's Diatribe!

1st team:
F Ryan Peckskamp*, SCSU
F Merit Waldrop*, UAA
F T.J. Oshie**, UND
D R.J. Linder**, MSUM
D Geoff Kinrade, MTU
G Robby Nolan**, MTU

2nd team:
F Matt Hartman, SCSU
F Chris VandeVelde*, UND
F Rob Bordson, UMD
D Kane Lafranchise, UAA
D Jason Garrison, UMD
G Richard Bachman, CC

3rd Team:
F Mike Testwuide, CC
F Scott Thauwald, CC
F Michael Gergen, UMD
D J.P. Testwuide, DU
D Davis Drewiske, UW
G Michael-Lee Teslak, MTU

Freshman Team:
F Rob Bordson, UMD
F Jordan Baker, MTU
F Brian Gifford, DU
D Ben Youds, MSUM
D Kane Lafranchise, UAA
G Richard Bachman, CC

*denotes two-time honoree
** denotes three-time honoree
*** denotes four-time honoree

2007 Honorees
2006 Honorees
2005 Honorees

********************************EDIT***********************************
FINALLY, all of the RWD contributors have made their own hottie lists. A certain short girl from Michigan was holding up the show. LGM is applauded for her timely contribution: she was the only one who submitted her counter-list before the deadline. This is the second year I have invited a few of my fellow bloggers/hockey fans to make their own counter-lists. Hottness is very subjective, so I thought I'd give others an opportunity to show who they think is hott.

MEg's picks
F T.J. Oshie, UND
F Tyler Bozak, DU
F Tom May, DU
D Geoff Kinrade, MTU
D Stu Bickel, UMTC
G Robby Nolan, MTU

WinTwins's picks
F Mike Testwuide, CC
F Ryan Peckskamp, SCSU
F Michael Gergen, UMD
D RJ Linder, MSUM
D Jake Gannon, CC
G Jase Weslosky, SCSU

Let's Go Mavs's picks
F Ben Gordon, UMTC
F Joel Hanson, MSUM
F Ryan Peckskamp, SCSU
D RJ Linder, MSUM
D Garrett Raboin, SCSU
G Richard Bachman, CC

Don't Forget!

While you're waiting for the All-Hottie Team to come out, get your hot buns over to LetsGoDU and vote for the All-Bad Boyz Team.

EDIT: Speaking of badass, I know this is old, but here's Isaac Reichmuth's fight. Isaac, Isaac!

Better Late Than Never

Or maybe not... Maybe you didn't even notice I was gone.

Anyway, hockey is over, at least for me. I don't really care about the Frozen Four, and I hardly even cared about the regionals. Unless tDogs are in the NCAA hunt, the Final Five is pretty much the end of the season.

And oh, the Final Five. It never fails to disappoint. I mean, tDogs weren't there, which was disappointing, but you can't fault the Final Five for that.

My memory is a little bit hazy, not because I had excessive amounts of booze (I didn't! I swear!), but because it was a long, long time ago. I've had a lot going on. A lot of laziness, I mean. And now I'm watching baseball and Boof just pissed me off by giving up a homerun. We need some runs, yo. I didn't even think of an April Fool's Day joke. Bruce thought he would be funny and texted me that Al had signed with SJS, but I was not fooled, because I didn't get the text until AFTER he had sent the "April Fool's!" one. So the joke was an utter failure. He did alert me to Davidson's resignation and I think he might have told me about Garrison although I also may have learned that from Rink and Bitch Run (no offense, Kevin, but all your commenters hate the Bulldogs... and me, apparently), I don't remember.

Actually, I lied. This year's Final Five was a MAJOR disappointment in one specific way: my lack of face time on the jumbotron. I mean, seriously. My girlfriend (The Hottest Girl in Alary's) and I were dancing during Dancemania and NEVER ONCE did they put us on... only major uggos and kids. GARBAGE! And then during breaks in play, I would look up at the jumbotron and see... oh, I don't know... LGM, WinTwins, DA, UMDDogz, MafiaMan, Dagies, Sioux-cia, FireHelmetGuy, Scotty, Julia... NOT ME. I was on once, when I was sitting in DA's seat, and I blew everyone kisses. I don't know what the deal was. I crave attention, and I was left unsatisfied.

I saw the same old faces and met some new ones, including:

Goon

Sioux7

Leah (Sioux Yeah Yeah)

PioAvsFan from Hockey In Colorado

Rabib and Mrs. Rabib

Not Donald, but a Faux-Donald who looked like him, wore a Seawolves hat, and danced during Dancemania. I knew it was an impostor because he was not wearing shorts and sandals, and he did not have a pitchfork.

Channing Boe (secretly)

Faux-Taylor Chorney

the new baby of FHG's favorite Sioux fan couple!

Conspicuously not around:

Catie from Hockey In Colorado

Badger Backer

Redwing77

Who's Whining Now?

Chris Dilks

others

Come on, people. I wasn't that hard to find, I posted where I was sitting! It's not like I called you and told you to meet me at the top of my section and then wasn't there when you got there... Not that I would EVER do that.

So, I know that it's totally lame of me, but I'm out of things to say. I KNOW what you are all waiting for: the All-Hottie Team, and it's forthcoming, I promise. But PEOPLE NEED TO MAKE THEIR FREAKING LISTS! The only person who has made their list is LGM. UNACCEPTABLE.

Most exciting news of the Final Five weekend:

tDogs' women's team wins the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!

Here's my wonderful family toasting to the success of our ladies with "the girliest drink" that Rob/The Rookie/GQ Aitkin could think of (since McGov's doesn't sell wine coolers, since this is not 1985):

In The Bleachers

SECTION 116, ROW 20, SEATS 9 & 10. I'll be there all weekend, comrades!

A Tale of Two Teams

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of defence, it was the age of turnovers, it was the epoch of shutouts, it was the epoch of getting shut out, it was the season of expectations, it was the season of disappointments, it was the first half of hope, it was the second half of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to the NCAAs, we were all going direct to the golf course--in short, some of the season's noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative.

Back in October, I don't think I could have predicted how deeply I am feeling the end of the season. Jim Morrison might say "This is the strangest season I've ever known." I came into the season with very low expectations, although every season I hope the team will rise above its circumstances and exceed my expectations. I would say this season is even more strange than the 2004-2005 season, when we were the top-ranked team in the country and then spiralled into a team that was practically run out of North Dakota on a rail in the WCHA playoffs. I try to balance my blooming hopes for the season with some roots planted firmly in the dirt of reality. I knew we probably wouldn't finish very well this season, and I knew it was a matter of riding out this season before we arrived at a team that would go places. No offense to any of the guys on the team this year, but there a few key pieces were missing. It's not your fault, and you played your best, and I am still crazy about ALL OF YOU. This team was supposed to have a healthy Garrison and a powerplay quarterback in Niskanen and a speedster in Mason Raymond, along with another key penalty killer in Logan Gorsalitz. None of that is really important because what happened this season has nothing to do with any of those guys (with the exception of Jason, whose injury was totally unfortunate and abhorrent as it was inflicted upon him by the heinous Badgers).

Quite unexpectedly, we started off the season winning. And when we lost, we bounced back with a win the next night. We were winning the freaking league at one point. According to the pairwise, we were in the NCAA tournament and had control of our destiny up until the final game of the season. What makes this season more disappointing than the last two seasons are the golden opportunities that passed us by. We had a chance to surpass our point total from the previous season in December, and we didn't until February. We had a chance at home ice and we ended up in Denver. We had a chance at the NCAAs and now we have none. We had a chance to beat Denver, a team missing their leading scorer and demoralized by CC the weekend prior, a team we'd already beaten once this year (On my birthday! Thanks guys!) and a team we'd leapfrogged over to get to the Final Five two years ago, and now here we are. With no more hockey for almost seven months.

Along with my disappointment I feel a contradictory twinge of gratitude for this season. A season with hope is infinitely better than a season with no hope, even if the hopes don't come to fruition. There is no way I could feel this low if I hadn't felt elated at points during the season, if until the final buzzer of last night's game I hadn't lived inside the hope we could keep playing for another day, another series, another few weeks. There are so many things about this season that were wonderful and fun and amazing. Alex Stalock set the school record for shutout minutes. We swept St. Cloud. We won at Mariucci. We lost 8-3 in Grand Forks and came back and WON the next night. Every single freshman on the team, and in fact every PLAYER on the team (excepting Ziggy and Reiter, who are excused) scored a point this season. I drove to Duluth and back in the same night to see tDogs come back and beat Mankato in overtime on a goal from a freshman assisted by two other freshmen. Mike Curry found his scoring touch in the last few games of the season, and laid out some bone-jarring hits in the process. Howie announced the first-ever penalty for cross-dressing.

My only regrets this season are the things I can control. I regret the games I missed and the road trips not taken. I care about winning and I care about tournaments and trophies and that all-important first banner, but I care about this team, whoever is on it, first and foremost. They could lose every game (please don't, guys) and I'd still cheer and taunt the opponents and hope for a win and throw stuff around and curse my brains out and get mad at each loss. I'm already counting the days until next year, and licking my chops at the prospect of home ice and the NCAAs.

THE FINAL NUMBERS
My Guy of the Year: MacGregor Sharp, 17 points! (Also the team scoring champion!)
Matt McKnight: 16!
Michael Gergen: 13!
Mike Curry: 7!

Freshman Scoring Champion: Justin Fontaine, 12 points!
Kyle Schmidt: 8!
Cody Danberg: 7!
Rob Bordson: 7!
Evan Oberg: 3!
Chad Huttel: 2!
Mike Montgomery: 1!



I plagiarized and paraphrased my opener from Dickens, FYI. He's dead, so who cares?

Get Up, Stand Up

tUMD 1, Matt McKnight Maimers 4
tUMD 3, Stalock Punchers 2

Saturday night... that is how you get up for the Gophers, boys. All is forgiven for our series at the DECC. Well, I would have liked a win there, preferrably when I was there, but I WAS SO HAPPY THAT WE WON LAST NIGHT!!! I mean, really, my heart was racing the whole time and my legs were shaking. And I was screaming obscenities and raining curses down upon the Gophers at any chance, and I was sitting on the glass so I KNOW THEY HEARD ME.

Bickel is dead in my book. DO NOT HURT MATT MCKNIGHT. Gordon is a punk who got OWNED by Drew Akins. MIKE CURRY SCORED A GOAL while I was wearing his game-worn jersey.

Also, we scored THREE GOALS in one game, and had TWO POWER PLAY GOALS this weekend. W000000000000t. I'm so proud of you guys!!! I couldn't even post last night because I was too jittery and thrilled.

MEg and I are having a slumber party right now, so I have to go. Good night to all! Bring on Denver!!!

The Numbers
My Guys:
MacGregor Sharp: 17
Matt McKnight: 15 (Probably would have gotten a hat trick on Saturday if Bickel hadn't viciously attacked him!)
Michael Gergen: 13! (The goal drought finally ends!!)
Mike Curry: 5! (I'm sure he could hear me screaming from the other end of the rink!)

Freshmen:
Justin Fontaine: 12!
Kyle Schmidt: 8 (Played like a man possessed! Awesome job!)
Cody Danberg: 7!
Rob Bordson: 5!
Evan Oberg: 3
Chad Huttel: 2
Mike Montgomery: 1

On Notice: (Back despite zero demand!)
Points
Evan Oberg
Jay Cascalenda
Matt Greer
Josh Meyers
Jordan Fulton
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Matt McKnight
Kyle Schmidt
Trent Palm
Rob Bordson
Nick Kemp
Andrew Carroll
Travis Gawryletz
Justin Fontaine

My Ears Are Bleeding

Oh god... Lou Nanne... making me yearn for the Wooger.

Accentuating The Positive

tUMD 1, QuickWhistles 2

Always look on the bright side of death,
doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo doo-doo-doo
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo doo-doo-doo
Life's a piece of s***,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true.
You'll see it's all a show.
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

It's an interesting season. We've set the school record for shutout minutes... both for and against. There was awhile where I wasn't sure if we were going to score in this game, either, which would put every single player on the Bulldogs On Notice, and it would have been so depressing to have to do that. As it is, My Guy MacGregor Sharp is the ONLY Bulldog NOT On Notice of any kind. I... don't even want to do The Numbers right now. Well, I will update them partially.

My Guys:
MacGregor Sharp: 17! (Ended our collective misery!)
Matt McKnight: 15! (Overcame his difficult circumstances to get us back on the board!)
Michael Gergen: 12 (Would be in the HSWCHA if he was not one of My Guys)
Mike Curry: 4 (ALMOST SCORED! EXCELLENT GAME!)

Freshmen:
Justin Fontaine: 11
Kyle Schmidt: 8!
Cody Danberg: 6
Rob Bordson: 4
Evan Oberg: 3
Chad Huttel: 2
Mike Montgomery: 1

Obviously, Stalock played brilliantly, as did our penalty kill, and Andrew Carroll was a one-man show. I know the effort is there, guys, I know you're trying, you're hitting pipes, the puck won't lay down, it goes to the wrong side, the refs blow the play dead when the puck is in midair, lots of things. I'm still here, still cheering for ya, still believing.

Oh yeah, and I didn't see T.J. Oshie double, triple, quadruple, quintuple OR sextuple teamed this afternoon.

The Streak Continues

"Well, my triple-A contract gets bought out so I can hold some flavor-of-the-month's [hand] in the bus leagues, is that it? Well, [f] this [f-ing] game! I quit, all right? I f-ing quit... [pause] Who do we play tomorrow?"

-Crash Davis, Bull Durham

Minutes tUMD has played without a goal: 181

Woman Warrior

I know this isn't a post about tDogs, or even about the game this weekend, but it needs to be done.

This weekend, at a lot of arenas in college hockey, seniors will be honored for their four years of dedication to hockey, their teammates, and their education. Many of these guys will be playing their last game on their home ice. (Clearly, some of those players are uncertain if it will be their last game, since the final league standings aren't set.)

The Michigan Tech Huskies' seniors will be among those, and I'm sure there will be some sort of on-ice ceremony honoring their achievements and thanking them for their efforts.

Obviously, those guys have given a lot, and deserve the recognition. But they'll be omitting someone.

This weekend is Bethlyn McCallum's (aka MeanEgirl) last weekend in the JMSIA, and I don't think there's a single person who has given more to Husky hockey than she has in her tenure at Michigan Tech, and that includes the players. Clearly, the players are the ones who are actually putting in the work on the ice, but they are getting a free education and a chance to play the game they love for another four years. However, MEg is rallying the student section, pushing raffle tickets on poor unsuspecting fans and families of players to raise money for the Blue Line Club, driving thousands of miles and staying with somewhat sketchy individuals in order to cheer the guys on when they're on the road, drinking gallons of Kamikazi pitchers to foster intra-school relationships, screaming herself hoarse no matter what the score, freezing her assets off in togas/sports bras/whatever in the name of school spirit, making nice with even the most ornery of USCHO posters, and protecting the student section from the full wrath of the athletic director.

MEg discovered her love for Tech hockey during an improbable comeback for the Huskies over their UP rivals, the Northern Michigan Wildcats, and there isn't a fan in college hockey whose passion for their team matches hers. I can't imagine who will step into her stripey overalls next year and fire up the fans. Next year, Drew Akins will have no one to offer him a pacifier in the penalty box, there won't be any excellent T.J. Oshie-mocking signs on the Ralph's jumbotron, and Casey Borer will be left without a fiancee.

I think the Huskies would be remiss if they didn't do something very, VERY special for MEg this weekend, as I know she'll be crying into her cowbell while she cheers her heart out for the seniors, and she deserves just as much in return, if not more.

MEg, you are my best friend in the hockey community, and you deserve the very best from your team.

Love,

RWD

Zero Points

Well, the only time "zero points" is good is when we're talking about mortgages. And I'm not giving you that, biotches. There are NO numbers to update (other than putting people On Notice, and why humiliate them more?)

Instead, I give you the latest Doublemint print ad, shot in St. Cloud on Saturday night.

You Can't Keep A Good Rat Down

Elliot's back, and better than ever, with The Rat Lives!

The Gauntlet: Take This Blog And Shove It Edition

This week, having no CC fan to Gauntlet, I found myself in dire straits. How could I disappoint my readers after such great Gauntlets as Boosh, BadgerBacker, and Cardinal? I was without a victim.
And then, like a sacrificial lamb, Elliot Olshansky, formerly of CSTV/The Rink Rat Blog (yes, that's right, I said FORMERLY) wanted me to do a tell-all after-school special/miniseries/epic novel (srsly, this interview is longer than war and peace, but tragically less violent) about his Very Special Story.

RWD: So what is the story over at CSTV? The big scoop you're providing me with?

EO: Well, there's reorganizing and restructuring, and it doesn't include me, that's the obvious part. There are a few news articles out there; I was one of 40 layoffs this past Wednesday. I'm not exactly sure what the plan is, generally speaking, but I'd be surprised to see CSTV.com last much past the NCAA men's basketball tournament.

RWD: Really? Even after they convinced all us bloggers to link to them? Because, you know, that was soooo succesful for me in terms of traffic. I feel like a dirty sell-out for doing that.

EO: Well, we did some good stuff.

RWD: Oh, definitely.

EO: It was worth the link.

RWD: I just don't know if it was worth the banner...

EO: You've got to admit, the logo looked cool.

RWD: One day, RWD will have a logo, too.

EO: Well, you have a good starting point with the UMD logo.

RWD: I'm certainly not above plagiarism.

EO: Well, you can expand on it... put the Bulldog head on a running dog of some sort. [What sort? Maybe a chihuahua or a Dalmatian?]

RWD: I make good spreadsheets and do complex calculations. I don't do "art."

EO: I'm not particularly artistic myself, but I learned my way around Photoshop pretty nicely in the last three and a half years. Of course, that was part of my job

RWD: Most of my Photoshop talents have revolved around doctoring photos of a few chosen St. Cloud fans.

EO: Ha!

RWD: I'm sure you know of whom I speak. [HockeyMom has also been an unfortunate victim.]

EO: Well, I like the St. Cloud fans.

RWD: I'm sorry to hear that.

EO: Well, the only fans I have a problem with are the ones who have a problem with me. And not even all of them.

RWD: Well, I could sit here and insult St. Cloud until the snowmobiles come home. I need a little more information about this "restructuring."

EO: OK...

RWD: Do you really think we're going to see the end of CSTV?

EO: Well, on Tuesday, CBS announced that CSTV is changing its name to CBS College Sports. And I remember trying to figure out what the website name would change to. There's no good abbreviation for that. I mean, CBSCS.com? I worked that night until about 1 in the morning, came in at 12:30 or so the next day, after being on the Hockey East conference call that morning, and was asked to go meet with someone from HR. That was where it ended. I wasn't the only one that day; I was one of four from the site that day and as I said, 40 total cuts.

RWD: Are these cuts coming from all over? Or are more of them coming from the hockey area?

EO: It was all over. As I said, I don't know all the specifics, but I'd be very surprised to see CSTV.com last past the basketball tournament.

RWD: Which potentially means no coverage of the Frozen Four.

EO: Coverage by whom, exactly? Well, I suppose there is Starman. Of course, Dave is also USCHO's national columnist.

RWD: I think some drunken fans pulled from the stands and given beer money could help them out. Unless beer money isn't in the budget. [I'm waving in your general direction here.]

EO: Let's put it this way: One of my last weekend trips for CSTV.com saw me bumming a ride off of Bob Gaudet from Providence to Hanover over $31. I should also hasten to point out that I was already looking for a new job at the time I was let go. I wouldn't want anyone to think I didn't see the warning signs.

RWD: Smart man. I notice you didn't even get to post it on your blog.

EO: I've given some thought to that. I still have access to the blog account, unless I'm mistaken. Yep. Wait… strike that, I have a login, but no blogs. That’s a recent change.

RWD: Well, is there anything you want to say? Because RWD is the place to say it, without fear of repercussions or deletion.

EO: Well, obviously, the most important thing is to thank everyone who read the blog in the last two and a half years, whether they agreed or disagreed with the things I had to say. This is a really special community, and it's my privilege to be a part of it. Everyone's a part of that: players, coaches, SIDs, other members of the media, fans... We really do have something special here. I've had so many people to call and thank in the last few days... and I'm still not done. Of course, you make too many calls like that in too short a span of time, it gets kind of tough emotionally.

RWD: I can't imagine anything of the sort would occur if RWD would close its browser after 3 1/2 years. Mostly because my legions of fans do not know my phone number. [Actually, that’s a lie. I’d say that at least 50% of my regular readers could call/text me.] But if they did call, I can see how it would get to be sad. Blogging takes a lot of devotion.

EO: Well, the thing about what I did is that I had two roles...in addition to the blog, I was writing weekly columns, covering games, and reacting to news as it happened. And I've made most of these calls myself.

RWD: I see.

EO: I can count on one hand the people who have sought me out since this happened.

RWD: And I'm assuming you don't have some sort of mutant hand with 100 fingers. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

EO: Not even six like Count Rugen.

RWD: I'm a bit disappointed, because I was hoping for a bitter tirade railing against The Man. But I suppose you might be trying to find another job, which would make that a poor choice...

EO: Well, the most bitterness I've been able to muster in the last three days has amounted to six words.

RWD: "Why don't NoDak fans shut up?"

EO: "What a bunch of [fornicating] [rooster]-suckers."

RWD: Ohh that.

EO: And the truth is I'm not really angry at anyone in particular. The bottom line is that there is a bottom line, and I guess I wasn't contributing to it. That's disappointing, because I wish I could have, but it's not like there's anyone in particular I can get angry at over it.

RWD: And you don't anticipate any "hirings," do you? Like, a "replacement"?

EO: No.

RWD: Because that would make me bitter. More so than being let go for financial reasons.

EO: If for no other reason than there's really no one else who was in a position to do what I did. Actually, there is a group of people I haven't thanked yet that I really should... [All right, Sally Field, let’s get on with it!] My brothers in Sigma Nu fraternity. One of the things that made my travel possible was my willingness to crash at fraternity houses, and the frats' willingness to have me. Of course, some of that has to do with national policy. [A policy which also includes a minimum average blood alcohol level and a requirement that at least a medium-hot salsa will be used in all post-paddling ass-ointments.]

RWD: That is a willingness that very, very few people outside of college would have. Anyone who has seen the inside of a fraternity house would understand.

EO: The ones I stayed at, by and large, were pretty nice. [Clearly he’s never been to the houses at the University of Illinois.] Miami, in particular, has a huge, beautiful Sigma Nu house. Minnesota's has the advantage of being two blocks from Mariucci Arena. The only one I have any issue with at all would be Michigan State's.

RWD: So after living the college hockey fan's dream for a few years, what are you going to do now? Something similar, or something entirely different?

EO: Well, I want to stay involved in college hockey in some way, although more local, but the days of it being my main job are pretty well over. I do plan on staying in the media, although I'd like that to be in news. I was a government major in college, actually.

RWD: Do you think you'll start another blog?

EO: Wouldn't rule it out, but I need to see what the situation is with my main job. The other thing is that I need to figure out what it is that I can contribute in a blog form without going all over the way I did as the Rink Rat. That was the thing that was unique, being a national college hockey columnist who saw just about everyone. [Well, I am LIVING PROOF that one can blog without ANY media access.]

RWD: But don't you feel like you couldn't concentrate as much on your own favorites?

EO: Well, my favorite of favorites is still four hours and change away.

RWD: Bear in mind, I don't live in Duluth, so it is possible, but I suppose when you want to report "facts" and such, it's a little different.

EO: You have a pretty impressive attendance record at games, though, as I recall.

RWD: Personally? Not really. When we were in Denver, I was not included in the group that had made so many road trips.

EO: Ah.

RWD: This year I've been to... um... 4 dogs games, but it'll be 6 [maybe 7 if I can get someone to drive up with me this weekend!] by the end of the regular season, 1 gopher-tech game and 1 msum-yale game, plus the Final Five, of course.

EO: Of course... having been to the Final Five last year, I can understand where it would be hard to miss. As far as a bigtime conference championship atmosphere, the Final Five is very tough to beat, although Hockey East runs a pretty close second, in my experience. I can't comment on the CCHA, having never been. I was supposed to go this year, but, well... you know...

RWD: That whole not having a blogging job anymore thing.

EO: I would have loved that... you know they have a Media Game at the Joe after the press conferences on Thursday?

RWD: I would like to see some media folks play hockey. Pat Miller, for starters.

EO: Never actually met Pat... talked with him in December when he did some blogging for us. Never made it out to Grand Forks, which I'm actually somewhat relieved about. Tough to say, because there are some great folks at UND - especially Dan Benson, their SID, and if you've read enough of my stuff, you know I think the world of Ryan Duncan - but I would have had some serious issues setting foot in the Ralph.

RWD: What issues do you have with the Ralph? [It's got more marble than a Saddam Hussein palace!]

EO: I'm Jewish, so it's more my issues with Ralph than with The Ralph.

RWD: I guess I wasn't expecting you to say I'm Sioux or something.

EO: Not so much.

RWD: It would be more plausible if you said "I'm Iroquois" or something, being an eastern man and all.

EO: Well, I don't know if other tribes have issues with the Sioux thing. As the UND folks hasten to point out, a Chippewa artist drew the Sioux logo. Speaking of which, after last night's game against DU, I guess it's safe to say that the nickame and logo aren't all that's "hostile and abusive" in Grand Forks. [In case you missed that joke on The Rink Rat.]

RWD: Oh, that is merely the tip of the iceberg. But I won't get into that.

EO: Well, there's also the insistence by a number of Sioux fans that the CCHA teams are paper tigers.

RWD: Yeah, well, those individuals also think JPL should be the Hobey winner. And those individuals also pretty much left their team for dead in November.

EO: Really? Did the last two seasons teach them nothing?

RWD: I... can't even speak of it. I've never seen fans turn on their team in that way.

EO: The Rangers fans have been pretty brutal this season but then, so have the Rangers, at times.

RWD: Let me find out some of your favorites.

EO: OK, this should be fun. [You would think so, but yet it never is.]

RWD: Clearly the Rangers are your favorite pro team, but you hinted you have more than one favorite in college hockey.

EO: Well, Dartmouth is a clear favorite, for starters, as the alma mater. But Army is also up there with me and BU is another team that I've really enjoyed being around.

RWD: And who are your most hated rivals?

EO: Harvard. Harvard. Harvard. [What about Harvard?] And it's funny, because I've gotten to know some great folks from Harvard in the last couple of years. [Imagine that.]

RWD: Did you know that tUMD is the Harvard of the Midwest?

EO: Matt McConnell tried to convince me that that was Michigan State [well Matt McConnell had better get a clue!] and I responded with a joke at the expense of Justin Tobe [or not Tobe? That is the question.]

RWD: Who are your current favorites at Dartmouth?

EO: J.T. Wyman and Mike Devine. I haven't had that many opportunities to cover Dartmouth games up in Hanover while I've been at CSTV, but one of the ones I did make it to had Wyman playing on the blueline because of injuries. He was on the receiving end of a glass-breaking check that night.

RWD: I'm sure that tickled.

EO: It was kind of funny [I guess you had to be there], because he had just been moved back there that night. This was the Saturday after Thanksgiving last season. That was a fun trip... I spent Friday at RPI's tournament, stayed in the area, went up to Vermont for a Saturday afternoon game against Maine - and saw a camel on the side of the road on the way [Al Qaeda has invaded, people!]- and then headed down I-89 to Hanover for the 7 p.m. Dartmouth-Quinnipiac game. That was one of the things I enjoyed most: finding ways to see a lot of different teams in a short time span.

RWD: I once referred to your job as either my dream job or worst nightmare.

EO: I remember that, it was right after the DU game that we met before.

RWD: I said that aloud? I meant I said it on my blog. [Never. Drinking. Again.]

EO: No, I read it on your blog.

RWD: Ohhh. I was going to say, Goddard had been sending me free beers all night. I was accosting unsuspecting fans on the street. One of whom ended up being Co14ers.

EO: Ha. Sounds like the sort of thing Goddard would do; I mean this is the guy who went to the trouble of getting Ron Jeremy to show up to a DU alum event.

RWD: He is a generous man. A true American hero [I almost said he was The Class of tWCHA but we all KNOW that’s the Sioux fans!] AND the inspiration for the Gauntlet.

EO: What, seeing how many different ways he could find to make fun of CC in one interview?

RWD: First question I asked is if he became a DU fan when he got his rejection letter from CC.

EO: Very nice.

RWD: And now the Gauntlet is a national phenomenon. What team is your favorite in tWCHA?

EO: Denver, probably... [WRONG ANSWER!] Some of my favorite memories from CSTV have involved DU. Gwoz is a great interview.

RWD: Oh, Curious George. So dapper.

EO: And if you look at Seth Appert at RPI, he's clearly learned a thing or two in that department.

RWD: Don Lucia might agree.

EO: Don's grown on me a bit in the last couple of years.

RWD: You could say the same thing about flesh-eating bacteria. [Which you may catch in one of those frat houses down by Mariucci.]

EO: Well, being in the position of defending him during the Okposo/Snow situation changed my outlook a bit, although it also provided me with a pretty good joke about him. [Notice I didn’t bite here. I will not be baited!]

RWD: Well, what about Sandelin, where do you stand on him? If you can hear what he's mumbling, I mean.

EO: Well, he took the time to talk to me when I called him on his cell and he was in the middle of buying a TV.

RWD: A class act all the way. [Actually I hate when people talk on cell phones in stores. But I heart Sandy.]

EO: Absolutely. And both UMD games I covered in person at CSTV games were Bulldog losses, and he was never really tough to deal with after either one.

RWD: Well, thanks for cursing us!

EO: If I had been at the game against Vermont in '04 instead of the one in '05, you could have a case

RWD: What are you, Rain Man? How do you remember all these games?

EO: Well, UVM-tUMD in '04 is pretty hard to forget. I mean, No. 1 team in the country losing to a team that had struggled up to that point.

RWD: That was the beginning of the end. [:::Stabs fork in eye:::] AND IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT

EO: But I WASN'T THERE!

RWD: Oh. I... can't read

EO: I was at the one the next year, at the Gutt up in Burlington. It was homecoming at Dartmouth, and there were two WCHA teams playing within driving distance of Hanover that weekend. The Bulldogs were at Vermont, and North Dakota was at UNH. I went to UVM on Friday and UNH on Saturday. That's something that UMD and NoDak both deserve credit for: traveling east regularly. North Dakota especially.

RWD: No one who reads RWD needs to hear praise of UND.

EO: Well, it is important for teams to travel, I think. Both directions.

RWD: I agree coughGOPHERScough.

EO: Yeah, right? Although the UMD women's team had some issues in that department before this season.

RWD: Well, they have other issues now.

EO: So I've heard. That Frozen Four at the DECC should be fun. [I wouldn’t know.]

RWD: First the Thongs incident, now there's Russiagate. Other than your misguided man-crush on Ryan Duncan, what other WCHA players do you like?

EO: I do not have a man-crush on Ryan Duncan. If I were to have a man-crush on a college hockey player, it would be Ryan Jones... He’s a great player, a great leader, and he's donating that long hair of his to Locks for Love at the end of the season. But the WCHA... I like Peter Mannino. He's struggled lately, but he's certainly performed well enough over his career, and I like what he's done to try to bring back Denver Boone.

RWD: You said you loved [Duncan]! Er… You "think the world of him"

EO: Yes. Great kid. [We glossed smoothly over that one.]

RWD: So you like Manno and Boone... anyone else? I don't like this Rocky Mountain Bias

EO: Funny, the next name that came to mind was Chad Rau! The St. Cloud kids, Ryan Lasch and Garrett Roe in particular, made a real impression when I was up there in November. Mike Carman deserves a ton of credit for sticking it out at Minnesota.

RWD: Well, he needed to GET some credits to stay there...

EO: Obviously, it doesn't speak well that he got himself into that particular pickle, but the kind of accountability he showed by not running off to major junior when he found out he'd lose half a season that many hockey people think is too short in the first place is a rare thing. I'm in a tough spot where Duluth is concerned, because I was supposed to see the Bulldogs at Mariucci before this gig ended so abruptly, and the players who stick out the most from when I last saw the Bulldogs are getting paid to play these days. [No love for MC from this guy!]

RWD: Tragic! I was going to be at one of those games! Who are those players that stuck out for you? As if I can't guess.

EO: Mason Raymond and Matt Niskanen, of course.

RWD: Easy answers

EO: I see a fair bit of Raymond these days on podcasts.

RWD: Clearly tUMD is flying so far below the radar that they are not even ranked on your rankings.

EO: The whole point is that I only ranked teams I'd seen in person.

RWD: I see. So we would have had to wait until March for you to place tUMD atop the rankings.

EO: That was what separated the Rink Rat Rankings from all the other rankings out there... because I get the sense that at least some of the voters in the USCHO and USA Today polls haven't actually watched all the teams they're voting on.

RWD: Really? That would be SHOCKING. Simply SHOCKING.

EO: Ha...but when I ranked a team, whether you agreed or disagreed, you couldn't say I hadn't seen the team and put some thought into it, with one notable exception, that actually did involve UMD.

RWD: Do tell.

EO: Because of the way the rankings worked - with new teams being added every week - it was possible for a team to drop through no fault of its own. The weekend I saw UMD at Denver last season, I added the Bulldogs and CC to the Rankings (I saw Wisconsin at CC the next night).

RWD: Hah, what if your first game was UAH vs. Wayne State. That would be a great #1 and #2.

EO: Well, I only start once I've seen 10 teams, but because I'd added the Bulldogs and CC, Robert Morris dropped a couple of spots despite the fact that they'd swept Niagara that weekend (or maybe they'd taken three, I'm not sure). And Derek Schooley [Whose nickname is, I hope, Schooley D] actually got in touch with me to ask me why. Adam Wodon set it up as a practical joke. Told me to call Schooley because he had some big news, and what I got when I called was questions about why his team had dropped despite such a big sweep. I think there had also been another spot they dropped because someone had moved up, but the big moving factor for them was the addition of two teams who clearly would have beaten them.

RWD: I'm glad that you're not coming to see tDogs @ Mariucci this season though. We need that win!

EO: Gophers don't do particularly well in my presence at Mariucci, to be fair.

RWD: Hmm.

EO: I was at their 5-5 tie with St. Cloud in November '06

RWD: Well, a tie is not a loss. [Truer words were never spoken. And one is better than none, right Bruce?]

EO: and their sweep at the hands of DU this year.

RWD: Hmm.

EO: They played pretty badly in that game.

RWD: So I wonder what would prevail.

EO: That was when I got a lot of flak for questioning the Gophers' defense and goaltending. Oh, perish the thought that I should question Minnesota's goaltending.

RWD: How dare you. Briggs was stone cold solid. Frazee is a steel trap.

EO: Funny thing about Frazee.

RWD: I'm sure there are many funny things about him. [Many of them said by me!]

EO: The night of the Bina goal, Jon Quick from UMass gave up one almost as bad, and I was there for that. If Frazee hadn't given up that goal to Bina, Quick's goal would have been seen much more widely. It was against BU and Kevin Schaeffer made a long clear on the PK. Quick came out of the net to play it. He put his stick down on the ice to steady the puck, and wound up deflecting it back into his own net. It was the game-tying goal in a 3-3 game where BU came back from 3-0.

RWD: Hah, rough, a short-handed "own goal." [Nod to Bruce Ciskie.] But no one cares. Because the world revolves around UMTC. Even the Sioux fans' worlds revolve around UMTC.

EO: See, that was what I was thinking when I set up that interview with Phil Kessel before his freshman year. I thought it would be a major coup; instead, it turned into a major embarrassment.

RWD: Refresh the memory of my dear readers. [Which totally means “I don’t remember this interview ever happening and probably never heard about it."]

EO: It was my first foray into transferring files from my digital recorder onto the computer and uploading them for fans to listen to. (The file no longer exists, thankfully.) But there were two real problems, the first being that I hadn't done an interview for broadcast since high school and wasn't exactly polished.

RWD: Hah, well, look at Doug Woog.

EO: The other problem was that Phil wasn't exactly born to be interviewed. I asked him something about the Matrix, because of that whole thing going around with people calling him "The One."

RWD: Wow that sounds like something Bruce Ciskie would say (tUMD's radio play by play guy).

EO: I remember. I was on the air with him in the second intermission of that game at DU.

RWD: I just needed to make sure there was a shot at him here.

EO: And you also wrote something the next day about me dressing better than he does.

RWD: Yes. He was wearing sweatpants the first time I met him. TAPERED sweatpants. BLACK too-short tapered sweatpants with WHITE SOCKS. Anyway, what happened with Kessel

EO: It was just a very dead interview. He hadn't seen the Matrix in years [plus it totally sucked, and the next two movies weren’t any better], and couldn't remember a favorite scene.

RWD: Ha, I've had some Gauntlets like that. [Boosh.]

EO: I tried to salvage the question by asking, "Do you know kung fu?" That just made it worse

RWD: Oh my. Was this an in-person interview, too?

EO: Yes, at the Junior Evaluation Camp in Lake Placid, the summer before his freshman year.

RWD: Hah, he probably told the next guy you were crazy or something.

EO: Who knows? I saw him play last weekend for the Bruins… good to see things worked out for him, more or less. [Except for the whole cancer thing.]

RWD: Yeah, it's like he never existed in college hockey. Who knows, if he'd stayed, maybe we'd be saying "Oh my Kessel" instead of "Oh my Parise." [I never say that, btw. I could not possibly care less about either of them.]

EO: Ha, I put a line in an e-mail to Paula Weston that included a Parise-is-God joke. She was one of the ones who reached out to me after finding out what happened. [If you took this sentence out of context, you’d think that he had just survived a major disaster or something.] "However, while those [illegitimate children] can take my job - and really, I'd been looking for about a month already, having anticipated something like this when CBS took over the day-to-day operations - I'll be Zach-da[rn]ed (tee-hee) if they take me out of the game." [The media game at the Joe?]

RWD: I'm pretty much ready to wrap things up here, so I can get started on the voodoo that I do so well to make this a true "Gauntlet." Is there anything else you would like to tell the Internets? Any last parting shots you'd like to take to cause some drama? [I’m just begging here now.]

EO: I think the thing that's bothered me the most lately has been the way people have looked down their nose at CCHA teams, Miami in particular, because of a soft schedule.

RWD: Hah, well, you can be sure at least one regular critic of the CCHA is a reader of RWD.

EO: This may not be the most convenient time to say this, given what happened against Ferris State, but Miami is a legit team.

RWD: I can remember other teams that may have lost to Ferris State at crucial times.

EO: This is the way I look at it, and part of what I was trying to do with the Rink Rat Rankings: you can't just look at a team's record - and that includes the opponents - to get a sense of what kind of team a school has. You need to get a sense of what the team has going for it that's produced that record. From what I've seen out of Rico's guys, they'll be in Denver.

RWD: That's a great parting note. I want to thank you for giving me two and a half hours of your time and a great interview!

EO: Glad someone had use for my perspective on hockey this week!